Overweight son

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Replies

  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,257 Member
    As many others have said - have a talk with the coach, especially one he respects.

    When I was 16 I was 5'10 and 140 lbs. My track coach loved it, but my football coach told me if I didn't put on some muscle I was going to be cut. He gave me the brutal honesty and action plan I needed to succeed. In the next two years I grew another 2 inches and put on about 40 lbs.
  • I'd stick more protein in his lunch so he won't get hungry so quickly. Also, see if you can add more low calorie fruits and veggies to his diet so he'll fill up on that sort of thing.
  • tahxirez
    tahxirez Posts: 270 Member
    I understand your concerns but whether he's 16 or 60, it's going to have to be his choice. I never cared about my weight until I was 46 and a grandpa, and until our company health insurance started to get feisty about it. Feed him the most nutritional meals you can at home and hope he understands the pitfalls of junk food from the mini mart.

    This. A thousand times this. Start with the food at home, show him healthier options. You have some time with him under your roof left, so get to work with his diet at home and maybe those habits will catch on. There are plenty of very tasty recipes out there that are low calorie, less fat, high in vitamins. If he's eating a lot of packaged food it's almost certainly full of sodium, so maybe counter that at home by buying bottled water and keeping it cold in the fridge, buy low calorie flavorings for the water, and fix foods high in potassium. There are a thousand ways to mold his eating habits before he turns 18 and is out on his own.

    Try having his coach provide the reading material. All in the interests of athletic performance. Choose the coach he respects most, the one he wants to please. Then he will likely make a serious effort to comply. If my soccer coach had mentioned one word like this to me and provided education on nutrition I would have been maintaining a healthy weight for 10 years now. Unfortunately I had to come by it all the hard way :)
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    tmn2016 wrote: »
    i know that he needs to lose weight when he's ready; the issue that i have is that, as a parent, I take the blame for creating the unhealthy habits as i had it myself in the past. As a parent we want what is best for them and I have a hard time watching him gain weight and then developing diabetes, etc. because i did not do something about it. The doctor has spoke with him about it and we have mentioned to him about diabetes being in our family but he still doesn't get it. Very hard as a parent to watch your kid gaining weight when he plays 3 sports. But come to find out, he has been going to dunkin donuts, getting sports drink, etc. All of the stuff that i don't have in the house. Again, yes he needs to make the decision to stop doing those things and i cannot control what he does outside the home. But it's so hard to watch and not do something about if if you know what i mean!
    I thought about making another drs appt. to get blood work, etc done to make sure his thyroids and sugar are in acceptable levels then have another talk to him. The problem is that he is a procrastinator and i can just see it now. Unless it happens to him, he will not make the move and lose weight to prevent it from happening. That's what i'm afraid is going to get down to

    Do you mind my asking where he gets money from to purchase Dunkin donuts and sports drinks? Does he have an afternoon job or allowance? Tightening the belt on his access to $$ might curb his additional calories.
  • siraphine
    siraphine Posts: 185 Member
    You can't force him. It's his choice and if he thinks it's a problem he will do something about it. I was chubby in highschool. People told me that. A lot. They made me feel like the most disgusting piece of garbage on the planet. They killed my self esteem. My family commented on my weight. What ended up happening? I scrapped my self worth and ended up getting with an abusive *kitten* and put on a TON of weight. I wasn't chubby anymore, I was morbidly obese.

    My advice? Live and let live. He'll figure it out on his own if it's important to him. He's not a little boy anymore and he has ownership of his body.
  • shank3r
    shank3r Posts: 13 Member
    I may be parenting all wrong, but my son is 6 years old and even though he's got a chunky face, he's skinny.

    I've been teaching him that it's all about moderation. A piece of cake is fine, just don't eat a huge piece and dessert isn't an everyday thing.

    I've got him to where he snacks on fruit & vegetables. Almost every time he asks for a cookie or other junk food for a snack and I lift my shirt showing him my gut and ask him if he wants to be fat like me. He always replies "No." so I tell him instead of the cookie/junk, have a snack that will feed his body and not make him fat.
    He used to eat like an athlete until he started school; now he sees junk food and wants to eat crap too often. He's starting to shy away from veggies because the veggies they serve at school are canned and taste like crap. I grille/steam/bake fresh veggies at my house only.

    His most recent thing is he doesn't want any sweet potato's because the "instant" mashed potato's with gravy at school are better.

    I make sure to have a few junk items in the house though. Growing up there was NO junk food in my house and when I got out on my own I went on an eating spree in college and got fat as hell. We didn't even have frosted cheerios in my house growing up, so any time I was at Granny's house or a friends house; they must have thought I was starved at home because I never learned how to eat junk food in moderation and now as a 36 year old adult it's a HUGE challenge for me.

  • Baxie23
    Baxie23 Posts: 34 Member
    I've been thinking about your situation with your son a lot for the last few days. Being overweight when I was a teen was really stressful and I'm lucky my parents were very careful about how they approached things with me. I was thinking that maybe instead of telling your son that he needs to lose weight or get healthier you could try something like, "hey son, your health and wellbeing is really important to me. If you need help or advice about nutrition or fitness I'm here to answer any questions. I know when I first started on my journey I had lots of questions and lucky people were willing to help when I was ready".
    Just a thought. I really empathize with your kid. I hope you both figure this out.
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    Wow.

    He's not overweight. By any standards.

    At that age he's still going to grow a lot more and he's packing on muscle by the minute
    .

    His energy needs are insane.

    Whatever you do don't comment on his body or his diet. Like at all. Ever. That is how you create poor self image. Textbook.

    Find a sport or exercise he likes and do it with him. It will mean you're staying involved in your sons life at an age where we shed parents and gives you an avenue for encouraging healthy living in an indirect postive way.

    Of course he is eating food you don't give him. He's attaining independence and it's healthy. Don't micromanage him. Let him experiment how he wishes and if you've done your job right he will come back to good diet (he's already got activity down) if he's eating things you wouldn't approve of or he will figure out what is right for him.

    Put it this way. If he let mummy and daddy manage everything he ate and did at 16 he's not going to be able to manage at thirty on his own.

    Loosen the reigns.

    If you read, the OP said her son's weight is "guts" and the doctor said he was overweight/obese. A doctor physically examining a patient can tell if someone is muscular and in a situation where the BMI scale does not apply. Apparently in this case it does.

    For the OP, I would prepare nutritious meals, lots of lean protein and veggies. Get the junk food out of the house. Sure he can get it somewhere else, but he has to make the choice to spend his limited funds on it.

    Talk to his coaches. Most schools have an in season weight training program. I'm guessing your son goes to a fairly small school. My kids went to a school with 400 kids and a 5'10" 210 pound player would not make the basketball team (unless he was jacked), let alone be in a position to get playing time or start. This may limit your resources as far as strength and conditioning programs at the school. Maybe ask the coaches if there is a local trainer they could recommend.


  • tmn2016
    tmn2016 Posts: 159 Member
    Baxie23 wrote: »
    I've been thinking about your situation with your son a lot for the last few days. Being overweight when I was a teen was really stressful and I'm lucky my parents were very careful about how they approached things with me. I was thinking that maybe instead of telling your son that he needs to lose weight or get healthier you could try something like, "hey son, your health and wellbeing is really important to me. If you need help or advice about nutrition or fitness I'm here to answer any questions. I know when I first started on my journey I had lots of questions and lucky people were willing to help when I was ready".
    Just a thought. I really empathize with your kid. I hope you both figure this out.

    We've talked about healthy habits and even mentioned that he would be helping me lose weight myself so we're all going to eat healthy. But given the amount of food that I give him at home if he was just you eat what I give him I know he would be losing weight. However I really think somehow he gets food from his friends or something at school. He is a very active kid plays three sports practices every single day, but I'm sure his intake is greater than his output and that's why he has not been able to lose weight but rather gain. It is a stressful time for him with school and sports and girlfriend so I'm sure he's stressed and eating because of the stress. But until he is ready to lose weight I feelthat I am on a lost battle. My fear is him getting diabetes which runs in the family. We've talked about that but he doesn't get it. Probably thinks it will not happen to him
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
    tmn2016 wrote: »
    Baxie23 wrote: »
    I've been thinking about your situation with your son a lot for the last few days. Being overweight when I was a teen was really stressful and I'm lucky my parents were very careful about how they approached things with me. I was thinking that maybe instead of telling your son that he needs to lose weight or get healthier you could try something like, "hey son, your health and wellbeing is really important to me. If you need help or advice about nutrition or fitness I'm here to answer any questions. I know when I first started on my journey I had lots of questions and lucky people were willing to help when I was ready".
    Just a thought. I really empathize with your kid. I hope you both figure this out.

    We've talked about healthy habits and even mentioned that he would be helping me lose weight myself so we're all going to eat healthy. But given the amount of food that I give him at home if he was just you eat what I give him I know he would be losing weight. However I really think somehow he gets food from his friends or something at school. He is a very active kid plays three sports practices every single day, but I'm sure his intake is greater than his output and that's why he has not been able to lose weight but rather gain. It is a stressful time for him with school and sports and girlfriend so I'm sure he's stressed and eating because of the stress. But until he is ready to lose weight I feelthat I am on a lost battle. My fear is him getting diabetes which runs in the family. We've talked about that but he doesn't get it. Probably thinks it will not happen to him

    Hmm. Do you have any treats in the house at all, go out for fun and treats, or is it healthy food in the house all the time? Have you asked him about the sources of his additional food, just as a conversation topic without the goal necessarily being calorie reduction or otherwise fixing him?

    He sounds very active - what sports does he play?
  • NextRightThing714
    NextRightThing714 Posts: 355 Member
    Wow.

    That is how you create poor self image. Textbook.

    I wholeheartedly agree. OP, your role as parent should be educator, not gatekeeper. It sounds like you've done more than enough to educate him on nutrition and healthy habits. Do not instill self doubt in your son. You can be certain that he gets enough of that from his peers. Stop projecting and let your kid be a kid. He's got the rest of his adult life to fret over his weight.
  • TigerLily100
    TigerLily100 Posts: 81 Member
    I've always felt it's a parents responsibility to keep their kids in a healthy weight range, and I always managed to do this with my daughter by just shopping healthier etc. when her weight was going up.
    Once they hit their teens and have their own money, going out with friends etc. it becomes impossible to keep their weight in check.

    So my daughter at around 14 was gaining weight and although not an issue the weight she had reached, if she continued to gain weight at the rate she was, she was going to end up with a weight problem.
    I just sat her down and talked it through with her, I told her how the vast majority of people gain a dress size per decade and got her to work out what size she would be as time went on.
    Then I asked her if she thought I was fat at size 16 and she said yes but you're not that fat Mum. So I said ok, well you've just worked out that by my age you're most likely going to be a size 20.
    It really made her think, because she said oh god I don't want to be that size and she started to eat healthier, she's now back in a healthy weight range, albeit top end of that range.
    So now she has in her mind that 10 stone is her top limit and keeps herself to that.

    It's difficult to address the issue with a teen who's already body sensitive etc.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    I'm 50 years old, and my mother has literally badgered me my WHOLE LIFE about my weight. Everything from "You don't act like you know you need to lose weight" to "people don't like fat people." TRUST ME - he KNOWS how big he is. He has eyes. He can read digits on the scale.

    What he DOES NOT need is someone badgering him about where he is. He KNOWS where he is. He needs help changing his habits from people who KNOW how to help him do it. For example, a registered dietician/nutritionist. They can help him make livable changes to what he's eating, when and why he's eating, and things he can do to change it without blowing him out of it because it's "too hard". A nutritionist can help him make subtle changes now in the right direction so that when you add them all up, he's eating in a more healthy way.

    Since he's into sports - it can even be some sort of trainer. The trainer can relay to him the importance to increasing protein to help build muscle and it's going to have more impact than if it comes from you. I'm sorry to be so direct - it's not that he doesn't love you, but you're right - you don't want to be the source of resentment for badgering him about his weight.

  • Neanbean13
    Neanbean13 Posts: 211 Member
    Id make sure things are ok for him mentally. Is he stress eating? Being bullied? Over eating could be a sign of mental unwellness. School, exams, even competition in sports etc i know trying to get any 16 yr old to talk abouttheir feelings is hard but worth exploring even with his coach or school.