Caring for a dying parent and the stress

bevkeller81

My husband and I are caring for my Mom who is dying. It is incredibly stressful and I find myself going back to bad habits of not exercising and bad eating habits. I do well for breakfast and lunch but as soon as I get home from work I just want to stuff my face even though I am not hungry. I try to remember I am not the only person who is in this situation so I'd like to understand how you deal with the stress.

kjurassic

I was the primary caregiver for my mother for 5 years before she died. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. The stress --oh, the stress. It was almost too much to bear. Food was my drug of choice. There was not a minute in my life to dedicate to myself. 5 years after my Mom died is when my "bell went off" and I started to take care of me for a change. Honestly, in this situation, I would do whatever you can to take care of yourself as well as your Mom - a 10 minute walk a day is better than nothing. You've got enough on your plate - do what you can and if there's anyway you can hire helpers/caregivers to give you a break - do so. At least you have your husband to help you. I had no one. Good luck to you - I can definitely relate.

bevkeller81

Thank you. Fortunately we have a caregiver during the day and she and hospice have been wonderful. I have thought of speaking with a therapist but that is just one more "thing" I have to do in a day.
I will try to resume my exercise ... maybe that will help to eliminate the stress ... oh and did I mention stepping on the scale is also depressing
Thank you for your advice ... I know I am not the only one and it is nice to connect with others

lauracups

In a similar situation with father in law. Hub and 2 sisters have been doing 24/7 WITHOUT any assistance (too long of explanation there). This has been going on for 2 years, and in the middle of it my brother died suddenly at just 42 leaving me with my difficult mother.. I get and empathize with the stress. I started binge eating when I was only 10lbs away from goal, kept gain under 10lbs but still struggling. For me long walks help, find for yourself a sliver of decompression time, whatever that activity may be!!! Good luck! ! Feel free to add!!!!!

kavahni

Forgive yourself. You know that this will not go on forever.

I saw my husband through 8 years of prostate cancer which he managed while I tended to our home and young son. Then two years of long trips for chemo, tending home and son, and all the adjunct stuff that goes with trying to maintain a normal life for the boy. When he died, I was knocked over.

2.5 years later, my mom, who was 92 and had been living with us for 10 years began a quick descent to death. Fortunately, while my DH death was traumatic--he went kicking and screaming knowing he was NOT going to die right up until he did-- mom went out happily and gently ready to meet her Maker.

I didn't eat well or stay on my running plan either time. I ate for comfort both times. I gained weight but that was ok. I just simply allowed myself to. If I was going to have something around to binge on, I just made sure it was the best possible version of that thing. If you're going to eat for comfort, you may as well make it the best experience possible.

It has been 3 1/2 years since my husband died, and just over a year since mom died. I'm still very fuzzy headed from grief, which makes meal planning still quite a challenge, much less shopping, prepping, cooking, and putting the dang stuff away. I guess my point is that I just allowed myself to go ahead and comfort eat. There's too much emotional baggage already around a death in the family. It's OK to eat.

I got back on here seriously a few months ago because I was finally ready to get things under a least a little bit of control. I'm taking it slowly, and on days when I'm PO'ed at my dead husband for leaving me here like this alone, or I begin to head downstairs to relate some funny story of the neighborhood to my mom who is no longer there, if chips and salsa, or blue cheese and apples, or rhubarb custard pie, or Trader Joe's gluten free chocolate cupcakes with that frosting (omg) makes me feel good in that moment, I take it and don't beat myself up about it. Grief speaks.

Grieving has its own path. Grieving has its own time and no one can alter that. You just do the best you can, and if doing the best you can means you gain some pounds, the world absolutely will not come to an end. And, eventually, like me, you'll come back to a program like this, allow yourself The time to get reacquainted with it, and then you'll start applying yourself. No beating yourself up over this. It doesn't accomplish anything.

Blessings

jenilla1

fatblatta

It's tough. It can be grueling. And it can run on for a few years after too. Find a good hospice. Death does not have to be imminent to use it. I think once someone gets a terminal diagnosis they can sign up for it. I don't think it cost us anything. They were so kind and knew what to do for stuff we had no idea. They explained everything and helped us get through it. They were angels and even came the night of passing.

So sorry & hang in there.