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How to deal with comments

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  • IsETHomeIsETHome Posts: 119Member Member Posts: 119Member Member
    I have a chronic illness which means my diet is quite restricted and people often comment, saying things like, should you really be eating that? It can be really annoying but I find saying something like, thank you for your concern but you really don't need to worry about me, or, even better, making a joke out of it, effectively shuts them up.

    I’m curious - what is it you must eat. I’m envisioning like eyeball fish soup or something. At work when people heat up fish the smell gets to me.
  • seltzermint555seltzermint555 Posts: 8,465Member Member Posts: 8,465Member Member
    lemmie177 wrote: »
    I still have 1 question though - why is it socially acceptable to comment on "healthier" choices or "healthier" peoples cheats (I know there's such thing as healthy or unhealthy food its just a term) - and yet if those healthy people were to ever fire back with comments about an obese persons food, they'd be seen as rude? Personally I think both are kinda rude, but why is one of them perfectly ok in today's society and the other makes you a *kitten*?

    This isn't a whine, its a legitimate question I have.

    Whenever you're perceived to be 'higher up' on the social ladder, consider it open season on you in terms of what's 'socially acceptable'. Same thing happens in comedy. Doesn't make it right, but that's how it is.

    This is certainly true, and the reason it's not unusual for someone to say, "Look at you, you're so skinny, you're wasting away!" and mean it as a compliment, while "Oh gosh, you really porked up over the holidays, didn't you?" would be completely beyond the pale.

    Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, once talked about this in the context of Dogbert. Sometimes Dogbert grabs a stick and beats human characters with it. It's funny when a dog beats a human. But some human character beating Dogbert would be animal abuse. In comedy always punch up, never down.

    All of this, absolutely. I know some people are saying that obese individuals do get all the food comments and such but that was never my experience. People definitely wouldn't have said a single word to me about eating 5 donuts when I was 100+ heavier. Now that I'm a size that is average or in some circles maybe a bit on the slimmer, fitter side (I'm a 42 year old Midwestern female so the bar is often pretty low, guys)...I get so much commentary on anything I eat or drink. People also seem to be easily threatened by anyone they perceive as doing more when it comes to exercise or healthy eating. I know a lot of people who will tease anyone they see with a single food item from the health food store and turn it into "She's vegan and only eats xyz" when nothing could be further from the truth.
  • oneillm45oneillm45 Posts: 22Member Member Posts: 22Member Member
    However, I'd be tempted, given the relentless battering you have described, to suggest that you SHOULD explain your choices to them. In detail. Very precise detail, with each choice and your reasoning and the research behind it outlined. Do not give up when their eyes glaze over and they start to edge towards the exit. Follow your tormentors around explaining. Follow them to their car and stand talking to them through the car window while they smile in increasing desperation. I guarantee they will never ask similar questions again.

    I love this advice.
  • leiflungleiflung Posts: 44Member Member Posts: 44Member Member
    .... Now that I'm a size that is average or in some circles maybe a bit on the slimmer, fitter side (I'm a 42 year old Midwestern female so the bar is often pretty low, guys)...

    Don't sell yourself short. It's harder for us in the Midwest. It's not like there is a Kale Kitchen on every corner here. Instead, Fried State Fair Food has made it to the mainstream here.

    So I'd say a healthy sized Midwesterner is more of an accomplishment than the same person in Southern CA.

    We have much more to overcome with all the corn fed "goodness" here.

    I'm in socal. I moved here from Houston which is often at the top of fattest city lists. It's SO MUCH easier to eat right here.

    The climate makes it easier to stay fit. It also allows for fun activities that aren't centered around eating. When you have to stay inside because of weather, I think you tend to eat more jyst out of boredom.

    The weight of the populace keeps you vigilant and self-aware.

    There are plenty of factors.
  • tbright1965tbright1965 Posts: 691Member, Premium Member Posts: 691Member, Premium Member
    leiflung wrote: »
    .... Now that I'm a size that is average or in some circles maybe a bit on the slimmer, fitter side (I'm a 42 year old Midwestern female so the bar is often pretty low, guys)...

    Don't sell yourself short. It's harder for us in the Midwest. It's not like there is a Kale Kitchen on every corner here. Instead, Fried State Fair Food has made it to the mainstream here.

    So I'd say a healthy sized Midwesterner is more of an accomplishment than the same person in Southern CA.

    We have much more to overcome with all the corn fed "goodness" here.

    I'm in socal. I moved here from Houston which is often at the top of fattest city lists. It's SO MUCH easier to eat right here.

    The climate makes it easier to stay fit. It also allows for fun activities that aren't centered around eating. When you have to stay inside because of weather, I think you tend to eat more jyst out of boredom.

    The weight of the populace keeps you vigilant and self-aware.

    There are plenty of factors.

    Somebody gets what I said.

    I've traveled all over this nation, and a fair bit of the world.

    In some ways, you have to want fitness more here in the Midwest. It's not that it's not here, it is. But like was said, we have four seasons and you have to change it up as many things go indoors due to weather.
  • kshama2001kshama2001 Posts: 16,804Member Member Posts: 16,804Member Member
    I'm gonna push back on those who have said that the OP is being too unusual in his behavior and involving other people. Meal prepping and timing meals is not unusual in many areas. Eating any vegetable that isn't fried is unusual in other areas. When I buy fresh vegetables at the grocery, the checker often asks me what they taste like, because she has never seen anyone purchase a vegetable before. Seriously. I have spoken with the guy in charge of the vegetable department at my Kroger and they toss thousands of pounds of vegetables daily. I had to speak to him about kale, because it was advertised but never available. And it turned out the meat department was stealing the entire shipment to line their display cases since "No one buys that stuff anyway."

    It's all contextual. In the context of my city, wearing running clothes to actually run, wanting to eat at a restaurant which has even one meal less than 1500 calories available, not thinking a "salad" should be composed of 80% cheese and sugared pecans, all these things make me a weirdo. Guess what. I'm not changing, not for a whole basketful of kittens. The OP doesn't have to change either, and the comments being made are rude and invasive personal comments.

    OP, there are several ways to handle rude personal comments. One is to smile distantly and pretend to be deaf. Keep smiling and remain deaf until the questioner shuts up and gets a clue. Another one is to say "That's a very personal comment," and nothing else.

    Another approach, the one I usually take, is to smile brightly and say, "Yes, my lifestyle allows for planned treats. Pretty great, isn't it? By the way I love this hors d'oeuvre, try one."

    However, I'd be tempted, given the relentless battering you have described, to suggest that you SHOULD explain your choices to them. In detail. Very precise detail, with each choice and your reasoning and the research behind it outlined. Do not give up when their eyes glaze over and they start to edge towards the exit. Follow your tormentors around explaining. Follow them to their car and stand talking to them through the car window while they smile in increasing desperation. I guarantee they will never ask similar questions again.

    Oh, yes, I've gotten questions about vegetables while checking out at the supermarket, plus I often have to tell the cashier the name of the vegetable.

    BTW, for those of you in New England, Market Basket has a really great range of vegetables.
    edited January 3
  • kshama2001kshama2001 Posts: 16,804Member Member Posts: 16,804Member Member
    I really think you take peoples comments especially your friends comments too seriously, between this thread and your other one.

    I'm cutting and I had a piece of pizza and my friend said something to the effect of "I thought you were on a diet". Now I could have gotten upset about that and assigned negative intent to it but...First this is my friend I think she meant well, secondly perhaps she thinks I must eat salads for every meal? So I simply said yeah I'm eating a piece of pizza with a side salad and my fitiness trainer (who is a strenth trainer with several folks competing) has access to my food diary, he's ok with it. That usually either promotes more questions (I have only a select few friends that know I'm cutting) or stops the conversation because they know I'm watching it.

    I really think you need to losen up a bit about putting intentions on other peoples comments for your own sake and friendships. You've worked hard you have something that works for you and that's fantastic. Others are not you, they make comments because perhaps they really are surprised you're eating something "not healthy", maybe they are ribbing you a bit since you eat differently than they do.

    Lastly I don't talk about my diet except with very few friends who are supportive and on here. They make strange comments from time to time but honestly I don't give a rats *kitten* what they think. I know what my plan is I'm paying for an excellent trainer who's got a handle on my progress. Just assign a well meaning intention and move on or laugh it off.

    tl;dr - you can't control what other people think and say, you can only control your reaction to it.

    In the spirit of not whining, I can agree with most of what you say. When I was at a concert and my friends wife said "you know they don't serve protien shakes here, I hope you brought your own", that was actually really damn funny. That's friendly ribbing and I'm ok with it.

    That said, there is a difference between friendly ribbing and/or innocent comments, and snide remarks disguised as ribbing. Not a lot of people make those, but there's a couple people who eat really unhealthy/drink a lot and are pretty overweight, and I actually seem to get the most flak from them. It's not ribbing anymore - it legitimately seems to irritate them that I moderately drink, cut weight, workout, lift, eat a meal plan etc. And trust me, I'm not trying to flaunt anything there - some of them live with me. Can't really hide the fact that my steak gets weighed when there's a food scale on the counter.

    Edit: and no, I don't talk about eating or working out or anything at home, at all. I come here to do that, or talk to my friends/family who do train about this stuff.

    My coworkers and I are always teasing one coworker about protein shakes and his predilection for bacon. He takes it in the spirit in which it was intended. He often asks me what I'm having for lunch, at which point I will enter it into MFP so I can show him the macros. He teases me about my abundance of vegetables and I tease him about his lack thereof.

    I can't help but wonder if people are being friendlier than you are giving them credit for?

    Also, sure, do explain things like your suggestion in your OP, "Yes, I eat ultra lean meats so I can save my dietary fats for eating peanut butter by the table spoon."
  • aimjolieaimjolie Posts: 28Member Member Posts: 28Member Member
    My guess is that they are just plain jealous of all you accomplished. They probably have little or no will power and they see that you made big changes to loss 107 lbs. Maybe they would like to lose weight but are not because they are not willing to make lifestyle changes. Try to ignore them and just be so proud of losing so much. If they say anything, say I feel great with more energy. Losing weight is just an added benefit. I tend to keep eating healthy because I feel so good. I am enjoying being healthy. And smile with happiness as you say this. Believe me, this will stop them, because they see you are happy and not feeling deprived. If they see you eating some small treat, just say when you are eating healthy, nothing is off limits. I now know that healthy eating is enjoying everything in moderation. Bottom line, just be proud of yourself. You just set a good example and makes them feel either jealous or what is wrong with me that I can’t be healthy. I think you got the last laugh!
  • UltraVegAthleteUltraVegAthlete Posts: 669Member Member Posts: 669Member Member
    I think people can just be envious. I would handle comments like that by just saying “yeah, I am having X. It’s really good!”
  • snowdemon75snowdemon75 Posts: 10Member Member Posts: 10Member Member
    I tend to eat what I want when I want yes sometimes I’ll have bad days I won’t let diet rule my life again and if somebody’s got a problem it’s their problem not mine so I just let it go over my head
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