Comment from my mother...what do YOU think!?



  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    I don't know, I'm not sure if it's normal for a 19 year old college student to have to start paying rent to her family already. I mean, if she graduated and had to live at home for a while, that would make sense, but at 19, you're just getting started in life, and still dealing with education/paying student bills/etc. It would seem kind of harsh to me to ask a 19 year old to pay rent if she wants to keep living at home during uni. Also, it sounds like OP is already pretty independent -- as long as it was her money she was giving, I don't see how the mother's comment was in any way justified.

    I agree completely. If she was just bumming around, not doing much with her life, then yeah, she should be expected to help out more at home, but if her parents let her live there while she attends school, then she does have the right to do with her money what she wishes.

    I think what you did was a very sweet gesture.

  • SwashBlogger
    SwashBlogger Posts: 395 Member
    I happen to have a 19 year old daughter living at home, working and going to school - and I could imagine her doing exactly what you did. In fact, I have had to rein in her generosity throughout her childhood. At this point, she is paying rent. We are saving it for her to get an apartment around her 20th birthday next year. Maybe it's time to have a non-combative discussion with Mom about your plans. Don't allow her to treat you l like you are 12.
  • Sapporo
    Sapporo Posts: 693 Member

    HOWEVER, you have chosen to remain at home, living essentially like a child. This means that your mother has a great deal of say so in what you do and especially what you do with "your" money. I also saw that a previous poster pointed out that effectively the money isn't really yours, it is your mom's money that she is letting you keep. That is true. No one else would feed you, house you and pay your insurance in exchange for you "contributing whenever you can." Every cent you earn, twice over (frankly $800 a month is quite cheap for housing, utilities, food, health and car insurance) should be going to your mom. It is not by mutual agreement, and if that setup is working for both you, then more power to you. But it is absolutely your mother's right to make whatever comments she wants about your spending/donating habits. If it weren't for her you probably wouldn't be going to school right now; you'd be living in a rat-trap apartment pinching every penny and probably considering letting your health insurance lapse.

    The fact that your mother CHOSE to let you live at home is very nice. It is her right to do so and I think it was a very reasonable thing to do. However, it also gives her the right to CHOOSE to say anything she pleases to you. You are far too deeply indebted to her to have any right to act superior on this issue. Effectively that $100 is hers, part of the money that she has chosen to invest in you. If it weren't for her every penny of that $100 would be going toward your rent. But you gave $100 that she invested in you away to someone else without even asking her.

    Anyway, that's my $0.02. I want to say one more time that it was very kind what you did, and you sound like a very sweet person whose heart is in the right place.

    Ugh. No, no, no! Gifts should never have strings attached. Her Mom should have no say at all regarding what the OP spends her own money on. If she has a problem with it then she needs to rearrange the arrangement going forward.
    The $100 is hers? That is so messed up. If it were her mom's $100, it would have been handed to her. But it wasn't. So it isn't.