Is it ok to be ok with an overweight number on the scale?

Ok this has come up a lot with me recently. A little back story. I am 5'9 and I was sitting in my doctors office at 398lbs. My doctor asks me how much do I want to weigh. That is such an odd question for me to answer. I dont know. I have been morbidly obese my whole life, I dont even know what it feels like to be under 280lbs. I told him that I would imagine I would be comfortable between 180-210lbs (overweight and borderline obese). He told me that if I stayed in that range for the rest of my life he would be happy.

Fast forward, I am now 240lbs and I feel like I carry my weight really well. When I look in the mirror and think I still have more than 60lbs to lose to hit a "healthy" weight, I dont even like the idea of being that size. I feel like I will be more comfortable after losing another 30-40lbs MAX.

So back to the question, is it ok to be ok with an overweight number on the scale?
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Replies

  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    tomteboda wrote: »
    Congratulations on your major weight loss. I understand entirely where you're coming from. You've made a huge improvement in your life already, and the most important thing is that you maintain that victory. Is it "ok"? By what metric? As far as I know, you're an adult and you live in a free society. What you want to do with your life is really not anyone else's to determine the value of the trade-offs involved. You don't need our permission, or your doctor's permission.

    But here's my experience, and I don't know if this will give you another perspective or not. I'm 5'9" as well, and I started at 270 lbs. I had no clear end goal when I started losing weight, but I remember how much better I felt at 240 than at 270. I did remember being thinner though... and I knew that the extra weight was putting strain on my joints. So I said "well, I'll keep going, at least down to no longer obese". I didn't know if I'd keep going after that, if it'd be worth it. But it wasn't actually that hard. That 500 calories deficit meant I was still getting about 2000 calories a day, which wasn't really depriving myself at all.

    By 220 I could feel a difference again. It was easier to walk. Everything hurt less. I didn't realize how much I'd hurt at 270 or 240 until I could look back from 220 and it was illuminating. I guess the reason is that the chronic pain of carrying that excess weight is a constant thing, its easy to just feel like its normal when its not. I kept going, because maintaining that deficit wasn't hard. And because I realized that I could relieve more stress from my back and knees and hips and heart. Just physics going on there... the more you weigh, the more force lands on your joints when you walk.

    At 200 I discovered that sleeping was more comfortable. My asthma attacks were less frequent. Walking was even easier. I felt like I looked good again. Not like "oh my gosh look at that girl!" hot but I liked my curvy figure. I was 100% ok with how I looked. And I was just under "obese". My doctor was pretty happy with my progress, and wanted me to know if I maintained that weight I'd already made a great difference. I took stock again, and I realized that maintaining my weight loss at 1 lb/ week still wasn't difficult. Because I could move with less pain and exhaustion, I was moving a lot more than I had previously, and I still got to eat about 2000 calories and continue to lose weight. So I decided to take a chance and keep going, reasoning that if I'd felt better at 240 than 270, and 220 than 240, and at 200 than at 220, it was possible that I might feel better at a relatively non-ambitious 185.

    That turned out, for me, to be a marvellous decision. I knew by 190 that 180 was entirely possible, and that I wasn't going to hate how i looked. I wasn't going to need to be obsessive or super-deprived to get there or maintain that weight, that it'd all work out ok.

    And 180 felt even better than 200. Hiking was easier. Inclines were no big deal that had been a real challenge before. I could do so much more, and looking back it was absolutely incredible to realize how exhausting carrying around that extra 90 lbs had been. Life was way better at 180 for purely physical reason that had nothing to do with how I looked or how I felt about looking. It was only then that I even contemplated continuing to lose weight. I started re-evaluating every 5 lbs. I dropped to a slow rate of loss (1/2 lb per week) because I really didnt' like going under 2000 calories. For me , it turned out that I was at a very sustainable balance of food & exercise there (10-14k steps / day, 2000 calories). This fit into my life.

    So settling in on the lifestyle I could sustain and enjoy really determined where my end weight would be. Which is, oddly enough, a previously unimagined 155-157 lbs maintenance. I never in a million years dreamed that I'd be this weight. I couldn't have possibly wrapped my mind on it at 270, or 240, or even 200 lbs. But I can tell you in retrospect that it's SO much easier to do everything at this weight. Except maybe buy clothes. It turns out that when you drop into size small clothes they're also shorter. C'est la vie. I guess we can't have everything.

    This was a long story, but I want to let you know that for me, being larger involved accepting chronic pain and exhaustion as a result of my weight. A direct result of my weight. And I didn't realize how much pain and exhaustion I'd accepted as "normal" for me until I no longer had to live with it. I don't live in your body, but that stress is a matter of biomechanics, and affects everyone who has susbstantial excess weight. A motivated person can work to be strong and active despite the weight, but they're going to put in more work than they would without that extra 20, 40, 60 lbs. There's no getting around it. And for me, in retrospect, well, I wish I'd realized how much easier life was without having to carry that excess weight everywhere.

    But I was "OK" at any weight. 270. 240. 220. 200. etc. And so are you. Its just a matter of deciding what is a sustainable life for you. Best wishes.

    I could have written this post! Well, most of it... haven't made it to 180 yet, but I'm 5'9" and can relate to all of your other milestones. I couldn't agree more with what you've said. You don't really know how "bad" a particular weight is until you've dropped more and feel how much better it is.

    I actually had a long break at 240 (not intentionally- just lost focus- but I didn't regain anything for a couple of years). Then the reflux, joint, & mobility issues that had prompted my original weight loss started kicking in again and I knew I needed to get more of the weight off before it became too hard for me to get around. So, at one point, 240 was awesome. A couple of years later, 240 felt terrible, and I think the greater your age (I'm close to 50), the more you start to notice it. I never had awful numbers as far as blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc, but they were slowly deteriorating. Going from 240 to 210 cut my cholesterol by 30 points and cut my triglycerides in half and took me from a higher risk cardio category to one of the lowest. The way it felt was also night & day. While I know I've benefited myself a lot, and definitely the most important thing is not regaining, I know 180 would be amazing :) I also know (courtesy of arthritis.org) that for every extra lb a person carries, it exerts 4 lbs of extra pressure on the knees, and again, I'd like to take action on that before age catches up with me.

    So I would say, if you are feeling weary of your deficit, there's nothing wrong with taking a break. But if you're still focused & comfortable with the process, there's no time like the present! I don't know what your maintenance plans are, but for me, logging is always going to be essential for me to avoid calorie creep, so I wouldn't give that up for sure. Congratulations on your tremendous success so far and wish you well for the future :)
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    It's not about "skinny", it's about health problems that arise from being overweight. It's just a fact that there are increased risks the heavier you get. You're perfectly healthy until you're not.

    This was exactly my thought. And then when "you're not", it can be much more difficult to do something about it :(
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    edited December 2017
    OP, I just read your profile, and I don't know how long ago it was written, but it seems like all of your inspiration & motivation to lose weight is still relevant at 240. In fact, it sounds like what I wrote when I was 240! I especially notice the desire to start a family... again, perhaps this is out of date and you have already started a family, but if not, it's worth considering that carrying extra weight can be a hindrance to fertility. It's not at all about the number on the scale or the size of your jeans... it's about the number & quality of the years you can spend with the ones you love :)
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    I could have said a lot of the same things you did in your post.

    When I started using MFP I was in the 260s (after HW 307) and wanted to get to 220, then 180, and I didn't think I'd ever want to go lower. I have gone lower now and I'm still happy with my body. I don't look skinny like I thought I would at my current weight. You really never know. Even though I'm a lot lighter than I was when I married my husband in 2013, I don't look all that drastically different. Sometimes it's impossible to imagine precisely what we will look like at x weight as so many factors play into that.

    Some of my acquaintances (most of them bouncing around a size 12-18 for the past twenty years) don't get why I haven't pursued loss beyond my current size 10...their goals are to be a 2 or 4, 5, 6. It's like they think I stopped too soon and should go for six pack abs and skintight clothes...that's not for me. ***BUT*** I can tell you, after 4 years of maintaining at a size that "people" think isn't quite skinny enough, they'll be a little more impressed by your changes than if you got to a size 5 and then bounced back up almost immediately...which is what A LOT of people do!

    I used to be a 22/24 for DECADES and once went up to a 28. As for me? I love the exact size I am currently. My hips and bust tend to stay around the same when I go down to an 8 making it difficult to find clothes that fit (especially dresses, it's like they expect a size 8 lady to be B cup or smaller in a lot of dresses' cut). When I'm in a 10, it's easy...most things fit well without tailoring. Most importantly, I'm healthy at my size 10. Bingo.

    My advice is to stop looking to other people for approval on this, barring any doctors with concrete medical reasons you should continue losing beyond your own goals, and you will be much better off.



  • pitbullmamaliz
    pitbullmamaliz Posts: 303 Member
    Bekah7482 wrote: »
    Ok for a little clarification. Losing 40 more pounds will put me at a ~8 pant size (total guess but right now I am in a size 12 at 240lbs) but still overweight.

    I just needed to say how envious I am - I'm 5'9 and 195 and a snug size 14. When I was 240 I was a 22/24. So I'm very jealous!
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
    Bekah7482 wrote: »
    Ok for a little clarification. Losing 40 more pounds will put me at a ~8 pant size (total guess but right now I am in a size 12 at 240lbs) but still overweight. When I tell people that I only really want to get to a size 8-10 i get the reaction of why not keep going and be a size 2-4. Well maybe because I dont want to be a size 2-4. I am very active and have zero health problems. At my highest my only health issue was sleep apnea and that got resolved many pounds ago so I am in perfect health.

    I keep getting this reaction that it's really not ok to stop losing weight when you are comfortable but that everyone's goal should be to be super skinny. I think a size 8 is pretty damn small and I dont think that I would want to be smaller then that. Maintaining a healthy diet and activity level is more important factor to maintaining my health.

    Well I don't think most people who want to be truly healthy want to be "super skinny." That's not healthy either.

    I'm totally confused by your sizes though. I weigh 240ish and am wearing sizes 20 - 22, sometimes even 24 depending on the brand - I can't squeeze into an 18 for the life of me - are you in the UK? Clothes sizing is so weird.

    To your question - you have to be happy with you. You can't live your life by someone else's so-called standards. Medically however, it may be a different thing. That's something you and your physician will need to answer. :)


  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    Bekah7482 wrote: »
    Ok for a little clarification. Losing 40 more pounds will put me at a ~8 pant size (total guess but right now I am in a size 12 at 240lbs) but still overweight. When I tell people that I only really want to get to a size 8-10 i get the reaction of why not keep going and be a size 2-4. Well maybe because I dont want to be a size 2-4. I am very active and have zero health problems. At my highest my only health issue was sleep apnea and that got resolved many pounds ago so I am in perfect health.

    I keep getting this reaction that it's really not ok to stop losing weight when you are comfortable but that everyone's goal should be to be super skinny. I think a size 8 is pretty damn small and I dont think that I would want to be smaller then that. Maintaining a healthy diet and activity level is more important factor to maintaining my health.

    Well I don't think most people who want to be truly healthy want to be "super skinny." That's not healthy either.

    I'm totally confused by your sizes though. I weigh 240ish and am wearing sizes 20 - 22, sometimes even 24 depending on the brand - I can't squeeze into an 18 for the life of me - are you in the UK? Clothes sizing is so weird.

    To your question - you have to be happy with you. You can't live your life by someone else's so-called standards. Medically however, it may be a different thing. That's something you and your physician will need to answer. :)


    I so agree with this. I'm sure there has been a thread on here about what sizes people wear at whatever weight they are. At 190, I was borderline 16-18, now at 130 or so I wear an 8 in most things. I don't ever see myself wearing anything smaller than that.
  • kristen8000
    kristen8000 Posts: 747 Member
    I'm not sure if I'd be really worried about that until you've lost another 40lbs, then re-assess. I think you are worrying about stuff before you need to.

    Now, I personally wouldn't want to be "overweight" on the BMI Scale. I was when I started losing weight and I hated it. 5'11 and 193 I was a 14/16. I was every so slowly approaching the "women's section". I swore to myself that I'd never hit 200lbs. Ever. And I haven't. After 50lbs of weight loss, I find myself feeling really good in the 140-150lb weight bracket (yes, a 10lb range is large, but for someone of my height, really it's not). In that range I wear a 4 or 6 pant.

    I'm not saying anything definitely, but you may find that when you get to a 8/10 that's it's not enough. And that's ok. You keep losing. But you may find that you are very happy, feel great and want to maintain. And that's ok too. If your blood tests are all good, your numbers are fine and you are healthy, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else says.

    PS. I'm super jealous of how small you are at such a heavy weight. I'm very curious to how you carry your weight and be 240lbs in a size 12 US.