Joined MFP 5 years ago... burn out
Replies
-
WinoGelato wrote: »Also, it sounds like you do everything as a means to an end. You walk so you can have more calories to eat. You strength train because you feel like you have to. Your appetite and your attitude about your hunger shapes how you feel about food, cooking, eating in restaurants and socializing with friends. Your PMS drives your moods, and all of the choices you make around this entire process leads to feelings of guilt and apathy.
I don't really have advice for you other than I can't imagine being that miserable all the time. I would find a new hobby to give me something to look forward to, something to challenge myself, something to fulfill my life - so that I wasn't constantly feeling like my life was awful because I couldn't eat enough calories.
And scrap what I said earlier about finding new exercise, fitness, or culinary goals. I think you need to focus on something completely separate in your life to break this Eeyore pattern that you're in related to food and weight.
+1
I think you're showing what the problem is when people actually do make this whole thing their 'lifestyle'. Eat to live, not live to eat. From this post and a few others (and it might be skewed because of where you're posting) it seems like you focus very heavily on food constantly. Food isn't your life. Find something else to focus on. Get a hobby. Find a form of exercise you actually like. Take a class. Express creativity in other ways. Find something to dwell on where you can do what you want, rather than dwelling on what you can't do with food.
Also, as a 'foodie', I find a myriad of interesting things to do with my lean meat and vegetables. I too get bored with the same old, same old, but it's either be hungry and stroppy, or find something interesting to make.17 -
OP, I am sorry that you are struggling. Unfortunately, I have a little trouble relating as you seem steeped in self pity and that is never productive. I understand frustration can occur. It is a problem to solve.
One good method is taking a full diet break and approaching thinks with a fresh perspective. Learn new cooking methods and dishes that fit your goals. I get it as a foodie. I am a chef. There is always some progress and some falling back.
What I have trouble with in your post is the defeated, "everything is negative" perspective. Life is full of challenges and setbacks. It what you do to move forward that counts.12 -
Franci, I agree it’s hard to maintain. Each year or two I get really bored with eating what I am and counting and logging, and start to just eat what I want. It’s wonderful for a few weeks, maybe a month. Then my clothes start getting tight and depending on how many weeks or months, I gain back “x” amount of weight until I finally decide enough is enough. I don’t want to be an over-weight old lady, I want to be an active senior citizen.
As for exercise, two things happened. My feet got bad and my son got married. Bad feet pushed me out of jogging, which had gotten very boring after 40 years, and made me try new things, like DVD’s, biking, and rowing. My daughter in law asked me to join their gym, so I now do several classes a week there, whether she can make it or not.
As for eating out, I just pack up half when it’s served and calculate the calories when I get home. I want to enjoy the meal. It’s nice to get to eat it a day later as well.
Variety is the spice of life, even if you have a great tolerance for repetition, which I know you do. I’d try to shake things up for yourself. Make it fun again.9 -
Same. After 3 or 4 years.
You know, I never successfully just stayed one weight. I have been continuously gaining, slipping back down for July and that's about it. My relationship with food is screwed, body image screwed, I'm hungrier than the amount of calories I need to maintain.
The only thing I DO like is training.
And props to you for to continuing to walk. I don't do cardio so I know I should move more but I love lying on my *kitten*.10 -
Yeah, you're bitter and resentful and have the habits and mindset of a yoyo-dieter: Forcing exercise, eating boring food, expecting to feel full all the time. This will eventually lead to yoyo-weight gain. You won't get anywhere (nice) unless you challenge your beliefs and revamp your routines. More fat and variety, more enjoyment and freedom in cooking, more play and fun in exercising, embrace hunger as part of your body's healthy feedback system. I lived like you do now, last time I lost weight and tried to maintain. Notice I said last time and tried. I regained more than I had lost, and I really struggled and fought. This time I started to eat, move, think and feel like a normal weight person, and I have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight.21
-
kommodevaran wrote: »Yeah, you're bitter and resentful and have the habits and mindset of a yoyo-dieter: Forcing exercise, eating boring food, expecting to feel full all the time. This will eventually lead to yoyo-weight gain. You won't get anywhere (nice) unless you challenge your beliefs and revamp your routines. More fat and variety, more enjoyment and freedom in cooking, more play and fun in exercising, embrace hunger as part of your body's healthy feedback system. I lived like you do now, last time I lost weight and tried to maintain. Notice I said last time and tried. I regained more than I had lost, and I really struggled and fought. This time I started to eat, move, think and feel like a normal weight person, and I have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight.
Actually no, I avoid boring foods completely - as I said, I'd rather not eat. I'm just not a good cook, don't really enjoy it, and I admit that depression doesn't really make me want to spend hours in the kitchen to try either. Also I guess I don't have the same notion of 'boring' foods - for example I saw somewhere on the boards that 'frozen veggies with your favorite seasoning are delicious', and yeah but no. Doesn't really matter how I season my chicken breast, it's still boring chicken breast, and it leaves me unsatisfied. And I'm not a chef and learned to cook 5 years ago actually, so just coming up with new recipes is not easy for me (I google a lot, but really don't always have 2 hours to spend in the kitchen at night). I like roasted veggies but I admit I'm often too lazy to prep them and they just don't taste that good as leftovers, so it seems like a waste anyway (plus fresh veggies are too expensive most of the time).
I was fine with that stuff 5 years ago, now I just feel deprived when I eat that way. And another example is that omelets make me gag and the idea of savory foods for breakfast totally turns me off as well, so it's hard for me to find low calorie/filling breakfasts nowadays (oatmeal keeps me full 1 hour if I'm lucky). But I do eat what I want in moderation, it's just that I also have a big appetite and always flavored higher calorie foods, which are harder to fit in (and the more 'freedom in cooking' I do, the higher the calories, it seems).
Finding fun exercises is kinda tough too after 5 years of trying so many different things and not finding anything that I actually want to stick to (and not really having the money right now to spend on specific classes). I walk because it's what I mind the least (I do enjoy hiking but it's a 6 hour ordeal and we got a new puppy that apparently nobody in my family is responsible enough to keep an eye on, and it's been COLD this Winter anyway so that hasn't happened in a while).
The hunger thing... I don't mind being hungry. I just get hormonal hunger where I feel extremely sick until I eat about 10 days a month.
Anyway, thanks for the advice and it's nice to see that some people get it. I know people are going to say that I'm shutting down every advice, but I'm used to it by now.. not exactly new to this and typically when I write a post it's because I'm feeling stuck after trying a lot of things in the first place, and just really want some support (or some advice from people who have been there, and I haven't seen much of that). I'm not really in a good place right now where I can try new things and find a new hobby either, I suppose if it was that easy I would probably have found one years ago (used to be video games, which I stopped when I started losing weight because I wanted to be more active).
ETA: of course my post is negative. Doh. I have depression and I have some challenges in my life that have left me unhappy with my life for years. The thing that's always made me keep going is food. Taking that off... just makes it much harder.10 -
Are you being treated for the depression?
Do you work, out of curiosity?4 -
Thanks for your thread here. That's real inspiration for someone who has just started weight loss program.4
-
Alatariel75 wrote: »Are you being treated for the depression?
Do you work, out of curiosity?
I tried therapy years ago but that's another expense that's hard to justify right now. And I felt horrible when I tried anti depressants too.
I don't work. I wish I did, but for what I'd make it wouldn't make any sense to pay for daycare for 2 kids. That's if I could find a job, can't say I've ever had any luck getting a call back the few times I tried anyway.6 -
Have you ever taken a week off from everything, as in calorie counting and exercise? it sounds like a true break might be the thing then you can re-assess and think about any changes you could make.
As for pain in the legs always, have you seen a doc about that?
Its a pity you don't enjoy cooking much, have you ever tried watching some cooking programmes? I find they give incentive to cook as meals don't need to be hard to make as sometimes we think. Maybe they would even inspire you to try cooking other things. Anyone would get bored eating the same things, so find a way to change that.
I'm a huge fan of Jamie Oliver, he cooks simple delicious meals and uses ingredients that are easy to get hold off.
I get the thinking behind doing more exercise to eat more but sometimes its futile. The best thing was for me to just stop using a tracker and I never looked back. I hated knowing how many steps I still needed to do and put myself under silly pressure for far too long. I found my happy medium is 30 mins of exercise a day (usually cycling now) and 2 times a week for strength training. I 'lost' 200 calories for cutting back on all my exercising but boy was it worth it. I have more time to do things I really love now and the strange thing is, I went on to lose 7lbs more since dialling back the workouts. I'm getting to the point now that I will need to add some calories back and its very liberating.
5 -
I get where you are coming from. If I had my druthers, I'd go back to the lifestyle I had before. The only thing I disliked about it was the constant weight gain and the physical problems related to that excess weight. I got maybe 2000 steps per day and 2500-4000 or more calories as I grazed all day long. It was wonderful except for the fact that I was eventually going to qualify for My 600 lb Life.
For maintenance, I strive to put in as little effort as possible toward food and exercise. I use microwaved frozen foods almost exclusively. I didn't exercise until I was close to goal and now I walk ~12,000 steps per day. I have a fallback way of eating if I decide to cut out the walking.
I do have an advantage that I don't mind boring foods. My foods were generally boring (hyper-palatable but not much variety) when I was gaining weight too so that's not much of a change.
Maintaining over time is hard. Don't beat yourself up about struggling with it.6 -
I get where you are coming from, I have struggled with depression and weight problems since I was a child.
Is it your depression causing your self pity or is it your self pity causing the depression?
Write a gratitude list each night at bedtime, it's good for everyone to do, but especially good if you are struggling with depression or self pity. It doesn't have to be anything mind blowing. Start with just three things a day you are grateful for. Maybe a cute thing one of your children said, a beautiful tree you saw whilst driving, getting an unexpected piece of mail, listening to music you like.
If you want how you are feeling to change, you need to make a change. You have shot down all the helpful suggestions people have made. How about you try just picking one of those suggestions and doing it for a month. Throw your heart into it and you will feel different in a month.
10 -
I have suggestions, you decide whether and how to use them. It all makes sense to me. If you're not a good cook, what takes a good cook 30 minutes, can take you 2 hours. If you don't like the food you make, you're not interested in cooking, and you have to practice if you want to improve your skills. You can season your chicken breast all you want, chicken breast will still be chicken breast and chicken breast is lean. You need more fatty food. Fat does something unique to flavor, mouth feel and satiety. You don't need a lot of recipes if you're a good cook. You need to be creative, and creativity happens in the dynamics between your desires and your surroundings. You have to want to try new things.
Actually no, I avoid boring foods completely - as I said, I'd rather not eat. I'm just not a good cook, don't really enjoy it, and I admit that depression doesn't really make me want to spend hours in the kitchen to try either. Also I guess I don't have the same notion of 'boring' foods - for example I saw somewhere on the boards that 'frozen veggies with your favorite seasoning are delicious', and yeah but no. Doesn't really matter how I season my chicken breast, it's still boring chicken breast, and it leaves me unsatisfied. And I'm not a chef and learned to cook 5 years ago actually, so just coming up with new recipes is not easy for me (I google a lot, but really don't always have 2 hours to spend in the kitchen at night).kommodevaran wrote: »Yeah, you're bitter and resentful and have the habits and mindset of a yoyo-dieter: Forcing exercise, eating boring food, expecting to feel full all the time. This will eventually lead to yoyo-weight gain. You won't get anywhere (nice) unless you challenge your beliefs and revamp your routines. More fat and variety, more enjoyment and freedom in cooking, more play and fun in exercising, embrace hunger as part of your body's healthy feedback system. I lived like you do now, last time I lost weight and tried to maintain. Notice I said last time and tried. I regained more than I had lost, and I really struggled and fought. This time I started to eat, move, think and feel like a normal weight person, and I have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight.
Depression often feels like laziness, and doing things you feel you have to do (but don't have to) is tough. You can cook just the amount you're going to eat for that meal. You can buy frozen vegetables and put the bag back into the freezer.I like roasted veggies but I admit I'm often too lazy to prep them and they just don't taste that good as leftovers, so it seems like a waste anyway (plus fresh veggies are too expensive most of the time).
We can do boring and depressing stuff for a while, but not indefinitely. You can eat anything for breakfast. I rotate between crispbread, porridge, rye bread, pita bread, or anything (a few days ago I had succotash for breakfast). Switching it up is not just to avoid boredom, it's for nutrition. I also aim to balance my meals, so I make sure I have milk and fruit and vegs with breakfast and lunch. I don't think "filling/low calorie". I think "satisfying and fitting into my total daily calories". I used to think I needed as much as I could eat, but it turned out I was overweight because I was eating too much, and that I have excess appetite - which is a biological necessity in anticipation of famine, but not an acute need right now in our abundant food environments.I was fine with that stuff 5 years ago, now I just feel deprived when I eat that way. And another example is that omelets make me gag and the idea of savory foods for breakfast totally turns me off as well, so it's hard for me to find low calorie/filling breakfasts nowadays (oatmeal keeps me full 1 hour if I'm lucky). But I do eat what I want in moderation, it's just that I also have a big appetite and always flavored higher calorie foods, which are harder to fit in (and the more 'freedom in cooking' I do, the higher the calories, it seems).
I don't go to classes. If I want something, I go to Youtube. Walking just to walk is boring. I don't walk unless I have to (an errand) or want to (I get restless). I never walk more than 3 miles. I would love to have a dog to walk. Cold weather just means that you need more clothes.Finding fun exercises is kinda tough too after 5 years of trying so many different things and not finding anything that I actually want to stick to (and not really having the money right now to spend on specific classes). I walk because it's what I mind the least (I do enjoy hiking but it's a 6 hour ordeal and we got a new puppy that apparently nobody in my family is responsible enough to keep an eye on, and it's been COLD this Winter anyway so that hasn't happened in a while).
1/3 of your time is enough to consider it normal. I would see behavior and strategies as a whole, and try to fix the underlying problems, not just try to survive those days. Do you eat regularly?The hunger thing... I don't mind being hungry. I just get hormonal hunger where I feel extremely sick until I eat about 10 days a month.
You need to get better treatment for your depression. But being depressed can make it very hard to seek out and start out effective treatment. You don't want anything. In the meantime, getting in a more functional eating-and-moving-routine can help you. And that is something you can decide to just do, even if you don't want to.Anyway, thanks for the advice and it's nice to see that some people get it. I know people are going to say that I'm shutting down every advice, but I'm used to it by now.. not exactly new to this and typically when I write a post it's because I'm feeling stuck after trying a lot of things in the first place, and just really want some support (or some advice from people who have been there, and I haven't seen much of that). I'm not really in a good place right now where I can try new things and find a new hobby either, I suppose if it was that easy I would probably have found one years ago (used to be video games, which I stopped when I started losing weight because I wanted to be more active).
ETA: of course my post is negative. Doh. I have depression and I have some challenges in my life that have left me unhappy with my life for years. The thing that's always made me keep going is food. Taking that off... just makes it much harder.15 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Are you being treated for the depression?
Do you work, out of curiosity?
I tried therapy years ago but that's another expense that's hard to justify right now. And I felt horrible when I tried anti depressants too.
I don't work. I wish I did, but for what I'd make it wouldn't make any sense to pay for daycare for 2 kids. That's if I could find a job, can't say I've ever had any luck getting a call back the few times I tried anyway.
From other posts on here I thought your children were school age? Why would you need to pay for daycare, even a part time job while they are in school or a few days a week would give you a new challenge.
How about volunteering? Giving back to the community - even finding something you can do with your kids - might also provide some additional fulfillment that you're missing right now?10 -
I've only been at this for a year and I'm burnt out. I have days where I do well, but I have a lot of days where I'm like...where are the M&Ms?!
But I still love working out. Jogging as become a new favorite of mine. I'm in the best shape of my life. I honestly do not believe I was this fit in high school. And for that alone, I keep going. About 7 years ago, I had lost 20 pounds and then gained 30 back. In 2017 I lost all of that plus another 15. I still have 10 to go to meet my goal.
I've learned to like foods that I've always hated in the past. (I am also not a cook...I hate cooking.) I've changed my mentality from I'm doing this to lose weight to I'm doing this to be healthy and live longer. Do I have that mentality every day? Ha! Hardly.
I chew a lot of gum and drink a lot more water than I have in years past.
I keep going because I love buying smaller clothes. I love Loving myself and how I now look. I'm the same weight as I was when I married my husband 19 years ago, but my body is actually smaller. This is what I want to keep. This is why I keep going no matter how tired I am of tracking my foods. And I know for me, tracking my food is something I'm going to have to do forever if I want to maintain what I have accomplished.
Good Luck with your journey.
1 -
I think you are summing up why it's very hard to maintain weight loss in the long-term if you are only concentrating on requirements to maintain. I don't worry about maintaining much anymore, rarely count calories unless I see the weight creep up a bit, and enjoy a variety of activities. I couldn't imagine just trying to maintain the weight for years on end through diet.
Is there any activities that you enjoy that you could do that would help keep the weight off? If you have to struggle daily I don't see it getting much better so I would strongly recommend turning it around to how you can enjoy a healthy lifestyle rather than a maintenance only lifestyle.
Best wishes.4 -
I don't like the word negativity, I think it sounds patronizing. But I remember from when I was depressed, that not only did I not want anything, I was angry. I didn't want to feel better. One of my greatest "joys" was to gleefully turn down every suggestion to cheer me up. I was full of spite. I belived that I punished all the happy and successful people around me by denying myself happiness and good health. And I ate a lot of candy.
When I get self-pity feelings now, I meet them with understanding, but also with a no-nonsense approach. I practice gratitude, and I embrace my inner emptiness.21 -
May I start with a very big hug. Sometimes it hard to see the wood for the trees, took me years to work that one out, giggle. Life can be very time consuming when you have children at home, no matter their ages.
Its not uncommon to feel flat at this time of year. (UK here). Our NHS/government is strongly advocating taking vit d in the winter months. I suspect you are in the northern hemisphere too, could you look into vit d as a possible way to raise your mood even slightly. You could start this after your next shopping trip. You also indicated you have a hard time every month, most wearing. I wonder if you have an approachable doctor who could ensure you have no hormonal issues going on for you. Its possible you are anaemic, your two primary issues seem indicative to me, (just an ordinary bod). So much effects our moods, some things have an easy fix too.
Someone suggested voluntering, it could be a good way of meeting people. You could almost set your own times to attend. A very long time a go I went to the local school and helped with the reading practice and art activities just things like that, not in my children's classes. I'm wondering if Play Groups still exist? I wonder if you had any hobbies before the children, might there be a club around an interest. Book Club, Photography or something. I know many day time groups will probably have an older contingent in their membership so they will relish someone else who had different experiences in the group. I once heard of a weekday walking group who met once a month. I was unable to join them because I was working back then. Something like this might bring a differnt perspective to things. Please find something else for yourself, breaking out will be good for you. I'll finish with another hug.5 -
First of all congratulations on keeping off 60 pounds! Sometimes our perspective makes it hard to see our accomplishments. I understand how you feel but can I just suggest that you find some activity that you enjoy rather than forcing yourself to go do something you hate? The depression isn't helping you but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. I've lost and gained many times in my life until now. I am finally at goal weight (well, I'd like to be 10 pounds lighter but at 61 it's probably not gonna happen, lol). What I did differently this time is I created a program that was taylored to me not someone else. My exercise is something I mostly enjoy. Sure I still have to push myself but I'm always glad once I get going.
I have not maintained as long as you so things could change but rigtht now I feel I can do this for life. That's the trick in my mind is finding a program you can live with permanently.
I understand food can become boring if you eat the same meals all the time. How about trying a different dish once a week or alternatively eating a little less most of the week with one day of eating something you really miss? As long as your calories average out you should be able to maintain.
Don't give up kiddo. You have done really well and just because you gained 20 back doesn't mean you can't get them back off eventually. Celebrate what you have done and be proud of that.11 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Are you being treated for the depression?
Do you work, out of curiosity?
I tried therapy years ago but that's another expense that's hard to justify right now. And I felt horrible when I tried anti depressants too.
I don't work. I wish I did, but for what I'd make it wouldn't make any sense to pay for daycare for 2 kids. That's if I could find a job, can't say I've ever had any luck getting a call back the few times I tried anyway.
Depression is a tough nut to crack. Meds and doctors didn't help me.
The solution that I came across was CBT; read and do the exercises in this book: David Burns, "The New Mood Therapy" (available on Amazon for about $8.00)
Hope you feel better.
Best of luck to you.9
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 901 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions