Toxic workout environment

BrianJohnson2015

So I go to a gym that is newly built (5 years old) and as you would guess it has a large portion of members because it has the nicest equipment of any gym in the area. My problem is that while I love the equipment I feel like the weight room is a bunch of d bags that act really cliche and make the place uncomfortable. I go same time everyday which fits my schedule best and I see the same regular people for the most part and would think that eventually they would be warm and friendly. I feel like they are judging most people in the gym who aren’t at their level and I’m not an insecure person and I definitely feel this environment. I am always open to helping others if they need a spot or sharing equipment as well as being supportive as possible and trying not to pass judgement because everyone has their own struggles. Do any of you have a gym where you feel some of the regulars are toxic to the environment? It is not enough to make me change gyms or times I go there but it is annoying and I wonder if it’s just humankind to act this way

BrianJohnson2015

Your right about the d bag comment I’m sure they are decent people but when you come off as unapproachable or rude it qualifies to me when you see it time and time again

BrianJohnson2015

Maybe it’s just a snobby/cocky/vanity. It’s good to be confident but there’s a fine line between that an arrogance

tinkerbellang83

Agree with above, if you haven't spoken to any of them it's a big assumption that they are judging others around them. Back when I did use a public gym I wasn't worrying about being warm and friendly, I just wanted to get on with my workout and listen to my tunes, didn't mean I was judging anyone, just meant I enjoy doing my workouts in peace after a long day of dealing with people.

wizzybeth

Yeah I really don't go to the gym to be friendly with other people. It actually makes me uncomfortable when people act like they want to chit chat with me so I do what I can to not put myself in a situation where someone may want to chit chat. I don't want to chit chat. I do smile if I happen to make eye contact, say a quick hello but then I quickly look down to the floor or look away because I don't want to get into some conversation.

When I go over to the heavy lifting side of the gym... I do sometimes feel intimidated over there. And it is mainly because I am inexperienced and I do not want to do something wrong that someone is going to laugh about later LOL.

I recognize this however as my own self image issue. It doesn't mean that I think those people over there are mean. I really don't know them. My thing is I don't necessarily want to get to know them.

That sounds snobby and arrogant I guess but I really am not all that social with people I don't know and I'm not looking to enlarge my Social Circle any. It truly isn't about them... And it is 100% about me. Which is kind of dumb because my business is in sales and I should always be looking to enlarge my Social Circles LOL. Oh, the conundrum....

Azercord

I can agree with the OP on some of this though, there are some people at the gym you just get that vibe from. I don't wear headphones at the gym which is the equivalent of walking around with a sign that says "talk to me" and while I'm friendly I'm not overly talkative and I respect other peoples space. I just don't wear them because I like to hear my surroundings. Most at my gym are fine but there is one guy who fits the "d-bag" mold and he might be a decent guy but you can't tell from the way he acts in the gym. Completely closed off, spreads out, might as well pee on the equipment he is using. Rather annoying. The guy lifts and should know better gym etiquette but doesn't follow it and that is what will get you a label faster than anything else.

TR0berts

Hard to say, for a couple of reasons:

1) we're not there to observe whatever behavior you see - or think you're seeing.
2) you haven't told us why you think these things about them. Why/how do they seem unapproachable, cocky, or whatever?

Ironandwine69

See...this might be all in your head..or they really are dbags.
BUT...
Who cares, it's not high school anymore. Go there, do your thing and go home. People judge people all the time. Try to not let it bother you.

gearhead426hemi

I prefer to avoid the gym all together. The world is your gym and you can change the scenery anytime you want. It smells better too. Kayaking, mountain biking, road biking, hiking, snowshoeing, list is endless just get creative and get out there.

Bry_Fitness70

I pretty much never communicate with anyone in my gym, unless it is something like "excuse me, are you using this" or a nod to people I pass. I just have an hour to workout and then I need to shower and get to work, so socializing would absorb too much time and undermine my planned workout. I would hope that people wouldn't interpret this as being arrogant or a "d bag", but how I'm perceived is less important than what I am there to accomplish...

HoneyBadger302

I think there will always be people who are - or appear to be - that way. Whether or not they actually are remains to be discovered.

I'm a bit of a "newbie" at my gym (moved to a new town plus injury finally allowing me to workout like "normal") - enough were I'm guessing some of the regulars believe me to just be a "resolutioner" (even though I started there back in mid-November). Most regulars tend to get a bit annoyed with resolutioners, shoot, even I have.

Now that it's getting into late-ish February, and I'm still showing up 5 days a week, I've noticed a few people seem a bit friendlier. Rather than the glaring "who's this newb using the equipment I wanted to use" the looks are a bit warmer or just indifferent - I'm just another person there working out. I imagine with enough time I may even get to know some of them - it was that way at my last gym. We weren't big into chit chatting, but we could exchange friendly hellos and smiles which is all I really have time for most days anyways LOL.

AnvilHead

Bry_Fitness70 wrote: »

I pretty much never communicate with anyone in my gym, unless it is something like "excuse me, are you using this" or a nod to people I pass. I just have an hour to workout and then I need to shower and get to work, so socializing would absorb too much time and undermine my planned workout...

Same here. I've been going to the same gym for over 2 1/2 years and other than the employees, I know two people by first name - and one of them is a friend I've known for 30+ years. Everybody else is a smile, a nod and go about my workout. I don't want a "warm", chatty social environment - I'm there to work out and get on with the rest of my day, not stand around shooting the bull.

Most people in my gym are pretty much the same way - a lot of them wear headphones while they work out and while there are a couple groups of friends/coworkers who chit-chat with each other, most everybody is focused on what they're doing. I don't consider that a "toxic environment" at all. I'd be far more irritated if everybody in the gym wanted to stop and chat with me every time I turned around.

To the OP - what, specifically, are they doing that makes you feel they're being "judgmental"? Is it just your perception, or are there concrete things they're doing or saying to others?

100_PROOF_

I am not a mind reader so I have no idea if people are judging others at the gym.
I'm not there to make friends and could care less what others are thinking. I have better things to do than sit wondering if others are creating unwelcoming "vibes". I go to the gym for me.

I actually dislike when people get chatty with me while I'm working out. A quick hello is fine but I'm not there to chit chat about the weather. I mind my own business and don't try to decipher what type of " vibes" others are sending out.

Packerjohn

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

See...this might be all in your head..or they really are dbags.
BUT...
Who cares, it's not high school anymore. Go there, do your thing and go home. People judge people all the time. Try to not let it bother you.

Perfect advice

J_Fairfax

silently judge them back and then ur even

bbell1985

People always assume I'm a d-bag at the gym too. I've been told this. I'm not...I'm a nice person. You don't know until you talk to them.

wizzybeth

gearhead426hemi wrote: »

I prefer to avoid the gym all together. The world is your gym and you can change the scenery anytime you want. It smells better too. Kayaking, mountain biking, road biking, hiking, snowshoeing, list is endless just get creative and get out there.

Unless you want to lift weights or the weather is not conducive. Personally I love the idea of snowshoeing. Unfortunately we have not had anywhere near enough snow to Snowshoe... And there is just enough ice on all of the trails to make it dangerous to go hiking...

trigden1991

Get over it and let other people do their own thing.

gearhead426hemi

wizzybeth wrote: »

gearhead426hemi wrote: »

I prefer to avoid the gym all together. The world is your gym and you can change the scenery anytime you want. It smells better too. Kayaking, mountain biking, road biking, hiking, snowshoeing, list is endless just get creative and get out there.

Unless you want to lift weights or the weather is not conducive. Personally I love the idea of snowshoeing. Unfortunately we have not had anywhere near enough snow to Snowshoe... And there is just enough ice on all of the trails to make it dangerous to go hiking...

I live in Washington state so if you don't like getting out in bad weather you can't go outside for half the year. I flip tires, do pull-ups, carry rocks or logs, mountain bike, run I don't let the weather dictate what I do.
There's a million excuses to avoid working out you just need to focus on the one reason to workout.

BrianJohnson2015 wrote: »

Maybe it’s just a snobby/cocky/vanity. It’s good to be confident but there’s a fine line between that an arrogance

I have had tons of experiences with gym rats that put on a front at the gym but they are different people when they leave. I have a friend that I met in the gym that when you see him lifting he looks like he just got out of prison. He benches over 400 pounds and is tattooed from neck to his wrists and all down his legs. I bumped into him at the local coffee shop wearing a suit and tie. He is a investment banker and you can't see a single tattoo when he is wearing his suit and tie. When he is at the gym he is focused on only one thing. He doesn't want to talk he wants to lift and get out of there. We go mountain biking and running together all the time. I quit going to the gym but when I was there you wouldn't know we knew each other. We gave the typical guy nod but that was it. You can't shut him up when he's not lifting though. Sometimes you just have to break down those walls and just talk to a stranger. Some people just suck and aren't worth your time or effort but you never know until you try.

BrianJohnson2015

I wear headphones at the gym and don’t interrupt people during a workout but obviously there is time in between sets unlike other workouts that are constant where you can say a word or 2. I’m saying after you see someone for the 100th time at the gym and they clearly know who you are maybe say what’s up every now and then. Its just my opinion and I see most of you disagree I’m just more about helping and encouraging people instead of being only into myself

grammagrape

BrianJohnson2015 wrote: »

Your right about the d bag comment I’m sure they are decent people but when you come off as unapproachable or rude it qualifies to me when you see it time and time again

Unapproachable= everyone has the right to be left alone.
Rude= you're not getting the message that everyone has the right to be left alone
toxic= you're being 'that guy'

Maybe this gym isn't the place to make the friends you want, but you can't make people like you or talk to you or be friendly to you. A lot of people get into their own head space when they work out, and no, they don't want to be approached or chit chat. They are focused on their own goals and on the workout and pushing their bodies, and that doesn't make them d-bags. Try understanding that everyone is different and they don't have to be like you. If people want left alone, then the rule is that you leave them alone. Men or women, it doesn't matter, if someone sends you the message to leave them alone, then you leave them alone. These are just people who happen to be in the gym at the same time you are, they aren't there to make friends. Say hi or nod, go do your workout and quit worrying so much about how the other kids wont play with you.