The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

mtngrl3

45 days AF. going through hell still. The narc exhusband is not letting me speak with my kids on the phone and it felt like someone ripped my guts out. I thought of alcohol. then I thought of how that would be handing him the power, I'm sick and tired of feeling powerless. It's been a slow, slow road but I am taking it back. So I texted a friend, responded with a VERY civil, kind text to him stating I will be talking to my kids to say goodnight and that I love them. (If he doesn't it's illegal in CA but he doesn't know that apparently). Going through a health scare that isn't diagnosed right now, which might be related to my heavy drinking. Cat scan is monday. I have been having MAJOR edema in my feet and other issues. 1 day at a time though. Hope everyone is doing good. Never imagined I would be this far in.

RubyRed427

@mtngrl3 Sending you hugs ! You are going through such tough times yet you persevere. Staying sober is a great place to be!

billyfallon1

RubyRed427 wrote: »

Tonight, I was close to ordering a margarita. I took myself to a Mexican restaurant after my hair cut. I looked around me at all the margaritas, but I convinced myself that all that sugar was not a good idea. And the taste of tequila would definitely trigger me. Another day sober. I'm at 222 days. Did not want to ruin that streak with a cheap margarita.

Congratulations on 222 days!

billyfallon1

donimfp wrote: »

@RubyRed427, you are right. There are worse things in life than not drinking. One of them definitely is drinking!!!! It sucks. And it's really hard to get back to sobriety. I'm finding that out the very hard way but am determined.

...about Jeopardy. I've made it through all the auditions. Their last thing is: "You've made it into the contestant pool. You may be called in the next 18 months to come to L.A. for a taping. If you don't hear in 18 months, feel free to start the process over."

I have been through a couple of game show auditions for lyrics/singing. I made it to the final round, but they wanted a dramatic story to tell; I didn't have one. I hope Jeopardy is different. Good luck!

billyfallon1

I have not figured out how to quote people properly and add my own words. I apologize to anyone I have mistakenly plagiarized.

RubyRed427

Good morning friends! Wishing you a great day!

donimfp

@billyfallon1, that's ok! I was trying to remember when I ever auditioned for lyrics/singing. Believe me, that would NOT have been a pretty picture.

SunnyDays930

Quiet here lately! I hope all is well with everyone. My husband found a Joe Walsh clipped that he played for me. It made me teary to know that he is trying to help me by showing me these things, but it also pains me to think of the hurt I have caused him when drunk. I have said mean things that I never remember. Here it is.

RubyRed427

Wow! Eye opening. Very riveting Jen. The only thing we can do (because we cannot rectify the past) is to proceed forward, staying sober, so we don't have to suffer wondering and worrying about what we said or did. Thanks for sharing! It helps me so much to see this video.

angeleswine

1,300 Days AF! That comes out to 3.5 years.
I feel so much better than I used to. It's really changed my life.
My weight is still a struggle, and I'm nursing a sugar addiction. That being said, I'm healthier and happier than ever before. I'm posting to let you know it does get easier.
Good luck to all you beautiful souls working to make yourselves better. If I can do it, you can do it. You're so much stronger than you know.

Beka3695

@JenT304 thank you for sharing!

I have watched other Joe Walsh interviews before. He is probably my favorite sober celebrity. I feel like he was likely on the rockiest of rock bottoms and recovered. Much respect.

As for saying things to your spouse -- oh boy the things I've said. I have said that my husband had to pay for the sins of those before him. I feel like I'm paying for my sins with him now... Alcohol addiction is VERY UGLY.

Beka3695

A little victory

Today, I have been with a sick 14 month old. He has been running a fever, no other symptoms- just irritable. It has been 17 years since I’ve dealt with a sick baby.

After my daughter got home, I had to go to the pharmacy. I had a bottle of wine in hand and carried it for 50’ or so before abandoning it on a shelf.

I am proud of myself.

SunnyDays930

@Beka3695 I am proud of you too! I can totally relate. My granddaughters are upstairs, STILL AWAKE and I am dead tired after taking care of them all day. A glass of wine would be nice but I would pay dearly at 2 am when they wake up, and in the morning while trying to make them breakfast. Not worth it.

chicbuc

Hello everyone. Day 4 for me...again. I've pretty much had AT LEAST a bottle of wine every day for the last 15 years with very few breaks when "trying to slow down" through the years. I've been getting progressively worse over the course of the last year or so including fixing drinks to leave in the car to drink on the way home from drinking (husband driving). The other day, I bought a little box of wine to drink on the way to my mom's because I didn't want to lose my buzz while I was visiting with her (she doesn't drink). Here I am...a fat, unhealthy, almost 50 year old alcoholic, and I don't like who I am.

So...I vowed to quit again on Monday. I stumbled on this thread last weekend and have been reading through it a few posts at a time and decided this is where I want to be to begin my journey. You guys are awesome!

Right now I'm going through the "depressed lost my best friend" phase plus I'm trying to figure out how to have fun without wine.

I'll get there. One day at a time, right?

chicbuc

The main motivation for quitting is losing this darn weight...obviously since I'm on myfitnesspal...but one of the things that has been an added motivation is health. I wear a fitbit and have for years. In 4 days of abstinence, my Resting Heart Rate has dropped from ~80 to ~75 and my Heart Rate Variability has increased into the normal range for my age from 16 milliseconds to 36 milliseconds. That is crazy!

wiigelec

@chicbuc congrats!

Indeed, alcohol is a poison and your body is reacting positively to its absence. Hopefully you can find the same comfort in your mind though it is definitely not easy at times.

wiigelec

Somehow the topic of alcohol came up at dinner last night with my kids, six and ten. My six-year-old said he didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I told him, without shame or embarrassment, that neither did I, but I am and that’s why I don’t drink anymore.

It’s taken a long time to get to the point where I can admit that so non-negatively, but it feels good and I hope the impression is good for my kids’ futures and they don’t have to repeat my mistakes.

wiigelec

I think being an alcoholic is similar in some ways to grieving for a lost loved one:

It’s like a rough stone tumbling down a creek. At first if you grab it, it gashes you and causes much distress and bloodletting. But as time goes on and the edges get smoothed out, eventually you can handle it and pull it in closer to your heart without causing so much pain.

It’s always there though and will never go away.

SunnyDays930

Welcome @chicbuc ! You will find understanding, empathetic, and supportive people here. If you have read through some of the older comments, you will see many of us use other resources to get/stay sober. I highly recommend you sign up for the free 30 days sober challenge on thealcoholexperiment.com . It is tremendously helpful and there is also a forum where people share their experiences there. Many, if not most of us have done that. I would say that the most important thing you can do for yourself, even if you don't get sober the first (or 5th) time you try, is never give up trying. We are happy to have you here!

RubyRed427

Welcome @chicbuc ! It is not easy to stay sober, but it sure outweighs the consequences of drinking.
Today I was thinking to myself... besides my children, I love alcohol sooo much. I found that thought so absurd. But it's true.

So, even today, 7 months sober, I still miss it. I have not gotten to the stage of it being the best thing I've done; however, I do know that I would be fooling myself if I thought anything would change, if I would go back to drinking. I would slip right back to those bad habits, drunken texts, racing night heartbeats, hangovers and self loathing.

So, here I am- along with all of you wonderful people, staying the course one day at a time and even one minute at a time.

Great job Beka! I am happy you put it back. WE always seems to regret drinking, but never regret not drinking.