Body shame

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Replies

  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    Ok I'm going. I might be insecure, I might feel like I need reassurance from my partner, I might need to be told once in a while I look nice but one thing I am not is a liar!!! I have been open and honest about my situation and my feelings. I can assure you I have not at any time exaggerated or lied about anything. And quite frankly how dare you suggest I have, you don't know me. I know now not to seek advice or any kind of help here from people who may have been in similar situations.

    Try not to take offense. I don't believe any offense was meant. Only that when something bothers a person it is more likely to seem worse than it is to that person.

    Personally, I don't think that's what it is or even if that is what it is and it's only half as bad as it seems to you that's still too much by far.

    Again, I'm not saying that people don't look at other people, but to do it to the point your partner notices...to do it when you're out with your partner...I wouldn't be okay with that and I think that's excessive.

    I'm sorry for overeating but when something is so raw and you live it day in day out it hurts when someone thinks you have exaggerated what you have said.
    It is to much and it is all the time. I know people look at others, I personally don't, I never have done, when I am with someone they are all I want and see. I don't care if the hottest bloke was right in front of me my attentions are on my partner and family. If we are all doing something as a family that should be all that matters, 100% attention focused on his son not on the look out for woman, it is, in my opinion, not right.

    OP, seriously. You do realize men and women are different when it comes to the knee jerk compulsion to take a second glance at passing arses, right?

    I do know the difference and I get that, I am by no means silly but I also do know the difference between glancing and literally following someone around with their eyes, not just even a second glance but, as previous people have said, gawking. I mean he is 42 it's not like he's a young rampant, hormonal lad. I think his problem is he's a Peter pan, he doesn't want to grow up. He's got a thing about getting older, he's always commenting on his wrinkles. Before we met and he was dating he told women he was 5-8 years younger than what he was so he could get younger women.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    edited July 2017
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    Ok I'm going. I might be insecure, I might feel like I need reassurance from my partner, I might need to be told once in a while I look nice but one thing I am not is a liar!!! I have been open and honest about my situation and my feelings. I can assure you I have not at any time exaggerated or lied about anything. And quite frankly how dare you suggest I have, you don't know me. I know now not to seek advice or any kind of help here from people who may have been in similar situations.

    Try not to take offense. I don't believe any offense was meant. Only that when something bothers a person it is more likely to seem worse than it is to that person.

    Personally, I don't think that's what it is or even if that is what it is and it's only half as bad as it seems to you that's still too much by far.

    Again, I'm not saying that people don't look at other people, but to do it to the point your partner notices...to do it when you're out with your partner...I wouldn't be okay with that and I think that's excessive.

    I'm sorry for overeating but when something is so raw and you live it day in day out it hurts when someone thinks you have exaggerated what you have said.
    It is to much and it is all the time. I know people look at others, I personally don't, I never have done, when I am with someone they are all I want and see. I don't care if the hottest bloke was right in front of me my attentions are on my partner and family. If we are all doing something as a family that should be all that matters, 100% attention focused on his son not on the look out for woman, it is, in my opinion, not right.

    OP, seriously. You do realize men and women are different when it comes to the knee jerk compulsion to take a second glance at passing arses, right?

    I do know the difference and I get that, I am by no means silly but I also do know the difference between glancing and literally following someone around with their eyes, not just even a second glance but, as previous people have said, gawking. I mean he is 42 it's not like he's a young rampant, hormonal lad. I think his problem is he's a Peter pan, he doesn't want to grow up. He's got a thing about getting older, he's always commenting on his wrinkles. Before we met and he was dating he told women he was 5-8 years younger than what he was so he could get younger women.

    So, he wouldn't be interested in a 50 year old with great cheekbones, all natural 48 double Ds, chubby thighs, thick silvery dramatic hair and a very discreet girdle?

    I can ask, all I know he's not interested in a 38 year old, no cheek bone, natural floppy boobs, muscular thighs that look like tree trunks, a bleached mane and a thick girdle.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    OP maybe the answer to all this is seeing a therapist? Sometimes individual counseling can help us to get to the bottom of many issues in our lives.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    You really need to find some confidence.

    It's not him, it's you.

    Do you know what after all the replies I have had it has given me so much to think about, and I thank you all, and I 100% totally agree. How I feel about myself and how I look are my insecurities, my demons, not his. No matter how fantastic I look or could potentially look it doesn't me a thing if I haven't got the confidence to go with it. I need to get out of this slump and on the independent, confident train I hear that is a great ride.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    everher wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    Ok I'm going. I might be insecure, I might feel like I need reassurance from my partner, I might need to be told once in a while I look nice but one thing I am not is a liar!!! I have been open and honest about my situation and my feelings. I can assure you I have not at any time exaggerated or lied about anything. And quite frankly how dare you suggest I have, you don't know me. I know now not to seek advice or any kind of help here from people who may have been in similar situations.

    Try not to take offense. I don't believe any offense was meant. Only that when something bothers a person it is more likely to seem worse than it is to that person.

    Personally, I don't think that's what it is or even if that is what it is and it's only half as bad as it seems to you that's still too much by far.

    Again, I'm not saying that people don't look at other people, but to do it to the point your partner notices...to do it when you're out with your partner...I wouldn't be okay with that and I think that's excessive.

    I'm sorry for overeating but when something is so raw and you live it day in day out it hurts when someone thinks you have exaggerated what you have said.
    It is to much and it is all the time. I know people look at others, I personally don't, I never have done, when I am with someone they are all I want and see. I don't care if the hottest bloke was right in front of me my attentions are on my partner and family. If we are all doing something as a family that should be all that matters, 100% attention focused on his son not on the look out for woman, it is, in my opinion, not right.

    OP, seriously. You do realize men and women are different when it comes to the knee jerk compulsion to take a second glance at passing arses, right?

    I do know the difference and I get that, I am by no means silly but I also do know the difference between glancing and literally following someone around with their eyes, not just even a second glance but, as previous people have said, gawking. I mean he is 42 it's not like he's a young rampant, hormonal lad. I think his problem is he's a Peter pan, he doesn't want to grow up. He's got a thing about getting older, he's always commenting on his wrinkles. Before we met and he was dating he told women he was 5-8 years younger than what he was so he could get younger women.

    So, he wouldn't be interested in a 50 year old with great cheekbones, all natural 48 double Ds, chubby thighs, thick silvery dramatic hair and a very discreet girdle?

    Awww bless ya, I can ask, all I know he's not interested in a 38 year old, no cheek bone, natural floppy boobs, muscular thighs that look like tree trunks, a bleached mane and a thick girdle.

    Well, yeah. At least ask him. I'm rather hardened and could possibly break him psychologically. Would he be susceptible to lures such as false promises, great cooking, role playing with full makeup and little bo peep skirts, and wild mood swings assuaged by furniture crashing make up sex? Once he's tenderized and humbled, I'll send him back to you and he should have a much better attitude.

    Hahaha love it!!! Give him a few slaps across his bum over your lap for me too.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    everher wrote: »
    OP maybe the answer to all this is seeing a therapist? Sometimes individual counseling can help us to get to the bottom of many issues in our lives.

    I think it is the way forward. These issues will never go if I don't let go of them and I do think counselling will help me to do that. Like I said they are my issues not his. Poor fella I'm surprised he's put up with me for so long.
  • ManBehindTheMask
    ManBehindTheMask Posts: 615 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    You really need to find some confidence.

    It's not him, it's you.

    Do you know what after all the replies I have had it has given me so much to think about, and I thank you all, and I 100% totally agree. How I feel about myself and how I look are my insecurities, my demons, not his. No matter how fantastic I look or could potentially look it doesn't me a thing if I haven't got the confidence to go with it. I need to get out of this slump and on the independent, confident train I hear that is a great ride.

    I agree with @_notorious_ - you need to find some confidence from somewhere. Confidence, after all, is very attractive

    It won't happen overnight, there is no quick fix - take baby steps. For a start, stop comparing yourself to others (the women your SO gawks at) - try to be the best version of you, learn to love yourself.

    I am very self critical, I often focus on the negative things about me and lose sight of the positive. I use this to push me to improve though, rather than wallow in self pity

    Again, good luck, I hope it works out for you
  • erica_today
    erica_today Posts: 185 Member
    Love is love. If they complain about how you look that is not love. But I don't believe you have to be attracted to the person you're in love with but to not appreciate the way they look and accept it is a different story. Its one thing to make suggestions about being healthier for health reasons but to be like you'd look better thinner is effed up
  • ConleighS
    ConleighS Posts: 1,058 Member
    I would send them packing. If you are happy with who you are, don t change for someone else, you won't be happy.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    Well today I am shorts, yes shorts, I am never in shorts and it's not even hot, get me!!! I don't care if am me like it or lump it. If he don't like it he can bugger off and go happy hunting for a new woman and gawk all he likes. What's the worst that can happen we will separate and I will be a single parent, I have done it before I can do it again. Happy confident me here I come.........

    Why would you ever think he wouldn't like you wearing shorts?!
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.

    Really?! A look of horror? :huh:

    I think theres a little over dramatisation going on here... i really think you should give some serious thought to seeing a therapist.
  • accidentalpancake
    accidentalpancake Posts: 484 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I wouldn't be too worried about him looking at other women. I'm sure you notice other dudes. "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't sneak a peak at the dessert menu." I think you're on the right track doing it for you. Better to work on making yourself whole instead of a half.

    It's all the time though, I get concerned he might get whiplash!!

    It's not going to change no matter what you look like. Some guys are like that; you have to decide your comfort level.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    It's more about me not being confident enough to wear them and when I walked in the room wearing them I had a look, an up and down kind of look, it was like the look said a hundred words. I mean that was me assuming it was a disapproving look he might of actually thought "phraww what a sexy beast" but the horror in the face staring back at me actually made me chuckle inside. Hey ho never mind he can deal with it.

    Really?! A look of horror? :huh:

    I think theres a little over dramatisation going on here... i really think you should give some serious thought to seeing a therapist.

    You call it over dramatisation I call it how I saw it shock, horror, disapproval. And forgive me for saying but I was there you wasn't. If I decide to see a therapist it will because I choose to not because you or anyone else says I should. Thank you for your concern. :)
  • Holly_981
    Holly_981 Posts: 286 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.

    I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    hollysin81 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.

    I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it

    I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.
  • accidentalpancake
    accidentalpancake Posts: 484 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    hollysin81 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.

    I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it

    I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.

    I guess he gets credit for being honest, but any guy who would say this is a p rick. If that's how someone feels, they need to end the relationship.
  • leasy1
    leasy1 Posts: 172 Member
    leasy1 wrote: »
    hollysin81 wrote: »
    leasy1 wrote: »
    I was wondering what you would do if your other half didn't find you attractive, body and face. Is it all about appearances or personality? Would it make you more determined to lose weight or would you think if you don't love me like this you're not going to love me slimmer? I am me regardless.

    I'm with a person who's seen me at my worst. I gained a lot of weight after having our son and he never said a thing. Physical appearance is a major part in attraction as it's what we see before we get to know the person. But I think if someone is going to judge you purely on appearance after getting to know you then they're not worth it

    I think most of my insecurities with him and my body stemmed while I was pregnant. He said he didn't find my body attractive and he couldn't touch me, it was just the worst time ever. I think that is why I only gained 9lb when I was pregnant because I thought a big belly I can't control but weight gain I could try to. I think this has stayed with me. But again that's my demons not his.

    I guess he gets credit for being honest, but any guy who would say this is a p rick. If that's how someone feels, they need to end the relationship.

    Oh he's brutally honest alright and I respect the honesty, I might not like it but I respect it.
  • noirelb
    noirelb Posts: 216 Member
    Wtf... Honestly. What are you doing with him? I cannot believe a man would find you unattractive while pregnant. The kid is half his? And you gained 9lbs!!! I gained 50lbs. For real. I am now losing is and 17lbs from before pregnancy and my quite fit fiance always told me i was sexy and wanted me. Granted i am pear shaped with small waste to hip ratio and he likes that but he constantly says i am beautiful. I noticed he says I'm sexy more often as i lose weight but I'm also wearing a lot less on my body lol. But dear god your bf sounds like an *kitten*.... Leaving someone is probably the hardest thing ever but i wouldn't stay in such a toxic environment..yet again I'm quite independent and also with the most wonderful man.