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Why’s it so hard to acclimate0
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Ngl, I kinda want the jacket and glasses. That is a look, for sure.
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I know nothing I or anyone says will change how you feel about yourself, but just know that voice in your head doesn't have to be believed. There are people who thing you are all sorts of good things.. you're intelligent, have a keen wit, talented ( I've seen your art and your crafts) and I have to say I also think you are very attractive.. I know I'm not the only one who does either.
I just want to give you a big hug 🤗
Yeh, what she said.
I was going to say the exact same thing, exactly word for word, right? But she beat me to it.
Honestly, Kosmoskitten, I have many people on the forums that I look up to and enjoy posts from, and you are definitely one of them.
I wish you didn't feel that way about yourself.
It makes me sad that you're not seeing the good in you that others do see. It makes me sad to think your days are filled with such negative self-image issues and dislike for yourself, to the point of feeling like you don't belong. Jo's right, there's nothing we can say to make you feel differently about yourself. If only it were that easy. Is there any way you can seek professional help for some neutral feedback and help you work through why you feel the way you do and how to rise above it? It's so worth the time and effort to better understand yourself and try to develop positive imagery while letting go of the negative imagery.
You are important, You are beautiful. You are cared about.
I have broached this topic with a psychologist before (a decade ago, I bet). Sadly, I cannot remember any of the things we discussed or exercises I was asked to do. With coronavirus and potentially moving soon, I just haven't gone to seek medical (physical or mental) services because well.. risk. Also, it's insanely hard to get in to see anyone and has been for a year.
Once I get settled in the new place, I'm hoping to find a therapist/psychologist to discuss these things with. I'd like some outside help.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate myself anymore, but I often try to "problem solve" reasons why people behave the way they do, even though I know that's a fruitless endeavor. You can't change other people, only yourself.
I just think this is a hard truth I'm working through and butting heads with repeatedly.
But thank you both for the love/support. 3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I have never felt like I fit in anywhere except my family.
I’ve never had hardly any friends, not real friends.
My ex was my best friend since 17.
Now, at 60 I feel like I did when I was younger.
No rl friends, I don’t fit in with the “popular” crowd on MFP and the young peeps don’t get much of what I say.
I often feel invisible.
I don’t know you and I won’t presume to have any answers but I just want to say,
you are a unique and beautiful person.
You have many years to make any changes you want to.
I feel sure many people like you very much.
I just felt like saying that to you. 🌺
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honeybee__12 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I have never felt like I fit in anywhere except my family.
I’ve never had hardly any friends, not real friends.
My ex was my best friend since 17.
Now, at 60 I feel like I did when I was younger.
No rl friends, I don’t fit in with the “popular” crowd on MFP and the young peeps don’t get much of what I say.
I often feel invisible.
I don’t know you and I won’t presume to have any answers but I just want to say,
you are a unique and beautiful person.
You have many years to make any changes you want to.
I feel sure many people like you very much.
I just felt like saying that to you. 🌺
Im sorry you feel that way Mel "invisible" I notice you and love your posts.. js 🤗1 -
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Well y'all my anxiety is through the roof and I been stress eating like crazy. Can't seem to get on track no matter how hard I try!! Family drama work is not normal life is just in a weird place and I am miserable constantly!!!6
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honeybee__12 wrote: »
I'll say it again......you're one of the ones I look forward to reading posts from, seeing what funny or interesting pictures you've found to share, etc. I'd miss you (and Kosmos) if you weren't here and sharing yourselves with us!!
I have no idea what your history or genetic make-up is like, to make you feel the way you do(I've felt some of those things in my life as well) but I wish you knew how much of a part you play in people's lives each day. And this is directed to Kosmos as well...... You're a pat of everybody's life that you connect in some way with, each and every day. You're a part of this planet, a breath in the air, you've got so much good to give people and the world. Stop thinking you don't belong and don't have a place here. Stop thinking you have no important part and aren't a part of the whole piece. IOW get out of your head(please don't take this the wrong way because it's part of what I need to do as well!!), do something to better the world, to make another person feel good about themselves, and to help someone. If you do things that matter to you, you will find more of those people in your life.
I've never had a huge group of friends looking up to me, never felt comfortable with groups of people; I've always been a one-on-one person so I give that person my undivided attention. All throughout school and my young 20's I felt like the odd person out. At 67 I *finally* feel okay, acceptable, important enough where *I* can make changes in my own corner of the world. I'm a terribly shy introvert so never joined anything, always held back. But I've found my own little places to give back, to be where I can be happy.
I had a daycare mom who I thought was just the smokingest most beautiful best mom I'd ever met. Everything she touched seemed perfect. But funny thing was, she never felt good enough; felt like a failure as a mom, wife, person. I kept thinking 'you gotta be kidding me, she seemed to have it all together'. On her FB page she had something like "I am enough".
You wonderful ladies need to keep telling yourself you "are enough". To heck with everybody else. You are good people and good people will find you. 5 -
@KosmosKitten @honeybee__12 it saddens me that you both think like that. I adore you two. Big hugs to you both 🤗2
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KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I feel like this could come out very very wrong in text format. But......I feel like maybe you’re overlooking some things. I feel like I’ve seen so many people reach out to you here on mfp. All the time! I don’t know how it is in your “real life” but here on mfp people seem to be genuinely interested in you and always rooting for you. But I don’t often see you respond to it or give it back (maybe I’m wrong! I’m going off of my bad memory here). I don’t mean that in a rude way. Please believe that. I’m just making an observation. I’ve had people tell me “so many people comment on your wall”......well it’s USUALLY because I comment something to them first. People tend to forget about other people pretty quickly I find. I come to places like this to give others support and try to be a positive person. Without any expectations of getting anything back. And when I do get it back I’m always blown away. Blown away that anyone would take the time to say nice things or encourage me in any way. I don’t feel like I “fit in” totally ANYWHERE. But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway.
I hope this comes across in a nice way because my intentions are genuine.5 -
Nicely said MelG7777
"But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway." Especially like this part.
I truly don't know if this'd have anything to do with what @honeybee__12 or @KosmosKitten experience but I've found myself consciously or even unconsciously alienating certain people, or not even giving them a chance to get close to me, so that I can ward off that 'getting hurt' before I let it happen. KWIM? I don't take the risk that could reap friends' benefits. Not meant in *that* way.
Although.....
Just thinking of you all who don't feel like you fit in. Might be time to squeeze yourself in harder. 2 -
Just because I'm ridiculous on the internet it doesn't mean I'm like that in real life.
Also me : 😬
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KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I feel like this could come out very very wrong in text format. But......I feel like maybe you’re overlooking some things. I feel like I’ve seen so many people reach out to you here on mfp. All the time! I don’t know how it is in your “real life” but here on mfp people seem to be genuinely interested in you and always rooting for you. But I don’t often see you respond to it or give it back (maybe I’m wrong! I’m going off of my bad memory here). I don’t mean that in a rude way. Please believe that. I’m just making an observation. I’ve had people tell me “so many people comment on your wall”......well it’s USUALLY because I comment something to them first. People tend to forget about other people pretty quickly I find. I come to places like this to give others support and try to be a positive person. Without any expectations of getting anything back. And when I do get it back I’m always blown away. Blown away that anyone would take the time to say nice things or encourage me in any way. I don’t feel like I “fit in” totally ANYWHERE. But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway.
I hope this comes across in a nice way because my intentions are genuine.
Hmm, I wasn't necessarily meaning here, honestly. I was thinking more about my actual interactions with people (remember when that used to be a thing?) as well as some other online communities that are very specific to interests I have (music, art, etc.). While I have those interests in common with other users, I often feel very erm.. invisible. Even when I try to interact or participate in those groups (or in groups irl), I often end up being overlooked, overtalked, overshadowed by someone who is younger, prettier or more bubbly. There's nothing wrong with those personality traits or anything wrong with a person who is more outgoing than I am, but it does tend to further my feelings of isolation and feeling like I don't fit in or I am simply an imposter existing in a group.
Here (Chit-Chat specifically), is probably the only place I feel I've been genuinely accepted as who I am (even if I don't contribute a lot anymore to image heavy threads). I like the people here and the personalities... and I like that there's a good combination of younger and older users all with the same general goals (to varying degrees, that is). And I know the good people here genuinely care about the other people here (I read uplifting responses in here nearly every day or goofy teasing between users). I brought it up here because it's the only place I felt comfortable bringing it up. I figured some of you would understand what I was feeling and trying to convey. 3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I feel like this could come out very very wrong in text format. But......I feel like maybe you’re overlooking some things. I feel like I’ve seen so many people reach out to you here on mfp. All the time! I don’t know how it is in your “real life” but here on mfp people seem to be genuinely interested in you and always rooting for you. But I don’t often see you respond to it or give it back (maybe I’m wrong! I’m going off of my bad memory here). I don’t mean that in a rude way. Please believe that. I’m just making an observation. I’ve had people tell me “so many people comment on your wall”......well it’s USUALLY because I comment something to them first. People tend to forget about other people pretty quickly I find. I come to places like this to give others support and try to be a positive person. Without any expectations of getting anything back. And when I do get it back I’m always blown away. Blown away that anyone would take the time to say nice things or encourage me in any way. I don’t feel like I “fit in” totally ANYWHERE. But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway.
I hope this comes across in a nice way because my intentions are genuine.
Hmm, I wasn't necessarily meaning here, honestly. I was thinking more about my actual interactions with people (remember when that used to be a thing?) as well as some other online communities that are very specific to interests I have (music, art, etc.). While I have those interests in common with other users, I often feel very erm.. invisible. Even when I try to interact or participate in those groups (or in groups irl), I often end up being overlooked, overtalked, overshadowed by someone who is younger, prettier or more bubbly. There's nothing wrong with those personality traits or anything wrong with a person who is more outgoing than I am, but it does tend to further my feelings of isolation and feeling like I don't fit in or I am simply an imposter existing in a group.
Here (Chit-Chat specifically), is probably the only place I feel I've been genuinely accepted as who I am (even if I don't contribute a lot anymore to image heavy threads). I like the people here and the personalities... and I like that there's a good combination of younger and older users all with the same general goals (to varying degrees, that is). And I know the good people here genuinely care about the other people here (I read uplifting responses in here nearly every day or goofy teasing between users). I brought it up here because it's the only place I felt comfortable bringing it up. I figured some of you would understand what I was feeling and trying to convey.
Well I’m glad! I’m sorry I misunderstood what you were saying. I was just hoping you saw the things that I saw. And you do. So that’s great! I’m glad you at least have here for the time being.2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I feel like this could come out very very wrong in text format. But......I feel like maybe you’re overlooking some things. I feel like I’ve seen so many people reach out to you here on mfp. All the time! I don’t know how it is in your “real life” but here on mfp people seem to be genuinely interested in you and always rooting for you. But I don’t often see you respond to it or give it back (maybe I’m wrong! I’m going off of my bad memory here). I don’t mean that in a rude way. Please believe that. I’m just making an observation. I’ve had people tell me “so many people comment on your wall”......well it’s USUALLY because I comment something to them first. People tend to forget about other people pretty quickly I find. I come to places like this to give others support and try to be a positive person. Without any expectations of getting anything back. And when I do get it back I’m always blown away. Blown away that anyone would take the time to say nice things or encourage me in any way. I don’t feel like I “fit in” totally ANYWHERE. But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway.
I hope this comes across in a nice way because my intentions are genuine.
Hmm, I wasn't necessarily meaning here, honestly. I was thinking more about my actual interactions with people (remember when that used to be a thing?) as well as some other online communities that are very specific to interests I have (music, art, etc.). While I have those interests in common with other users, I often feel very erm.. invisible. Even when I try to interact or participate in those groups (or in groups irl), I often end up being overlooked, overtalked, overshadowed by someone who is younger, prettier or more bubbly. There's nothing wrong with those personality traits or anything wrong with a person who is more outgoing than I am, but it does tend to further my feelings of isolation and feeling like I don't fit in or I am simply an imposter existing in a group.
Here (Chit-Chat specifically), is probably the only place I feel I've been genuinely accepted as who I am (even if I don't contribute a lot anymore to image heavy threads). I like the people here and the personalities... and I like that there's a good combination of younger and older users all with the same general goals (to varying degrees, that is). And I know the good people here genuinely care about the other people here (I read uplifting responses in here nearly every day or goofy teasing between users). I brought it up here because it's the only place I felt comfortable bringing it up. I figured some of you would understand what I was feeling and trying to convey.
I totally get what you are saying -I often feel the same way. I feel like I get overlooked in social settings a lot - I tend to be quiet around people I am not familiar with and sometimes even with those I do know. My sister's brother-in-law (we've been having holiday get togethers for years) told me once (when he actually shut up and listened to what I had to say) "you're more interesting than I thought you were." Well, jeez, thanks bud.
I have no problems in my professional life getting people to listen to me and respect my opinions, but for some reason in social situations I kind of just disappear.1 -
My daughter, I bought her a pair of black jeans this weekend. She called me from school saying she can't do her Phys Ed class because when she went to put on her shorts her legs were all black 😂😆 there must be alot of dye in them because I washed them before she put them on.4
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honeybee__12 wrote: »
I'll say it again......you're one of the ones I look forward to reading posts from, seeing what funny or interesting pictures you've found to share, etc. I'd miss you (and Kosmos) if you weren't here and sharing yourselves with us!!
I have no idea what your history or genetic make-up is like, to make you feel the way you do(I've felt some of those things in my life as well) but I wish you knew how much of a part you play in people's lives each day. And this is directed to Kosmos as well...... You're a pat of everybody's life that you connect in some way with, each and every day. You're a part of this planet, a breath in the air, you've got so much good to give people and the world. Stop thinking you don't belong and don't have a place here. Stop thinking you have no important part and aren't a part of the whole piece. IOW get out of your head(please don't take this the wrong way because it's part of what I need to do as well!!), do something to better the world, to make another person feel good about themselves, and to help someone. If you do things that matter to you, you will find more of those people in your life.
I've never had a huge group of friends looking up to me, never felt comfortable with groups of people; I've always been a one-on-one person so I give that person my undivided attention. All throughout school and my young 20's I felt like the odd person out. At 67 I *finally* feel okay, acceptable, important enough where *I* can make changes in my own corner of the world. I'm a terribly shy introvert so never joined anything, always held back. But I've found my own little places to give back, to be where I can be happy.
I had a daycare mom who I thought was just the smokingest most beautiful best mom I'd ever met. Everything she touched seemed perfect. But funny thing was, she never felt good enough; felt like a failure as a mom, wife, person. I kept thinking 'you gotta be kidding me, she seemed to have it all together'. On her FB page she had something like "I am enough".
You wonderful ladies need to keep telling yourself you "are enough". To heck with everybody else. You are good people and good people will find you.
You are a sweetheart, thank you so much for your wise words.
Some days I get caught in a loop of self pity,
they embarrass me because I have a great life with family that loves me and I love.
I also have met some truly wonderful people here on MFP.
I put you in that category.
Again, thank you ❤️2 -
Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »@KosmosKitten @honeybee__12 it saddens me that you both think like that. I adore you two. Big hugs to you both 🤗
((Hug)) 🌺😊1 -
I'm mostly curious what fresh "hell" my dentist will tell me after examining my teeth (again) tomorrow. I've been having low grade, persistent sensitivity in or near a tooth he worked on in Jan. Comes and goes. Mostly praying to the dental gods that I don't need a root canal, despite him not mentioning any problem areas or concerns when we finished up my fillings in Jan.
3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »It is very obvious (to me) that I belong nowhere. Anywhere I go, offline or on I never feel as though I truly fit in. I end up feeling overlooked either because I am too old.. or too young.. or not attractive enough. This has been a problem my entire life. Always playing second fiddle or always attracting the attention of the wrong type of folk.
I am unsure how to change this at this point as it is not a problem of having a lack of confidence.. or "faking it until I make it" or any of the other suggestions that have been made over the years. Neither of those things have brought a change to how I feel; that is.. of being a mediocre female with no discernible or appealing attributes that interest others.
It is a leading reason as to why I no longer have many actual friends. I was either attracting selfish, self-centered or narcissistic people... or people who were transient in how they themselves approached friendships.
I dunno, just something I think about a lot.
I feel like this could come out very very wrong in text format. But......I feel like maybe you’re overlooking some things. I feel like I’ve seen so many people reach out to you here on mfp. All the time! I don’t know how it is in your “real life” but here on mfp people seem to be genuinely interested in you and always rooting for you. But I don’t often see you respond to it or give it back (maybe I’m wrong! I’m going off of my bad memory here). I don’t mean that in a rude way. Please believe that. I’m just making an observation. I’ve had people tell me “so many people comment on your wall”......well it’s USUALLY because I comment something to them first. People tend to forget about other people pretty quickly I find. I come to places like this to give others support and try to be a positive person. Without any expectations of getting anything back. And when I do get it back I’m always blown away. Blown away that anyone would take the time to say nice things or encourage me in any way. I don’t feel like I “fit in” totally ANYWHERE. But I can fit in a little bit in a lot of places. Fitting in is overrated anyway.
I hope this comes across in a nice way because my intentions are genuine.
Hmm, I wasn't necessarily meaning here, honestly. I was thinking more about my actual interactions with people (remember when that used to be a thing?) as well as some other online communities that are very specific to interests I have (music, art, etc.). While I have those interests in common with other users, I often feel very erm.. invisible. Even when I try to interact or participate in those groups (or in groups irl), I often end up being overlooked, overtalked, overshadowed by someone who is younger, prettier or more bubbly. There's nothing wrong with those personality traits or anything wrong with a person who is more outgoing than I am, but it does tend to further my feelings of isolation and feeling like I don't fit in or I am simply an imposter existing in a group.
Here (Chit-Chat specifically), is probably the only place I feel I've been genuinely accepted as who I am (even if I don't contribute a lot anymore to image heavy threads). I like the people here and the personalities... and I like that there's a good combination of younger and older users all with the same general goals (to varying degrees, that is). And I know the good people here genuinely care about the other people here (I read uplifting responses in here nearly every day or goofy teasing between users). I brought it up here because it's the only place I felt comfortable bringing it up. I figured some of you would understand what I was feeling and trying to convey.
I totally get what you are saying -I often feel the same way. I feel like I get overlooked in social settings a lot - I tend to be quiet around people I am not familiar with and sometimes even with those I do know. My sister's brother-in-law (we've been having holiday get togethers for years) told me once (when he actually shut up and listened to what I had to say) "you're more interesting than I thought you were." Well, jeez, thanks bud.
I have no problems in my professional life getting people to listen to me and respect my opinions, but for some reason in social situations I kind of just disappear.
I find all too many people do NOT stop to listen and I have a hard time to get a word in because I'm not one to leap into conversations. I've always been the listener, the shoulder, for others. So when I do feel like I have something to add to a conversation, must be my personality comes across as 'not worth listening to'. IDK.
Must be why I like participating in forums. Nobody to ignore me or talk over me.
So, it's not you, it's them. 2
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