The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@donimfp One day at a time- you got this!! Just think about today - I like when you said it feels different this time.
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I did write in morning pages yesterday. I failed to write 3 pages but it said to write anything, goal is just to fill three pages. I'm going to focus on mind, body, and soul and maybe a page for each.
I'm working on slowing down.
Thank you, ladies, for the advice and support. I'm working on me and I appreciate your help.
That's awesome! 4 -
@Up_n_Running, your success makes me smile! I, too, am finding a positive focus helpful--what am I gaining rather than what am I giving up.
A woman in the Sober School forum recommended a book by Elizabeth Rider--The Health Habit--which is all about caring for yourself. I bought it back in September but somehow never got around to reading it. I've been reading it the last few days and it has helped with sobriety. She does address alcohol but only briefly in a discussion of things you might well feel better leaving behind. I like how her approach fits in with the positive mindset we've discussed. For example "I don't put artificial sweetener in my coffee/drink alcohol" vs. I can't .
Claire Pooley's The Sober DIaries is also helpful. I can relate to her as a person who hated what drinking did to her despite the fact that she never hit a typical "rock bottom." She has a funny, self-deprecating style. I recommend her book if you like "Quit Lit."
Thanks, you all, for believing in me. I'm up in the middle of a loud thunderstorm, heading back to bed soon to wake up to Day 5. I'm thankful that when I see my granddaughter on Saturday it will "already" be Day 7.6 -
58 days!!!!!
@LoveyChar I have been through very similar situation/marriage. If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to message me on here.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous day! Proud of all of us
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I went back and started with April 8th, catching up a little bit and also seeing that this is a very, very strong group of people. Grateful for you all...6
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58 days!!!!!
@LoveyChar I have been through very similar situation/marriage. If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to message me on here.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous day! Proud of all of us
Thank you so much. I'm extending the same courtesy and kindness back to you. You're so sweet. No matter how bad things have ever been between my husband and I, it has never compared to how bad it was with my ex-husband. He was verbally and physically abusive. My husband is angry and arrogant, often, but he's never ever in the 12 1/2 years we've been together been even half as nasty or as hateful as my ex-husband was.
My ex-husband did the exact same thing. He used my kids as pawns against me the exact same way yours is. Never ever okay, never... We fought for years, years, long horrible, miserable years...
Heaven forbid you make less money or don't have a strong family unit to help you. I had little assets and no help close by. I finally asked my mom for help and she responded by helping me hire the most expensive, yet, best divorce/family law attorney in our city. I fought like hell and got custody of my kids. I judge nobody. You are so brave for telling your story.
Staying sober offers a whole world of beautiful opportunities. I worked a long series of dead end jobs that I despised. When I got sober, I went back to school and earned my Associate's degree and then I transferred to a local university and earned my Bachelor's degree. Money wasn't motive. Pride to show my girls that it could be done was. Nonetheless, the degree opens up doors I couldn't get through before I had it.
Stay sober and you can move mountains. Just believe that...
Lastly, it's abusive to your kids what he's doing. My oldest barely speaks to her dad and resents her stepmom. You can't manipulate and control a child and withhold them from a parent who is trying to be a part of their life without facing repercussions. Unfortunately, it affects the children terribly, so much more than the abusive parent.7 -
I've been praying for my husband. I run often and last night I put on exercise clothes and changed my mind, told hubby I was going to walk. He said, "Oh okay, I'll go along with you." What?!? That hasn't happened in forever...So we tossed the toddler in the stroller and went. We all had a nice time. Surprise!
Tonight he's going to the gym and then to get beer afterwards. He asked me if I needed anything. Grocery store he is going to has certain flavored coffees I like. So...
I do believe in the power of prayer. Subtle things I guess... Ultimately, I can only control my own actions/reactions, though, and hope for the best from others. It's been a couple of peaceful days, though, so for that I'm grateful.9 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Congratulations @nuffer !! 🥳🤘👏👏👏
2 years is amazing. Would you mind sharing what your best strategies are for when particularly strong cravings strike ?
Thanks 😊
I don't have notifications turned on so ... better late than never? Apologies.
Anyhow, what has worked for me is getting something else in my hands and in my brain. Reading, working in the garage, walking the dog, going for a bike ride. Just something to shake up the fact that I would be sitting in my usual spot in the house wishing for a drink. And it's still in the house, as the lovely Lady Nuffer doesn't have a problem with the stuff, although my preferred booze is no longer around.
I've found some seltzer water made with hops that is a fantastic replacement for beer. Stocked up a couple of cases of that. It's made by Lagunitas for anyone in the western US who is familiar with that brewery.
When all else fails, turn on some quiet music and have a nap. I call it "meditation" but honestly I will drift off pretty easily
I do have two very close sober friends to call on, and I have. Not often, but just knowing they are there is usually enough to calm down any incipient poor decisions.
Cannabis is legal where I live and its use isn't a problem for me. It's also helped me cut back on sugar consumption as I gained back quite a bit of weight when I quit drinking and learned that I have a massive sweet tooth. My preferred method is to ingest it, though vaping is an option as well. There are some very tasty cannabis beverages available, but I typically use a tincture in the hop seltzer.7 -
Happy Friday! Enjoy the weekend!5
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I am planning a trip to FLA with my kids; it will be costly but hey, at least none of us drinks alcohol. So the bar bills will be low. Taking them to Disney and Universal (my grown son's request); he's always been a Disney / Pixar/Harry Potter fan and we haven't been since he was 4 years old.
The memories we will make will be so worth it. I have to buckle down and not spend any money on stuff.8 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »I am planning a trip to FLA with my kids; it will be costly but hey, at least none of us drinks alcohol. So the bar bills will be low. Taking them to Disney and Universal (my grown son's request); he's always been a Disney / Pixar/Harry Potter fan and we haven't been since he was 4 years old.
The memories we will make will be so worth it. I have to buckle down and not spend any money on stuff.
I hope you have the time of your life! Prices at Disney are outrageous, as if you don't already know that. So seeing that price might deter you, anyway. I have never taken my kids there but my mom took my girls, maybe 9 years ago, and it's happy memories they'll have forever. I went as a child but barely remember because I was so young...I'm a firm believer in waiting to go until the child is old enough to actually appreciate it...my girls were so excited because they knew they were going to eat breakfast with all of the Disney princesses.
So very happy for you...6 -
Husband drinks; I don't know how it makes him feel but I know how he acts. Husband smokes; it seems like a compulsion. It's horrible. But it's more horrible that he's more accepting of it rather than to make a plan to change it. I'm not walking in his shoes. I don't know...6
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I was talking to my sober coach (sponsor). She said a few things I could share here: This is regarding a person who does not want to quit drinking even though it is breaking the hearts and lives of those around him. She said sometimes a partner can be an enabler.
In my cousin's wife's example, she yells, cries and makes threats but never follows through. She needs follow through- if she says to him "I'm getting a lawyer." She needs to get a lawyer. Her threats to leave him fall on deaf ears because she doesnt follow through ever. It's groundhog's day.
Second, We cannot control the alcoholic's behavior but we can control our behavior and reaction. So we need to learn how to react and stay calm despite the chaos around us, and she highly recommends getting professional help in terms of a therapist or support group like Alanon can help us cope so we have a quality life if he doesn't want to stop drinking.
My sponsor said the non-drinking spouse starts to mirror the alcoholic. That is very normal behavior- the spouse says and does things she would never normally do to the alcoholic (for example, throw things... because she is so hurt) You start to mirror each other.
She said the best thing for my cousin will be when the cops arrest him for drunk driving. Then, he will have faced a consequence because right now he has had no consequences at all (just a yelling, crying wife) which isn't enough for him to make that change.
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One more thing, my cousin pays all the bills for her alcoholic husband. Last month's bar bill and grocery bill was $4500 (one month's worth of daily happy hours, cases of wine bought , and food at restaurants). I told her just pay half of the bill and let him cover the rest with his pay check. So far, she is working like a dog to pay the bills that he is racking up and having a grand old time!6
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Husband drinks; I don't know how it makes him feel but I know how he acts. Husband smokes; it seems like a compulsion. It's horrible. But it's more horrible that he's more accepting of it rather than to make a plan to change it. I'm not walking in his shoes. I don't know...
He likes the way he is! He sees nothing wrong with his behavior and probably thinks you're the one with the problem. I feel alcoholics project their thoughts on others instead of being honest with themselves. In his mind, everyone else has a problem not him.6 -
I feel badly for children. of alcoholics. It is such a stressful environment to live in. My cousin's dad was an awful pig of a man (violent, philanderer, cruel) and my cousin grew up in that household.
Now, my cousin IS his father. He even said that to me, "I am becoming more and more like my father." (except for the physical violence/ but my cousin has continually said very cruel damning things to his lovely wife- that is abuse too.)
The cycle can stop however.
It is a choice not to drink. It's hard and sad and lonely sometime being the only one who doesn't drink but like Up and running says "we can reframe that thinking " It is a blessing we don't have to drink. I am so happy I don't drink.
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