Does anyone else find it hard to meet a partner that shares your passion of maintenance
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It can definitely be tricky to find someone who's habits match up with yours. I don't think they necessarily need to be a perfect match, but to find someone who has similar goals and aspirations as you is key. My boyfriend and I met online but neither of us used this as a criteria in our "search". However, as our relationship developed so did our mutual interest in improving our overall health and wellness. While we have different eating and exercise habits, we're starting to find ways to make them match up so that we can enjoy this process together. For example, while I love going to the gym, he's not super into it but we both really enjoy playing team sports so we've played a couple season of co-ed court volleyball together. It's not a high-level exercise but it's still an activity we can enjoy together. As for food, we let each other have our treats on the weekends and then try to eat healthier when we're together on weeknights - I'm counting calories, he's "being mindful".
All this to say, you may not find someone who matches your goals/habits completely, but you will find someone who's goals and habits are at least compatible with yours and as your relationship develops you will find ways to encourage each other on your own distinct journeys.1 -
PS, although you mentioned you live in a small town, there may be social sports leagues you could join to meet people. It can be really fun to play recreationally with co-ed teams of all ages (adults, obv), maybe give it a try!1
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psychod787 wrote: »How about the 'try hard to eat healthy and exercise but unfortunately loves cookies' type? lol
I am ok with that. In fact, i will bake you some cookies. Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
Maybe you just need someone that is willing to try new things. Stay away from picky eaters and people with no drive. And nobody should be giving you a hard time about going to the gym unless you are so busy that you don't have much time left for others.
Personally, I don't need my wife to go to the gym with me every day. If I'm lifting weights or running I'm not trying to talk and hang out anyway, but we also try to find stuff we like to do together like tennis.
Bottom line is you need to find someone who you share some common interests with, or you like them enough and have an open mind and won't mind sharing some of their interests. If all they want to do is sit around and watch Netflix and you are more active, then yeah it's probably not a good fit. Especially if you are always inviting them to do things and they constantly turn you down, that can feel very rejecting. My advice is just keep trying, and keep an open mind. Not everybody is all about pizza and Netflix, if they are, maybe they just need someone to do things with and they'll be more active.2 -
shannonprovenzano2812 wrote: »It's so difficult to lose or maintain weight when in a relationship with someone who doesn't take their health seriously. Even the men who are thin that i've dated most of the time are just naturally born that way and still lay around and eat chips and pizza while watching tv all night because they can without gaining a pound. They don't understand that if I'm going to stay under 200lbs, I CANT do that. They'll say "come on, its just a few slices of pizza"...
Luckily my boyfriend now takes his health at least somewhat seriously. He works out occasionally, and really isn't into laying around eating bad foods all day. He is naturally thin but he's concerned about staying healthy, so if he eats a cheeseburger he FEELS unhealthy which is far better than any of my other experiences. I'd love for he and I to work out together, like join a class or something, but I've been unsuccessful in my attempts to convince him to do that haha.
Good luck in your searches!!
I agree with this. My past boyfriends have usually been nonchalant about health and always wanted to eat out and/or drink in excess. None of them worked out. I was always the one to do so but it was hard to eat healthy.
My current/new boyfriend is really into fitness. He wakes up at 4:45 every morning to lift and runs often after work. It makes me happy! Now, he tries to eat healthy but he’s vegetarian. So that is the only damper for me! My main source of protein is chicken or ground turkey. Regardless, it’s nice not to feel weird around him for lifting or not eating in excess.
I’m hoping things will work between us but he’s irritating me currently about non related things!
lol 1 -
Get involved in more physical activities (for a start, there are a lot of groups on meetup.com for hiking, cycling, dancing, skiing, etc) - the people you meet doing activities like that will likely be interested in fitness.2
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Thanks for all the great advice.0
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psychod787 wrote: »Thanks for all the great advice.
I've been thinking about your question, OP because I am recently single (and intend to stay that way for a while!), but if / when I'm ready to date I just want someone who is active (doesn't have to be dedicated to any sport or specific activity) and who is interested in getting out and doing things:going to museums and art galleries, attending the local events in the city, etc. I'm self-motivated and don't need anyone around me to keep taking care of myself.
But, given your past experience with your ex-wife, I think what it really boils down to (and I agree with) is that you want someone who isn't going to completely neglect their health or appearance and let themselves go. I don't want that either. You can't control it, but addressing it, simply by mentioning your previous experience with it (when appropriate; certainly NOT first date topic!), would let that other person know what your expectations are. You have to be honest in order to have a healthy relationship. If that other person doesn't agree, then they aren't right for you. This is a requirement of mine as well.2 -
collectingblues wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »You might have stumbled across a paradox (that isn't a paradox) - successful maintainers, people who are genuinely interested in nutrition, and exercise because they like it, aren't likely to flaunt it - for them, it's normal daily life, and no big deal. If you lift somewhere outside your home, look for women there.
What I was thinking.
I'm into fitness, I suppose. I train for and run half marathons.
On dating sites? I avoid any guy who is all "i'm into fitness! I lift! I live in the gym!"
I do *not* want my romantic or dating life to be exclusively about fitness, and having dated someone who *was* all about that, it's a phase of my life that I do not need to repeat. I don't want to be with someone who is going to get all judgey pants if I decide I want to sit and knit all day, or if it's cold, and I don't *want* to leave the house.
Well usually people post about their love for travelling, their cats or whatever passion, why is it wrong for someone to write about their passion for fitness and nutrition?
It's not wrong. But I don't have to date them. (FWIW, I don't post about my cat or my travel, either. I post about other aspects of my life, without being all "OMG I do this thing and it's so important!")
There's sharing a common interest, and then there's making that interest being your sole passion.2 -
psychod787 wrote: »collectingblues wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »You might have stumbled across a paradox (that isn't a paradox) - successful maintainers, people who are genuinely interested in nutrition, and exercise because they like it, aren't likely to flaunt it - for them, it's normal daily life, and no big deal. If you lift somewhere outside your home, look for women there.
What I was thinking.
I'm into fitness, I suppose. I train for and run half marathons.
On dating sites? I avoid any guy who is all "i'm into fitness! I lift! I live in the gym!"
I do *not* want my romantic or dating life to be exclusively about fitness, and having dated someone who *was* all about that, it's a phase of my life that I do not need to repeat. I don't want to be with someone who is going to get all judgey pants if I decide I want to sit and knit all day, or if it's cold, and I don't *want* to leave the house.
I understand what you are saying, but what I have learned is, when you are with someone who does not share your common interests, it makes life harder. Nothing wrong with sitting and knitting all day if that is what you want to do. Lol. Life does not have to revolve around just one thing.
You can be into fitness without being passionate about it, or without making it your sole focus. I hate sole-focused people, and in my experience, it's a million times worse when that sole-focus is fitness or training.
Guess what? I can knit, *and* I can go out for a run. I'm never going to date anyone again who thinks you need to choose one or the other.3 -
Well usually people post about their love for travelling, their cats or whatever passion, why is it wrong for someone to write about their passion for fitness and nutrition?
nice hook grip in the avatar there
there's nothing wrong with it; it just needs to be understood that not everyone takes an overmastering interest in it. so if your own life does revolve around it and you really want someone else whose life also revolves around it, then that's fine but you're going to find yourself in a bit of a niche. just like with any other 'this is one of my important things' group.
i'll say too, as a woman who's always been a bit on the sidelines of the whole thing . . . 90% of the time when a man said to me 'a woman who's really into this whole body/health thing' what he actually meant was 'someone who is always going to look good.' in other words, 90% of them did not actually care about the activities or the lifestyle for its own sake. but they presented as if they did, via wording. so if you're one of the people who genuinely does care, you're probably going to need to differentiate yourself from the people who accidentally or intentionally misrepresent what they're really about.
based on that, the advice that i'd give would be to show, rather than tell. just like with any other interest, really. the people who are bored to tears with discussions about what most interests you tend to self-select themselves out of the way ime - if you're honest and brave enough to openly rock whatever most interests you.
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I'm back in the dating game after being single for almost a year. I've really just begun my new lifestyle... well, a few months ago. I also live in a small town, haven't been here long, and I see the same people at the gym day in day out. So... I'm online dating. My issue is that the men I'm interested in online, those who say they're active and care about their health and look like it, don't really seem to be interested in me because I'm still fairly overweight (even though I'm super active, workout 4 times a week, go on daily walks with my dog, love to cook healthy meals, etc). Maybe they're shallow? Really, I'm open to men of all shapes and sizes as long as they aren't couch potatoes. Been there, done that... I need someone who can keep up with me. Dating is tough!2
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psychod787 wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »How about the 'try hard to eat healthy and exercise but unfortunately loves cookies' type? lol
I am ok with that. In fact, i will bake you some cookies. Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
You had me until you said turkey pepperoni .. eek
Well, i know how to grind and make my own sausage. Lol how about a leaner home made Italian sausage? Lol
as long as its not turkey, I am good.
I only like turkey when its eaten at thanksgiving LOL
Hell no! Turkey bacon and turkey sausage are breakfast staples for me!1 -
collectingblues wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »collectingblues wrote: »kommodevaran wrote: »You might have stumbled across a paradox (that isn't a paradox) - successful maintainers, people who are genuinely interested in nutrition, and exercise because they like it, aren't likely to flaunt it - for them, it's normal daily life, and no big deal. If you lift somewhere outside your home, look for women there.
What I was thinking.
I'm into fitness, I suppose. I train for and run half marathons.
On dating sites? I avoid any guy who is all "i'm into fitness! I lift! I live in the gym!"
I do *not* want my romantic or dating life to be exclusively about fitness, and having dated someone who *was* all about that, it's a phase of my life that I do not need to repeat. I don't want to be with someone who is going to get all judgey pants if I decide I want to sit and knit all day, or if it's cold, and I don't *want* to leave the house.
I understand what you are saying, but what I have learned is, when you are with someone who does not share your common interests, it makes life harder. Nothing wrong with sitting and knitting all day if that is what you want to do. Lol. Life does not have to revolve around just one thing.
You can be into fitness without being passionate about it, or without making it your sole focus. I hate sole-focused people, and in my experience, it's a million times worse when that sole-focus is fitness or training.
Guess what? I can knit, *and* I can go out for a run. I'm never going to date anyone again who thinks you need to choose one or the other.
I do have other interest. I play Dungeons and Dragons, hike, love museums... ect, but I am looking for someone who will not try and sabotage my weight loss. I do that well enough myself! lol I really could care less about looks too much honestly. There has to be attraction, but I am not looking for a supermodel. Then again, god knows I am not a Klein model by any means.1 -
psychod787 wrote: »I am looking for someone who will not try and sabotage my weight loss.
tbf, i think there's a difference between 'want to eat crap food and watch tv all day' and this. the first might indicate a lack of shared interests, since it's hard to watch tv while hiking or at a museum. but i wouldn't define it as sabotage.2 -
psychod787 wrote: »I met my now ex wife the old fashioned way. One of the reasons we split was the fact I got tired of being huge! Lolpsychod787 wrote: »Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
I might be slightly off base, but you're sounding a bit controlling here.
You split with your wife because you were the one losing weight?
You expect your partner to do the same exercise as you?
My husband and I would never have lasted 26 years like that.
I lost weight on my own, and felt so much better about myself. We now have a much better relationship because I'm not feeling bad and am very happy and not getting annoyed about everything.
He's actually started eating less and losing weight too, even though, shock horror, we didn't do it at the same time!2 -
psychod787 wrote: »I met my now ex wife the old fashioned way. One of the reasons we split was the fact I got tired of being huge! Lolpsychod787 wrote: »Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
I might be slightly off base, but you're sounding a bit controlling here.
You split with your wife because you were the one losing weight?
You expect your partner to do the same exercise as you?
My husband and I would never have lasted 26 years like that.
I lost weight on my own, and felt so much better about myself. We now have a much better relationship because I'm not feeling bad and am very happy and not getting annoyed about everything.
He's actually started eating less and losing weight too, even though, shock horror, we didn't do it at the same time!
No the split was mutual. Weight loss and activity only played a small part, but it all added up.0 -
Without going into all the details of a kind of painful part of my life, there were times I was not the best man. I could be an a hole sometimes, inattentive, distant. Controlling was never one of them though.2
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OP- you don't have to be the "gym creeper."
I told my husband that if I had to date again, I would ONLY date a dude from the gym, b/c at least he would be in shape and we had something in common.
I wouldn't date the creepy dudes that stare at my butt...I would date the one guy (that I know has a crush on me), but acts normal and can have a normal conversation about lifting.
Women aren't completely against dating men from the gym or fitness related meet-ups. The problem is that men tend to make those interactions awkward, b/c the women are wearing gym pants...3 -
psychod787 wrote: »How about the 'try hard to eat healthy and exercise but unfortunately loves cookies' type? lol
I am ok with that. In fact, i will bake you some cookies. Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
That idea of "pizza" sounds miserable -- and this coming from the woman with a restrictive eating disorder.
And pretty much sums up why I actively avoid profiles who are all "I'm fit! I go to the gym!"
I like Netflix. I like real pizza. I periodically give into a Five Guys craving.
I also run half marathons, workout 6/7 days of the week, and have a mostly balanced life, where I typically stay under 1530 calories a day.
The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. But, you and many others who wrap themselves up in fitness seem to think that it's all or nothing.
Good luck finding your perfect woman.6 -
collectingblues wrote: »psychod787 wrote: »How about the 'try hard to eat healthy and exercise but unfortunately loves cookies' type? lol
I am ok with that. In fact, i will bake you some cookies. Lol I mean, I am not looking for miss universe. Looks take a back seat to personality and passion. I was once that guy who would try to ruin weight loss and being healthish. Lol maybe it's just pay back. I am just looking for a person who instead of going to dominos if we want pizza, we instead grab a lidus wrap, put on some fresh tomato sauce, some part skin mozzarella, some turkey pepperoni, and lots of fresh veggies and make our own pizza. Or instead of five guy, we make it from lean ground beef, a whole wheat bun, and some baked sweet potato fries. I can cook. Lol instead of just sitting in front of Netflix, we go out for a walk, I live in florida, so I can do that nearly year round, and then enjoy Netflix. Does not get mad at me for going to the gym 4 days a week. It that asking too much? Lol
That idea of "pizza" sounds miserable -- and this coming from the woman with a restrictive eating disorder.
And pretty much sums up why I actively avoid profiles who are all "I'm fit! I go to the gym!"
I like Netflix. I like real pizza. I periodically give into a Five Guys craving.
I also run half marathons, workout 6/7 days of the week, and have a mostly balanced life, where I typically stay under 1530 calories a day.
The two concepts are not mutually exclusive. But, you and many others who wrap themselves up in fitness seem to think that it's all or nothing.
Good luck finding your perfect woman.
Thanks for the well wishes, though your comment seems to be dripping with condescension. I never said I was looking for perfection. I am far from perfect myself. As stated above. I am happy for you that you have the way you enjoy living, I have mine. I will not apologize for looking for certain character qualities in a partner. As stated above, I am not looking for a beauty queen by society standards. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am glad you judge me without knowing me. Wrap myself up in fitness? You do not know my past. I will let you in on a little bit here. I was, still am in some ways, so large it hurt to walk from the parking lot to my job. About 40 yards. In my mind I am 400lbs some days. I was really unable to get out and enjoy life. I sat on the couch and watched TV and ate. I will say I am wrapped up in being far more active. It is freeing. I can walk a 6 mile trail, and not have my thighs rubbed so bad that I could not move the next day. I am sure there are many people here that can relate to this feeling. All or nothing? Not at all. I do enjoy certain foods out. I just severely limit it. In fact, I am taking my ma out for a date Monday to a pizza and beer joint. I am still new to flexible dieting, so I am not just jumping all in. I am afraid in many ways of going back to the binge eater I was. I know.....!!! Shocker!!! I was/ am a binge eater! Especially on Hyper-palatable foods! As an alternative I do make lighter versions of foods when I get cravings. Then again, I am sure there are also people here that are recovering binge eaters. To sum it all up, thanks for the well wishes, even if it was meant sarcastically, I do hope to meet a partner who shares some of my common goals and lifestyle changes. I believe, I could be wrong, that most people do hope to find someone they share certain life goals with. Best of luck to you as well!
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