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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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janejellyroll wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »I think that ultimately it’s down to you to look how you want. If your happy and comfortable as you are then your other half should respect it. If you are becoming unhappy and unhealthy then I think it’s nice to have motivation and support from your other half to help you reach your end goal. I see to many people complain that they “aren’t attracted” to their partner anymore etc and I just think those people need to learn to accept that this is the person they are with, and shouldn’t push someone to change if it’s not what that person wants as it’s their body and their life
This is a wonderful philosophy for those who live in bubbles or perhaps being living a life of solitude on Mars. The rest of us live in a world where our actions impact those who live around us.
Eating irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. Spending irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. When we enter into a relationship it is no longer just about you, but the couple, so no....it is no longer just that person's body and life. It is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect your partner to simply accept any behavior.
Love the sarcasm but I will have to disagree with you on this one. What right do we have to change someone else into being someone that only pleases ourselves? What makes your ideology of how someone should look the correct way? Why can’t someone gain a bit of weight without having comments and being made to feel like crap by their other half? When we enter a relationship we learn to love that person based on who they are and not what they look like. If you are materialistic then yes you will bully your other half into losing weight ..
I disagree. I think we can love a combination of things about our mates, including physical attributes. For instance, I love my spouse's tendency toward physical fitness (not perfection, but the appearance of general good health), because not only does it look attractive to me, it is an outward reflection of our shared interests and activities.
Sure, people (for a variety of reasons) can gain "a bit of weight" at certain times in their lives, especially in times of stress, but there's a difference between 25 pounds and 100+ pounds. And there's a difference between making the effort to get back in shape and just letting yourself go. That's as much a personality thing as a physical one, IMO.
When you're in a relationship, it's not just all about you. It's not just "your body and your life." It's a partnership. If you want to do your own thing, that's cool too. But maybe you should do on your own. Because part of a successful partnership is pleasing the other person - and that goes BOTH ways. The right partner won't expect perfection or stress you out or try to change you into someone out of character, but they should appreciate and reciprocate the efforts you make to maintain your relationship.
No one should be "made to feel like crap" or shamed by their partner. That's abusive. But no one should be made to accept extreme changes in their partner's appearance, personality and behavior, either. That's not what they signed up for. (I'm not talking about medical problems or issues beyond one's control here. I'm talking about willful, conscious choices.) If my husband gains a hundred pounds there had better be a good medical reason beyond his control for it. The same standard holds for me. We're getting older and approaching 20 years together happily. Clearly, we aren't going to stay young and hot forever. But we both agree it would be optimal to be the best versions of ourselves at every age. It's what we want for ourselves AND for each other. And that's compatibility.
Not every couple values health and fitness the same. If you both agree on your priorities, then more power to you to just do whatever, be whatever. But if you have different priorities, you need to either compromise to stay together or maybe reconsider whether you are a good match. Because it's not cool for spouses to be going off in different directions, unless that's something you've agreed upon together.
I signed up for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. What the heck did you sign up for?
My sister is married to a quadriplegic who was an athlete when she married him. My uncle is married to a woman with dementia who does crazy stuff. Life happens. People get old, they get ugly, they go bald, they get fat, they have prostate issues and become impotent. You better bloody well expect that if you both live long enough the person you married will change beyond anything you ever dreamed of, because we all do.
I get what you're saying, but the person you're responding to specifically wrote: "I'm not talking about medical problems or issues beyond one's control here" and that would include the examples you're making.
I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who is constantly judging whether or not my reasons for gaining weight were good enough to justify it or not.
Hoping some of the people on this thread are young, and that maturity will bring wisdom.4 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »I think that ultimately it’s down to you to look how you want. If your happy and comfortable as you are then your other half should respect it. If you are becoming unhappy and unhealthy then I think it’s nice to have motivation and support from your other half to help you reach your end goal. I see to many people complain that they “aren’t attracted” to their partner anymore etc and I just think those people need to learn to accept that this is the person they are with, and shouldn’t push someone to change if it’s not what that person wants as it’s their body and their life
This is a wonderful philosophy for those who live in bubbles or perhaps being living a life of solitude on Mars. The rest of us live in a world where our actions impact those who live around us.
Eating irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. Spending irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. When we enter into a relationship it is no longer just about you, but the couple, so no....it is no longer just that person's body and life. It is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect your partner to simply accept any behavior.
Love the sarcasm but I will have to disagree with you on this one. What right do we have to change someone else into being someone that only pleases ourselves? What makes your ideology of how someone should look the correct way? Why can’t someone gain a bit of weight without having comments and being made to feel like crap by their other half? When we enter a relationship we learn to love that person based on who they are and not what they look like. If you are materialistic then yes you will bully your other half into losing weight ..
I disagree. I think we can love a combination of things about our mates, including physical attributes. For instance, I love my spouse's tendency toward physical fitness (not perfection, but the appearance of general good health), because not only does it look attractive to me, it is an outward reflection of our shared interests and activities.
Sure, people (for a variety of reasons) can gain "a bit of weight" at certain times in their lives, especially in times of stress, but there's a difference between 25 pounds and 100+ pounds. And there's a difference between making the effort to get back in shape and just letting yourself go. That's as much a personality thing as a physical one, IMO.
When you're in a relationship, it's not just all about you. It's not just "your body and your life." It's a partnership. If you want to do your own thing, that's cool too. But maybe you should do on your own. Because part of a successful partnership is pleasing the other person - and that goes BOTH ways. The right partner won't expect perfection or stress you out or try to change you into someone out of character, but they should appreciate and reciprocate the efforts you make to maintain your relationship.
No one should be "made to feel like crap" or shamed by their partner. That's abusive. But no one should be made to accept extreme changes in their partner's appearance, personality and behavior, either. That's not what they signed up for. (I'm not talking about medical problems or issues beyond one's control here. I'm talking about willful, conscious choices.) If my husband gains a hundred pounds there had better be a good medical reason beyond his control for it. The same standard holds for me. We're getting older and approaching 20 years together happily. Clearly, we aren't going to stay young and hot forever. But we both agree it would be optimal to be the best versions of ourselves at every age. It's what we want for ourselves AND for each other. And that's compatibility.
Not every couple values health and fitness the same. If you both agree on your priorities, then more power to you to just do whatever, be whatever. But if you have different priorities, you need to either compromise to stay together or maybe reconsider whether you are a good match. Because it's not cool for spouses to be going off in different directions, unless that's something you've agreed upon together.
I signed up for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. What the heck did you sign up for?
My sister is married to a quadriplegic who was an athlete when she married him. My uncle is married to a woman with dementia who does crazy stuff. Life happens. People get old, they get ugly, they go bald, they get fat, they have prostate issues and become impotent. You better bloody well expect that if you both live long enough the person you married will change beyond anything you ever dreamed of, because we all do.
I stand 100% by my original statement. I emphasized that I was NOT talking about medical issues beyond one's control and that I referring to willful, conscious choices - like people letting themselves go. You may have signed up for "anything goes," but that's not what I signed up for. We apparently have different standards, and I'm not ashamed of that.
Another layer to the bolded: depression or mental illness obstacles, that may not be as obvious as an injury or more strait forward illness diagnosis/treatment. It's pretty common for excessive weight gain and depression to go hand in hand. Many times the sufferer doesn't have success on the weight loss front until they address the depression as well.
Thoughts on that (anyone, not jenilla specifically, though I would be interested in your thoughts as well
)
I do consider mental illness to be a legitimate medical issue. I would be supportive of helping my partner through treatment. I have known people who have done well with treatment and those who have struggled long-term but still keep working on it. I understand that weight management can be difficult for people with mental health issues. I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about people who don't prioritize a healthy lifestyle. I'm just not interested in a partner who really doesn't share my values. And it's cool if people have other interests. They just aren't for me.1 -
rheddmobile wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »Mandylou19912014 wrote: »I think that ultimately it’s down to you to look how you want. If your happy and comfortable as you are then your other half should respect it. If you are becoming unhappy and unhealthy then I think it’s nice to have motivation and support from your other half to help you reach your end goal. I see to many people complain that they “aren’t attracted” to their partner anymore etc and I just think those people need to learn to accept that this is the person they are with, and shouldn’t push someone to change if it’s not what that person wants as it’s their body and their life
This is a wonderful philosophy for those who live in bubbles or perhaps being living a life of solitude on Mars. The rest of us live in a world where our actions impact those who live around us.
Eating irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. Spending irresponsibly has tremendous negative impact. When we enter into a relationship it is no longer just about you, but the couple, so no....it is no longer just that person's body and life. It is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect your partner to simply accept any behavior.
Love the sarcasm but I will have to disagree with you on this one. What right do we have to change someone else into being someone that only pleases ourselves? What makes your ideology of how someone should look the correct way? Why can’t someone gain a bit of weight without having comments and being made to feel like crap by their other half? When we enter a relationship we learn to love that person based on who they are and not what they look like. If you are materialistic then yes you will bully your other half into losing weight ..
I disagree. I think we can love a combination of things about our mates, including physical attributes. For instance, I love my spouse's tendency toward physical fitness (not perfection, but the appearance of general good health), because not only does it look attractive to me, it is an outward reflection of our shared interests and activities.
Sure, people (for a variety of reasons) can gain "a bit of weight" at certain times in their lives, especially in times of stress, but there's a difference between 25 pounds and 100+ pounds. And there's a difference between making the effort to get back in shape and just letting yourself go. That's as much a personality thing as a physical one, IMO.
When you're in a relationship, it's not just all about you. It's not just "your body and your life." It's a partnership. If you want to do your own thing, that's cool too. But maybe you should do on your own. Because part of a successful partnership is pleasing the other person - and that goes BOTH ways. The right partner won't expect perfection or stress you out or try to change you into someone out of character, but they should appreciate and reciprocate the efforts you make to maintain your relationship.
No one should be "made to feel like crap" or shamed by their partner. That's abusive. But no one should be made to accept extreme changes in their partner's appearance, personality and behavior, either. That's not what they signed up for. (I'm not talking about medical problems or issues beyond one's control here. I'm talking about willful, conscious choices.) If my husband gains a hundred pounds there had better be a good medical reason beyond his control for it. The same standard holds for me. We're getting older and approaching 20 years together happily. Clearly, we aren't going to stay young and hot forever. But we both agree it would be optimal to be the best versions of ourselves at every age. It's what we want for ourselves AND for each other. And that's compatibility.
Not every couple values health and fitness the same. If you both agree on your priorities, then more power to you to just do whatever, be whatever. But if you have different priorities, you need to either compromise to stay together or maybe reconsider whether you are a good match. Because it's not cool for spouses to be going off in different directions, unless that's something you've agreed upon together.
I signed up for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. What the heck did you sign up for?
My sister is married to a quadriplegic who was an athlete when she married him. My uncle is married to a woman with dementia who does crazy stuff. Life happens. People get old, they get ugly, they go bald, they get fat, they have prostate issues and become impotent. You better bloody well expect that if you both live long enough the person you married will change beyond anything you ever dreamed of, because we all do.
I get what you're saying, but the person you're responding to specifically wrote: "I'm not talking about medical problems or issues beyond one's control here" and that would include the examples you're making.
I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who is constantly judging whether or not my reasons for gaining weight were good enough to justify it or not.
Hoping some of the people on this thread are young, and that maturity will bring wisdom.
That's cool. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years. We've been through a lot, including some life-threatening health issues, so we both know what's truly important in our marriage. I'm not young and immature. I'm wise about what I want in life. I want to enjoy life with someone who also wants to enjoy life. And being fit and healthy is enjoyable to me. I don't have time to fool around playing emotional games with my partner, so there's really no need for "constant judgement." A little bit of weight fluctuation from time to time throughout various points in your journey is totally normal. 50-100+ pounds is not normal. It should be cause for concern. It's past time to take action. I really like my spouse and I'd like to keep him around and active for as long as possible. The same goes for me. Obesity is life-limiting. If you can avoid it, you should. If it's beyond your control, well then, that's another story. But I'm all for doing whatever you can to make the best life for yourself. To each his own! 
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rheddmobile wrote: »
I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who is constantly judging whether or not my reasons for gaining weight were good enough to justify it or not.
Hoping some of the people on this thread are young, and that maturity will bring wisdom.
I'm in my 6th decade of life and the wisdom I've attained is that we are always being judged, including being judged by those who took a vow to love and cherish us forever.
So the maturity and wisdom I seek to impart is we have to live in the world as it is, not as we judge it should be.
So suggesting that our spouse can't judge us, is ironically, a judgement.
So one cannot logically suggest the spouse who judges is inferior without they themselves passing some sort of judgment.
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tbright1965 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »
I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who is constantly judging whether or not my reasons for gaining weight were good enough to justify it or not.
Hoping some of the people on this thread are young, and that maturity will bring wisdom.
I'm in my 6th decade of life and the wisdom I've attained is that we are always being judged, including being judged by those who took a vow to love and cherish us forever.
So the maturity and wisdom I seek to impart is we have to live in the world as it is, not as we judge it should be.
So suggesting that our spouse can't judge us, is ironically, a judgement.
So one cannot logically suggest the spouse who judges is inferior without they themselves passing some sort of judgment.
Sometimes I think you confuse opinion or a truthful statement or response with judgement. An opinion can be very similar to judgement, but different.0 -
I can agree with this... And often times I think this is not considered.
Another layer to the bolded: depression or mental illness obstacles, that may not be as obvious as an injury or more strait forward illness diagnosis/treatment. It's pretty common for excessive weight gain and depression to go hand in hand. Many times the sufferer doesn't have success on the weight loss front until they address the depression as well.
Thoughts on that (anyone, not jenilla specifically, though I would be interested in your thoughts as well)
But even with mental health issues, I know of some that lack the patience or understanding to deal with a spouse that suffers with mental health issues.
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »rheddmobile wrote: »
I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who is constantly judging whether or not my reasons for gaining weight were good enough to justify it or not.
Hoping some of the people on this thread are young, and that maturity will bring wisdom.
I'm in my 6th decade of life and the wisdom I've attained is that we are always being judged, including being judged by those who took a vow to love and cherish us forever.
So the maturity and wisdom I seek to impart is we have to live in the world as it is, not as we judge it should be.
So suggesting that our spouse can't judge us, is ironically, a judgement.
So one cannot logically suggest the spouse who judges is inferior without they themselves passing some sort of judgment.
Sometimes I think you confuse opinion with judgement. Very similar, but different.
Opinions are judgments. If I believe X, then I believe X is preferable to Y. So if some believes in no-judgement, doesn't matter if you call it an opinion, belief, or whatever label you put on it, they have judged that to be a guiding principle in their life.
They have made a choice. Judgment, opinion, preference, discernment, really just different words that largely mean the same thing.
I'm not the one saying judgment is bad. I'm pointing out the logical disconnect by those who have the opinion (spelled judgment) that judgment is bad.
My position is logically consistent. Those whose opinion is that judgment is bad are the ones contradicting themselves.2 -
Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.1
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?1 -
tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?
I'm saying it could be someone's opinion that they are being judged. They indeed might not be judged, it could be someone's else's opinion or it could be the truth that the injured party have deemed as judgement.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?
I'm saying it could be someone's opinion that they are being judged. They indeed might not be judged, it could be someone's else's opinion or it could be the truth that the injured party have deemed as judgement.
I see.
If one is judged, does that mean they are injured?0 -
tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?
I'm saying it could be someone's opinion that they are being judged. They indeed might not be judged, it could be someone's else's opinion or it could be the truth that the injured party have deemed as judgement.
I see.
If one is judged, does that mean they are injured?
See you are taking this somewhere else-LOL. I believe it's about perception. Some people don't mind judgement, some do. I have a friend that do not give a *kitten* about one thinks, feels, or judge about her (literally), another person would have a breakdown in that same scenario. So I can't determine when a person should or shouldn't be injured or what ailments if any causes them to feel or respond the way that they do. I just deal with it from a point that everyone is entitled to their own feelings and everyone is different.1 -
Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.3 -
Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.1 -
I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
3 -
tbright1965 wrote: »I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
@tbright1965 - this was beautifully stated. and I don't want to take away from your response, because sometimes I think we ignore how responses can be taken out of wack. It's a lot of pages here, so you probably didn't read what I wrote on this here subject. My guy said to me that I needed to "step my game up in the gym and tighten up my diet".....this hurt my feelings because what I heard was, "You are lazy and fat and I'm not attracted to you anymore! You've been stuck in this state for forever and you are a fat *kitten*!" This led to huge argument. I told him that he wasn't supportive along with a host of other things.
Later that week I had to check myself and ask what made me respond that way. And it was because it was an insecurity of mine and I needed to deal with the way I viewed myself and the emotional part of it. That's when I had to start loving myself at every stage of my fitness and weight. I had to stop mirroring views/judgement/opinions of other people and applying it to myself. Now, after saying all that, part of loving me is choosing healthier options and acting like (through my habits) I appreciate my body and health!
4 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
@tbright1965 - this was beautifully stated. and I don't want to take away from your response, because sometimes I think we ignore how responses can be taken out of wack. It's a lot of pages here, so you probably didn't read what I wrote on this here subject. My guy said to me that I needed to "step my game up in the gym and tighten up my diet".....this hurt my feelings because what I heard was, "You are lazy and fat and I'm not attracted to you anymore! You've been stuck in this state for forever and you are a fat *kitten*!" This led to huge argument. I told him that he wasn't supportive along with a host of other things.
Later that week I had to check myself and ask what made me respond that way. And it was because it was an insecurity of mine and I needed to deal with the way I viewed myself and the emotional part of it. That's when I had to start loving myself at every stage of my fitness and weight. I had to stop mirroring views/judgement/opinions of other people and applying it to myself. Now, after saying all that, part of loving me is choosing healthier options and acting like (through my habits) I appreciate my body and health!
One thing to remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. It's not always the person who tells you bad news who hates you. They may love you enough to tell you the bad news.
But what of the one who is apathetic enough to keep quiet? Do they really love you?
Depends. If they've been punished for being honest before, perhaps the only way they can preserve their love for you is to be quiet. However, if they have never said anything, ever, do they really care?
It's hard to say.2 -
Most people are simply horrible at communication. It's an art/science in dramatic decline. We only get better at this by doing.
Ideas need to be spoken to be refined. Offense is often required in this process. This is where intent comes into play. If the notion is to be offensive and destructive, then this should not be tolerated.
I've been in audit for the past few weeks and was challenged by a line of questioning along these lines regarding my team. I need my friends, family, associates, colleagues to speak truth at all times, even when it may be painful. If they are simply attempting to appease for sake of feelings these are not friends. These are cowards.
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