Why did you get married?
Replies
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Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
Maybe ask yourself if you did give your partner everything he/she needed. Why would he/she look outside of the relationship if something wasn't missing?
Curiosity, excitement, adrenaline, something new. Something secretive
our little secret.
Can you do something else that makes you curious or excited or give you adrenaline rush or try something new without hurting your significant other? I'm just brainstorming here. I have never cheated on my partners but I got cheated on. That chick ended up being a better fit for my bf so I am actually happy for them. It really hurt my feelings (and my ego) though for a long time.
I also think you can play the cheating game for only so long. Until you really find the person you are scared to lose. I think.
Isn't that a flaw too- "too scared to lose" ? how strong is the relationship that if you have to keep worrying about "what if" ?
What I meant by this is maybe one day you will find someone whom you respect enough not to cheat behind her back because if that person leaves you for that it will hurt like hell and you never forgive yourself because you knew deep inside that she was the one.
I didn't mean you are literally scared in your relationship and start making conspiracy theories in your head.0 -
I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.2
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LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
So if statistically about half of all marriages end in divorce, statistically about half of all marriages end in death.2 -
@huntersvonnegut Yes... whether it be mental, emotional or physical.0
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He was someone I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. 27yrs later I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Getting married was the next natural step to us to express our commitment to one another.1
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If cheating occurs something is wrong or not working in that relationship. Examples; 1. my friend was dating a daddy figure rather than partner. It didn't work out. 2. My other friend was with a guy for seven years he cheated on her throughout. They came across as more brother and sister lol. 3. The other married well you would think it would work the artful met the dodger lol. Cheating was part of their sadistic power games. Their still together the cheating has become a game. The man says his not leaving because the other woman are not better than his wife. The wife I'm not leaving he retires soon I'm not letting a younger woman have access to my earnings.
One thing for sure cheating happens when something can't be clearly communicated1 -
huntersvonnegut wrote: »LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
So if statistically about half of all marriages end in divorce, statistically about half of all marriages end in death.
Its the how they died you gotta pay attention to
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LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
that "half of you" as in 50% - wasn't this disproved as in a wrong datum ?0 -
777Gemma888 wrote: »Tell me something-
If your man or woman -cheats on you with someone-who's to blame ? the person who was able to seduce them or your partner who succumbed down to that level? What if the seducer was single ? What if seducer wasn't?
If I was married and my husband were to cheat, given the levels of leash release I prefer to allow ... It's my fault. If the boundaries and rules we agreed upon are broken, with me not keeping sight of the rules of engagement or the rules of times apart, the onus is hypothetically mine to shoulder.
I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
Isn't open relationship enough for this? why "marriage" with those parameters ?1 -
777Gemma888 wrote: »I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
First bit - that's messed up imo and does not show any commitment on the part of the husband. A marriage is about more than "a piece of paper" or about the sex. If partner A chooses to travel for work, there should not be any obligation on partner B to show up and "service the needs" within 2 weeks or else partner A cheats. What if both partners work to support the family? What if partner A is away for work and partner B ends up in hospital with an accident? Oh, sorry but you weren't here to service me so I cheated on you. That's absolute rubbish, sorry.
Second bit - If a couple opts for an open marriage and agree to the terms of how it will work that's different.
Threats of "if you don't do X, I'm going to do Y" are not okay.4 -
@vm007 I think it is actually a range. According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate is 40-50% for 2018. The rate is higher for subsequent marriages. http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/
I do know that for the past 35 years I have never had a slow down in work. I swear sometimes the rate feels like 90%. Unfortunately, I add to those stats having gotten divorced twice. I imagine being married to an attorney is a pain in the butt. But still... I got 14 years the first time and 21 the second time. Undoubtedly a credit to the wonderful women I was married to.3 -
sugaraddict4321 wrote: »777Gemma888 wrote: »I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
First bit - that's messed up imo and does not show any commitment on the part of the husband. A marriage is about more than "a piece of paper" or about the sex. If partner A chooses to travel for work, there should not be any obligation on partner B to show up and "service the needs" within 2 weeks or else partner A cheats. What if both partners work to support the family? What if partner A is away for work and partner B ends up in hospital with an accident? Oh, sorry but you weren't here to service me so I cheated on you. That's absolute rubbish, sorry.
Second bit - If a couple opts for an open marriage and agree to the terms of how it will work that's different.
Threats of "if you don't do X, I'm going to do Y" are not okay.
I think the first part might be coming from a more patriarchal culture. (Correct me if I'm wrong @777Gemma888 ) Those of us in more Western cultures don't think it's ok, but it really wasn't long ago that this was very common in Western cultures too. And it was very likely an unspoken rule. Kind of like not agreeing to an open marriage but overlooking cheating as long as it isn't blatant or causes embarrassment. I would almost appreciate the heads up - at least they are clearly communicating expectations. If I think the expectations are *kitten*, I can always walk... In Western cultures anyway.2 -
LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
that "half of you" as in 50% - wasn't this disproved as in a wrong datum ?
I believe so. I think the actual statistic is that less than 50% of first marriages end in divorce, but the overall average gets driven up by the divorce rate for second and subsequent marriages, which is greater than 50% (North America).0 -
LaDispute57 wrote: »I am a divorce attorney. Statistically, about half of you will be in to see me despite your protestations to the contrary.
that "half of you" as in 50% - wasn't this disproved as in a wrong datum ?
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics.”3 -
sugaraddict4321 wrote: »777Gemma888 wrote: »I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
First bit - that's messed up imo and does not show any commitment on the part of the husband. A marriage is about more than "a piece of paper" or about the sex. If partner A chooses to travel for work, there should not be any obligation on partner B to show up and "service the needs" within 2 weeks or else partner A cheats. What if both partners work to support the family? What if partner A is away for work and partner B ends up in hospital with an accident? Oh, sorry but you weren't here to service me so I cheated on you. That's absolute rubbish, sorry.
Second bit - If a couple opts for an open marriage and agree to the terms of how it will work that's different.
Threats of "if you don't do X, I'm going to do Y" are not okay.
There are always threats-not spoken ones or outright declarations but there always are. In almost any kind of relationship there are. There are no "selfless" relations. Especially when it comes to marriage.
In a marriage they are- support family , pay bills, be there in need, put others' needs before yours, sacrifice/compromise/cooperate, work/life balance etc - these are just the basic ones. If someone falls short- marriages end or points start piling up and then eventually therapy, counselling, attorney or extra marital affairs.
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sugaraddict4321 wrote: »777Gemma888 wrote: »I have friends who let their wives know that if they are physically apart for 2 weeks, and she fails to make an attempt to join him, where he is earning money for their family ... She knows the consequences of not being present.
Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!
ETA: Some of us are not opposed to playing with our men. Or play at the same time with set rules and boundaries.
If my husband wants to cheat, I have the right to watch them together, inasmuch as I would permit him the same access. I am his equal, his other half, his reflection. What he authorises for himself, are the very same liberties he allows me.
First bit - that's messed up imo and does not show any commitment on the part of the husband. A marriage is about more than "a piece of paper" or about the sex. If partner A chooses to travel for work, there should not be any obligation on partner B to show up and "service the needs" within 2 weeks or else partner A cheats. What if both partners work to support the family? What if partner A is away for work and partner B ends up in hospital with an accident? Oh, sorry but you weren't here to service me so I cheated on you. That's absolute rubbish, sorry.
Second bit - If a couple opts for an open marriage and agree to the terms of how it will work that's different.
Threats of "if you don't do X, I'm going to do Y" are not okay.
You're looking at it from a Western culture viewpoint. There's other cultures, and it isn't necessarily wrong for this to occur due to distance and duration of them being in another country halfway around the world.
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Btw I took a difference approach to this- as in "Why won't you get married" as in why not?
For me - when I commit to something I give my 100% even if it tears me apart from within I just cannot quit.
For example- This new job of mine- I knew it would be SO RISKY- as in I would have to work for almost free until I make this business venture profitable and sell it- I could've taken a comfortable approach but I didn't because I like chaos and I have basically zero expenses so I took upon it and it was going to take a year but I was able to put in 16 hour days and 6 months in -we are at a point that it's for sale now. If I had a family that would be a big no-no. People say work-life balance - What balance? if I don't mind doing what I am doing but I won't have this option otherwise.
Total freedom,
Even now -sometimes some things that would make me happy I don't do them because they won't generally workout because I'm in a family and I think about all of them. One example- Not buying a two door sports car because we are a family right now- so I bought 4 door instead of 2 door.
Travel freely,
Die freely lol
What do I even need a kid for?
I have other reasons as well lol-actually this approach cleared somethings for me.
I love this!!! Well said!! 👍🏼1 -
A covenant to each other & to God. It kept us together thru richer/poorer, for better/worse, in sickness & in health.
Through good times, hard times. If we didn't get married & made a commitment before God, it would have been an "out" through some of those hard times & we would have missed out on growing together & getting closer. It's been 4 kids & 46 years now
Love it!!! Congratulations!!!1 -
I was in love and would have ceased to exist if I couldn't be with him forever,
a wedding was just the next logical step.
That's what my thinking was at the time.
I was 19.1 -
To prove to everyone else that we were in love at 17 & 19 years old, we been married 42 years now and inceperable..2
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