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We broke up because...

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Replies

  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    Her eyes are still dilated and she can't see that i do no wrong
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 1,513 Member
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    He analyzed how much my eyes dilated when I talked to other men...
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    She dilated to 10cm after talking to another man
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    He didn’t really understand how the birds and the bees thing worked. Insisted that words would cause pregnancy. Therefore didn’t speak a word to me.
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    She wouldn't let me talk dirty to her and she kept wanting to explain the birds and the bees. I know all about bees!!!
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    Basically babbled ‘bout bees bossily
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    She was always speaking in alliteration. Literally lost love lickety-split.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,438 Member
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    Kept using words like "lickety-split" and "tarnation". I was beginning to think he was much older than he said he was
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    Heavens to Betsy she was a cougar. I kept hoping she'd simmer down with all that young'n courtin she was a doin.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,438 Member
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    Was very unimaginative when it came to verbal sparring. When he said, "I'm rubber, you're glue..." I knew it was over
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    She used crazy glue instead of massage oil when I asked for a back rub. Once the doctors separated us, I was out of there!!
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    The Dr ignored all HIPPA laws and told me that he had to separate her and @csmienk. I think they were pretty stuck on each other so.. I had to let her go
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,438 Member
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    Was just too jealous of my friends
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    I questioned her loyalty when she invited men she met on the internet to Starbucks yet refused to get me their autograph!! ✍🏻 📕
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,438 Member
    edited June 5
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    (Oh, that's a good one!) 🤣

    She refused to just book a flight and join me on one of my many trips to Vegas ✈️ 😁
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    She only ever wanted to see me in Vegas…knowing that I dislike crowds, lights, and noise
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 91 Member
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    Kept trying to get me to marry her in Vegas
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,438 Member
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    His job as an Elvis Impersonator in Vegas kept him too busy to spend any time with me
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,571 Member
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    She couldn’t just say “thank you” it had to be followed with a “thank you very much”
  • MelG7777
    MelG7777 Posts: 14,192 Member
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    One time I told her I was breaking up with her just to scare her into loyalty. Then she went philandering all over the place. I’m not sure if it’s her playful way or getting back at me or…