One of my teenagers is a thief!

winf

Put an end to it now. Its better for her to find out she doesn't like jail now before she finds out she doesn't like prison later. If it continues you may eventually find yourself in the compromising position of enabling her by protecting her. It is critical for young people to learn consequences while the are still young and the consequences are still relatively light.

amymrls

winf wrote: »

Put an end to it now. Its better for her to find out she doesn't like jail now before she finds out she doesn't like prison later. If it continues you may eventually find yourself in the compromising position of enabling her by protecting her. It is critical for young people to learn consequences while the are still young and the consequences are still relatively light.

I agree with this...

GrammyPeachy

amymrls wrote: »

salembambi wrote: »

honestly it sounds like she needs therapy and attention

I agree I think this is what she needs and perhaps some different friends

When I was 12, I stole makeup from a store and my mom found out. She made me take it back in to the store and apologize as well as pay for the stuff,(which I didn't get to keep).Afterward my dad lectured and yelled at me. I never stole anything again.

That worked for me, but if it's a deeper issue or kleptomania, counseling is the answer.

21million

Watch the movie Thirteen for a little insight.

LouisianaHotSauce_93

I'd call the cops on my child, make them bring the stuff back and freaking make them wear a shirt about what they did,public shame will make somebody think twice! Goodbye social life,welcome to hell!!

Yeah,I'm that kind of parent!

assthetikk

salembambi wrote: »

honestly it sounds like she needs therapy and attention

this^
i saw this behavior on Breaking Bad so i know what i talking about

pineapple_jojo

Please take her to therapy! She's not a bad person just your sweet kind funny daughter displaying some bad behaviours. There has to be a reason she's doing it; giving her the safety of therapy to talk it out could really help. Good luck!

pineapple_jojo

Ps. Give her back the door to her bedroom!

magnum26

Seriously have people still not learned to back stuff up...

Archerychickge

Sounds like you are doing what you can as a parent. .. i would recommend getting her to a counselor. She will hate it and most likely get really pissy about going, but keep taking her. Make sure she knows that going isn't a punishment, but a tool, for her use only, to help her with whatever she may be going through. Then leave it at that, don't ask her questions about her sessions, don't ask the counselor either. Its private. If there is something serious going on the counselor will tell you. Otherwise, butt out of that. She needs to know that she has some control over it and that she can trust both ypu and the counselor.

Keep doing what you are doing. Be consistent yet firm. When you talk to her about the theft, STAY CALM, dont get sucked into any yelling or arguing. Do the opposite of what she expects, it will get her attention faster than doing what she thinks you will do.

Beyond that, keep loving her unconditionally. Make sure you give her twice or three times as much positive reinforcement as you give correction. Make sure she knows how great you think she is as a person and how that wont ever change.... and that this other behavior doesnt define who she is. Then, stop calling her a theif. She may be stealing things, but those actions alone don't define her. Labels like that can be hard to carry for an otherwise good kid.

Good luck, teenagers are tough, I have two myself. There are times when i want to scream and shake them, and others when i just want to hold them forever. ..of course i cant do either, but that doesnt stop me from wanting to try.... lol

ELMunque

I have 6 kids, my older 2 have both been hard to deal with at some point in their teenage lives, my oldest girl though.... wow.... she really put us through it.

I've learned, that she has to figure out why she's doing this, not you. You will find out as well, but it has to be her epiphany. To help her I would suggest counseling first and foremost. Also, take away her priveldges, but reward her for completing punishments like hand writting letters to the people she stole from explaining that she is sorry for what she did, why she did it, why it was wrong and that she realizes what trouble she caused for the person she stole from. For instance:

I'm sorry I stole your tablet. I understand that by stealing your tablet I made it difficult for you to...

Tell her how many pages it needs to be. By handwritting it, she will put more thought into what she is saying than she would if she were talking to them face to face.

Read the letter before giving it to the recipient, if it's heartfelt, give her some of her privacy back, but not all.

Explain to her that stealing is a betrayal of trust. Have her do research papers on stealing, betrayal, trust, self confidence and self worth.

Having the kids do homework has always helped at my house. All kids are different though, and that's why counseling is important. The teen years are hard, especially for girls. And sometimes they just need to talk to someone who is not their parents, someone who won't judge them.


Edited to add: If you decide to send her to counseling, and she doesn't like her counselor after maybe 4 visits, get her a new counselor, it only works if they are willing to go, if you can find a younger female therapist I'd go with that.

wamydia

amymrls wrote: »

I love how people assume I am not punishing her for her stealing. The thing is all of us hang out and talk all the time. We seem to have a good family connection we talk. She gets very angry and mean when I bring up the stealing. She does get punished and she does get caught. I am a responsible parent. I check my kids messages and phones and make sure they are making good choices.

The punishments I have given her just are not working! Right now she is grounded from all electronics including her phone and has no door on her room.

It's almost like she is in jail already.....

It's interesting that the only time she really acts out is when you try to approach her about the stealing. It sounds to me like she knows very well that her behavior is wrong and unacceptable, but she doesn't want to face it or you so she gets defensive. So she is doing the toddler thing and carrying on and acting like a brat until she wears you out and you stop asking. My guess is that it is more of an attention-seeking thing and possibly even a way to get back at you or other adults if she feels that she is being punished unjustly. I remember being that age and the best way to insure that I would continue doing a bad behavior would have been to punish me for the bad behavior. Because YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME lol. Anyway, maybe since punishment isn't working and may even be backfiring it is time to take a more compassionate approach. Since she won't talk to you, can you think of any other adult that she may be willing to sit down with and open up to? Or maybe having her talk to a counselor by herself is the best thing because it is someone she can talk to without her interfering parent (that's you lol) getting up in her business. Sometimes people just can't or won't talk to the people that they are closest to about what's bothering them. They almost need a third party who is removed from the situation so that they don't feel like they are being judged or getting a biased point of view.

TheVirgoddess

amymrls wrote: »

FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »

First off, have you confronted your child about his/her stealing?

Secondly… What are they stealing? Is it money? If yes, I would be concerned as to why they are stealing money rather than asking. I have friends who have siblings who stole money from their parents… to pay for their drug addiction. Not trying to make you worry nor am I assuming it's to pay for drugs (just covering all possible scenarios) but if that is the case with your child, you need to find out so that you can get him/her the help they need.

I have talked to her and also drug tested her, she steals electronics and make up

I would take ALL her things away until she learns to respect the property of others. She'd literally be sleeping on a mattress on her (or maybe my) bedroom floor, and wearing jeans with a plain white t-shirt every day.

amymrls

wamydia wrote: »

amymrls wrote: »

I love how people assume I am not punishing her for her stealing. The thing is all of us hang out and talk all the time. We seem to have a good family connection we talk. She gets very angry and mean when I bring up the stealing. She does get punished and she does get caught. I am a responsible parent. I check my kids messages and phones and make sure they are making good choices.

The punishments I have given her just are not working! Right now she is grounded from all electronics including her phone and has no door on her room.

It's almost like she is in jail already.....

It's interesting that the only time she really acts out is when you try to approach her about the stealing. It sounds to me like she knows very well that her behavior is wrong and unacceptable, but she doesn't want to face it or you so she gets defensive. So she is doing the toddler thing and carrying on and acting like a brat until she wears you out and you stop asking. My guess is that it is more of an attention-seeking thing and possibly even a way to get back at you or other adults if she feels that she is being punished unjustly. I remember being that age and the best way to insure that I would continue doing a bad behavior would have been to punish me for the bad behavior. Because YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME lol. Anyway, maybe since punishment isn't working and may even be backfiring it is time to take a more compassionate approach. Since she won't talk to you, can you think of any other adult that she may be willing to sit down with and open up to? Or maybe having her talk to a counselor by herself is the best thing because it is someone she can talk to without her interfering parent (that's you lol) getting up in her business. Sometimes people just can't or won't talk to the people that they are closest to about what's bothering them. They almost need a third party who is removed from the situation so that they don't feel like they are being judged or getting a biased point of view.

thanks for this

PRMinx

amymrls wrote: »

I love how people assume I am not punishing her for her stealing. The thing is all of us hang out and talk all the time. We seem to have a good family connection we talk. She gets very angry and mean when I bring up the stealing. She does get punished and she does get caught. I am a responsible parent. I check my kids messages and phones and make sure they are making good choices.

The punishments I have given her just are not working! Right now she is grounded from all electronics including her phone and has no door on her room.

It's almost like she is in jail already.....

No, that's nothing like jail. That's like being grounded at home, in her comfy room, surrounded by people who care about her. Jail is serious business. It's scary, intimidating and cold.

Honestly? Therapy sounds like a good choice. But I would also call the Sheriff's office and see if they can scare her straight a little bit. Obviously, what you are doing isn't working. I think some tough love is needed here...

shellma00

I havent read all the responses, so sorry if I am saying something that has already been addressed, but if it were my child I would have a policeman come and talk to her (I know several cops or deputies in our county). OR have her arrested for stealing, kind of like a scared straight tactic. I often wonder if those kids who go on the Scared Straight show actually straighten their lives up. I always tell my children that if they break the law I will let the cops come and arrest them. It scares them enough that they straighten up.

sexymonicat

Take them to a prison or one of those scared straight tours

patrickblo13

I would call the cops on her, it will scare the *kitten* out of her