Increasing calories defriended for low intake

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Replies

  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    sunnyside1213 wrote: »
    I am old, short, and sedentary. My TTDE - 20% is 1036 calories. If I eat above that I gain. NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME!

    yeah, it's examples like this which makes it annoying to hear that people find it necessary to tell people how much they should eat. not really their business to give unsolicited advice on their food diary.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    It is really hard to see people on here who are hurting themselves. I try to be positive and reach out, but when someone is in the midst of an eating disorder there is very little to do on here, so thus far I have ended up defriending because it's painful to watch. It doesn't sound like that is your issue though, which is a good thing :)
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    edited January 2015
    vhowru wrote: »
    I was defriended because my calorie intake was too low although I eat more I guess I need to be accurate isn't that an odd thing to do ? Any advice besides be more accurate

    i might have missed it in this thread, but did the person specifically tell you that this was the reason they defriended you? because in looking at your food diary it would not hit my radar as being too low overall, but my threshold is probably lower than a lot of people.
  • occultllama
    occultllama Posts: 31 Member
    It is kind of beneficial for people with eating disorders to be friends with non eating disordered people, Especially if they are attempting to recover. I find it really difficult to know how to eat normally, seeing other peoples diaries can be a huge help for meal planning and the like.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    MarciBkonTrk wrote: »
    I had gastric bypass and there are days I struggle just to eat 1000 calories. But my calories are very protein/nutrient dense. It never occurred to me that people would friend then unfriend because I am not getting enough calories in their eyes. I guess you learn something new every day.

    I really don't think people are talking about situations like yours, and if it's any kind of friend relationship presumably they would know that about you? Or if they expressed concern you would share that?

    People seem to be taking posts personally in a way that I don't think makes sense.
  • vhowru
    vhowru Posts: 72 Member
    Thank you for the awesome discussion all. I would hope we can support each other trying to see the best in each other as well. Of course we need to protect ourselves as well.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    TheVirgoddess wrote: »
    Aviva92 wrote: »
    furioushummingbird wrote: »
    I go out of my way to point out they need to eat more, post helpful links and if they get angry or refuse to take advice and continue to undereat, I unfriend them.

    Couldn't care less what people think of me for it. There's a clear disclaimer on my profile that states what I will and won't support.

    oh yeah, i wouldn't friend someone with your disclaimer in the first place.

    I'm wondering why you feel it's okay to point out why you wouldn't be friends with someone, but when someone does so with you - you get defensive and sarcastic.

    It's odd.

    I also think perusing the link FFF posted is a good idea. I don't know you well at all - but from an outsiders view, you seem to be very caught up with being "skinny". It's a concern, IMO.

    Oh and rethinking this, her post specifically stated that she has a warning not to friend her if you don't meet a specific criteria, so I was just agreeing with her that I do not meet that criteria all the time so i would heed the warning and not friend request her, so what is wrong with agreeing, exactly?
  • MarciBkonTrk
    MarciBkonTrk Posts: 310 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    MarciBkonTrk wrote: »
    I had gastric bypass and there are days I struggle just to eat 1000 calories. But my calories are very protein/nutrient dense. It never occurred to me that people would friend then unfriend because I am not getting enough calories in their eyes. I guess you learn something new every day.

    I really don't think people are talking about situations like yours, and if it's any kind of friend relationship presumably they would know that about you? Or if they expressed concern you would share that?

    People seem to be taking posts personally in a way that I don't think makes sense.

    Agree that my circumstances are different but then again whose aren't. We are like snowflakes. Not one of us is exactly the same. It just never occurred to me that what a person eats or doesn't eat would be a reason to unfriend someone. Which again comes back to the "different strokes for different folks."
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,941 Member
    sunnyside1213 wrote: »
    I am old, short, and sedentary. My TTDE - 20% is 1036 calories. If I eat above that I gain. NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME!

    I have an mfp friend who is short, old, and sedentary, and eats a similar number each day. She has been very clear that her situation is different, and the average bear shouldn't eat so little. That isn't what I'm talking about.

    Now I had an mfp friend who I deleted, who was 19, regularly made posts about ED related topics, ate a low intake,and discussed self injury. I debated it, but untimately had to let that friend go. It was heartbreaking.
  • vhowru
    vhowru Posts: 72 Member
    Aviva92 wrote: »
    vhowru wrote: »
    I was defriended because my calorie intake was too low although I eat more I guess I need to be accurate isn't that an odd thing to do ? Any advice besides be more accurate

    i might have missed it in this thread, but did the person specifically tell you that this was the reason they defriended you? because in looking at your food diary it would not hit my radar as being too low overall, but my threshold is probably lower than a lot of people.

  • vhowru
    vhowru Posts: 72 Member
    Thanks yes the person said I was too low I did have a target of 1000 one day due to entering a goal of wanting to lose two pounds in a week but I soon thereafter changed it as I eat a min of 1400 calories I like food :)
  • vhowru
    vhowru Posts: 72 Member
    Who knows what I could have triggered
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    edited January 2015
    vhowru wrote: »
    Thanks yes the person said I was too low I did have a target of 1000 one day due to entering a goal of wanting to lose two pounds in a week but I soon thereafter changed it as I eat a min of 1400 calories I like food :)

    if one day of low calories got her to defriend you, then good riddance to her.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    If someone is consistently eating under 1200 calories, I have no problem deleting them. I don't want to have any part of that, as I can't be supportive, then I'm not a good match with them.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    edited January 2015
    i'm a special snowflake. mr rogers told me so.
  • vhowru
    vhowru Posts: 72 Member
    I guess we all have to decide what is a good match. I'm a special snowflake too !
  • MarciBkonTrk
    MarciBkonTrk Posts: 310 Member
    Aviva92 wrote: »
    i'm a special snowflake. mr rogers told me so.

    Yes you are!
  • MarciBkonTrk
    MarciBkonTrk Posts: 310 Member
    vhowru wrote: »
    I guess we all have to decide what is a good match. I'm a special snowflake too !

    And you are too!
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    MarciBkonTrk wrote: »
    It just never occurred to me that what a person eats or doesn't eat would be a reason to unfriend someone. Which again comes back to the "different strokes for different folks."

    I don't know where I draw the line myself, but I'm wondering if you've been exposed yet to people on your FL doing things that seemed unhealthy or which you felt you would be complicit in if you were to support it--or encouraging others to behave in unhealthy ways. Because I have, and I don't necessarily want my FL to be a place where I get into debates with people (the forums are for that!), but I also feel deeply uncomfortable if my silence or failure to spend the energy needed to explain why the behavior worries me is perceived as support for it. I get conflicted sometimes about the right thing to do, so I'm quite sympathetic to those who say that they'd rather have the list be filled with people on the same page about some basic stuff. (And, frankly, people get annoyed if you criticize their approach, so they might also prefer not having someone whose views are so counter to their own.)

    I typically don't unfriend people for stuff like that (I just try not to support it by not liking it, so long as the person is not encouraging unhealthy behavior by others), but I also don't have issues that could be triggered and I also feel a lot more comfortable with that when the person is well above the minimum age for MFP, and worse when it's someone quite young. So for all of these reasons I'm quite sympathetic to the various approaches to the problem and don't agree with those who seem to be writing it off as mean or unsupportive. Arguably it's more supportive than not saying something, and anyway simply wanting to avoid moral dilemmas when interacting with MFP seems not unreasonable also.
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
    I've done the opposite--let go of two people who made comments on days that I was over by a few hundred calories. Guess they didn't see the day before, when I was eating 1100ish calories and had exercise calories. I view my diary as a weekly thing and if you're going to try and rub my nose in the days that I'm in the red you need to scram. I have issues with people negatively commenting on my food IRL and I will not tolerate it online either.

    If anyone has ever unfriended me, I've been too oblivious to notice.
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