Marriage Where Only One Person is Watching Calories

Psychoholic9

Sounds like he's not ready to meet in the middle yet. Go on with your plan, even if difficult. Hopefully he'll catch up in time. Sometimes making the first move, causes a bit of stress on others. Hang in there!

karyabc

rainbowbow wrote: »

karyabc wrote: »

Liftng4Lis wrote: »

karyabc wrote: »

can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

SNORT!




can I laugh yet?

lol go ahead be my guess

Your guess? Or your guest?

SNORT

hahaha yes that. thank you*

tomatoey

rainbowbow wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

tomatoey wrote: »

MarziPanda95 wrote: »

rainbowbow wrote: »

galgenstrick wrote: »

MarziPanda95 wrote: »

To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...

It's so hard for me to see how something as simple as diet/food can cause such resentment.

Of course i'm not in their shoes or their relationship, but, come on. This is a person you love who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Being in a relationship with someone you love should not feel so constricting, controlling, and harsh. It should feel light and free. Both of you should be able to pursue your ultimate happiness, while supporting each other as you love them as you love yourself.

Well, there's the thing known the world over of food ='ing love, care, attention, time, etc. Eating together/sharing food is a social experience in most places, and is usually taken as an indicator of closeness.

But when someone's trying to lose weight, esp when trying to do this while living w another person, it's helpful to tweak that into the kind of formulation you described by a) not being a big baby about everything and b) not trying to control your partner.

gaelicstorm26

This is a tough issue. My husband is very understanding. We are both educators but he is an assistant principal and works through the summer whereas I'm home with the kids. We split meal planning. We both look at the sales for groceries in our area and I'll pick a few meals and he'll pick a few meals. He isn't one for sauces, gravies, or pasta heavy meals as he and I are both diabetic. That helps us both. I do like my meat seasoned so if we're cooking London broil, for example, he will cut a small piece off for me and I'll season it the way I like and he will cook it accordingly. He doesn't like onions or mushrooms, so sometimes when we grill I'll cut some up and throw it in a foil packet, which he will happily stick on the grill while the meat is cooking. I also have a 5 and 6 year old so I have to keep them in mind too as my 5 year old has sensory issues with food.

Meal planning is complicated but it is worth it. Maybe you can both compromise? You can each pick 3 days of meals. When he picks, put your portion of meat aside to keep it out of the sauce/gravy/whatever. When you cook, just let him add cheese or whatever to his portion. My husband thinks that salt is spicy (ok, a BIT of an exaggeration but not much) so if I want more flavor I have to add it myself. If he wants pasta then I make a salad (I frequently shop on Sundays during the school year and will make a few days worth of salad on Sunday to save time).

I really think you guys can work it out. And of course sometimes we just have to eat things that aren't our favorite or cooked in our favorite way. In our house, I like my roast beef to be done pot roast style where it pulls apart but the hubby likes his a different way, so we alternate.

During the school year my hubby does almost all of the cooking. I'm a lucky gal.

Best of luck!

bclarke1990

I would say either make him cook his own food, (both prepare your own meals, rather), or just throw in crap like hot pockets or easy to prepare things for him like hamburger helper, etc.

paulaviki

I do pretty much all the cooking for me and my husband which I don't really mind. I do all the meal planning and shopping so he gets what he is given and gets told he can feel free to cook something else if he doesn't like what I've made. He never does!

I'm not a super healthy clean water anyway so we still eat plenty of pasta, pizza, burgers etc. But like others have said he'll have a larger portion or he'll have his with fries where as I'll have a salad. I wouldn't want to force my choices on him if he wanted to eat higher calorie food. I think it's easy to make one meal but still cater for each persons tastes and needs/wants.

opalle

First off, congratulations on losing 30 lbs.

My guy works a physically demanding job and needs over double the calories I do even without my weight loss deficit. In fact part of the reason I'm here was I allowed myself to start eating like him, without being conscious of portions. He also isnt very good with change so I understand the extra challege.

I still make him his favorite meals. I just eat portions to fit my calorie limits. I also make a nice salad which he can eat or not. For example he loves shepherds pie. When I make it he loads up his plate tops it with as much cheese as he wants and I take a small amount, skip the cheese and load my plate up with the salad. Or with other meals I eat more vegetables. Since he isn't good with change, when I make something more calorie friendly I try to follow it the next day with something he likes. So far complaints have been mimimal.

The other thing I try to do for days when I make leaner dinners is have dessert. So yes we are having baked fish but there's also icecream after. He can have a big bowl with chocolate, fruit and nuts and I will weigh out a little bit with fruit for me or just skip it depending on how much calories I have left.

It takes a bit more willpower but I also make sure to still have his treats stocked. That way he isnt feeling deprived. I just don't eat them.

He will make dinner once in a while. When he does portions are key but I'm okay if I go a little over (so maybe a 200 deficit instead of 500). I remind myself that I have a great guy who is excited about cooking for me, enjoy it and get back to working on the weight loss the next day.

Last thing which may not apply to you, but has helped me: so far I've been very conscious of my attitude when doing this. Before I started losing weight, I was down, insecure, not really affectionate because I was so self conscious of my appearance and body. I noticed a change in our relationship. At the time I thought it was because he was less attracted to me because of how fat I'd gotten but once I started and changed my attitiude to be more positive, things are much better. So yeah he sees some changes in dinners but he also sees positive changes in me. I have more energy, I'm more affectionate and he responds to that in a positive way that feeds my motivation to keep going.

Not to say it's easy. I have a box of doughnuts sitting on my counter from when he went out to get coffee this morning so extra willpower is definitely needed.

Good luck to you.

Blondiez73

My husband and I are going through something similar except we eat totally different diets (I'm vegan, he's not). All you can do is be a good example for him. You can't change him. By you eating healthy and him seeing you lose weight and get healthy should help him want to do the same thing too, especially when he's seeing results. If he is that picky about your cooking and meals, then stop cooking for him. Stop grocery shopping for him, make him get his own stuff and cook his own stuff. You do your thing. Don't let him throw you off the wagon because "he can't have it his way --- Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Ba". He ain't 'Lovin' it'. I am not saying to never cook his meals or never go grocery shopping for him. But, if the two of you plan to eat the same meal, then that is peachy.

criscat

I ask him everyday what does he feel like eating. If he doesn't have a preference that day, I buy something very caloric. I mostly eat meats and vegetables, and I now make sure pantry has junky foods he likes. The fatter he gets, the skinnier I will look next to him, lol.

Psychgrrl

Maybe you two can take a healthy cooking class together. And start shopping together. Even a couple healthy cookbooks where you two pick recipes and make them together could be fun.

If you haven't fully talked it through, he make take your food makeover not as something for yourself, but because you want to change him, as if you're not happy with his weight.

Duchy82

How about you let him cook what he would like to eat but you dish up your own so say its pasta you have a small serving with a small serving of sauce, add a large salad, skip the cheese and presto just made it healthy.

I frequently make our meals slightly different but similar say he fancies chicken nuggets, i will oven bake instead of deep fry, add cheesy potato waffles and baked beans to his and i will have a large salad and we're both happy. I will do 2 types of potato buttery mash for him and a small plain jacket for me, i would do different veg its usually the meat base that is the same.

Burgers: i don't add cheese and bacon to mine, sometimes i will miss off the bun and don't put butter on my burger buns either, if he wants chips(fries) ill make them for him.

At the end of the day hes a grown man so if he wants to make bad choices thats up to him, my hubby just started mfp himself but his calorie allowance is about twice that of mine as he has a very physical job, i have been doing the above for a couple of years now and it probably will stay like this for a long while.

However, your hubby can't moan about what's in the house if he hasn't told you to get it from the shops and he's a big boy I'm sure he knows where to get his fav sugary cereal.

mkakids

What I end up doing is eating a small portion of whatever he has cooked and then eating a large portion of steamed veggies

GeddesFit

My husband was having a hard time at first but now he's completely on board with eating how I do ( he allows more cheats then I do but he's got less to lose) I like to take meals I enjoy and make them healthy. We make tacos/fajitas on romain lettuce leafs or spaghetti with spaghetti squash for noodles instead of pasta things like that help keep the meals similar and still healthy

Owlie45

You guys should both get on to a healthy recipe site such as skinny taste and look though for something you both will enjoy. And make them together. Or at the very least have him pick out some spices. Bland chicken and veggies get old real quick. Even a bit of garlic powder and pepper makes a big difference.

Cait_Sidhe

I don't get how this is even an issue. I've been a pescetarian most of my life and I don't think I've ever been with anyone with the same eating habits as me. All long term relationships I've had have been with meat eaters. There is no way I'm going to eat their food and I don't expect them to eat as I do. If they want to share my food that's fine too but no one has to. It's weird to want to control how others eat. I eat what I want, they eat what they want.

hearthwood

Have your husband go to the grocery store to get his own stuff, either that or make a list for you. Your weight loss is for you, not your husband, so you don't have to include him in it.

oh_happy_day

KrisiAnnH wrote: »

My boyfriend and I live together and I'm trying to lose weight while he's trying to gain a little. He's also pretty tall and has a relatively active job so his calorie needs are way higher than mine! I try and make things we both like that can be modified for both of us, eg. low cal curry, tons of rice and naan for him, cauliflower rice for me and a smaller portion. Tuna pasta bake with tons of cheese for him, less and half fat cheese for me. He's usually pretty happy to eat whatever I make but I do try and substitute my healthier stuff for other things for him. Things like adding a side of beans or chips or something to his meal if I'm having veg and grilled meat etc

This is what we do. I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking. I also cook for health, not just calorie intake. Despite the occasional whinge about the lack of regular cream/bacon/pasta in my cooking, he admits that he eats a wider variety of food and more vegetables since we got together. I also keep snack and breakfast foods that he likes. I feel really strongly about healthy foods so I'll make him healthier versions of stuff he likes, for example muffins, pancakes.

About once a week we'll do our own thing. I'll do a home made soup, he'll stuff himself with pasta. I also make him things that I don't eat (eg savoury mince and baked potato - it's not the calories, I just don't care for it) and freeze them so that he can defrost them when he wants it. Things like curries (naan and rice for him, none for me), healthy pasta sauces (zucchini noodles for me, pasta for him), healthy burrito bowls and lots of slow cooker meals are adjustable to both our needs. I mostly give him extra sides - rice, bread, extra cheese etc to meet his calorie needs. He's also learning to cook without smothering stuff in oil and cream which isn't about calories, it's about our ongoing health.

I think you have to meet in the middle somewhere. Complaints don't really fly with me if I've gone to the effort of meal planning, shopping and cooking. You want to take over, spend the hours doing it, keep to the food budget and meet both our needs - be my guest!

cupcakesplz

Hubby, my self and the kids all eat different things.

We have burgers once a week
I have a small homemade beef pattie with lots of salad. No sauce n a small bun

The kids have small cheese burgers with chips

Hubby has a big burger with bacon cheese and chips

This is all home made and tastes way better than takeaway burgers.

Hubby does like to eat my food but he adds extras to his meal like bread, chips, cheese and lots of sauce.

When we have pasta or curry I add steamed veggies to mine and mix it into my small serving of the curry or pasta

professionalHobbyist

I am responsible for what I eat

And there is no way a woman would eat my crazy diet!

I don't even think of telling her what to eat or act like her food choices impact mine

The stove has 4 burners and there are lots of pots and pans

GF likes to take advantage of my body anyway!

clockworkgeisha

Here are some of my ideas:

Get a slow cooker/Crock pot. If time/energy to prepare interesting meals is an issue, this will help you out loads. I love my slow cooker.

Get your partner involved in choosing recipes. It sounds like he feels he has no control over what he eats right now, which is why he's a) offering to cook a lot and b) throwing hissy fits and going to McDonalds.

Try websites like skinnytaste, and also Pinterest for lower fat/calorie versions of meals your husband enjoys, and get him to have a look and pick a few things he fancies.

Let him cook, but get him to weigh ingredients and portions so you can log accurately. Although my partner has no interest in losing weight, he started doing that for me and got a lot more interested in why I needed him to do it, and now he weighs things like pasta even when he's only cooking for himself! If he's more interested in your journey, perhaps he'll be more sympathetic to your eating habits.