In desperate need of encouragement from committed folks....

Waisteddays

Hello, My name is Beth Ann, I am 53 years old, and looking for support from MFP-ers who are on here everyday, and maybe have some empathy for emotional eating...not looking for people to say "awe thats ok"...Cause it's not ok, not for me anyway..., When I had my successful run here on MFP 2 years ago I ate low calorie, 1000, with a higher day, 1,700, every 2 weeks, I took lots of vitamins, exercised, and loved to make smoothies...at least I use to...that was before....so here is my story....

I joined MFP on January 1, 2013 @ 281 pounds, and lost 111lbs in 15 months.
My, then, 4 yr old Grand-daughter, who had lived with me since birth, was my inspiration. I wanted to be a good role model, and a Grammy who could be active with her. She was my shadow, my walking buddy, the love of my life. She had her own water bottle, and my heart melted when she would say "Grammy I need to hydrate".....Then on March 13th, 2014 my dear friend died, it was sudden, heartbreaking, and and it seemed to begin a chain of losing things...A family member to cocaine, (when he got out of the Navy he was never the same), Another family member to Alcoholism, and from there the losing continued...Jobs, Money, love within the home....I didn't even recognize this place, and the people in it anymore....the anger, the hurtful words, little did I know I was being set up so that the arguing I was forever being sucked into would be the reason for leaving......But it finally happened, November of this past year my son and Daughter-in-law announced they were going to take my 6 yr old grand-daughter and move 700 miles away...This little girl has been in my world everyday since before she was born. We bought a home big enough for all of us to live together in, and I put my heart and soul into this house to make it beautiful, and a place that my grand-daughter could have a secure and happy life in....Around the same time my 75 yr old husband lost his job...and that was it...while I was watching my world collapse around me, while I was losing everything including my house and everything in it, the one thing I was gaining was the weight back...I managed to level off at around 200 pounds for months....But then a month ago they left...It felt like my grand-daughter was being kidnapped in slow-motion....everyday I had to smile and try to be positive and trudge thru my daily chores for "the baby's sake"...while I watched them pack box after box....and finally on March 1, 2016, they were gone....It was the last nail in the coffin...I just didn't care anymore, so every night I waited until after I had my "goodnight Grammy" phone call with her, then I begin drinking myself into a stupor, and in one month, I have gained 30 pounds. A couple days ago it was decided that we would be "allowed" to have her for one week in April, I am over-joyed but at the same time I feel awful because she won't hardly recognize her home...almost everything is gone. We don't even have a dining table now because we sold it, her bedroom and playroom are bare....The walls seem to echo with tormented emptiness and bitter sweet memories...We put the house on the market 2 weeks ago because we cannot afford to keep it now, and to be honest I don't think I could handle all the reminders everyday even if we could keep it...Now I have to say another tearful goodbye to a house I love, and the 6 yrs I spent making it her home. Tonight will be the first I am not drinking myself to sleep, clutching my pillow, and raging at my son for allowing this, and my DIL for using us once again (oh this is not the first time)....there is a lot to the story I am not telling, but the short of it is when my DIL got pregnant, and they were in a financial bind, they PROMISED if we bought a place for us all to live they would not rip the baby out of our lives...We paid the bills for months at a time while my DIL got back on her feet and went to college....now 6 yrs later, when, for the first time ever, we are on a fixed income, they abandon us...BUT I have to get it together...I cannot let this kill me, it has to make me stronger!....So today I pulled out a pan, and for the first time in months I cooked something healthy. I decided it was time to get back on MFP and try to lose what I have gained...and maybe thru it all, I will gain some of what I have lost..... I am hoping some of you folks can encourage and strengthen me along the way. Thank you for listening...~ Beth Ann

RunawayCurves

Wow that sounds really painful, no wonder your health has suffered. Well done for deciding to fight back and not give in to the darkness. I lost 126lb back in 2009 then gained 155lb through a series of heartbreaking situations. I sympathise with the struggle and am on here every day now trying to lose the weight again.

Calpheon

It must've taken a lot of courage to share your story, it certainly brought a tear to my eye. I hope for you the absolute best, as someone who also found themselves depending on alcohol to get me through some rough times, I sorta know what you went through.

I truly wish there was more I could say or comfort to give, but I'm definitely sending you a friend request if you need some motivational support. Never stop looking forward. ♥