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Celibacy for a set amount of time

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  • strozmanstrozman Member Posts: 2,629 Member Member Posts: 2,629 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    Reading through this thread, a couple of things struck me:

    1) You keep going out and drinking, then going home with someone. This WHOLE area of your life, the drinking included, is keeping you from pursuits that could build your character and make your life feel less empty. Spend your time volunteering instead of in bars, or devote it to learning a new language or instrument, or take a night/online class on something you always wanted to know more about. Not at all judging you for the drinking, I do it too, but it sounds like you're unhappy with yourself right now and need to take a big step in a different direction.
    My drinking is purely social, I have never needed to drink and don't do it unless the crowd I am with does.

    Fair enough, and I didn't assume you didn't have it under control. Just that it seemed to be a contributing factor to the hookups, and if you're looking for a life with more... meaning? fulfillment? sense of self? you might spend time on activities that help others or develop one of your interests instead of keeping you in your current rut. If going to a bar is usually spent catching up with friends and doesn't tend to lead to hookups, then keep hanging out with your friends. Friends are important.
    It does lead to hookups
    Curious... In your ideal world, what would your life be like in a year? We cut and bulk and lift and track our food on here because we've got goals for our bodies and that's what it takes to get there. What's your life/relationship goal, and what will it take to get there?
    My personal life is about to go on hold for work (I really can't say why on a public forum). So in a year I will just be getting back to the States and most of my friends/coworkers won't be here anymore. Ideally, though, I would be returning to the arms of someone that loved me. Unfortunately that won't happen and I will be rebuilding my social circle from the ground up when I get back.

  • strozmanstrozman Member Posts: 2,629 Member Member Posts: 2,629 Member
    WYMANT0004 wrote: »
    I have been celibate since my (now) ex walked out on me. So just shy of three years now with the separation and divorce and the year since that was final...

    Cannot say it is fully voluntary. As a single, working father with full custody I do not exactly have a ton of time on my hands to go out looking. Even if I did, I am a horribly introverted person and, not going to lie, have a damn near crippling self-confidence problem (10+ years in an abusive marriage will do that to you, though I was not exactly Johnny Partygoer before I got married). Hell... If we are throwing all our cards on the table, I am not even sure I know what a "healthy sexual relationship" is at this point which is another thing holding me back from even trying to put myself out there.

    As far as what I do to keep sane... Pretty obvious that I develop an inferiority complex LOL. I also bake. A LOT!! Thankfully my coworkers eat everything I make so I do not have to worry about destructively eating myself to death

    Damn man, I feel bad for you!
  • HeartisalonelyhunterHeartisalonelyhunter Member Posts: 786 Member Member Posts: 786 Member
    I was talking to a friend about this. She is in a celibate marriage. She doesn't sleep with her husband any more . She told me it had brought them closer in their relationship but I think she is fooling herself. She is just afraid of being alone so settles for a relationship devoid of passion and mutual attraction.
    The problem is that if you give any aspect of life too much importance it will consume all the other aspects. If all you think about is sex (or NOT having sex) the outcome is the same. You miss out on many things. I see that for the OP he may want to stop an excess of meaningless encounters by giving up sex altogether, but I would recommend looking at sex like chocolate. If you're binging on crappy Hershey's bars every day it may help to give up chocolate for a few weeks . But ultimately you need to introduce small amounts of higher quality chocolate. You'll enjoy it more because you're consuming it mindfully.
  • HeartisalonelyhunterHeartisalonelyhunter Member Posts: 786 Member Member Posts: 786 Member
    Tophermom wrote: »
    lilkimi525 wrote: »
    Well... I see we all have our different opinions which is necessary. But as for me.... I don't want to give it up! It doesn't reflect my character.. Or decide the woman I choose to be. It simply brings me joy and pleasure! That's all.... Why must people peg woman as sluts if the like sex?? That's a double standard.

    Unfortunately people assume that if you are a woman and you like sex....Then you have had sex with many...You can have sex with the same person forever....they wouldn't know but wouldn't care either....
    People make too many assumptions about women and sex in general...
  • strozmanstrozman Member Posts: 2,629 Member Member Posts: 2,629 Member
    I was talking to a friend about this. She is in a celibate marriage. She doesn't sleep with her husband any more . She told me it had brought them closer in their relationship but I think she is fooling herself. She is just afraid of being alone so settles for a relationship devoid of passion and mutual attraction.
    The problem is that if you give any aspect of life too much importance it will consume all the other aspects. If all you think about is sex (or NOT having sex) the outcome is the same. You miss out on many things. I see that for the OP he may want to stop an excess of meaningless encounters by giving up sex altogether, but I would recommend looking at sex like chocolate. If you're binging on crappy Hershey's bars every day it may help to give up chocolate for a few weeks . But ultimately you need to introduce small amounts of higher quality chocolate. You'll enjoy it more because you're consuming it mindfully.

    Love the chocolate reference. I'll add slowing down vs abstinence to the mountain of things I have on my mind lol
  • WYMANT0004WYMANT0004 Member Posts: 81 Member Member Posts: 81 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    Damn man, I feel bad for you!

    Bah! Do not feel bad for me. Sure it kinda sucks, but, like anything else in life, it is just a hurdle to clear. Day at a time, step at a time, get myself back together, get a little confidence and start trying to make new lady friends and see where life takes me.
  • ilex70ilex70 Member Posts: 727 Member Member Posts: 727 Member
    WYMANT0004 wrote: »
    strozman wrote: »
    Damn man, I feel bad for you!

    Bah! Do not feel bad for me. Sure it kinda sucks, but, like anything else in life, it is just a hurdle to clear. Day at a time, step at a time, get myself back together, get a little confidence and start trying to make new lady friends and see where life takes me.

    Good attitude. So many who get burned seem to embrace bitterness. You see them online banging on about how all women/all men are just users. A lot of the guys stray into downright misogyny, though I guess they may have started there for all I know.

    Truth is there are some spectacularly crappy people out there of both sexes.

    Sincerely wish you well transforming your life into one that makes you happy. I've been in your neighborhood myself; not the same address maybe, but definitely in the area.
  • WYMANT0004WYMANT0004 Member Posts: 81 Member Member Posts: 81 Member
    ilex70 wrote: »
    Good attitude. So many who get burned seem to embrace bitterness. You see them online banging on about how all women/all men are just users. A lot of the guys stray into downright misogyny, though I guess they may have started there for all I know.

    Truth is there are some spectacularly crappy people out there of both sexes.

    Sincerely wish you well transforming your life into one that makes you happy. I've been in your neighborhood myself; not the same address maybe, but definitely in the area.


    Yeah, there are a lot of bitter people out there but I certainly am not one of them. As you say, there are crappy people on both sides. But there are also good people on both sides too, just have to work myself up to the point were I can locate one of them,

    I appreciate your sentiment. Hopefully one day you will see me moving out of that neighbourhood as well
  • LAMCDylanLAMCDylan Member Posts: 1,214 Member Member Posts: 1,214 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    Thinking I might try this to clear my head. Any high sex drive people in here ever voluntarily go celibate for any significant amount of time (6 months-1yr)? And I mean voluntarily because you have a few options, not just some awkward FA, deployed, never tries or a person that is scared of rejection.

    If so how did you not become angry and mean during that period?

    Your thoughts gents and lasses?

    I am actually on a no dating/sex/porn/*kitten* moratorium for about 6-9 months. I am doing it as a learning and healing experience. It has definitely helped me so far. I am about 13 days in and my mind feels clearer, don't think about sex as much, no compulsive *kitten*, I feel more confident, more masculine etc.
  • LAMCDylanLAMCDylan Member Posts: 1,214 Member Member Posts: 1,214 Member
    I also keep a rubberband around my wrist and yank/slap myself with it whenever I fantasize about women. This is a well known technique to retrain your brain.
  • LAMCDylanLAMCDylan Member Posts: 1,214 Member Member Posts: 1,214 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    jgkoutr wrote: »
    I went w/o for two weeks..didn't go well...out of frustration slept w ex



    That's the fear, I turn into a raging monster at 10 days

    There is an underlying issue when you act out like that. Compulsive *kitten*, chasing women and sleeping around, etc is always a sign of a bigger issue and you use the sex/*kitten* to soothe it. What I explain above is learning to heal myself of that so I can have healthier relationships/sex/*kitten*. And, it helps you pick better women instead of needy/crazy ones. I am actually following some guy's plan who wrote this all out and gives steps on how to do all of this. Lots of men are doing it and having great results.

  • LAMCDylanLAMCDylan Member Posts: 1,214 Member Member Posts: 1,214 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    Well. Celibacy was kind of forced tonight. Ended up going for lots of drinks and the girl I was with passed out when we got back to her place. Easy 2nd night of celibacy.

    You have to stop chasing women and hanging out with women. Make more male friends and hang with them.
  • goatggoatg Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member
    How the F does celibacy clear your head?
    I’m like a maniac. Celibacy is the worst.

    Ok. To be fair, I have heard of this. Longest I’ve ever gone is 2 months, no way no how ever trying it. However, an old yoga teacher of mine and his gf went celibate for one year together. He spoke of it as a sort of spiritual experience. Maybe try reaching out to people who practice this regularly —likely not too many MFPers
  • goatggoatg Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member
    It really is like Seinfeld, Elaine vs George up in here ^^
  • flynntraderflynntrader Member Posts: 211 Member Member Posts: 211 Member
    The only thing that is the highest in my life is my sex drive

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  • goatggoatg Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member

    j1u4k5k8kg9h.gif

    A train?
  • flynntraderflynntrader Member Posts: 211 Member Member Posts: 211 Member
    goatg wrote: »

    j1u4k5k8kg9h.gif

    A train?
    You didn’t see the movie.

    acgx9k7oquwe.gif

    edited May 17
  • goatggoatg Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member Member, Premium Posts: 1,401 Member
    goatg wrote: »

    j1u4k5k8kg9h.gif

    A train?
    You didn’t see the movie.

    acgx9k7oquwe.gif

    No, but a group of camels is a train....
    As is a three humped.....


    My humor is not kid friendly.
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