Struggling

sammineroff

Hi everyone. I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this..this is my first post and I'm a little scared to admit.. I used to weigh 126, but I lost that weight from depression. Now that I've recovered and am happier, my appetite has returned, but 2 years later I weigh 146. I'm 5'4" and my doctors told me "not to gain any more weight." I'm trying hard to get down to 125... but then people say I don't "look" as much as a I weigh. I'm confused.. did strength training for six months, now I started running. I'm young and recently 21 so I don't like to starve myself, so maybe I should eat better, but recently I've just been so down on myself to the point of sadness and doubt. Any thoughts? Posting pictures if anyone agrees about losing more weight..

DaintyWhisper

I think that you look great! But, it's a matter of how you feel about yourself. You're at the high end of your BMI. And while that's a great goal for a lot of people, there's nothing wrong with wanting to lose more. I was at the high end of my BMI when I started. People around me said that I didn't need to lose weight or that I looked fine. But, I wanted to for myself. I definitely feel better now that I lost a bit. As long as you do it in a healthy manner and stay in your calorie range, do what you feel is right. ^‿^

sammineroff

Thanks DaintyWhisper. It's also hard to lose 20 pounds when it's the last 20 pounds, unlike starting at a really unhealthy weight. It just feels hard to reach that goal when it feels like I really need to cut out so much more than I already have glad I'm not alone with where I'm starting, though

estherdragonbat

Slow and steady does it. You shouldn't be trying to lose more than 1lb/week and 1/2lb is probably better. Good news: you don't have to cut out as much that way.

sammineroff

Good idea estherdragonbat. Been doing a 2 pounds a week rate and it doesn't work cause I'll over eat anyway.. feel hungry or I indulge because I feel low. Maybe I can try that, I'm just super impatient

estherdragonbat

Believe me, I understand. But the less 'padding' you've got, the slower it needs to come off. (I was 124 lbs over goal when I started 8 months ago. For that, 2lbs/week was fine. Just over 70lbs later, 1-1.5 is more like it.)

sammineroff

Do you think it's a healthier way, too, and will you notice a difference? I always get scared it'll take too long and I'll be discouraged, but I've felt this way for months, and am realizing I could be trying to do that this whole time without torturing myself (then feeling bad for going over, and probably more than I should because I'm depriving myself)

estherdragonbat

It is healthier, yes. I'm not an expert on this; I'm parroting what I've read other people say on these boards, but as I understand it, the issues in play are:

• Your body has certain nutrition needs. When you cut calories, you're decreasing your food intake, which often means decreasing your nutrient intake. When I weighed 254 lbs? Being on 1710 calories put me into a deficit, but 1710 calories worth of food probably had everything I needed from a nutritional standpoint. (I wasn't—and don't—track everything. More like, everything seems to be working like it should, so I probably don't have any deficiencies.) Well, now that I'm a bit smaller, I'm on 1380. And now, I need to make more choices about what I eat, getting the most bang for my buck. The problem with aggressive weight-loss targets is that to lose 2lbs/week you need to eat about 1,000 calories below maintenance. If you're already close to maintenance, you haven't got as much in reserve to live off; so you're generally hungrier and have less energy. You also are likely to cut your calories to the point where you are at risk for nutritional deficiencies.
• There's only so much fat your body can burn in a day. When it reaches that target, it starts in on muscle. Not only is that harder to gain/build back than fat, but more importantly, your heart is a muscle. (Understanding that helped me grasp how Karen Carpenter died of a heart attack in her early 30s after battling anorexia for years. She didn't literally starve to death, but she did weaken her heart with aggressive dieting.)
• To be absolutely clear: Starvation mode—the idea that you can gain fat in a deficit—is bunk. But starvation response is real. If your body isn't getting enough food, it will slow down in an effort to conserve its resources. So you won't have as much energy, so your exercise won't be as intense. This slows down (not stops) weight loss. Hunger increases, as do food cravings, leading to a greater likelihood of binging.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. You can absolutely do this, but for health, peace of mind, etc, it's best to do it slowly and relatively painlessly.

jaimiehenson

I believe you need to be shooting for the 1/2 pound per week goal.
Going slow can be discouraging, but it is much healthier. Just because your goal is 1/2 pound doesn't mean you won't lose more in a week. Some weeks you may not lose any. But realize when you are going over calorie because you are trying to lose 2 pounds/week you most likely won't even lose the 1/2 pound.
The other thing you have to remember is if you are doing it right with healthy eating and exercise, you may end up like me and lose some weight and then gain it back, but I'm not gaining the fat back. I am gaining muscle. So when I lose it the second time it stays off.
If you work on having healthy habits now, you will have less of a struggle when you are my age (42).
The biggest problem with people failing at their diets is they want that "quick fix", but most people did not have weight magically appear, so it's not going to magically disappear either.
Just some friendly advice from a nurse who's working to get healthy too!

ohemmgeeitsme

estherdragonbat wrote: »

This is a marathon, not a sprint. You can absolutely do this, but for health, peace of mind, etc, it's best to do it slowly and relatively painlessly.

Yes, yes, yes! Keep this at the forefront of your mind. Here's my reccomendation: focus on eating real foods. Processed junk is just that - junk. Fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, whole grains, and healthy fats should be the foundation of your eating. I was recently told I am considered pre-diabetic, so I've adopted a fairly strict low-sugar, low-carb, high protein diet. The first few days were rough, I really missed bread and soda and chocolate; but now, only a week out, I'm starting to enjoy more of what I can eat and don't have the super strong carb/sugar cravings.

Dootzy1

You look so beautiful and well-proportioned, in my opinion. If you prefer, take a couple months to lose 5-10 pounds, and re-evaluate your goals. You might want to shift your focus on other ways to find your happy place! Peace!

ken_ryu

Hi, i have been on a learning curve for almost 4 years and have got to a stage where my body is ready for maintenance calories.

Take a look a staying on maintenace calories and playing around with your macros.

Research body decomposition.

And also carb cycling.

It will help you alot.

Plus also a clean diet but stay on same calories.

You will notice a huge difference

sammineroff

You are all so helpful, thank you. I may even try to avoid obsessive calorie counting and just go off of how I feel and be careful with amount and what I eat, like you've been saying above. And thanks for the compliment. I will definitely think about doing 1 pound or 1/2 pound a week, and maybe the stress of trying to look a certain way will decrease if I allow myself to eat healthy and normally without so many restrictions

sammineroff

I think the amount of time to lose that much is what scares me most, thinking I'm not doing as much as I could be if I'm not more aggressive about it, and wishing I weighed less by x date instead of giving it a few months. That's what I struggle with, in top of also wanting to allow myself to cheat on weekends or here and there

estherdragonbat

I hear that. Like I said above, I've got quite a bit to lose, and it's going to take some time. (One site I checked in order to calculate my TDEE asked about whether I was trying to lose and at what rate and gave me a projection of August 2018 to hit goal. I try to focus on the next couple of weeks and seeing the scale go down).

One piece of advice: treats and indulgences do not have to be cheats. Tomorrow, I'm having a frosted shortbread and two pieces of potato kugel for breakfast (assuming my synagogue's after-service buffet has those options). I'm having sliced cheese on a bagel that night for supper. I'm also planning on walking for two to three hours to give myself enough calories to cover that, plus a large lunch with a lot of low-calorie salads and dips but... they add up. But I will end the day within my (adjusted-for-exercise) calories.

To be fair, I haven't had the healthiest relationship with food. I'm a stress eater and an emotional eater and, in the past, I've gotten locked into the cycle of: I give in and have something 'fattening'. Guilt sets in. I feel stressed. I get scared. I eat more because, hey, it numbs the negativity. Until my plate is clean. Then I feel even worse. So I eat more. The minute I said, "Yes, I'm going to want to eat something higher in calories. Is there a way to make this fit?" I started to get things under control.

rheddmobile

The thing is, the amount of time is something everyone who wants to remain at a healthy weight always has to reconcile with - because that amount of time is literally forever. You may lose ten pounds in a month or in ten months, but there is never going to be a time when you are able to eat anything you want without consequences. Dieters who succeed long term make long term lifestyle choices. The others lose weight and then gain it back, with extra.

Are you on any meds which are associated with weight gain? Just something to be aware of. If so, it's one reason to stay on top of your weight gain now - much easier not to gain it than to lose it.

By the way - I think you look great in your pictures. You look fit and healthy. You would still look healthy if you lose twenty pounds, so it's up to you.

sammineroff

Maybe I'll try to lose it without killing myself over it.. again I'm still young and want to enjoy myself, but also I'm young and want to look good to, you know? I actually just got off some meds (depression free!) but it can be hard to judge what exactly causes what.. birth control added weight, but that was a few years back. My lowest weight was at 16, so I think it's hard to judge what my "ideal" weight should be just recently being an adult. Thanks to everyone's comments--it's helpful and I'm trying to figure out what to do next as my goal without putting on his pressure. I feel you Esther, that's how I get with my food too.probably doesn't help that I'm single, about to graduate, etc.. so food plays a different role right now of comfort in mylife