LoveyChar wrote: »
Husband drinks; I don't know how it makes him feel but I know how he acts. Husband smokes; it seems like a compulsion. It's horrible. But it's more horrible that he's more accepting of it rather than to make a plan to change it. I'm not walking in his shoes. I don't know...
RubyRed427 wrote: »
I was talking to my sober coach (sponsor). She said a few things I could share here: This is regarding a person who does not want to quit drinking even though it is breaking the hearts and lives of those around him. She said sometimes a partner can be an enabler.
In my cousin's wife's example, she yells, cries and makes threats but never follows through. She needs follow through- if she says to him "I'm getting a lawyer." She needs to get a lawyer. Her threats to leave him fall on deaf ears because she doesnt follow through ever. It's groundhog's day.
Second, We cannot control the alcoholic's behavior but we can control our behavior and reaction. So we need to learn how to react and stay calm despite the chaos around us, and she highly recommends getting professional help in terms of a therapist or support group like Alanon can help us cope so we have a quality life if he doesn't want to stop drinking.
My sponsor said the non-drinking spouse starts to mirror the alcoholic. That is very normal behavior- the spouse says and does things she would never normally do to the alcoholic (for example, throw things... because she is so hurt) You start to mirror each other.
She said the best thing for my cousin will be when the cops arrest him for drunk driving. Then, he will have faced a consequence because right now he has had no consequences at all (just a yelling, crying wife) which isn't enough for him to make that change.
cjhuerta22 wrote: »
Couldn't help but find this conversation. I am sober 10 years, guess if you need some advice on alcoholics or how they think, feel free too ask. But yeah, found this site cause I needed to eat better, and begin calorie counting after binge eating most of 2020. Anyways, have a good night
© 2021 MyFitnessPal, Inc.