advice on how to slowly build my appetite up

shell0891

Heya, I've been anorexic and bullimic for around 20 years on and off, I say this as there have been periods I've been better but on the whole I haven't eaten 3 meals a day since I left school in 1996 and so I am looking for advice on how to gradually build up towards this. I am on a waiting list for out patient treatment but I've been waiting since January and I'm not getting better. My bmi is around 15/16 and so I desperately need help in managing to gain weight whilst not eating so much I feel the need to purge. For the last 10+ years I don't eat until teatime then snack all evening long. I kid myself that as I no longer actively starve myself that I'm ok but I'm having health issues that are directly linked to my current diet and I really do want to address these. So my question is, how can I gradually gain weight and build my appetite up as the meal plans I've seen on recovery sites just seem too much for someone who hasn't eaten 3 meals a day for so long. I do eat calorie dense foods such as nuts, peanut butter, full fat mayonaise etc and drink a lot of milkshakes but does anyone have experience of what I guess really is refeeding and how to do it in a safe, sustainable and healthy way? Thank you.

TavistockToad

that sort of question is best off being answered by your doctor.

shell0891

Heya, thanks TavistockToad, I am seeing the doctor and am waiting for an appointment at a specialist clinic, I'm just trying to sort myself out a bit while waiting. Its already been 4 months of waiting. I did try the build up/complan shakes for a while but they are really high in sugar. Maybe I'm not in the right place, its just that I don't want to go on an eating disorder site as I have in the past as I'm trying to get away from seeing myself as anorexic, I'm just trying to seek advice in being more 'normal' I guess. Thank you though. X

TavistockToad

Heya, thanks TavistockToad, I am seeing the doctor and am waiting for an appointment at a specialist clinic, I'm just trying to sort myself out a bit while waiting. Its already been 4 months of waiting. I did try the build up/complan shakes for a while but they are really high in sugar. Maybe I'm not in the right place, its just that I don't want to go on an eating disorder site as I have in the past as I'm trying to get away from seeing myself as anorexic, I'm just trying to seek advice in being more 'normal' I guess. Thank you though. X

well if you want to start eating more through the day then start simple like a glass of milk in the morning or a milkshake for 'breakfast', and then something small again for 'lunch', and then eat the rest of your calories in the evening. to be honest the number of calories you're eating is more important than the timing.

ninerbuff

Possibly trying a "scheduled" eating program. Say like every 4 hours you eat so much. And be consistent with it. Eventually it will become habit.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

shell0891

Thank you Ninerbuff, that I think is more something I could manage, from the meal plans I read it felt like unless I could manage 3 full meals I was failing, small amounts every 4 hours plus my usual tea and supper is definately doable and I have just got myself a big bunch of grapes from the fridge to eat now which though to most probably seems pathetic to me eating anything before 7.30pm is an acheivement. Eventually the little steps should add up to what im hoping will be as sucessful a recovery as anyone with a long term ed ever makes. I dont think it ever goes away but my health is more important than a dress size so I am determined to get this under control. Thank you again for your advice

JessMonster84

Having been through an eating disorder, I just want to say good for you for taking the steps to get healthy. Hugs! It gets better!

shell0891

Thanks JessMonster84, I'll get there in the end, I think I'm already a lot better than I was a few years ago, I had 3 years of outpatient treatment which ended in 2009, since then I've been doing a lot better but over the last 12 months without meaning to my weight has dropped again, I think I thought I was more recovered than I am if that makes sence. It was only going to the doctors in January for something else and them weighing me that brought it to my attention that I weighed a lot less than I had realised and so my current eating habits are not good enough. Its hard to eat more than you actually feel hungry for but I guess I've trained myself to function on less food than is healthy, I need to retrain my mind and body that one meal per day is just not right, its like going against everything my brain is telling me but you must know that having been through it. That you have got through it gives me hope though, it can be done, I just need to quit the excuses, accept that I may 'feel' fat for a while and there's a world of difference between feeling and being fat, also that the aim is to be healthy and a number on the scale is not important, health is. Thanks again and I hope you are doing well, can I ask how long it took for you to be recovered rather than recovering? X

JessMonster84

I ended up in outpatient treatment for a few months (all day/ pretty intensive treatment). I checked myself into treatment early because my symptoms became pretty extreme basically overnight. I think that was around 2004 or 2005? What stands out the most is that when they started upping my caloric intake, or exchanges as we called them, I had an irrational fear that I was gaining weight. What happened was it revved up my metabolism as they slowly increased my calories and I actually for a period of time started losing weight again, even though I was finally eating right. I had no idea that I was losing weight and actually thought I was gaining. It's in our minds. It's such a tough battle that most people don't understand. What I found was that if I was able to just get through the period of time after eating where I felt like I'd eaten too much (I really hadn't eaten too much) and felt like I wouldn't be ok if I didn't purge, it started to get better. I'd tell myself "this feeling is going to go away. I just need to let it pass." So, I'd go for a walk, get on my computer, talk to my parents or a friend on the phone. Anything to distract me from the feeling in my stomach. Over time I stopped having those thoughts on a daily basis and was able to get back to my life. I was hiding from reality, focusing on food instead of taking care of my real life. I can't say that I will ever be fully recovered, as over the years I have temporary relapses. That's a part of why I'm on here. I had gained about 15 pounds in the last couple years and just recently began purging. I realized there's no way in hell I'm going to do that and I just need to focus on all the healthy behaviors I know. Anyway, just don't ever ever give up. You deserve happiness and being healthy will help you focus on what's the most important things in your life.

beccag28

Great job on acknowledging that you had an issue and needed help! That must have been difficult! Good luck with that I hope you find some improvement :-)

shell0891

Thanks again for your reply, sorry for the delay in responding, I've been at the hospital today, my lung collapsed on Sunday, a result of my current weight. I guess it's the health issues that our eating issues cause us that should help us move forward and motivate us in keeping up with recovery. Maybe we can try and support each other? I am going to be off work I think for at least 2 weeks as my lung hasn't reinflated as well as id hoped, that will also put a stop to any exercise which does get me down, I usually do 2hours+ of walking at least 5 times a week, not being able to do really any exercise at all right now is something else to get my head round but I'm trying to see this enforced rest as a good thing, as you said we need to try and distract ourselves from the irrational thoughts. If I can be of any help in any way to you please let me know, I'm hoping that this is my epiphany without meaning to sound too melodramatic! Lol. Im really glad I found this site

pksmart

I am also trying to gain weight. My goal is +25 pounds. My weight loss was due to several years of stress and found that I could go all day without eating anything. I hated it when people would tell me to eat and that I was skinny. I knew it, but just couldn't seem to start eating again. I have been using myfitnesspal and it has really helped me. I track everything and really try to eat the 1800 calories a day that corresponds to my goal of one pound a week. I don't always make it to 1800. Its really hard to eat that much when you go for years not eating as much as you should.

I spent about a month tracking and only gained one pound. Recently I have planned my next day of food. This has helped me a lot! I read up on menu planning and started doing that for myself. Right now I plan one day at a time. I hope to be able to plan for the whole week.

Breakfast was really hard for me. I just couldn't eat when I first woke up. I started drinking ensure high protein every morning. I just started adding toast or pastry. I think your body needs time to adjust - so do it a bit at a time. But plan! For example, the night before I remind myself that I will eat toast with butter and jelly in the morning by 10:00am - and then do it.

My goal is to gain weight. I am not as concerned with eating super healthy. I think that will come when I reach my goal.

I do take vitamins every day and I walk 3 times a week.

I just wanted to share my experience. Using this app really helps me. I can't imagine trying to figure it all out by hand.

JessMonster84

I'm sorry to hear about your lung collapsing. It's proof that your body really cannot go on without enough nutrients. I am more than open to being a support for you, or just see where the journey leads. I totally understand how not being able to go for your long walks would mess with your head. If you keep up the walking, your body will continue to eat itself. The protein you don't physically ingest ends up being taken from your body parts (like with me, in a short period of time I ended up with a heart murmur. It scared the living **** out of me). Your body will continue to break down unless you can start eating more. I hope you are able to get checked in somewhere soon!

shell0891

Heya, yeah theres nothnig like a major health scare to force you into addressing stuff! I'm feeling so fed up of sitting round but a small trip to the supermarket even with my dad who I am staying with for a few days wore me out this morning so sitting around at home it is. I had another small achievement yesterday, I usually never eat what I call 'big' bread, ie thick sliced bread from an 800grm loaf, usually I stick to thin sliced 400grm loaf bread, however after reading recovery articles about breaking the rules you've put in place I decided I was going to have 2 thick slices of peanut butter on toast with both peanut butter and margerine, and it was dam nice, along with a muller strawberry shortcake yogurt instead of the diet or plain kind. after logging for a week, im 4 days in now, I'm going to ask for feedback from others on what they think of my diet. Right now im not so worried about everything being super healthy, its more important to get the weight on then I can work on the content. I think now with me being removed from my usual life as in work and caring for my nan its easier to change my old habits, the real challenge will be when I return to work but I guess all I can do is take each day at a time. So many changes. I've also been forced overnight to quit smoking which I realise is completely a good thing but when I'm stressed like now its making me want to smoke even more. I guess if I can get through all this then I'm gonna feel a massive sense of achievement at the end of it, just going to be a bit crappy in the mean time. I'm vearing between anger, crying and apathy just wanting to sleep the day away right now but as the saying goes, whatever doesn't break you makes you stronger, a cliche maybe but it is true!

JessMonster84

Awesome job with eating the breads and regular yogurt! Progress! The feelings and discomfort around eating regular food go away with time. It's not even like you need my seal of approval but I'm proud you were able to do that.

SpiritBunny

I'm a long term ED person but would be seen as a obese anorexic. I'm only recently started to eat more than 400 calories a day from a few years back and I'm just been told that my 800-1100 calories I've been eating is not enough (more like 1800-2000) I it's difficult but I for the first time touched on more than 2000 calories which I thought I never thought I could do. This has NOT done any favours with my waste line and have increased my fat weight by 6lbs in 3weeks. I've gained 10lbs overall.

Food is very hard to digest and it doesn't sit well with me. I'm bloating and even eating one 200-300calorie meal I'm full. I physically get sick doing it but I realize now it's all part of the process. A large part of it for me is not knowing what to expect physically. My body has to undergo changes to adjust to the fact that I will be eating more. I'm reminded that my body is not a machine but a complex eco system where you have to pay attention to not only the physical but emotional parts. Mentally is' a battle every day to realize what is good for me is not what I feel is good for me. I stick to the instructions I have.

I found a new protein bar that is pretty high in calories that help me. I'm trying to stay vegan which makes it harder, but I'm hoping I can elevate my caloric levels to more reasonable levels. I've been advised to ramp up slowly.. I'm doing 100 calories per week pretty difficult but it's what is recommended. Split up your meals,

A site I found very useful (and not just fluff) is http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/11/23/phases-of-recovery-from-a-restrictive-eating-disorder.html . It details pretty specifically what a person goes through going through and it helps a lot knowing how malnourished a body is when you don't feed it properly.

I'm aware it's going to take months if not years for my body to feel safe. I'm going to gain a lot of weight but I'm hoping and trusting that the proven methods will allow me to become a healthier better person. Good luck to you and good for you to expressing your situation we all could use a helping hand.

Ulwaz

im suffering from some eating problems myself its horrible :c add me for support im from the uk, maybe try an eating plan

WLG1974

It's difficult. I know how you feel. I went though that many years ago. Now I'm on the opposite end.

To build up your appetite takes time. It can be done but give yourself time to do it.

Linnaea27

Everyone in the thread dealing with eating disorders-- please have a look at this website: http://www.youreatopia.com/

Especially this article, for the OP in particular: http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.html

That website is extremely intelligent, informative, and meant to help people in your position!