The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

RubyRed427

wiigelec wrote: »

Somehow the topic of alcohol came up at dinner last night with my kids, six and ten. My six-year-old said he didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I told him, without shame or embarrassment, that neither did I, but I am and that’s why I don’t drink anymore.

It’s taken a long time to get to the point where I can admit that so non-negatively, but it feels good and I hope the impression is good for my kids’ futures and they don’t have to repeat my mistakes.

I think it's great you have open dialogue with your kids. It's so important for kids to know they can tell you anything on their mind.

RubyRed427

I went to dinner with a friend; she's an amazing friend. We didn't speak about alcohol even though she knows I quit. When the waitress came up to us, my friend ordered an iced tea. I know she did that on my behalf. That was such a sweet gesture.

chicbuc

@RubyRed427 That's a great friend. I have a good friend I go to dinner with a few times a month, and the only time she drinks is with me. Won't she be happy when I order a hot tea. LOL.

RubyRed427

Joe Walsh is great! I have watched a few interviews with him; he says he can't remember all the touring - he was always drunk, so after they broke up as a band.... they said to him "You have to be sober if we tour again." He said "no problem" He said he needed something to live for- to make him sober.

I think that's probably right for all of us. When the cost or pain of being drunk becomes too much to bear, we will stay sober.
Have a great day!

wiigelec

I get those every once in a while and also find them difficult to deal with. Strong work staying the path!

wiigelec

I too enjoy that strategy!

LoveyChar

Jumping in because I need to. I'm married to an overweight alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe he'll stretch it out to two days but usually every 45-60 minutes he's outside puffing. The cigarettes and alcohol are great companions to each other and he's a nasty, hateful, controlling drunk to me. It's unbelievably hard. I would not wish what I go through, how I am treated, on anyone. It's horrible...

SunnyDays930

@Elcee2020 I am glad you felt the courage to post here. Admitting there is a problem is the first step. Asking for help is the second. We are here for you. If you have followed this thread for a while, you know we are an empathetic and non judgemental group of friends.
You probably do feel sick as alcohol is a toxic substance. There is no getting around it. You will continue to feel better both physically and mentally as it leaves your system. If you are worried about your liver or other organs, perhaps seeing a dr will put your mind at ease. I myself drink liver detox tea nearly every night. I don't know if it is doing any good but it makes me feel better emotionally to think I may be undoing some of the damage. Plus I take milk thistle daily as a supplement. If you can't get to the gym try to get a vigorous walk in daily. It will do you a world of good.
Please let us know how you are doing and check in often. Every post here is a valuable piece of our community.

RubyRed427

@Elcee2020 Welcome back! I remember you fondly. We are here for you. Drinking heavily or binging can make us feel ashamed. But you are not entirely at fault. The brain chemistry has changed and you. need more alcohol for the same dopamine kick. Anyway, you are brave and I hope you come around often.

@LoveyChar I'm so sorry. That sounds like a nightmare; you never know whether it will be good day or not. Walking on eggshells. I cannot give you advice but I do know that when I decided to change my life (marriage), I said to myself, "can I live like this for the rest of my life?" And my answer was no. I want happiness. I want peace. My home should be a sanctuary.
Since I don't know your situation, I don't know what to say, except, I hope you find some peace and happiness soon. You deserve it.

p.s. Can you reach out to a therapist or even Al-Anon for some help so you own't feel isolated? There are many people out there who know what you are going through.

RubyRed427

LoveyChar wrote: »

Jumping in because I need to. I'm married to an overweight alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe he'll stretch it out to two days but usually every 45-60 minutes he's outside puffing. The cigarettes and alcohol are great companions to each other and he's a nasty, hateful, controlling drunk to me. It's unbelievably hard. I would not wish what I go through, how I am treated, on anyone. It's horrible...

My aunt lived something similar to what you're living with. IT Never got better; but it got progressively worse. And sadly, because she stayed, her sons saw this example and modeled it (in their father).

Does he ever say that he should cut back? Does he feel remorse or regret?

RubyRed427

@Elcee2020 The liver can regenerate - so try to cut back little by little. Find support in your friends if you can. I know you love to exercise; jump back into that.

RubyRed427

chicbuc wrote: »

@RubyRed427 That's a great friend. I have a good friend I go to dinner with a few times a month, and the only time she drinks is with me. Won't she be happy when I order a hot tea. LOL.

I'm sure she will follow your lead

LoveyChar

@Up_n_Running Thanks for responding and your insight. When husband drinks he becomes even more self-centered. He is full of himself whether he's drunk or not, but with alcohol he's even more arrogant. It's hard to get a word in edgewise whether he's drinking or not, unfortunately. But he definitely controls the conversation more after a couple of drinks. I think about weddings or get togethers with family and friends, which are rare, but he has to get drunk and be the center of attention. I hope he outgrows that one day...

LoveyChar

@RubyRed427 Thank you for sharing... Your aunt seems sweet, too sweet... I have a toddler with hubby and two older girls. Girls are smart, too smart, they see what he's like. They love him but they see that he's got issues. I am trying to be careful in how I react to husband today. Yesterday he micromanaged my every move and criticized everything I did yesterday, yelled and belittled me. I held all of that in all day until the evening and I just yelled at him to not talk to me, leave me alone, stop making my life hell. I'm working on my response to him. It must be exactly how he wants me to respond but I'm trying to be more thoughtful, sadly that's how it is at this moment in time.

Two summers ago after mother-in-law picked us up from the airport, we were on our way back to her house and she asked me if husband, her son, ever just called to argue with me. I said "all the time, all the time..." She said, "he calls me up sometimes and I swear it's just to argue with me." Yes, I can relate!!! He's argumentative and arrogant without alcohol, sadly. A few drinks in him and he knows everything and is right about everything and everyone must shut up and listen.

This weekend has been one of the most stressful. My oldest daughter had prom yesterday and my middle child had dance shows all day yesterday so I was busy, busy, busy yesterday and sometimes I wonder if husband isn't a humongous, attention seeking child. Sadly. I don't know... But what I do know is that the drinking is a huge issue for me even if he doesn't think he's got a problem, which he does not think.

RubyRed427

@LoveyChar Sounds like he is a narcissist. On psychology today.com I read article about people who get jealous of others even their children --if they get more attention. Sounds bizarre but it can be true.

My cousin *like a brother* is this aunt's son. He told me that he is becoming his father. He said it sadly, but doesn't want to change.

I feel so badly for your situation, but you seem very strong!! And I don't blame you for telling him exactly what you feel, and how he makes you feel.
It would be one thing if he admitted he was wrong but he seems to think he's right ...

Anyway I am rambling. If we can help, you can always vent on here for support!
I thought it was interesting his mom said those things to you- she knows how he is.

I hope you have some good friends to talk to. You are not alone.

RubyRed427

ps. My aunt got married at age 14 and was in her 70s when her violent alcoholic hubby died. My mom begged and pleaded for her to leave him. My parents offered to give her money, buy her a house, but she said "you dont walk in my shoes." So, she stayed.

LoveyChar

RubyRed427 wrote: »

@LoveyChar Sounds like he is a narcissist. On psychology today.com I read article about people who get jealous of others even their children --if they get more attention. Sounds bizarre but it can be true.

My cousin *like a brother* is this aunt's son. He told me that he is becoming his father. He said it sadly, but doesn't want to change.

I feel so badly for your situation, but you seem very strong!! And I don't blame you for telling him exactly what you feel, and how he makes you feel.
It would be one thing if he admitted he was wrong but he seems to think he's right ...

Anyway I am rambling. If we can help, you can always vent on here for support!
I thought it was interesting his mom said those things to you- she knows how he is.

I hope you have some good friends to talk to. You are not alone.

Thank you...

RubyRed427

@Up_n_Running You go girl!!!