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The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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  • RubyRed427RubyRed427 Member Posts: 2,737 Member Member Posts: 2,737 Member
    @FeelinFooFoo I am sure it will be worth the price! I think being sober gives us a more peaceful state of mind. Working through cravings and thinking through the drink is easier when you string together many days of AF.
    My problem is when I drink two days in a row and then a third day, I keep wanting more. It become like a runaway train.

    The cravings start to lessons (as you know) around 10 days and then 1 month....
    It's also easier to say "no alcohol period" than try to negotiate and ration my alcohol in my mind. Best wishes! You did one month before (maybe more even?) and you can do it again!
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    Wishing you the best, @FeelinFooFoo! I don’t know anything about Bex Weller’s program, but my investment in the Sober School course was more than worth it. I hope you have a wonderful experience! Keep us posted.

    Thank you 👍

    I will keep yous posted !
  • donimfpdonimfp Member Posts: 685 Member Member Posts: 685 Member
    @FeelinFooFoo, that is interesting that you are encountering such resistance and skepticism from your loved ones. I think your reply is perfect: All you need from them is your love and support, not their advice or approval. I don't know, but it might reassure your partner if you tell him you aren't using the "N" word (Never). That is Kate Bee's approach in the Sober School. Even though I don't intend to drink again, I don't scare myself by saying I'm never going to drink again. I set a goal. Once I reach that, I set another one. My goal was to reach 100 days, which I did on Oct. 13. Then I set another goal--6 months, which will be January 6. At that time, I'll set my next goal. Maybe that would help your partner not feel overwhelmed, like he's "losing" his drinking buddy forever, if you just told him you plan to give it a go for at least x amount of time, at which time you'll reassess. Then if you want to return to drinking, you can. If you want to continue, you can. It did make me happy to think on October 14 that I had a guilt-free opportunity to make a choice to go back to drinking if I wanted to. I chose not to.

    Anyway, I think you're doing great and learning a lot. Kate's class was expensive, but I've saved an amazing amount of money overall compared to what I would have spent if I'd continued drinking. Not to mention all the other benefits.

    You go girl. You have love and support here!!
  • dbanks80dbanks80 Member Posts: 3,630 Member Member Posts: 3,630 Member
    My partner & brother (mostly my partner) has been moaning at me about the price of SS membership. I repeated a line that I have learnt from Bex. I said " All that I need is your love & support." I said to him, surely if you see that I am getting something positive from this, then you would think the money is worth it?? Besides, I could easily waste £60 on buying rubbish! And, it's my money to spend how I wish, anyway !! 😊

    My brother has been saying "Oh, but you will crack / crumble by Christmas & new year, you will DEFINITELY drink!! Again, said to him, all I need is your love & support....

    He asked to bet me £50 that I drink at Christmas and New year so I now have £50 riding on this. (Coming to think of it, that could go towards paying for another subscription 😆) I guess they are just worried I'm being 'ripped off' but you can hit cancel at any time, you arnt locked into something. So my brother has also said 'I bet you cancel that membership soon! Once you've drank again!'

    I really get the vibe that the idea of me always not drinking, bothers them a little. My bro has been trying to encourage me to keep drinking. Saying 'your drinking wasnt that bad'. He compared it to other folks drinking habits. But he misses the point that it was MY drinking I was worried about, NOT other peoples! If Brenda down the street can happily drink X2 bottles of wine a night, does that mean that I should then feel okay that I only drink 1 bottle of wine a night?? Of course not that sounds ridiculous but it appears that that's what people tend to do with alcohol. That's the same as quitting your exercise programme because you found out that Karen doesn't exercise, so why should you ?!?

    My partner has also hinted at not being comfortable with a 'never again' approach. Although he is generally supportive of me, he said, "well, there is nothing wrong with drinking now and again."

    I can understand his point in saying this, but again, he is not ME and he doesnt get effected quite so badly by alcohol. And, I'm kinda fed up spending weekends laid up in bed trying to nurse the anxiety & low mood.

    I think when people do that it causes them to reflect on their own convictions. So dont take it personal. I have learned to navigate around the pressure. Friends telling me I am no fun when I dont drink even my own husband said i need to get the stick out of my A**. But I dont let it get to me anymore because I am doing something to better me and to make ME a happier healthier person.
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    dbanks80 wrote: »
    My partner & brother (mostly my partner) has been moaning at me about the price of SS membership. I repeated a line that I have learnt from Bex. I said " All that I need is your love & support." I said to him, surely if you see that I am getting something positive from this, then you would think the money is worth it?? Besides, I could easily waste £60 on buying rubbish! And, it's my money to spend how I wish, anyway !! 😊

    My brother has been saying "Oh, but you will crack / crumble by Christmas & new year, you will DEFINITELY drink!! Again, said to him, all I need is your love & support....

    He asked to bet me £50 that I drink at Christmas and New year so I now have £50 riding on this. (Coming to think of it, that could go towards paying for another subscription 😆) I guess they are just worried I'm being 'ripped off' but you can hit cancel at any time, you arnt locked into something. So my brother has also said 'I bet you cancel that membership soon! Once you've drank again!'

    I really get the vibe that the idea of me always not drinking, bothers them a little. My bro has been trying to encourage me to keep drinking. Saying 'your drinking wasnt that bad'. He compared it to other folks drinking habits. But he misses the point that it was MY drinking I was worried about, NOT other peoples! If Brenda down the street can happily drink X2 bottles of wine a night, does that mean that I should then feel okay that I only drink 1 bottle of wine a night?? Of course not that sounds ridiculous but it appears that that's what people tend to do with alcohol. That's the same as quitting your exercise programme because you found out that Karen doesn't exercise, so why should you ?!?

    My partner has also hinted at not being comfortable with a 'never again' approach. Although he is generally supportive of me, he said, "well, there is nothing wrong with drinking now and again."

    I can understand his point in saying this, but again, he is not ME and he doesnt get effected quite so badly by alcohol. And, I'm kinda fed up spending weekends laid up in bed trying to nurse the anxiety & low mood.

    I think when people do that it causes them to reflect on their own convictions. So dont take it personal. I have learned to navigate around the pressure. Friends telling me I am no fun when I dont drink even my own husband said i need to get the stick out of my A**. But I dont let it get to me anymore because I am doing something to better me and to make ME a happier healthier person.

    Totally agree. I have been the pushy person in the past, trying to convince others to drink (because I was drinking) or, thinking that people were 'boring' when I heard they didn't drink.....

    It really does shine a light on our own experiences. And that can make us feel uncomfortable I guess 🤷‍♀️

    And, I know so well, how easy it is to forget the negative situations caused by drinking and view it as 'an okay thing to do.....' so I reminded my bro of his hellish episode on holiday in September. He REALLY embarrassed himself and spent about 3 days feeling ashamed / low / anxious & hungover......so as he was encouraging me to carry on boozing, I encouraged him to think back and reflect how awful his boozing session affected him !

    He had no response or reply and looked a bit sheepish 😆
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    @FeelinFooFoo, that is interesting that you are encountering such resistance and skepticism from your loved ones. I think your reply is perfect: All you need from them is your love and support, not their advice or approval. I don't know, but it might reassure your partner if you tell him you aren't using the "N" word (Never). That is Kate Bee's approach in the Sober School. Even though I don't intend to drink again, I don't scare myself by saying I'm never going to drink again. I set a goal. Once I reach that, I set another one. My goal was to reach 100 days, which I did on Oct. 13. Then I set another goal--6 months, which will be January 6. At that time, I'll set my next goal. Maybe that would help your partner not feel overwhelmed, like he's "losing" his drinking buddy forever, if you just told him you plan to give it a go for at least x amount of time, at which time you'll reassess. Then if you want to return to drinking, you can. If you want to continue, you can. It did make me happy to think on October 14 that I had a guilt-free opportunity to make a choice to go back to drinking if I wanted to. I chose not to.

    Anyway, I think you're doing great and learning a lot. Kate's class was expensive, but I've saved an amazing amount of money overall compared to what I would have spent if I'd continued drinking. Not to mention all the other benefits.

    You go girl. You have love and support here!!

    Brilliant advice! The N word does sound scary. Setting a series of goals is exactly what I will shoot for.

    🤗👌❤
  • dbanks80dbanks80 Member Posts: 3,630 Member Member Posts: 3,630 Member
    I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    MissMay wrote: »
    @FeelinFooFoo, I am going to chime in on your post also. (Yes I keep an eye on everyone over here too).
    Your partner and your brother are showing their own insecurities about alcohol with their statements. I heard all the same B.S. when I started telling husband and former drinking acquaintance I was cutting back or not drinking at certain times. "Oh you don't drink that much" I would hear. It was like nails going down a chalk board for me to listen to such insensitive nonsense.
    You do what is RIGHT FOR YOU. Don't wait for applause or confirmation from them. They may be scared that you actually are right and that they might end up following your foot steps.
    Lead don't follow ❣
    (Creeping back to my own cave now)

    Thank you so much for this @MissMay
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    dbanks80 wrote: »
    I cannot say I will never drink. I am learning to just drink moderately.

    I'm planning to complete this 90 days alcohol free just to REALLY give it a go. I plan to see how I feel and make a desicion afterwards. I am pretty scared but also excited to see how I feel after 3 months completely free of alcohol. It's nerve wracking and exciting at same time!!
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    @FeelinFooFoo you might want to check out "Mrs. D. is Going Without" by Lotta Dann. It's written as a series of her blog posts day by day (Not every day . . . she skips some and narrates), but it's interesting to kind of follow along as she progresses and you progress. You can see how she felt during the first 90 days and then beyond. Her book goes all the way to day 365. Anyway, good luck on your adventure.

    I will definetly check this out ! It seems to be a really popular read, so worth looking into. Thanks! X
  • FeelinFooFooFeelinFooFoo Member Posts: 4,420 Member Member Posts: 4,420 Member
    Just added Mrs D is going without, blog, to my home page. I have started reading from the start (obviously 😆) it is very good ! And frankly, a bit weird to read someone else, talking about alcohol in such an upfront manner, very honest and it's resonating with me on many levels.

    Kinda look forward to reading the whole blog now ha !
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