Body shame

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Replies

  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    You are all right. And anyway I shouldn't need anyone else to make me feel good about myself, I should feel good because I feel good not just because I have been complemented. I have to admit he always says the wrong things, he doesn't think. I just wanted to know if it's all about being attractive to your partner or if it is all about the personality.

    Personality. It's all about personality.
    You gotta base your relationship on friendship and love.

    Ans he might not find athletic women attractive but I find my body amazing. It's strong, flexible and I can do amazing things with it and that gives me self confidence.

    I know what I look like and I'm proud of my body even though it's not his ideal female body . Besides, he and I both agree that confidence is the sexiest thing about a person... and after I gained confidence we've never had a better love life ;) or a better relationship

    I always hated my muscles, when I was younger I'm was bullied for them, my legs still are so muscular, I have had lots of compliments about them. I love that you are so confident, I wish I had an ounce of confidence. It's me not him.
  • Run4fitness12
    Run4fitness12 Posts: 34 Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??

    Exactly what I thought when I read that.. What does that even mean? "if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal" ?! What? Why?
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    But I just wanna add.. your profile photo is amazing. If that's you then kudos cause you look great and it doesn't look like you have any weight to lose.

    I think you're beautiful and I hope you think so as well. Confidence is key. Don't let his opinion matter to you.. cause it's you who's gonna live in that body of yours and you deserve to love it.

    Again.. you look beautiful

    Yes that's me and thank you. I have about 28lb to lose. I need that confidence and I have to do positive things for me to achieve it. Thank you.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
    edited July 2017
    Poor guy.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    Not being complimented by your partner isn't quite the same as body shamed. :trollface:

    I didn't say I was being body shamed, I feel body shame.
  • BrendanMcGroarty
    BrendanMcGroarty Posts: 945 Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??

    I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.
  • grayblackmfp
    grayblackmfp Posts: 140 Member
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    Poor guy.

    Yes poor guy. He's got such a bad life, meals made for him, giving him support in everything he does, keep his home clean, moved from all my family and friends to be with him and because maybe I feel a bit insecure and sometimes in life everyone needs reassurance he's a poor guy.
  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??

    I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.

    I agree the way it was worded before is confusing. This does make sense to me and actually is probably something my husband would say :D I think its all about choice, and honestly respect. BUT it also depends on your relationship, some women and men are upfront about it being okay to look but not touch so looking at others is the norm for their relationship. But in this case OP isnt comfortable with it, so IMO hes not respecting her either.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?

    Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    Is this you in the profile pic? Is this story about you?

    This is me
  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?

    Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.

    Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?

    Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.

    Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?

    It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited July 2017
    It doesn't matter how beautiful a woman is; a man simply gets used to a wife or gf. I think it is evolutionary; men constantly assess surroundings for danger and opportunities. However, that is not an excuse. Just because we have evolved a certain way does not mean we have to remain as the lowest common denominator. In other words, if a woman loves a man, she should help him be more than just an animal and not take her for granted. Men are happier if they do not objectify women.

    :huh: in what way exactly should a woman help a man to 'be more than just an animal'??

    I just mean humans have consciousness in a more profound way than other animals. We are not prisoners of our instincts. We can choose to not stare at it other people and we can choose to be more aware of those close to us.

    but you said women should help men do this...? how?
  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?

    Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.

    Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?

    It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.

    Im going to second couples therapy. Are you guys married?
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    Is this you in the profile pic? Is this story about you?

    This is me

    I don't get his deal? What isn't he attracted too? You're gorgeous.

    I thought this was more of a what if scenario. So I apologize for the bluntness of my original post. And my post was more so referencing someone who has completely let them self go and no longer cares for their own health. Again I'm sorry.

    Have you considered couples therapy?

    That's ok, in a way I have let myself go, I was married for 16 years to a horrible man I got the confidence to leave but now I feel I have let myself slip into someone I don't like. No we haven't thought about therapy, I think if I suggested it he would say it's a good idea for me, he's said similar before.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    How old is your child? It can take a while to adjust to parenthood and remembering that your partner is still them and not just a parent.
    I'd try talking to him again. if you need him to do more then you need to start with asking in plain English. See how he feels about you. Although you don't seem too thrilled with him at the moment. Do you want to be with him?

    Our son is 17 months, he's had to take on a lot, I have 3 older children so kind of remember how it goes. He's terrible at talking he tells you what he thinks you want to hear, when I first met him he lied so much but he's got so much better, he would go all around the houses before he lied but not quiet telling the truth straight away, he's hard work. I do want to be with him and I do find him attractive, the most attractive man I have ever had as a partner.

    Are there some trust issues at play here? You mentioned a few times he used to be a not very good guy and he used to lie all the time. Do you trust him?

    It is hard to trust someone who has lied, he says the most a full things when we have fallen out, he told me he was going to cheat on me, he told me he still loves his ex and would do anything for her, he has been not nice at all but this last year he has changed a lot and I am still trying to see last these things but it's hard sometimes.

    Im going to second couples therapy. Are you guys married?

    No not married.