The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

LoveyChar

@RubyRed427

I am an enabler, definitely! I don't support him financially. But...I only support him until the burden becomes too taxing and I know it's wrong. In our years of life together, he's said that he was going to stop smoking (not because I asked him to, because I never did)... So dozens of times I've supported him through that claim. However, it only ever lasts so long because I start coming undone. Example, one year we were out Christmas shopping with insanity everywhere, hustle and bustle of traffic, lights, shopping... He was just complaining, irritated and miserable. Knowing we'd be shopping for hours, I blurred out "You know what, you need a cigarette! Because I cannot take this..." Wrong of me? Very. Everyone has a breaking point. Sometimes I think he's happy to hit mine.

I feel sorry for children of alcoholics, too. Husband will claim he's not one. I'd disagree. He was not always like this. This was progression triggered by a series of events, some of which are good but went to his head. Maybe I'm wrong. He's a hard worker, worked his way up from two jobs flipping burgers in his thirties through school for 6 years until he finished his Master's degree and landed a great position where he's being groomed for an even better one. He doesn't hit me, cheat, or gamble our money away...thank God.

I wish my husband was more like his father, though. He barely ever drinks...I think in 10+ years I've seen him drink two beers. He runs Marathons, been doing that since he was young. He's God-fearing and calm. Husband is much more like his mother.

LoveyChar

Money: I'd probably get super disgusted if I actually knew what my husband spent in one weekend on cigarettes and alcohol. He buys craft beers, pricy. Cigarettes are $7 + pack.

Expectations: I'm glad nobody has drinking expectations of me. My parents are coming down in a month to see my daughter graduate. Never in my life have I seen my mom drink and my dad likes his beers but like George Thorogood sings "I drink alone," so does my dad plus I would feel odd drinking with him.

Husband's mom is coming down within the next week and a half. Husband loves to get drunk with his mom. Late nights up and a box of wine and I'm happy to be in my bed. I do not have one bad word to say about my mother-in-law, not one. However I'm glad I come with no expectations. She was down last April and I was in bed by ten each night, no alcohol. No pressure, no expectations...

Husband left for work and before walking out the door he kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you." He has alot of issues, but there are good qualities about him, too, and I Iove him.

He's supposed to run a Marathon with his dad in less than 6 months, his first actual Marathon. He's overweight. He smokes. He can't even run one straight mile right now. I do hope he gets it together. Often he'll get it together only for one reason and then after the reason has come and gone, it's back to the old bad habits. However, we'll see... hopefully I'm wrong about this next time...

lorrainequiche59

Hello There to All I've been peeping in here now & then and cannot keep up with all the posts. Sounds like everyone is staying the course and reaping the awesome benefits of fighting for your health and peace of mind & heart I am approaching my 3rd sober year. I checked my Easy Quit Drinking app today for the first time in a long while and it registers 1070 days and 4 months sober OR 2 years 11 months 5 days and 4 hours ~ 4586.4 drinks passed ~ $7,644 saved ~ 93.77% total health!!! PHEW

Under yet another lockdown in Ontario and seeing the divide widening between people who are on one side or the other of this mess. The fallout in a social/mental health/emotional health aspect that isn't being counted and the impact all of this is having on the lives of many is sad beyond. I am SO thankful that I stopped drinking when I did or I would puddle on the floor right now!!

Sobriety does become the "new normal" in a good way. I very rarely think about alcohol in a craving way, mostly think about it in a health-destroying way and the brainwashing that is legal on the part of advertisers with the government reaping it's fair share of the profits of others suffering & misery. Just the fact that liquor/beer stores are "essential services" is a testament it itself. Anyway, don't get me started LOL

So thankful to this supportive space that was a vital key to my healing journey from the sad consequences of a lifetime spent poisoning myself trying to drown out the not-so-pleasant aspects of life. Only to wake up to the fact that my drinking solution was becoming a large part of the not-so-pleasant parts of life. The freedom that I have now is priceless & definitely worth any bit of the struggle to be FREE!!!!

I will keep checking in and will definitely post on my 3 year Sober-versary on May 29. Hoping the best for ALL

LoveyChar

I hope everyone has a great day.

SunnyDays930

@lorrainequiche59 I was wondering where you went! I guess if you are 3 years in then you really must not think about drinking that much anymore, the way I eventually got with cigarettes when I quit smoking. I am so happy for your wonderful accomplishment. I'm sorry Ontario is locked down again....this horrible virus seems like it will never go away. Definitely keep checking in on us! We enjoy hearing from you!

RubyRed427

Hi @lorrainequiche59 Nice to hear from you!! Congrats on 3 years!! You made it through incredibly tragic times and yet you didn't drink. So proud of you!

RubyRed427

Kelly Osborne says what some of us have thought. Maybe after a bit of sobriety we can drink normal again. Um- nope! Not for Kelly and I'm sure not for me.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/kelly-osbourne-relapse-turned-ugly-quickly-210525171.html

Yet another reminder that some of us cannot go back to normal drinking; maybe at the start for a few days or weeks we can, but then the *kitten* might hit the fan.

Hey, about 1/4 mile away a New huge beautiful WINE bar is opening- it promises to be amazing. How ironic! I wouldve been their best customer. LOL and I could have stumbled home.

cjhuerta22

Couldn't help but find this conversation. I am sober 10 years, guess if you need some advice on alcoholics or how they think, feel free too ask. But yeah, found this site cause I needed to eat better, and begin calorie counting after binge eating most of 2020. Anyways, have a good night

SunnyDays930

@RubyRed427 I listened to Kelly on Dax Shepherd's podcast yesterday. It was fascinating. What a crazy life she has had. She said the relapse started when her friend was drinking a glass of champagne and she just suddenly said, "Ill have one too!" Which of course led to going off the rails completely. Oh Wolfie is so sly...making us think "one is ok" after years of not drinking. It sounds like she is back on track now. BTW, Armchair Expert, Dax Shepherd's podcast always has interesting guests from all fields, entertainment, science, authors etc.

LoveyChar

Today is Cinco De Mayo and while a margarita on a hot day in Texas with authentic Mexican food sounds fun and delicious, I'll refrain.

I'm typically not fond of government involvement in laws regarding personal issues, except when it protects children. Recently a bill was passed making it illegal for parents to smoke in vehicles with kids in them. There was a boy that would come into the classroom every single morning with cigarette smoking clinging to him so strong that you could practically taste it, so wrong and it was so frustrating for me, really bothered me. His mom was a piece, a real piece.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, peaceful Wednesday.

RubyRed427

cjhuerta22 wrote: »

Couldn't help but find this conversation. I am sober 10 years, guess if you need some advice on alcoholics or how they think, feel free too ask. But yeah, found this site cause I needed to eat better, and begin calorie counting after binge eating most of 2020. Anyways, have a good night

When does it get better? When does it get easier to accept that I cannot drink?
I am at 8 months sober today and feel resentful that my friends tonight all drank beautiful cocktails and i drank water.
Congrats on 10 years!!

SunnyDays930

@RubyRed427 I'd like to know the answer to that too. I resent it as well. At least when I quit smoking everyone wasn't doing it in public anymore and I got lots of pats on the back etc. With drinking people just look at me and say, "really? seltzer?"
BUT congratulations on 8 MONTHS! That is quite an accomplishment!!

RubyRed427

Thank you @Up_n_Running and @JenT304 Thanks for your feedback. You are both very special to me.

I like your tips, FooFoo! I chuckled when you said I am missing out...... A HANGOVER!
You have helped me so much.

LoveyChar

Cravings, true and crazy but honest blessing is that I don't get cravings when I have a goal because I'm too focused. I have my event in 4 weeks and 2 days from now. I'm addicted to the rush I get from it and alcohol doesn't even usually pop into my head until after and then the cravings may hit. I may have to work on setting more goals, even different ones. If I pay $95 to run a Marathon, $75 for a half, $25 for a small race then I'm still saving money in all the training months by not buying alcohol. No alcohol = more working toward goals, more races to set goals or I should try something new. It works for me. Afterwards is the rough patch of boredom where thoughts of alcohol will creep in but it's my fault for letting it happen and I own it. Maybe I'll just keep registering for races and running, less expensive than alcohol and rewarding.

mtngrl3

65 days!

nuffer

My dad group has been getting together for drinks/dinner monthly for nearly 20 years. Last night was our first in-person (all fully vaxxed) outing in fifteen months. All but one of the group drinks, and the one close friend is fifteen years sober. I had about 20 seconds of craving watching the beers land at the table and I was over it. Every day, every month, makes that feeling just a little bit easier but I also accept it may never disappear entirely.

The talking was amazing to sit back and watch. It was like a bunch of giddy teenagers all trying to get a word in edgewise. Everyone had two pints and then it was time for home. In my beforetimes, that would have been just a warmup for hitting the bottle hard at home. So nice to wake up without the fuzzy hangover that was my life for so decades.

Congrats to the milestones. You are awesome!

LoveyChar

Sobriety is the gift I'm giving to myself.

LoveyChar

I think of the word "serene" to be interchangeable with the word "peace." I wanted to clarify for myself what it actually means, to make sure I'm correct in my thought and with my usage of the word. First definition according to Merriam-Webster is:

1) : marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude
// a serene smile

Utter calm...

donimfp

@LoveyChar, thank you for posting that. It's a saying I've heard since I was a little kid, but it's worth coming back to. What I can't change is the passage of time and the advancing of age (with any luck!). But what I can change is how I navigate and spend the passing time and how I age (to a great extent). As with all of us here, the big variable is drinking. Whether or not I have the courage to change that--something I can definitely change--will determine how successfully and serenely I deal with those things I can't change. And yes, it takes a bit of wisdom to remember what I can and cannot control. Sometimes it feels like alcohol is uncontrollable. But it isn't. This is a good reminder.