any tips or inspirations that can help me? I've tried dieting for three years and I fail every time

inked_Calimom82

westcoastskies wrote: »

@inked_Calimom82 thank you, I added you. I loved the pictures

Your very welcome awesome! I accepted. If u need any help just let me know. Just remember changing is a long process so don't get discouraged. Take one day at a time and focus on short goals and then long term goals. I find it easier to stick with it when I think this way. And having positive people around you or even on here is very helpful!

crazyjerseygirl

taentea wrote: »

Getting to love yourself is a wonderful advice and I honestly envy people who manage to follow it. I never could. I've been overweight ever since I was a kid. I'm 32 and all those years weren't enough to learn to accept my own body. I do not hate myself per se, I'm proud of myself in a lot of ways actually, but this body is not and was not ever mine. I always felt stuck in someone's else. I can only imagine how hard it can be to actually have one you consider your own and then lose it.

I lost some weight the hard way before. I've gained it back. I've learned not to trust motivation and not to count on it being there for me indefinitely. I had no motivation when I started this time. I don't have much of it now. I really don't feel like I could be beating the beasts and doing something big right now. But I lose weight steadily still. I just use logic and my knowledge about myself to see where I can cut some corners and make sure I move forward at a steady pace.

I don't go to the gym. The idea horrifies me. And even if I convince myself to go there few times and get kinda used to it, there is no way I'd last long. The weather would be bad, I'd feel sick one day or get too busy – I know excuses will happen and I'll quit. It's hard and I my willpower is not indefinite. But I walk when the weather is nice. In fact I just came back from a 10km (6.2mile) walk. And I feel great. The sky, the nature, the music in my headphones, the movement – they take my stress away. I don't even think about not wanting to go anymore. Even if I'm tired, I crave this bit of happiness. I'm getting so used to it, I actually started to use my elliptical at home at the days I can't walk. I don't do it out of obligation. It just gets something heavy and nasty out of me, it chases my anxiety away. I love cycling. The moment my knees allow me, I'll jump on my bike rather eagerly. And I do some body weight training whenever I feel like it. I have a table on my wall and it feels good to draw another dot there to indicate I've done another set of push-ups. All these things do not require willpower. I'm not overcoming anything. There is nothing to quit. But the best part is, even if I stop all this activity I will still keep losing weight because none of it is really a must as far as I eat at deficit.

I share your love for ice-cream. It's one of few things I do not want to give up in life. So I eat it every day. The only reason past few days in my diary have none is a big and super tasty cake in my fridge. It just takes priority at the moment. I may one day stop eating all these sweets or at least make them happen less often but for now I'm no hero. I need a little bit of comfort every day. Good news is, it's totally possible to have some even on a 1200 calorie diet. If the rest of your food are simple and filling things, there's plenty of space left for some dessert. Not much of it, mind you. But every time I want more, I just tell myself 'girl, tomorrow is not far away, you'll have it then and the day after and as many days as you want. no hurry here'. It works for me. Having it once in a while would not, because I'd start missing it before it's even eaten. But we people are all wired differently. For some once in a while is better. For some it's easier to stop something completely. Try things and find the way that works for you maybe.

Some people are able to move mountains. I look at them with awe. They are an inspiration. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if you are but you obviously don't consider yourself one at the moment. It does not mean we can't lose weight though, because weight is no mountain. It melts when calorie deficit takes place and there are many small things that can help to make it happen. Just find ways that are somewhere around your comfort zone and you won't have to fear failing.

You do realize that the only thing that moves mountains is erosion.

Keep at something, do a little of it every day, and you can move Everest!

taentea

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

taentea wrote: »

Getting to love yourself is a wonderful advice and I honestly envy people who manage to follow it. I never could. I've been overweight ever since I was a kid. I'm 32 and all those years weren't enough to learn to accept my own body. I do not hate myself per se, I'm proud of myself in a lot of ways actually, but this body is not and was not ever mine. I always felt stuck in someone's else. I can only imagine how hard it can be to actually have one you consider your own and then lose it.

I lost some weight the hard way before. I've gained it back. I've learned not to trust motivation and not to count on it being there for me indefinitely. I had no motivation when I started this time. I don't have much of it now. I really don't feel like I could be beating the beasts and doing something big right now. But I lose weight steadily still. I just use logic and my knowledge about myself to see where I can cut some corners and make sure I move forward at a steady pace.

I don't go to the gym. The idea horrifies me. And even if I convince myself to go there few times and get kinda used to it, there is no way I'd last long. The weather would be bad, I'd feel sick one day or get too busy – I know excuses will happen and I'll quit. It's hard and I my willpower is not indefinite. But I walk when the weather is nice. In fact I just came back from a 10km (6.2mile) walk. And I feel great. The sky, the nature, the music in my headphones, the movement – they take my stress away. I don't even think about not wanting to go anymore. Even if I'm tired, I crave this bit of happiness. I'm getting so used to it, I actually started to use my elliptical at home at the days I can't walk. I don't do it out of obligation. It just gets something heavy and nasty out of me, it chases my anxiety away. I love cycling. The moment my knees allow me, I'll jump on my bike rather eagerly. And I do some body weight training whenever I feel like it. I have a table on my wall and it feels good to draw another dot there to indicate I've done another set of push-ups. All these things do not require willpower. I'm not overcoming anything. There is nothing to quit. But the best part is, even if I stop all this activity I will still keep losing weight because none of it is really a must as far as I eat at deficit.

I share your love for ice-cream. It's one of few things I do not want to give up in life. So I eat it every day. The only reason past few days in my diary have none is a big and super tasty cake in my fridge. It just takes priority at the moment. I may one day stop eating all these sweets or at least make them happen less often but for now I'm no hero. I need a little bit of comfort every day. Good news is, it's totally possible to have some even on a 1200 calorie diet. If the rest of your food are simple and filling things, there's plenty of space left for some dessert. Not much of it, mind you. But every time I want more, I just tell myself 'girl, tomorrow is not far away, you'll have it then and the day after and as many days as you want. no hurry here'. It works for me. Having it once in a while would not, because I'd start missing it before it's even eaten. But we people are all wired differently. For some once in a while is better. For some it's easier to stop something completely. Try things and find the way that works for you maybe.

Some people are able to move mountains. I look at them with awe. They are an inspiration. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if you are but you obviously don't consider yourself one at the moment. It does not mean we can't lose weight though, because weight is no mountain. It melts when calorie deficit takes place and there are many small things that can help to make it happen. Just find ways that are somewhere around your comfort zone and you won't have to fear failing.

You do realize that the only thing that moves mountains is erosion.

Keep at something, do a little of it every day, and you can move Everest!

It's true. But we, humans, often believe in magical giants that can move mountains with a flick of a finger and feel desperate from failing to do the same. Or we try to match, give it everything we have in a short time and give up exhausted. I've done sprints in various areas of my life. They brought results. They never lasted. So while I still admire people who appear to be able to run a marathon at a sprinting speed, I know it's not for me. I've accepted my weaknesses and learned to achieve results despite them. Making small but numerous steps in the right direction does indeed work wonders.

The OP sounds prepared for failure, which most likely means she's envisioning an impossibly hard path ahead. A path that only a giant would be able to see to the end, and she seems to realise she's not one. I'm just saying it's ok. Us, weak people, can do it too.

Liftng4Lis

Stop dieting. Eat in a deficit, learn moderation and enjoy a "lifestyle change".

crazyjerseygirl

taentea wrote: »

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

taentea wrote: »

Getting to love yourself is a wonderful advice and I honestly envy people who manage to follow it. I never could. I've been overweight ever since I was a kid. I'm 32 and all those years weren't enough to learn to accept my own body. I do not hate myself per se, I'm proud of myself in a lot of ways actually, but this body is not and was not ever mine. I always felt stuck in someone's else. I can only imagine how hard it can be to actually have one you consider your own and then lose it.

I lost some weight the hard way before. I've gained it back. I've learned not to trust motivation and not to count on it being there for me indefinitely. I had no motivation when I started this time. I don't have much of it now. I really don't feel like I could be beating the beasts and doing something big right now. But I lose weight steadily still. I just use logic and my knowledge about myself to see where I can cut some corners and make sure I move forward at a steady pace.

I don't go to the gym. The idea horrifies me. And even if I convince myself to go there few times and get kinda used to it, there is no way I'd last long. The weather would be bad, I'd feel sick one day or get too busy – I know excuses will happen and I'll quit. It's hard and I my willpower is not indefinite. But I walk when the weather is nice. In fact I just came back from a 10km (6.2mile) walk. And I feel great. The sky, the nature, the music in my headphones, the movement – they take my stress away. I don't even think about not wanting to go anymore. Even if I'm tired, I crave this bit of happiness. I'm getting so used to it, I actually started to use my elliptical at home at the days I can't walk. I don't do it out of obligation. It just gets something heavy and nasty out of me, it chases my anxiety away. I love cycling. The moment my knees allow me, I'll jump on my bike rather eagerly. And I do some body weight training whenever I feel like it. I have a table on my wall and it feels good to draw another dot there to indicate I've done another set of push-ups. All these things do not require willpower. I'm not overcoming anything. There is nothing to quit. But the best part is, even if I stop all this activity I will still keep losing weight because none of it is really a must as far as I eat at deficit.

I share your love for ice-cream. It's one of few things I do not want to give up in life. So I eat it every day. The only reason past few days in my diary have none is a big and super tasty cake in my fridge. It just takes priority at the moment. I may one day stop eating all these sweets or at least make them happen less often but for now I'm no hero. I need a little bit of comfort every day. Good news is, it's totally possible to have some even on a 1200 calorie diet. If the rest of your food are simple and filling things, there's plenty of space left for some dessert. Not much of it, mind you. But every time I want more, I just tell myself 'girl, tomorrow is not far away, you'll have it then and the day after and as many days as you want. no hurry here'. It works for me. Having it once in a while would not, because I'd start missing it before it's even eaten. But we people are all wired differently. For some once in a while is better. For some it's easier to stop something completely. Try things and find the way that works for you maybe.

Some people are able to move mountains. I look at them with awe. They are an inspiration. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if you are but you obviously don't consider yourself one at the moment. It does not mean we can't lose weight though, because weight is no mountain. It melts when calorie deficit takes place and there are many small things that can help to make it happen. Just find ways that are somewhere around your comfort zone and you won't have to fear failing.

You do realize that the only thing that moves mountains is erosion.

Keep at something, do a little of it every day, and you can move Everest!

It's true. But we, humans, often believe in magical giants that can move mountains with a flick of a finger and feel desperate from failing to do the same. Or we try to match, give it everything we have in a short time and give up exhausted. I've done sprints in various areas of my life. They brought results. They never lasted. So while I still admire people who appear to be able to run a marathon at a sprinting speed, I know it's not for me. I've accepted my weaknesses and learned to achieve results despite them. Making small but numerous steps in the right direction does indeed work wonders.

The OP sounds prepared for failure, which most likely means she's envisioning an impossibly hard path ahead. A path that only a giant would be able to see to the end, and she seems to realise she's not one. I'm just saying it's ok. Us, weak people, can do it too.

Oh I know, all I'm saying is that neither are you are weak per se. Sure, there are ppl like Bolt who can just run us over without even feeling the bump, there are always outliers, and your right, most likely we aren't outliers.

But can we run a marathon? Absolutely! Can we lift heavy things? Yup! Can we lose a crap-ton of weight and keep it off? Yup! We just have to do it slower.

Imagine it like playing an instrument. Very few ppl walk up to a piano and go all Mozart on it. It's fine to admire Mozart, but just because you didn't write an opera at 5 doesn't mean you can't play the piano in your own time.

Trust me, I am slow as molasses in Janurary! But I know I can go far one step at a time!

taentea

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

taentea wrote: »

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

taentea wrote: »

Getting to love yourself is a wonderful advice and I honestly envy people who manage to follow it. I never could. I've been overweight ever since I was a kid. I'm 32 and all those years weren't enough to learn to accept my own body. I do not hate myself per se, I'm proud of myself in a lot of ways actually, but this body is not and was not ever mine. I always felt stuck in someone's else. I can only imagine how hard it can be to actually have one you consider your own and then lose it.

I lost some weight the hard way before. I've gained it back. I've learned not to trust motivation and not to count on it being there for me indefinitely. I had no motivation when I started this time. I don't have much of it now. I really don't feel like I could be beating the beasts and doing something big right now. But I lose weight steadily still. I just use logic and my knowledge about myself to see where I can cut some corners and make sure I move forward at a steady pace.

I don't go to the gym. The idea horrifies me. And even if I convince myself to go there few times and get kinda used to it, there is no way I'd last long. The weather would be bad, I'd feel sick one day or get too busy – I know excuses will happen and I'll quit. It's hard and I my willpower is not indefinite. But I walk when the weather is nice. In fact I just came back from a 10km (6.2mile) walk. And I feel great. The sky, the nature, the music in my headphones, the movement – they take my stress away. I don't even think about not wanting to go anymore. Even if I'm tired, I crave this bit of happiness. I'm getting so used to it, I actually started to use my elliptical at home at the days I can't walk. I don't do it out of obligation. It just gets something heavy and nasty out of me, it chases my anxiety away. I love cycling. The moment my knees allow me, I'll jump on my bike rather eagerly. And I do some body weight training whenever I feel like it. I have a table on my wall and it feels good to draw another dot there to indicate I've done another set of push-ups. All these things do not require willpower. I'm not overcoming anything. There is nothing to quit. But the best part is, even if I stop all this activity I will still keep losing weight because none of it is really a must as far as I eat at deficit.

I share your love for ice-cream. It's one of few things I do not want to give up in life. So I eat it every day. The only reason past few days in my diary have none is a big and super tasty cake in my fridge. It just takes priority at the moment. I may one day stop eating all these sweets or at least make them happen less often but for now I'm no hero. I need a little bit of comfort every day. Good news is, it's totally possible to have some even on a 1200 calorie diet. If the rest of your food are simple and filling things, there's plenty of space left for some dessert. Not much of it, mind you. But every time I want more, I just tell myself 'girl, tomorrow is not far away, you'll have it then and the day after and as many days as you want. no hurry here'. It works for me. Having it once in a while would not, because I'd start missing it before it's even eaten. But we people are all wired differently. For some once in a while is better. For some it's easier to stop something completely. Try things and find the way that works for you maybe.

Some people are able to move mountains. I look at them with awe. They are an inspiration. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if you are but you obviously don't consider yourself one at the moment. It does not mean we can't lose weight though, because weight is no mountain. It melts when calorie deficit takes place and there are many small things that can help to make it happen. Just find ways that are somewhere around your comfort zone and you won't have to fear failing.

You do realize that the only thing that moves mountains is erosion.

Keep at something, do a little of it every day, and you can move Everest!

It's true. But we, humans, often believe in magical giants that can move mountains with a flick of a finger and feel desperate from failing to do the same. Or we try to match, give it everything we have in a short time and give up exhausted. I've done sprints in various areas of my life. They brought results. They never lasted. So while I still admire people who appear to be able to run a marathon at a sprinting speed, I know it's not for me. I've accepted my weaknesses and learned to achieve results despite them. Making small but numerous steps in the right direction does indeed work wonders.

The OP sounds prepared for failure, which most likely means she's envisioning an impossibly hard path ahead. A path that only a giant would be able to see to the end, and she seems to realise she's not one. I'm just saying it's ok. Us, weak people, can do it too.

Oh I know, all I'm saying is that neither are you are weak per se. Sure, there are ppl like Bolt who can just run us over without even feeling the bump, there are always outliers, and your right, most likely we aren't outliers.

But can we run a marathon? Absolutely! Can we lift heavy things? Yup! Can we lose a crap-ton of weight and keep it off? Yup! We just have to do it slower.

Imagine it like playing an instrument. Very few ppl walk up to a piano and go all Mozart on it. It's fine to admire Mozart, but just because you didn't write an opera at 5 doesn't mean you can't play the piano in your own time.

Trust me, I am slow as molasses in Janurary! But I know I can go far one step at a time!

We really don't disagree It's just a matter of semantics.

I suffer from a very bad case of perfectionism and do tend to hold myself to impossibly high standards more often than not. I don't really doubt my ability to achieve. I know I can. And I know everyone around knows I can. And it puts a kind of pressure on me that drives me nuts. For me admitting and accepting own weakness is actually a way to move forward. I find strength and liberation in that.

I know that some people really need to be told that they are stronger than they think they are. I'm one of those who needs to hear it's ok to be weak. I don't know what the OP needs to hear, so it's great that she's getting many different perspectives here. Hopefully one or more of those will help her to move forward.