Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?

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  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,565 Member
    No, but I wish it wouldn't have been sugarcoated, either. I would complain about my size (I was 200+ pounds at 18, this was 3-5 years later) and my best friend would say "you're not fat, you just have a big *kitten*". Then when I started on here a decade later she had to ask what I was doing and joined.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    Yes, I wish someone had mentioned it sooner. It was a comment from my husband that finally spurred me to do something about the weight creep. I wish he or someone else had said something sooner.
  • Crafty_camper123
    Crafty_camper123 Posts: 1,440 Member
    I feel like if it is brought up in a constructive, non- criticizing manner, it can be a good thing. I remember growing up, my dad and I would have open discussions about weight. I was a normal weight in my teens, fluctuating between normal and just a tad overweight. No one ever told me I was "getting fat" but my dad would remind me to just keep an eye on my weight, by reasoning of genetics and personal experience. On his side of the family there are many people who would become very overweight/ obese as they got older, along with things like heart disease and other health problems running in the family. I also grew up watching him try to lose weight in a healthy manner if he felt his was getting too high. I feel like it set me up for a mentality to not allow things to get too out of hand and to try and make healthy choices. And, to lose healthily if I felt it was getting too high. I also had the experience of helplessly watching people on my mom's side eat whatever, whenever, and however much they wanted and the following results and health problems. I sort of feel that if I didn't have an example of what it looks like to try to maintain a healthy weight I could be more overweight than I am now. If anything it was always pointed out to me that I was getting " too skinny" whenever I tried to lose a bit of weight by people much heavier than me. ( usually moms side) I've never been underweight, or tried losing in an unhealthy manner, but it made me feel like I should stop trying to better my lifestyle to quit worrying others that thought I wasn't healthy or happy with myself.
  • anglyn1
    anglyn1 Posts: 1,803 Member
    fuzzylop72 wrote: »
    In my experience, 'calling people out' tends to make them defensive, and do the opposite of what is intended, so not really.

    This is what happened with my cousin. She was tall and just built a little bigger. Her mom made a huge deal of her weight. Telling everyone how much she weighed in an effort to shame her to work harder. Signing her up for various diet plans, taking her to weight watchers. She got to her teens and in an effort to rebel she quit all sports and would come home from school and just eat junk till her mom got home. She would buy food with her allowance and hide it in her room. She eventually ended up over 300 lbs. She's down to a normal weight now as an adult but it's a constant struggle for her. In my opinion calling her attention to it just made things worse for her and created a very strained relationship between her and her mom.
  • kjm_723
    kjm_723 Posts: 66 Member
    I'm glad friends and family never said anything about my weight but there were several times medical professionals could've suggested losing weight as a means to improve my health. None of them did. I did not know how overweight I was. I had no idea what a healthy weight for my height was. So while I certainly knew I was bigger than most people I didn't realize how it was negatively impacting my health.
  • gamerkuro
    gamerkuro Posts: 9 Member
    My question to OP is what could you have done if someone had pointed it out to you. I really hope this doesn't come off rude because I'm not trying to be rude, but I doubt that as a child you knew much about health as you do now as an adult. Yeah, you could have gotten into sports or tried exercising but we all know that working out counts for very little if you don't eat right as well. And I'm pretty sure you weren't the one 'bringing in the bacon" in your family at such a young age. Maybe you would have stopped overeating if that was indeed what you were doing, but then again kids have very little self-control and again overeating could have been an issue your parents could have help with.

    I don't want to make it seem like your parents are the ones to blame for your weight but I do agree with everyone that I don't think anyone pointing it out to you would have changed anything. My mom constantly pointed out my weigh as a child, despite the fact that she was always bigger than me. She told to me to lose weight or 'stop eating' but never gave me, a child, the advice or knowledge I needed to actually lose weight. Worst yet, she was the one bringing in unhealthy food in the house. You can't yell at a kid for being fat and then put a 12pk box of ramen noodles in the house.

    Luckily today, kids are learning a little bit more about how to be healthy, but back in the 90s (when I was born), the most we learned was about the food pyramid, and I imagine for you, someone who was born in the mid or late 80s, it was probably worse.

    So, yea, I don't think someone pointing it out to you would have helped you back then. If anything it probably would have made it worst. You trying to lose weight but failing due to lack of knowledge.

  • Resistive
    Resistive Posts: 212 Member
    So... middle of December my mom comes over with a sweater she has bought for my brother and asks me to try it on so she can gauge. I try it on with some difficulty. When I remove it she says to me “god you’re fat now”. Ha! I laughed pretty good. Good kick in the *kitten* to get motivated again.

    Honesty is the best policy in my eyes.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
    No I do not. This is something each individual has to face and accept on their own.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
    That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way
  • Sunshine_And_Sand
    Sunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320 Member
    No. I've only ever been slightly overweight (per BMI), but I know when I'm fat. I know when I am being less active than I should and when I'm overeating and gaining weight. I don't really need other people pointing this out to me. I also don't think it would help me if someone did tell me I was fat because it needs to be me who wants to change it for it to stick.
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,702 Member
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    That said, as a parent with a child... I might have approached it differently. Calling out would be a strong term. More like guiding choices would be a better way. But that would be my duty and responsibility as a parent to provide and teach my child how to make healthy choices. But just other people's kids or other people? No way

    This was my thinking as well. "Calling someone out" is probably not the right terminology in this case.

    OP, I think what you mean is what you said yourself: you had no knowledge of calories and portion sizes. Teaching our children about nutrition and properly fueling our bodies is our job. Not speaking poorly about your parents. I'm just saying that I don't think you wanted to be shamed about your size, but rather some education regarding calorie intake and output would've been helpful.
  • OhMsDiva
    OhMsDiva Posts: 1,074 Member
    I would say yes and no. As a child I was always chubby. I have never been skinny. When I became an adult I was not skinny but I actually was a good weight for my body. When I got in my late 20s and 30s I gained a lot of weight. I was over 500 lbs. I believe it was depression after my grandmother passed away. I do not know if it would have helped me, but it may have jarred me back into reality if someone lovingly commented on my size. I did eventually get into therapy, and I still currently am. I was so much in denial that I convinced myself it was okay to be 400 or 500 lbs because I had no major health issues. Now that I do not have the food or the weight to hide behind I have to deal with my feelings and emotions. Anyway, I digress. I think it depends on the person, if they are ready to hear it and how it is said to them about their weight.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    I would lean towards NO. It's funny, as I approached 400 lbs NO ONE said a word to me about my weight, not even my doctor who later actually apologized to me for not doing her job and saying something about it. It wasn't until I decided to have WLS that people wanted to pipe up with their opinions, and I would ask them, if you were so concerned about my weight, and if you cared so much, why didn't you ever say anything? I would tell them I made the decision with the input of my therapist, my GP, and my surgeon, and if they were qualified on any of those levels I would be happy to hear their opinions.
  • netitheyeti
    netitheyeti Posts: 539 Member
    edited January 2018
    I wish my parents had done something or at least taken it seriously when I went from skinny to "slightly chubby but not horribly overweight for age/height" to visibly overweight by 13ish, and then obese by age 16-17... but my parents have both been overweight themselves since their early 20s and my family has always been very sedentary, plus my parents love fried food and junk, the cupboards were always full... because I was short I still fit into "normal" sizes, for a pretty long time, but..

    School was hell age 10+ (I was picked on for my weight even BEFORE I was actually overweight, I've always had a pretty round face), and the constant teasing made me hate gym/working out in public so that just made it worse over time - I still can't make myself go to an actual gym and I'm 27!


    I did notice I was gaining weight, I wasn't blind, but noone in my family ever talked to me about it or said anything - or tried to buy/cook healthier food, even when I got (at my heaviest) to a BMI of 36...
    But basically the only ones pointing it out were people at school - who most certainly were not doing it for my own good but to make fun of me

    I lost weight when I moved out and started university because I was finally in control of all the groceries and meals
  • PapillonNoire
    PapillonNoire Posts: 76 Member
    For me, it wouldn't have been helpful. I was very aware of the fact that I had put on weight. Pointing it out would have upset me, but I doubt it would have motivated me. It seems like that's a highly individual thing; for some it's the kick in the pants they need. But I had to get to a mental place where I was ready to put in the effort required, and there wasn't anything anyone could have said to me that would have made a difference. I knew I was eating too much and moving too little, but for awhile I just simply didn't care enough to do anything about it. The enjoyment of indulging in high calorie foods was worth more to me than being at a healthy weight. Until it wasn't. I can't even quite put my finger on exactly what flipped the switch, but I'm glad I got there.

    I think it's different with parents and kids though. Parents should be guiding their kids towards healthy choices, although many themselves can be ignorant on that subject.
  • AmandaEdwards1
    AmandaEdwards1 Posts: 46 Member
    no... it just lowers yourself esteem a lot of times. It did to mine for years. Now, I know I am attractive (not trying to toot my own horn) and if someone made a comment I would just let it slide off....

    That way of thinking also caused me to overlook my weight gain.

    In my opinion, your doctor should really be the only one to say when and if you need to lose weight. It's funny tho bc I was growing up my doctors never said anything... It wasn't until I was only slightly overweight and at a new doctor did he mention that I could stand to drop about 10-20 lbs. I explained to him my weight history and he never made the comment again...
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
    No. It wouldn't have helped me. I'd rather be fat and love myself than to be fat and bitter and resentful.