Loneliness and weight loss.

jessiferrrb

LAMCDylan wrote: »

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

LAMCDylan wrote: »

I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.

No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.

Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.

Not everyone from a broken home is damaged ....some of my friends from so called two parent families are screwed up more than me from a broken home....just saying

True. But as a general guideline it is something to worry about. Especially if they are not in recovery, which I find most are not. Many have these unconscious bad patterns because they never learned how it is to be healthy/normal. Their household was not healthy/normal. And they just pass this down in their relationships and on to their kids (if they have any). The above people are not inherently bad but their patterns are indicative to people with a lot of pain and dysfunction. Healthy people can spot a person with problems very quickly. If both people are unhealthy then they just become enmeshed and it's a horrible situation. The question is, what do you prefer? Would you rather keep having the same results or be the person in control and looking for a quality relationship?

wow. so much is wrong with this. broken homes don't make broken people. there are tons of situations where leaving is the healthy choice and i'm much happier that my parents split and were able to find love with other people than if they had stayed together and miserable. i got to see what functional relationships were like because of my 'broken' home. however, if you want to eliminate roughly half of the population from your dating options have at it. i've eliminated judgmental jerks from mine.

edited to add: it's worked out pretty well for me

CharlieBeansmomTracey

LAMCDylan wrote: »

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

LAMCDylan wrote: »

I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.

No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.

Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.

Not everyone from a broken home is damaged ....some of my friends from so called two parent families are screwed up more than me from a broken home....just saying

True. But as a general guideline it is something to worry about. Especially if they are not in recovery, which I find most are not. Many have these unconscious bad patterns because they never learned how it is to be healthy/normal. Their household was not healthy/normal. And they just pass this down in their relationships and on to their kids (if they have any). The above people are not inherently bad but their patterns are indicative to people with a lot of pain and dysfunction. Healthy people can spot a person with problems very quickly. If both people are unhealthy then they just become enmeshed and it's a horrible situation. The question is, what do you prefer? Would you rather keep having the same results or be the person in control and looking for a quality relationship?

whats normal anyway? and not everyone needs recovery/therapy,etc to deal with issues from a broken home. some of us learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to relationships.

Fitkam90

LAMCDylan wrote: »

I also created a list of things I do not want, which is helpful.

No women with daddy issues or coming from broken homes, no women with a bunch of kids, no recent divorcee's or multiple divorces, no women with a bunch of Exes, no women who use drugs, alcohol or have other addiction, no women that regularly hang out at bars, must be mentally stable, etc. In my experience the above people are likely to be cheaters, have a wrong understanding about love, have a lot of destructive patterns, etc. And you are more likely to develop a codependent relationship with them.

Now, switch this out with men. Believe me, all of these are red flags. The problem is that if you are needy you will go with people like this because you feel you can't get better. This is *kitten*. Start understanding and acting like you are worthy of love. And that you do not have to earn it or try hard for it. Realize you are in control. Fight the urge to hook up with people. You may have a pattern of dating people like this, having random sex, etc. You have to replace people, places, and things in your life. This can cause a lot of anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. And, during this time you can be sucked back into the wrong kind of people, places and things. Recognize this and just fight it.

I understand and agree with needing to have certain core standards met by a potential mate. However 99.999999999% of women and men have a history with at least one of your listed "red flags." Everyone has issues somewhere if ya dig far enough. Maybe there are perfectly unscathed people out there I'm not aware of! I have an addiction to coffee, and I am not always mentally stable lol, but I've never cheated and I know what love is. Doesn't everyone deal with destructive patterns? Like me learning not to stuff my face when I'm emotional.

TartsAndTattoos

I got married at 30, 2 weeks after we started dating. We just had our 22nd anniversary- though sometimes I'd like to run him over with the car You've got PLENTY of time. Don't fret- love your life, be free, eat snacks in bed!