Anti-support... ("Stop losing weight!", Don't lose more weight!")

Fatvaporizer

Hi, I've already lost nearly 60 pounds in my weight loss. I started off at 210 and I'm at 160 now. The problem here though, is that I've been getting compliments from people like 'you look good,' etc. But along with the compliments come comments from some people, especially family members, saying things like "You shouldn't lose anymore," or "If you lose more you'll be too skinny and won't look good," etc.

BUT, they don't even know that -

1. Based on the ideal weight calculator, I'm still about 10 - 15 pounds over my ideal weight. And I'm still borderline around the overweight and normal bmi.

2. I may look slim with my clothes ON, but OFF, I'm still jiggly as heck, and I still have fat, especially in my belly area, thighs, chest, and arms. It's super noticeable when I sit down, layers of flabbyness.

So I don't get it. Why do people keep telling me not to lose more as if I'm harming myself. They usually react in surprise telling me to stop losing more weight, when in fact, the above things I mentioned and listed are true.

Need feedback and advice please. Am I really supposed to stop? Would I really turn into a twig if I continue? All I want is to get rid of all my flabbyness and fat that's left, but people try discouraging me to stop. Thanks.

Therealobi1

Everyone has an opinion. the comments stop eventually when they get used to the new you
obviously you will turn into a twig if you go overboard, but really you know best so stop when you are ready
good luck

dutchandkiwi

Specifically when it comes to family members: They have known you at a certain size and have seen you your whole life. They see a change and they don't know how to react, they see you at a weight they are not used to. It is too close to be objective.
I had the same with my mother about a year back. I actually had to weigh myself (which I did not do until then) and show her I was still classed as overweight. I had my dad to help me as he understands me better.
It took a long time fir her to accept that what she perceived as my ideal weight, was in fact overweight, but then again I hardly ever been smaller than that.
Plus her own idea of what is normal is skewed as she at that stage was morbidly obese. I recall her saying that my nephew had joined the gym and as he was a little overweight He was weighed and measured and classed as obese. I had to tell her in no uncertain terms that that was not a little overweight but seriously bad for his health considering he was only 19 at the time!

What I have noticed is that more and more people do not understand anymore what people look like at healthy weight. Most people are just accustomed to people being a little overweight to quite overweight.

In my case my mother did come round in the end because she now sees that I am healthy and leaner and feeling better. Heck she even went so far as loosing 20kg herself

TavistockToad

Stop talking about your weight. Simple.

lauracups

Tell whomever makes the comments that you didn't ask for their opinion.

sporangia

Are you considered underweight? If not, keep losing weight and ignore them.

rheddmobile

"My goal is to get down to what is considered a medically ideal weight for me. I'm sorry you don't think I look good, but my health is more important than your opinion of my looks."

Sometimes when people give backhanded "compliments" you have to call them out by making them own what they just said. In this case you were just insulted - make the person who insulted you admit doing it, apologize, and stop being rude. This is no different than if they said "You need to stop gaining weight before you become a heifer," which a polite person would never do in a million years.

Fatvaporizer

TavistockToad wrote: »

Stop talking about your weight. Simple.

That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.

Geocitiesuser

Fatvaporizer wrote: »

The problem here though, is that I've been getting compliments from people like 'you look good,' etc.

I've been getting this a lot too the past month or so. People act like I've "made it", I've had personal trainers tell me I've completely transformed. But it's pre celebrating and another form of crab bucketing. We have to tune it out and remember that the only opinion that matters is our own, even if others' are positive!

Fatvaporizer

If only they just saw all the flabbyness still there under my shirt, the slight manboobs, belly pudge, hip fat, thigh fat, arm fat, and more. This all shows when I sit down, it's bad. If only they saw that! I'm still not as skinny as they think.

Geocitiesuser

That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.

Same here, I don't know how much you've lost, but I've lost about 130 and I'm starting to "tighten up" now. The people who see me on a regular, semi regular, or sporadic basis have all brought it up at least once. Sometimes I like the attention, sometimes I want to slurk away (is slurk a word?). Sure we look better but maybe we're struggling with the next 10lbs, or maybe we're dealing with going off our diet and putting on 10 that we are struggling to fix. Sometimes even positive compliments end up being defeating. At least for me.

Talking about my weight isn't a choice. It's going to happen. Because the change has been so big.

TavistockToad

Fatvaporizer wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

Stop talking about your weight. Simple.

That's the thing, I don't even mention it. They make the comments first, lol.

Smile and nod, walk away...

Fatvaporizer

Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."

I'm so tired of those comments.

TavistockToad

Fatvaporizer wrote: »

Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."

I'm so tired of those comments.

So don't have them. Stand up and walk away.

Or you say 'ok, I won't lose any more weight'... and then carry on losing weight...

rheddmobile

Well... your dad is wrong. Spot training is a myth.

Can you ask him why he doesn't want you to diet anymore?

SephiraAllen

Something to consider though - even if some chart says that you have another 10-15 pounds to lose, that's just a guideline, what really matters is how you feel. Keep in mind as well that there is no one perfect weight, it's usually a range and depends a lot on an individual's body type. The range for a person who is 5'7" is something like 125 to 165, so if you are 160 you are within that range. Also, if you have lost a lot of weight, you may have loose skin and think you are still flabby/fat, but really you just need to tone up. That's not saying not to loose the extra few pounds that you want to loose, but just to consider working on toning at the same time and you'll probably see better results, even if your weight doesn't change much more.

Geocitiesuser

Fatvaporizer wrote: »

Update: After I made this post, in the morning, my grandmother lectured me on how 'you shouldnt lose anymore or you'll look like a skeleton.' I'm 5'7, 160 pounds. How can I be a skeleton by losing more when the ideal weight calculator says 145 is my ideal. Then my dad comes in and says 'if you want to lose your remaining belly fat then just spot train! Do crunches! Stop your dieting.' I said isn't spot training a myth? And he said 'no, those people are just saying things. They don't understand."

I'm so tired of those comments.

When situations like this come up, just stare them right in the eye and bust out a front double bicep post. Then tilt your head and kiss your bicep while maintaining eye contact. This signals to them that you are head of house hold now and that they should no longer criticize you or they get the gun show again.

LVNF04

Forget what they said, it's hating or jealousy. What's important is how you feel? Do you like what you see in the mirror and are you excited about your success? If the answer is yes then that's all that matters. You can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself first. I'm just saying..

Macy9336

They "see" you as already skinny because the vast majority of adults are overweight or obese now. This means the new "average" body size is actually overweight but is being "seen" as "normal". That's why they are telling you to stop...they are going by what they see around them and not by medical facts.

Verity1111

I just posted about this and now I keep seeing it. It feels good to vent...but you can't change people. So just ignore them or argue with them and then move on.

Fatvaporizer

I guess I have to grow thick skin and do what I want and ignore everyone, because honestly, they think I'm like super skinny and I don't understand why I have all this flab and fat left on my body, jiggly belly and breasts, etc lol.

Thanks for your feedback.

Would love to hear more.