What nobody tells you about losing weight

IAmTheGlue

Fit2btied2016 wrote: »

IAmTheGlue wrote: »

Something I was not prepared for and am currently struggling with is people who I love, and care for greatly being aloof or distant from me which seems dumb as hell to me. It literally seems to be related to my change in appearance or size? I don’t understand why everyone can’t be rooting for you. It seems like when you physically change, that some people just don’t like it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m literally the same person. 😟

I'm sorry. It's a reality check that some people will not accept positive change in others, because some people will realize they are "lacking" something you now have. It reflects more on their character than yours, so try to see it from their source.--They are probably jealous of you, and they will not admit that to themselves, so it is easier to shun you/avoid you.

No, you are not the "same" person as before. You have gone through a positive transformation and come out of your old cocoon into a new butterfly. They cannot stand it, because it reminds them they may have their own work/issues/self-care/neglects, and they are reminded of that each time they look at you and see your beautiful new reflection, size, confidence, etc.

Keep your chin up. The people that were there for you during your hardest moments and biggest trials are the people that are wanting the best for you. Everyone else will one day come to the realization that you had more courage and determination to do what they could not, or chose NOT to do.

I am in the same sort of situation here in real life. The only one in my corner is my husband and the people in this mfp community. As I have said elsewhere, next summer, a few of my real life "friends" won't know what hit them, and then it will be too late. They were given 2 years during Covid to walk with me, ride bikes, go outside, etc. I was prepared to teach one how to ride a bike, and others how to snowshoe. NOBODY took me up on any offers, and I asked almost a dozen people. Oh well. I started doing things by myself again, and new people started coming out of the woodwork here in our new little community. My old friends? Sure, I will still say hi to them, but I have no more interest in asking them for any activities or spending much time talking with them now. We will not have much in common anymore at all.

It's kind of sad, too, but a couple of my friends are just too big to fit into a kayak, they cannot ski, and they cannot ride a bike. Their current size is prohibitive to their doing many physical activities, but I was quite prepared and quite happy to go for walks with them, and they were not interested. I gave up. Life is short. REALLY short.

The way people live is their choice, really. THEY have to decide for themselves what to eat, when, and so on, and when and how to exercise or not. Some people have not made their health or weight a priority the same way other people have, and it can be a hard thing to accept. Anyway...

Congratulations on your success and keep it up! There are people that are stable enough in their person that they can be sincerely happy for you--THOSE are the kind of people you want as friends.
Peace.

Thank you for taking the time to write down all of this. I needed this today and I’m kind of in the same place. My husband is my cheerleader, but my other people seem to be… I don’t know, going through their own stuff. Thank you, again. ❤️

ontrac

That I would reach my goal weight (after 3 years and 40 lbs gross, 30lbs net) and have no one to share my success with guilt-free. Those who support me have been excellent, but are also in their own battles. I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this very hard thing. I now know I can accomplish other very hard things using the skills I've learned. Forever thank you to this group for getting me through the hardest times. Knowing that my struggles were not unique and that others have done it before really kept me grounded and gave me the exact boost I needed during my lowest moments.



Wooohoooo!!!

willboywonder

They don't tell you after you begin to eat and drink a healthier diet, you will be spending more time in the restroom.

bobsburgersfan

@ontrac You can share your success here with absolutely NO guilt!!! The hugest of congratulations to you on what you have accomplished!

ksl10

brightresolve wrote: »

How much it annoys me when someone says, "oh, you don't have to watch what you eat!" or, "oh, you don't have to work out!"

I feel like they're disrespecting the discipline and hard work it takes to be healthy ...

Met a friend near Dunkin Donuts for a walk. She stopped in and got a donut to eat while walking! She's smart, hard-working, and burdened with a lot of extra weight.

I didn't even know what to say - I had already mentioned by success with logging calories and exercise, so didn't want to become a broken record.

mjc614900

Well I'm still weighing about the same for the last year - but mentally things have changed. I wish I weighed 120 and not 130. But I have gained so much. It's not about the weight. It's about the nutrition. Get the nutrition right, and how food is not intended for lusting; then your mind changes, and the ounces come off a little at a time. It's far different from when I was 30. I now eat to take care of my body so my body can take care of me. That is what nobody tells you.

IAmTheGlue

So… the craziest thing happened. So my body is constantly changing. I just changed clothes and I was feeling so uncomfortable. Like I can’t breathe almost like my bra is too tight, but it’s not… the freaking underwire is on the sides of my ribcage!! 😮 What the actual heck!

The bra is literally way to big to fit across the front of my chest so it wraps around past my chest on both sides. I can’t even wrap my head around that… these are the smallest bras I own, the ones I decided would be okay to fill in until I absolutely had to buy a new round of them, so I guess I’m making a new order tomorrow. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sand_TIger

Nobody ever told me how much I'd notice things. Awareness of what I'm doing spreads out and I become aware of others as I never was before. I notice how my dramatically overweight coworkers always seem to be snacking, I notice that the ones trying to lose weight seem to think that a massive amount of nuts is a healthy snack, and the lighter ones or the ones successful at weight loss choose small meals, skip the constant snacking, and make time for movement. I see that the healthier ones have a hard time sitting still.

It's actually kind of helpful because I see the direct result of different actions and it reminds me to keep doing the right things, because I don't want to have the health problems of that coworker who always brings the cookies.

Nobody ever told me that I'd need to resist giving advice - which I do because other people's lives are not my job to change - but I'm happy to share tips if anyone asks. Which they do.

Lastly - if someone tells me "you look good" I say "thank you!" and can accept that because I know for once it's not a little white lie. Before I really did not look good. Some people can look good at high weights but I always carried my excess poundage in extremely unflattering places. I did NOT look good. I know that for a fact. That's okay, though, because whether I look good or not does not measure my self worth.

aCountryVegan

No one tells you the amount of people that will literally scream at you, that you are looking anorexic, because you are almost to your goal weight and proper BMI. They are so accustomed to seeing that 60%+ of the population that is obese, that they have forgotten what healthy bodies are supposed to look like. There are several people where I work that we do not see each other very often and I got this reaction many times while I was losing the 115 pounds I had put on over the years. I am still 10-15 heavier than I should be and once I get there, some of these folks will be freaking out even more. LOL

Sand_TIger

aCountryVegan wrote: »

No one tells you the amount of people that will literally scream at you, that you are looking anorexic, because you are almost to your goal weight and proper BMI. They are so accustomed to seeing that 60%+ of the population that is obese, that they have forgotten what healthy bodies are supposed to look like.

This is SO true! It can be interesting to look at pictures from the forties, fifties, and sixties, for example.

One more thing nobody ever told me - but it was a fabulous surprise! I actually crave food that's good for me. My gut microbiome has changed enough that I start craving vegetables, fruits, high fiber foods, lean protein, etc. It tastes really good. I went on a business trip and realized the stuff I get at home is better than normal restaurant food. I used to say "why can't healthy food taste as good as junk food?" Well, sometimes it does!

Helen_Xen

How much loose and saggy skin you have that used to be padded out with fat. What do you do about that? And why does no-one mention it, even on here?

sargemarcori

aCountryVegan wrote: »

No one tells you the amount of people that will literally scream at you, that you are looking anorexic, because you are almost to your goal weight and proper BMI. They are so accustomed to seeing that 60%+ of the population that is obese, that they have forgotten what healthy bodies are supposed to look like. There are several people where I work that we do not see each other very often and I got this reaction many times while I was losing the 115 pounds I had put on over the years. I am still 10-15 heavier than I should be and once I get there, some of these folks will be freaking out even more. LOL

Grumpy not-tangent: exactly what help do they think yelling at you would be, if you WERE anorexic? No eating disorder (or any other disorder!) has EVER been cured by someone yelling at the sufferer! For fish's sake, people, THINK.

@Helen_Xen It is mentioned, sometimes! Try these threads--

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10842208/moment-of-realness/p1
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10869692/apron-belly-success-stories
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10809632/loose-skin-50lbs-loss-at-60-4-years-maintenance/p1

justanotherloser007

Helen_Xen wrote: »

How much loose and saggy skin you have that used to be padded out with fat. What do you do about that? And why does no-one mention it, even on here?

It is mentioned here. Just a few pages ago someone was complaining about the face wrinkles... aka facial skin sag. I have heard turkey neck thrown in here and there from a few. I think I have read a few hundred pages on this thread and it is actually mentioned quite a bit. I will never forget the day I realized that If I lost the weight, I would probably have significant skin sag. I started at 277 in 2013 and am currently 146. So some have chosen to get surgery. Some, like me, accept it. I do put olive oil on my skin, but I have a ton of skin issues unrelated to weight (hives/angioedema).

So there are a number who say things like "I would rather be saggy than fat" I guess it is a mantra. I remember reading on one of the threads that the most brutal day is the day you reach goal weight, and what the changes have wrought in your skin. As in, "This was my goal???!!" But it gets better.

I like to think of it this way: A man and his pregnant wife were at the beach and she ruefully looked at a young teenage girl and was extremely distressed and sad at her body's appearance. She said to her husband, "I wish I looked like that." Hubby said, "She will never look like that again." Reality check, we change and there isn't much you can do about time and gravity - both pretty harsh mistresses when it comes down to it.

Personally, I thought my belly would be so much worse. Some have had different shaped limbs at goal weight. My feet have changed. Still wide, they were at normal size as a kid, but now my right foot is much wider than my left. Whatever, bodies am I right?

I have been married 27 years and the closer I get to my normal BMI which should be 141- in 5 pounds... my bodily changes have become so significant that I think the hubby is getting distressed. He met me when I was 20 and weighed 175. He once tried to give me a back massage and asked if I could feel it because all he could feel were bones. Actually, it felt great! But change is not most people's favorite thing!

I have to get strategic intimate items! I feel really awkward without clothes. I look really nice in clothes as long as you can't see my arms! Lols, oh my arms. If I didn't live in Houston, TX I would simply wear long sleeves day in and out 365 day a year. When it gets to be 110 degrees outside, I just find it difficult to cover them properly. I still might find a way, I got some pretty good skills with clothes - given time. No one in the desert lands, that are much hotter than Houston, are showing any skin! I already had melanoma because I hail from some nordic sorts, who didn't see the kind of sun they do here in Texas. I just need to find out where desert people get their clothes!

I figured out that I would be a size 6 at goal weight, and I am currently size 6. Sounds impossible. I have been morbidly obese for soo long! So I have skin sag, and I deal. It is a minor inconvenience, I am grateful that it isn't worse. But I don't walk around naked, so other than freaking out people in August due to short sleeves- it really is fine for me. I changed. When you change give yourself some GRACE!

Sand_TIger

justanotherloser007 wrote: »

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I just need to find out where desert people get their clothes!

Linen and silk will be your friends! Maybe look for options with beach cover-ups?

Agreed that people talk a lot about sagging skin here, and for good reason. Part of it is down to age and how long your skin was stretched, part is genetics, and part is skin care. I keep hearing that it gets better with time. In any case, it's sort of a badge of honor.

GSPsnBees

Problems you thought were due to weight, are not all due to weight. Years ago, I gained some weight, my knee started hurting, figured that it was due to excess weight. Then I continued to gain weight, still knee pain, still assumed that it was due to weight. I've lost nearly 100 lbs, weigh less than when it originally started hurting, and guess what, my knee still hurts.

Also. . .to keep in line with the recent thread, I also have some loose skin. Not as much as I thought I would, but I do have some. Once I hit my goal weight, I'm going to work on doing a recomp in the hopes that building some muscle and continuing to lose fat at my goal weight will help it tighten up. But, I'm bumping up against 50 and I've held varying amounts of excess weight for over a decade and so I figure I've probably earned myself some loose skin. I'll take it. Because even with the loose skin, I still feel about a billion times better than I did 97 lbs ago.

OkieFitness

]If you are older it's a helluva lot harder to lose weight even though you might have been one of those dudes in your younger years who could eat like a horse and not gain an ounce. But that's okay. Hard work to get to a desired goal never hurt anybody at any age.

It's also been pretty much proven it's a myth that your metabolism slows down significantly because we age. It slows down because we reduce our activity as we age. Yep. That's right. It's your fault you gained. Own it and you'll conquer it.

If you are older, losing weight - and I'm assuming that you are also building strength to get there - is one of the most important actions you can take to reduce the number one cause of injury as you age - which is falling. Get stronger and you'll stay upright more for a longer amount of time. (Yeah....for that too!)

The benefits of losing are almost too innumerable to imagine. Losing affects every aspect of your life, physical, psychological, social, professional... You truly are a different person than you were not only in how you feel but how you are treated and viewed by the majority of those around you. (The same holds true when you weren't at your optimum weight.) Sorry...dems' da berries!

75% of losing weight depends on the mental muscle between your shoulders, not every other muscle in your body. The constant conversation you have with yourself is the most important one you will have in your weight-loss journey.

Walking to lose weight is a great, low impact, you can do it anywhere/anytime, no excuses method to start your journey that has proven to have other mental, feel-good benefits - especially for older people. But it can also be a time sucker as well to continue down your weight-loss path. At that point, it's a time to up your game by adding in some high-intensity interval training (jogs, wind sprints, running etc.)

None of us actually know what our limits are. So why assume you have any? Within reason, GO for it! You'll never know what you are capable of achieving at any age!

IAmTheGlue

One thing nobody tells you about losing weight is how many less pillows you need.

fir2

Wow. I just discovered these comments. You folks are wonderful. I'll give a little background and then respond to a few comments. I am a retired, "vastly" educated, both accomplished and still screwing up, or maybe not, professor. I am still working on a number of projects. I'll turn 73 in a few days. I consider myself generally healthy.

I did this weight loss with mfp once before in about 2000 and lost 60 lbs. At that time I became vegetarian (not Vegan). It was the healthiest I have ever been. I was single and dating with my eating requirements and at my fat weight was, ummm, difficult. My natural DNA probably just says I have a propensity to be big. My parents were big, though they were strong and each died at about 92.

Earlier this year I had a diabetes warning from my MD. I read up on it. I think he's right. I have too many
friends with diabetic issues. Many have already died. One has already lost both legs below the knees. He's usually the first to make some critical remark if I loose weight. Another so-called friend who could "lose a few" said my having a scale on the floor in the kitchen to weigh myself daily was "a bit obsessive".

Currently I have to loose 50 pounds. I started in July. Now 5 months later I've lost 27 lbs so far. I've plateau'd. Since I did this before, I recognize that is part of the process. I also recognize that a diet is not temporary. It is what you eat for the rest of your life if you want to be healthy. I live in northern British Columbia, Canada presently. The winters are cold and the sun sets at 4 PM here so it is difficult to go walking in the dark and extreme cold on snow and ice covered roads. In the warmer parts of the year I walk about 5 times per week. I see losing weight as 80% diet and 20% exercise, or maybe even 90/10. It is more difficult to get that exercise here in the winter.

The pandemic did not help any of this, even if you were not caught by the virus. I recently learned that about 50% of covid-19 cases were known from the very beginning in Wuhan to be completely asymptomatic. Since very few people are/were testing if they had no symptoms, a lot of us probably caught "mild cases" and never knew it. We perhaps thought we had become depressed or just were having trouble sleeping. And, the symptoms for covid-19 are the same as influenza, many other respiratory diseases, some allergic reactions and, frankly, and in my case, just getting older. Calorie counting in the midst of daily life in a pandemic can add to the difficulty. Ok. So what! Keep at it.

Humans can be like crabs in a pot of heating water. They are said to pull any crab trying to escape back in to the pot. (Weight loss is not the only way humans can be that way.) Yet, when you do lose weight, many people congratulate you. All of you, keep up the good work. It is difficult. I know that well. Form relationships with people who understand the need to compromise, tolerate, communicate clearly, care, come to an agreement and set joint and individual goals. Understand those things yourself, too, of course. I know, that's all easier said than done. All of us are different yet all of us are needed. Nonetheless, keep up the good work and keep writing here even, or especially if you can and need to politely disagree with me or anyone else.

titacrafter

DAM5412 wrote: »

It's not a linear process (especially for us girls)! Some days/weeks you will not lose anything and that's okay. Stick to your plan.

This is the best thing I've read all week!
I've lost about 20 lbs and it's been slow going and, sometimes, very frustrating.

Things I've learned so far:

- Needing to buy new clothes includes new underwear (this was a rude lesson).
- You have more energy every day and working out becomes addictive.
- How good it feels to be able to get up off the floor without help and without all the moaning and groaning.
- How much fun it is to eat healthy, and how much you fart when you start eating more veggies (it's worse than when you eat beans).

sandramarshall200

My clothes must have been really tight, because 20 pounds in, they are fitting very well!.