• maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    Right finally got my husband to reset the laptop so I can type properly, answering on my phone does my head in because of the screen size and the lag.

    Thought you were a brit Laura, I live in Swindon, Wiltshire, South west. We are on the M4 corridor. Its alright here I guess, probably wouldnt move as Im not one for change and I have family here. Lots of pretty landscape near enough to get me out the town. Sorry you have had a rough run lately. I have now experienced a mixed state a couple of times the worst being my most recent in september when I began to hear voices and think I had bugs on me and it was hell on earth. What a *kitten* thing for your brain to do to someone, make you manic but without any of the good feelings. The group sounded good, i dont think swindon has one and it takes me a while to open up and use an online support system having been bitten in the past by mental forumers. Nowadays I am mostly in here only. I hope your new friend is a good support and not too much to handle. I tried to read your thread but one of the things this illness has left me with is reduced concentration so I struggle to read long blocks of text, even my own, another reason I dont post on my phone - they are used to me in here and break it down into a cpl of posts for me. I got a lot of it though and you have had a terrible time. Hugs, feel free to fb add me if you use fb i have cari and carly. Getting a group chat going might be a good thing, you too wendy x

    I am reluctant to commit to saying too much out loud after the last couple of months but my mood is finally turning. I have had a few days where I have felt in more of a normal frame of mind or even a good mood. I am slowly starting to make plans and had a productive hour with my counsellor yesterday trying to decide on a path forward with her reining me in when i got a little carried away as I am apt to do. Apparently I am only allowed to make plans for november and december at the moment as I was jittering and starting to think where I could go next year but i think it was anxiety rather than an upwards swing. Just something to watch with the fact they have recently upped my prozac/fluoxetine.
    Now currently on 800 lithium, 1mg risperidone and 40mg fluoxetine which seems a good combo. Have bought a cpl notebooks to try and make sense of the chaos in my head and see if it helps but being super cautious as one thing I do manic is write pages and pages of rambling notes so I get a little leery of starting to record things. If that makes any sense. I see my counsellor weekly and CPN weekly and next week I have an appt with therapist for an assessment to decide on therapy. My shrink did make me angry though as he is still suggesting I have EUPD/Borderline personality disorder piggybacked on my bipolar. Its something I am meaning to research as I am struggling with that one. It just doesnt make sense to me though. I need to read on Fibro before my dr appt on 18th though so can probably sit and research both.

    Carly if I seemed disconnected i suspect it was because of having no laptop to post on and also it was the day I visited the grave which took a toll, now trying to move onwards and past it and do some writing. I'd like to start writing properly again if I can as its always been something I am relatively able at. I know you have read some of my past blogs. The return to work is worrying me and driving a spike in my anxiety which i suspect will only get worse but my shrink is not keen to medicate my anxiety even though its chronic. I do have some diazepam left if it gets bad but i guess i will worry about work in a couple of weeks. Its good to have a plan in place though and my matron has been really supportive which makes up for my line manager being an utter tool.

    Cari thankyou. 29 days now. I try to celebrate each one even if I have done it hundreds of times before because some days waking up in the morning knowing I didnt harm the night before is a massive victory. I looked at all the scars down my arms and legs a couple of days ago and was struck by a massive fear of how much longer I can keep it from my kids. Awens already asked why there are 'stripes' on my arm and I just said I had an accident. I scar obviously, purple and raised and I dont know when or how I am going to have to face it with them and see the worry and disappointment, or worse that they will try it. Im glad the job is going brill and you are doing some training. Its so good for morale to be educated. I agree the numbness was probably over medication but keep an eye, cymbalta may not be for you. I was numb on depakote at a minimal dose and dropping it to sub therapeutic levels triggered an agitated depression. My dreams are settling a bit - still bizarre but less scary and unsettling just my bog standard blend of weird and unusual as odd dreams are a long standing thing. Hopefully it was the withdrawal.

    Wendy I agree with Carly, nothing about mental health is trivial. By sharing we get stronger x
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    On the food front the group was interesting and eye opening. Yesterday I did ok. Im meant to have 50g carbs outside of meat, veg and berries and I did about 52. Enjoyed a large wedge of ham for breakfast lol. I was hungry I wont lie but I suspect it was a reduction in soda which usually fills me up. Today I have had scrambled eggs with cheese and ham for breakfast, im having berries and yoghurt for lunch and bockwurst with spinach, onion andmushrooms for dinner and a treat of a hot choc and a small bit of hubs home made cake tonight. Literally a tiny bit. About 26g carbs so I may add a dot of honey to my yoghurt.
    Im trying to break my weighing habit i have when I lose weight so I would usually weigh morning and evening and i skipped last night and only weighed this morning. 2lb water weight gone. But I know I get obsessive and OTT, cutting out calories or macros, over exercising without eating it back, over weighing and undereating which is why I have shut my diary in the past but this time I have kept it open. Feel free to call me on it if im being an idiot. Ive set it abitrarily at 1lb per week and about 1700 cals but as long as I am eating over 1300 and hitting my macros I am happy. Last time I did it I dropped to 700 cals a day and lost about a stone and a half in a month in august and sept and its mostly gone back on bar 4lb so I need to get my head around this and do it the way I was doing it in 2014 when I lost 4 stone. Im possibly rambling now Ive lost my thread
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    Struggling badly. This plan seems eminently to make sense to me and be the way I should eat. Yeeeeeet I found myself yesterday ramming a load of french stick bread and 2 mini rolls into my mouth and tonight ate a bowl of pasta. And I am hungry now. I know its going to take some time to make these changes. Maybe I am trying to change too much at once. Ive totally switched from full fat to diet soda whilst also cutting the amount of it I drink by a good 1/3. And I am logging even when I am not happy with the results. I think I need to accept this is a process because at the moment the urge to binge is really bad
  • carimiller7391
    carimiller7391 Posts: 1,091 Member
    Lise, so proud of you dear. Even your post seem more upbeat.

    I got to see the doc last Tuesday, he said that the withdraw from the effexor would take about 5-7 days from the 30th of October. Almost spot on. Today I got an awful effexor headache. But other than that.... I am feeling pretty darn OK. I'll take OK over numb any day of the week. I have started seeing a new man. He is really trying to understand the bipolar and asks questions about what he can do to help me. Very much appreciated after the last few people I've dealt with.

    Well, I am off to sleep. It's been a long few days and have had a cold kicking my butt.....
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    Struggling badly. This plan seems eminently to make sense to me and be the way I should eat. Yeeeeeet I found myself yesterday ramming a load of french stick bread and 2 mini rolls into my mouth and tonight ate a bowl of pasta. And I am hungry now. I know its going to take some time to make these changes. Maybe I am trying to change too much at once. Ive totally switched from full fat to diet soda whilst also cutting the amount of it I drink by a good 1/3. And I am logging even when I am not happy with the results. I think I need to accept this is a process because at the moment the urge to binge is really bad

    @maoribadger - For me, the only thing that really helped make the switch from all the carbs to lower carb was upping fats. The body can only use fats or carbs for fuel. (The body can use protein, but it is an inefficient fuel and requires a heck of a process to get it to a usable form, and you end up losing a good portion of that energy in the conversion process.)

    If you're taking away carbs, it needs fats. It is as simple as that. We're often taught all our lives that fats are bad, but for the most part that isn't true. Trans Fats are bad. The rest, it's more in how they are often paired.

    Additionally, when you drop carbs, with them goes much of the water they retained that was required to process the carbs. With that water goes all electrolytes. So increasing sodium helps to keep them all in.

    For me, no matter what level of carb restriction, I have to generally have at least 5000 mg of sodium added daily to keep me from having electrolyte loss. I find that my high carb to sodium needs have increased, as well. I'm not sure why.

    But, also, particularly when cutting starches and sugars, if you have any bad gut bacteria, the die-off effect will make you want to dive head first into the bread, pasta, potatoes, and all things starchy/sugary.

    It is almost impossible not to cave to that siren song - UNTIL you realize what and why.

    It helps to add a probiotic or low carb yogurt with good cultures (full fat is preferred, but you can add a few TBSP of double cream to increase the good fats) during this transition.

    I'm currently trying to find my level within everything - and while I still believe in lower carb plans, I realize that I can't go as low as I would like to combat cravings, binges, and compulsions - not without help, because my thyroid cannot handle it... So I'm getting there...

    HUGS, Lise...it does get easier. I promise.

    HUGS, Cari - I hope you're starting to feel better by now... And I'm SUPER happy that your new guy is asking questions and getting a good groundwork under his feet. That's gotta be a great feeling.
  • carimiller7391
    carimiller7391 Posts: 1,091 Member
    Carly is always so full of info.... That's why I LOVE HER. I am going to try to keep my carbs between 150-200 g for awhile and work down to about 100 and try to keep them veggies/fruits/starchy veggies (whole natural foods). Hopefully for me it's not to low that I need to worry about electrolytes or anything else.
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    Thanks Carly. Ive fallen off it the last couple of days. At best I am hoping to maintain. Going to restart in the morning and try and take on board what you have said. Also gonna make some soup so I have a go to snack as I love soup and have some meat and veg to use up.

    Had my work meeting today I am returning 3rd december but on reduced hours of 16 hours a week for 4 weeks before going back to my normal 24. I also have a form to fill out called a security plan. Shizz to look out for basically to show I might be relapsing and I have an assigned buddy who I trust very much to keep an eye out for me at work as we work most shifts together. We discussed my trigger signs though I pointed out they are pretty subtle as I disguise it pretty well so by the time its obvious I am usually unwell already. Aside from that I feel that with that date in mind I am ok to go back. Its something to aim at anyway as I think my meds will be fully kicked in by that date.

    Then had the meeting with the psychologist to decide my therapy needs. She decided DBT is not for me, as although it its for self harming its for people with personality disorders and whilst my shrink has stated he thinks I have traits of this (something im unhappy about and disagree with) I dont meet the criteria plus its group work which I am not keen on.
    The art therapy is also group work and you have to engage and talk which i am uncomfortable with at this present time. However she does run a bipolar group. Its ten weeks long and though its a group you dont have to talk, its for newly diagnosed bipolar sufferers. They teach you all about bipolar and after the course you have some individual one to one sessions to develop a relapse prevention plan. I am thinking as I am already engaging with a counsellor I will attend the bipolar group as with those and art thats already a very full week. Maybe after the bipolar group the art therapy but I will see where i am at and decide this later. I have to make a decision by my repeat appointment on 18th.

    Tomorrow I have my cpn and a lot to discuss. Shes gonna check my application for disability allowance and I want to discuss my latest letter from the shrink where he alludes to this personality disorder rubbish despite never saying it to my face. Then got my counsellor thursday. So full on week.

    I dont know if this isnt helping the dieting. I am doing it because I know I should rather than because my head is in the right place.
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    That's a lot to handle, Lise, but it sounds like you are taking change and making the things work for YOU and your life.

  • RunawayCurves
    RunawayCurves Posts: 688 Member
    edited November 2016
    I am glad you have some help options open to you. I think it is worth giving things a try and to keep in mind you can come back to stuff later if too much to do it all now. I have a lot of issues going on and I know it is impossible to focus on all of them at once. It generally becomes naturally apparent what need to be my top priorities at any given time. You are doing the right thing by finding out your options. I have several comorbid conditions and although it can seem overwhelming to get several diagnosis for me it was worth doing so because it opens up the variety of support I have acess to even if i am not accessing all of it at all times.

    I talk mostly about bipolar because for me it is the most frequently disruptive of my selection of illnesses.

    my full mental health diagnosis list is
    • Bipolar disorder
    • Borderline now called emotional intensity or dysregulation and schizotypal personality disorders
    • Aspergers now called High functioning autism
    • Dissociative identity disorder (comprising at least 13 different identities)
    • Binge Eating Disorder
    • Dermatillomania-compulsive skin picking (well controlled at the moment)

    I also have chronic anxiety, a selection of sleep disorders and complicated post traumatic stress.

    Then Physically I have
    • Polycystic ovary syndrome
    • Mildly underactive thyroid
    • Variable levels of chronic fatigue and unexplained pains

    I do not think I am that unusual in having so many things going on
    A lot of my mental health diagnosis overlap in the symptoms. I found it helpful to learn as much as I could about each diagnosis and although that does not make any of it go away, I at least feel like I have a better understanding of what is going on. Bipolar and Borderline personality both being mood disorders can make it confusing distinguishing between the two to decide if have one or the other or both things going on. For me I do recognise I have both. I distinguish them by how they present.

    Although I have progressed to having rapid cycling form of bipolar I can still distinguish a bipolar episode from a borderline episode. For me a borderline personality mood swing is always triggered by something external and the mood swing is fast and short lived as in contained within hours, the trigger is most often any hint of abandonment or something that makes me angry, my buttons get pressed and I rapidly boil over for a period of hours.

    Bipolar mood swings for me come from within, no external trigger required and the mood shifts last longer usually weeks at a time for me.

    The multiple illnesses definitely trigger each other though. For me a particularly bad bipolar episode will often trigger my dissociative identity disorder to shift around which in turn affects how my other disorders manifest.

    Basically though I think there are 3 types of people in the world. Standard sensitivity, super sensitive and under sensitive. The majority of people are standard sensitivity and that enables them to go about their lives without getting crazy. Under sensitives are the psychopaths, sadists and sociopaths of the world. Super Sensitives are us, we are the ones who get most tormented by life and end up with splintered minds and lost in addictions. Our super sensitive natures exposed to the harshness of life unavoidably leads to some extent of mental emotional illness and seeking comfort.

    My last bipolar Mixed episode triggered a significant shift in my personalities structure. This happens as a built in protection from my suicidality. When I hit a point where I am ready to opt out of living that triggers another personality to step in or even take over completely once. When I Laura was ready to opt out start of 2011 Amy stepped in and completely took over for many months before we even went back to being a collaboration. Of my 13+ personalities there are generally 2 or 3 who are most dominant at any given time but which two or 3 varies over time. Two of my personalities who have been dormant for years came back in to the mix after last mixed episode. One was last active in 2005 (Bliss), the other was last active in 2009 (Rachel). Both of them were abruptly reintegrated for my own safety after my last mixed state. Unlike previous occasions it was a reintegration this time instead of a take over. That I think reflects the amount of effort I have put into working on the dissociative identity over the last 4 years while I have not been working.

    It is still disruptive though because each personality has different feelings, ideas, perspectives and how I live my life is based on a consensus between whoever is most active at the time. I was living as predominantly Laura, Amy, Mary collaboration, The bipolar Depression triggered Dana and Sarah to step in to mix. Dana and Sarah are most suicidal parts of me. After the mixed episode, in order to protect me from suicide Bliss and Rachel stepped in, they probably stepped in because having both been dormant a long time they are well rested. Bliss is vegan and her views on that are very powerful and outrank all of the rest of me's food opinions and food issues.

    Last time Bliss was dominant I was a virgin member of a celibate cult living a very minimalist lifestyle that revolved around a strong spiritual/moral compass. Bliss is now active again and feeling a bit disorientated by the changes over last 10 years. Her first ruling was that I am now vegan again and feel all her upset about not having lived as a vegan for past ten years, she is not impressed with my food choices while she was dormant.
    Rachel was married to my ex husband and was a sponsor in food addicts anonymouse having lost all the weight in 2009. Rachel is somewhat disorientated by the change in circumstances over last 7 years. Her first ruling was that I had to get new clothes because Rachel is a big believer in making best of self and living with self respect.

    Anyway those recent shifts have had a big effect on my life. I am now Vegan and once again attending food addicts in recovery anonymous meetings and overeaters anonymous meetings. It is a bit of a shock to my system but I actually feel good about it. My low carb Keto ideas have gone out the window because Bliss's vegan ruling is unmovable. She makes a decision and there is no arguing with it, it is final. Bliss and Rachel working together is a serious combination. I will lose the weight because Rachel will enforce that and Bliss will make sure I do it vegan style.

    Could feel a little crowded in my head as I have right now Laura (I deal with most interactions with the outside world), Amy, Bliss, Rachel, Mary and Megan all active. Mary is the voice of reason and my built in therapist, Megan is my artistic nurturing part. I think it is a good combination.

    So NEW FOOD PLAN born of this collaboration. Mary insisted we educate ourselves with numerous you tube videos, Keto v Starch based v vegan v high nutrient. all approaches I have looked at and lived by in past but never been subjected to one after the other like this. Anyway the overall ruling was that every argument is totally convincing even though they directly contradict each other. Every argument had loads of evidence and health turn around examples. Marys conclusion was that human bodies are very adaptable and can live off a wide variety of foods and eating styles and be healthy. The only unhealthy way of eating is to live on over processed junk food. So the new food plan is Vegan as Bliss insists on it and Mary has no objection. The idea of dieting has been ruled out. Mary is in favour of eating 1500-2000 calories a day with no forbidden foods other than meat and fish out of respect for Bliss. Dairy and eggs will also not be eaten in home but to make life easier and plan realistic small amounts of dairy or eggs when eating out occasionally will be permitted. 1500-2000 calories a day will be split over 3-4 meals and will be based around whole foods. We will decide whether or not to get a food addicts or overeaters sponsor or if we want a sponsor at all.
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    You are right in that multiple diagnoses are not that unusual. Once the mental health team had cycled me through PND, MDD and SAD for over 6 years they finally settled out on
    and keep trying to pin an EUPD/Borderline label on me which I am resisting quite vehemently. I am awaiting the outcome of my latest conversation on this one as my shrink once again referred to it in a letter having said nothing to my face and then of course I read the letter and challenged it with my CPN. The PTSD is based around the birth of my daughter but has been exacerbated by the paediatric cardiac arrest from New Years Eve. My bipolar and anxiety are as they are though come with various sleeping and eating problems, anger, mood swings obviously, sensory processing issues and differing self harming behaviours which is fun when trying to hold down a stressful managerial level career which I almost feel is hanging on by a thread and not helping my stress when we are heavily in debt already.

    In addition physically I have
    -Occasional GORD but seems to be med related rather than chronic but I take omeprazole to prevent me waking up at night vomiting with a mouth full of acid
    -ME/Chronic fatigue. Diagnosed last year thinking I might have to actually engage with the local service having self discharged once as my flares are getting worse
    -Mild Asthma
    -In my personal opinion and like many on this site a food addiction issue/eating disorder as I cycle between bingeing, emotional eating and restricting but not actually diagnosed unlike the rest

    The DID stuff sounds exhausting and confusing. I am glad you seem to be making it work personally for you though in that you are currently in a successful collaboration. I was vegetarian for many years but Im quite poor at it in that I live on pasta. My current stance is survival, its payday next week and we have a freezer with stuff in it. Ergo I am eating what is there and minimising my outgoings as I am feeding four of us for a week on £40. The plan I was looking at is out of the window until payday and then to be revisited once I know how bad money for next month will be as I am also trying to finish Xmas, luckily we have a family decision to only sort the kids so I only have the Xmas Eve boxes (PJs, hot choc, books and sweets) to do plus an annual each and 1 thing for my youngest to finish her assortment off. Reckon I can do it for £60-70 then I am finished. I am feeling intensely guilty not to have bought my husband anything but its the decision we came to.

    I am also currently mid ME flare. It makes no sense as I havent had any heavy physical output for days to make me think of an obvious trigger but I have been heavily stressing about my form for Personal Independence Payments to the point its been giving me back pain. Thats finished now and sent off thankfully as a 40 page form with rampant OCD is not a nice combination. I had to reread it after every question so it took days. But stressing about that and a work meeting and a meeting with a psychologist may have been enough of a trigger as I am vaguely fluey without actually having the flu. I have my normal body pains and heaviness in all the usual places plus exhaustion, shivering cold and low unfocussed irritability. Fingers crossed a day on the sofa today means it might shift by the weekend.
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    Lise, I simply don't know how you do all that.

    Side note: most acid reflux, GERD, or anything like that is actually a missing key acid, or less acid that needed. Because most people are missing a key acid, their bodies OVER PRODUCE all the other types of acid, making the situation quite dire. Taking omeprazole is a temporary fix, but it actually worsens the underlying situation.

    I don't know if I told you, but I had to add a dose of ACV in pill form, plus a digestive enzyme that includes ox bile and such, and my acid problems are history. I can eat a spicy, fatty, or crazy dish and immediately go to bed without any incident, unless I drink too much water which dilutes the acid and/or makes it float...

    As for the rest of it, I think I must be mentally overtaxed at the moment, because I'm worn out just from reading it.

    Sending you all my love and comfort and good thoughts... HUGS, Carly
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    Well not a brill cpl days ive just lost a long term friendship. My friend in canada, its all over this stupid election. She tried to discuss it with me the other day and i shut her down bc her views are pretty far to the right and im a liberal but i left a comment on a friends post who is fairly moderate and shes just lost it and laid into me about how i belittle her and our friendship by not talking to her and how im never there for her even though i spent hours listening to her a few weeks back despite all my own *kitten*. And to be honest im too hurt to pursue winning it back

    Thats similar to what ive heard re the reflux. I just cant afford any supplements
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    @maoribadger - I haven't used this brand, but this is the least expensive one I found online. I've used the brand in other things, and the ingredients are similar enough on the main ones (ox bile, the pancreatin, etc.) that it could work well for you.


    This one seems to have everything, too. I actually like this one better as the other one above has peppermint oil, and that can cause the flap that closes off the stomach from the esophagus not to close fully if you're sensitive to it, and the one just below, Biophix, doesn't seem to have that in the ingredients, as per Google.


    This next one doesn't have the ox bile to help with the stomach acid portion, but it might be helpful if you have any problems with lactose... https://amazon.co.uk/Source-Naturals-Essential-Vegetarian-Capsules/dp/B000GFJJSI/

    This is the actual one I use, but it's about twice as much as the others listed above. Personally, if you can, I'd problem try out that Biophix...the first one is okay, too, (but I didn't compare quantity price), if you don't have issues with peppermint oil...


    I hope some of the first ones might be okay for you to try, as they aren't too terribly expensive and might make you feel better overall. I know that many times ANY cost is too much for me...but just wanted to share...
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    Well not a brill cpl days ive just lost a long term friendship. My friend in canada, its all over this stupid election. She tried to discuss it with me the other day and i shut her down bc her views are pretty far to the right and im a liberal but i left a comment on a friends post who is fairly moderate and shes just lost it and laid into me about how i belittle her and our friendship by not talking to her and how im never there for her even though i spent hours listening to her a few weeks back despite all my own *kitten*. And to be honest im too hurt to pursue winning it back

    Thats similar to what ive heard re the reflux. I just cant afford any supplements


    As far as the US election crap, it is a very volatile and somewhat scary situation, no matter which way you lean politically. The level of hatred coming from both sides seems to be a "relief" of people feeling they have permission to no longer be "politically correct," and like most of us who have binge tendencies, we end up being a bit more overzealous and self-destructive when we get a hold of a food that makes us "fly" or feel a level of relief and freedom, I think many of these folks have been so bottled up, they're getting carried away, and then amplified by those with whom they've surrounded themselves.

    That all being said, the situation, while potentially a mess in the making, isn't nearly as dire as it is being projected. I've only recently discovered how little of our information is actually shared abroad. I've mentioned a few things here or there about information we've had access to for months or years to others not stateside, and they're utterly shocked, because all the information they've been given is completely opposite.

    I don't want to get into the details here, unless anyone really wants to have a mature and rational discussion (I can easily see good in both sides of things, and bad as well, and I feel somewhat strongly about certain aspects, but not near enough to lose a friendship over it...)...

    Let me just say this, that like any extremists within a normal population, protests on both sides are the less rational, more emotional folks. I don't mind the more peaceful and rational protests, but the ones inciting violence and such are mostly acting from a place of intense fear, and those folks really don't even see it themselves.

    Despite all of that, the transition preparation is already underway. The current president, and the president-elect's former opponents in the opposing party (not the candidate who was outvoted), as well as many others are calling for an end to the protests, and for a spirit of working together to make the best of the hand we've been dealt. I feel hope that things can proceed peacefully, once the intense emotions of wins and losses calms down.

    I feel the same with your friend. Once the fear, intensity, and all of the emotions currently riding high start to settle out, you might just touch base with your friend, Lise. If she's any sort of decent human, she'll likely realize that her reaction was akin to an extreme overreaction such as one has during the worst of PMS... There are so many fears and such running rampant in the misinformation abound that I bet she doesn't even see it. Sounds like she was scared, and you were rational, and she ended up hurt...

    I'm sorry that you were hurt in this conversation and such, too... I'm staying out of the political fray with my friends at the moment, but I guess I am blessed in that most of my friends are moderately mature and are used to making the best they can over any situation they face...or something, because I have a few friends being more intense, but very few hateful comments.

    (HUGS) Lise. If this friend is a true friend, once the fear and emotions cool down, any true friendship you two ever shared should remain amidst the rubble. Wishing you ease, my friend.
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    Damn phone is lagging so bad, found my computer

    Sorry hon 'crap' was not me demeaning what the American people have just gone through = my personal opinion is that you guys were onto a loser from the start with both candidates. Crap is 'not worth losing an 8 year friend ship that has seen through mental illness, marriage difficulties and talking til 2 in the morning over'. ESPECIALLY as I am british and shes canadian so neither of us have any investment in the outcome beyond being neighbour/partner nations. And I have no real desire to debate politics with anyone these days. Brexit showed me what a nasty side it brings out of people as has this week. I probably should have known it was never going to go well when i saw the result. I have fought with this person in the past for their views - with me taking the stance of defending trans rights.

    Do I think it will settle and we will be friends again? Historically the only way we have resolved arguments has been for me to recant and make a show of backing down or conciliatory overture and its been too many years of me apologising for having my own beliefs and too many harsh words levelled at me - when i confided in this friend I self harmed i was told I should be ashamed of myself and have never been able to forget it. So no its over and I will get over it with time. I dont choose to feel sorry for myself over it, i was and am hurt but shes made her choices and some words cant be forgotten. If it was a simple argument over politics I could forget it but she then chose to go on and accuse me of being a poor friend because I didnt have enough to say to her when she came to me last time despite her knowing i was a week out of hospital from taking an overdose and barely functional yet still tried to support her. Sorry im going on. Its really gotten under my skin but i am moving onwards from it

    Thankyou for the supplement information. How many supplements/medications do you take and for what if you dont mind my asking and has it reduced the amount of medication you need to take or given you noticeable health benefits? At the moment I am on lithium, risperidone and fluoxetine for my bipolar but apart from that I only take omeprazole and an occasional inhaler. The reflux settles when I am off the medication and eating correctly so its more of a reaction than indicative of an inbuilt problem I think. I have taken various vitamins in the past = B for depression and D when they considered SAD and maybe would benefit from a regime to feel better especially the ME but im also leery of just pitching in taking things without some understanding of what is going to benefit me most so i would need to research. I doubt anything would replace the meds I already take as mine are all head meds but to feel better would be nice lol

    On other news lets see, i have psychologist friday and am going to take the bipolar course/group i have been offered. The DVLA have written to me saying they are writing to my psychiatrist before they decide if i lose my driving licence. The DWP have written to say they are considering my claim for disability allowance as its a non means tested benefit I have been told I can still apply for if working - i am losing so much earnings this year from being unwell i made a hard decision to apply for it. I have dates set for a phased return to work 3rd december just in time for the worst of winter pressures. Apparently we are regularly seeing 60 patients in our 20 bedded majors unit at the moment and more in minors and paeds so it sounds horrendous and honestly im really anxious about going back. I remember when 170 patients a day was our average and now we regularly go over 300. Its not sustainable in a dept of our size. But you guys dont need to hear my work worries lol. Also find out next week if its a new niece or nephew for me and am secretly a little excited. Hows everyone else
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    Lise, overall, I'm good. I had a really tough weekend, and I'm not sure why, but being back at work at my barely stressful job helps me get back to my normal routine, with which I struggle terribly on weekends, since my partner has literally the opposite internal clock from me. He tends to sleep while I'm at work and is most active while I am sleeping.

    That being said, I apologize for my use of crap, I was somewhat venting my frustrations at the election brouhaha... I agree, that the entire election seemed to be a "do the least evil" type of vote, and everyone had different criteria for that.

    As a person who has both friends and family members in the LGBTQ community (does that acronym even cover gender-neutral or gender-fluid or pansexual??), I am quite happy to hear the recent announcements from the president-elect to maintain and support the recently acquired rights and support. I do not know what will actually happen, but you can bet that rights groups will be up in arms in a heartbeat if he or his administration try to pull anything off beneath the wool, so to speak.

    I have found, Lise, that we find out who are truest friends are when we stop being doormats. Most of us with mood disorders have found them worsened by the fact that we tend to bury ourselves, our true selves, for the sake of a peaceful atmosphere with any and all.

    I have not been on mood specific medications in some time. My conditions were exponentially worsened by my thyroid running havoc and my adrenals draining beyond fatigue. I still have hypomanic spins, but they are brief, as is any corresponding hopelessness and depression. Mainly I'm using a combination of amino acid-neurotransmitters, in conjunction with medications (finally getting the T3 medication made 2 universes worth of difference, to be honest!!!!) to treat specifics.

    B-Complex - I take this primarily as nerve health protection. I started a nerve spot in one joint, and some all over sensory issues. D3 is crucial to almost as many bodily functions as magnesium, both of which I take. Most of the rest of what I take is either co-factors or condition specific. D3 MUST be taken with K2, or the D3 and calcium it helps absorb will lie about to clutter up your arteries. Magnesium helps transport them all to the cells working with potassium (of which most of us get enough from food intake), and boron helps keep things there. I take Tyrosine, iodine, sodium, selenium, zinc, and a few odds and ends for my thyroid. I'm working to incorporate more of the things that support both adrenal and thyroid functions. I take Lysine to keep the cold sores a bay (excess of Arganine can trigger this)... Most of the rest is either my deconstructed multi- of the aminos/neuros...
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    And yes, if you need to vent work stuff, please do!!! We're your safe space, mate...use us! (hugs)

    I think that the volume alone you've listed would have me practically BEGGING you to stay off work until the docs all feel you are absolutely level enough to go back to work and flourish, not just function and survive! Sending all the good thoughts, Lise...
  • RunawayCurves
    RunawayCurves Posts: 688 Member
    Good Luck with psychologist. I get a free bus pass due to being bipolar and unsafe to drive. That suits me as I have never driven anyway. I am seeing new psychiatrist Thursday next week.

    I am doing ok, enjoying my vegan conversion still. I get to eat mountains of food and stay within my calories so that is a bonus.
  • maoribadger
    maoribadger Posts: 1,837 Member
    I think the q covers everything and it sounds hopefully speaking as someone bi curious and fairly gender fluid. And that os very me. For someone so strong headed i go all out to avoid confirm with my friends.

    The whole supplements thing makes my head spin i can barely remember my medical tablets.

    Work are making life hard they wont let me go back and do a phased return on nights only days and i dont have any childcare and it makes me lose money so am currently wound up and agitated beyond believe esp as mental health team are playing with my tablets again and i think its had a negative effect.

    Id heard about the bus pass but with my work schedule i really need my car tbh
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
    I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, hon. I hope you get something answered soon. <3