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  • pizzamyheartpizzamyheart Posts: 739Member Member Posts: 739Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.
  • DeadliftsAndSprinklesDeadliftsAndSprinkles Posts: 355Member Member Posts: 355Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.

    It can definitely be difficult. For example, I'm quite shy in person, so I find it difficult to make friends and I'd rather someone just spot me and say, "oh, she looks like someone I could get along with," because I dislike having to approach people. I just want someone to decide to be my friend without me having to do anything lol. It sucks.

    Tbh though, since I joined the MFP community, I've changed my outlook a little bit. I know that having friends online isn't the same as having a friend who lives near you and you see in person regularly, but I've learned to just accept a different kind of friendship from the people that I've met on here in order to help me feel satisfied, friendship-wise. Of course I still have friends that I do see and speak to outside of this forum, but the people that I consider to be my friends here feel just as valuable, to me, as my other friends.
  • slessofmeslessofme Posts: 5,220Member Member Posts: 5,220Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.

    I relate to this so much, with the difference being that I have started forcing myself to join groups. Then it's the cycle of having so many things stacked/scheduled on top of each other for a while (let's be honest - 2 things a week for more than a week stresses me out) and I get anxious/annoyed/frustrated, but if theres a lull that goes on more that a few months I get anxious/annoyed/frustrated. I can't seem to find the balance.
  • cee134cee134 Posts: 31,830Member Member Posts: 31,830Member Member
    caco_ethes wrote: »

    Pattern schmattern. I haven’t done anything the same way yet and I’m perfectly anxious and depressed

    I've always heard things are always better with a cowboy hat on.
  • cee134cee134 Posts: 31,830Member Member Posts: 31,830Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.

    It can definitely be difficult. For example, I'm quite shy in person, so I find it difficult to make friends and I'd rather someone just spot me and say, "oh, she looks like someone I could get along with," because I dislike having to approach people. I just want someone to decide to be my friend without me having to do anything lol. It sucks.

    Tbh though, since I joined the MFP community, I've changed my outlook a little bit. I know that having friends online isn't the same as having a friend who lives near you and you see in person regularly, but I've learned to just accept a different kind of friendship from the people that I've met on here in order to help me feel satisfied, friendship-wise. Of course I still have friends that I do see and speak to outside of this forum, but the people that I consider to be my friends here feel just as valuable, to me, as my other friends.

    You, there. You are my friend now.
  • cee134cee134 Posts: 31,830Member Member Posts: 31,830Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.

    The trick is to become friends with an extrovert. Then they introduce you to many people and they become your friends too. It works until your friend moves away.
  • tinak33tinak33 Posts: 8,970Member Member Posts: 8,970Member Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    I agree that some people are just wired to prefer solitude whereas others feel like they need to constantly be surrounded by people (and obviously there are varying degrees of people that fall in between those two points). I don't think that there's any "wrong" place to fall on that spectrum. I think that the only thing that matters, to each individual, is what they want in life. If they feel that they're missing out on personal connections then it's important that they try to make some, but if they're content to not have them then that's fine too. I don't think that what you've said sounds "nuts" at all.

    I’m someone who prefers solitude but still wants to feel connected with other people. As long as it doesn’t take too much effort or work on my part. Because I don’t rewlly know how to do that. And once in awhile I don’t want solitude. I want to feel like I’m a part of something. But it’s hard to do when I haven’t put any effort into it. So it's a catch 22 in a way.

    The trick is to become friends with an extrovert. Then they introduce you to many people and they become your friends too. It works until your friend moves away.

    I did this!!! lol Stood in the corner till she was dragging me around and introducing me to others. Luckily they didn't think I was too weird cuz they stayed friends with me.
    But then I moved away. When I came back most friends had moved on with their lives, and we didn't keep in touch anymore. There are 2-3 that I cling to..... lol But that's it. I don't go out much anymore, anyway.
  • Cowsfan1Cowsfan1 Posts: 6,625Member Member Posts: 6,625Member Member
    Seems none of us can get out of our own heads - myself included - good read in this thread today -
  • RunHardBeStrongRunHardBeStrong Posts: 32,801Member Member Posts: 32,801Member Member
    Cowsfan1 wrote: »
    Seems none of us can get out of our own heads - myself included - good read in this thread today -

    Agreed. I can identify with it as well.
  • tinkerhellraisertinkerhellraiser Posts: 3,539Member Member Posts: 3,539Member Member
    Cowsfan1 wrote: »
    Seems none of us can get out of our own heads - myself included - good read in this thread today -

    i am totally out of my head
  • George_of_the_JungleGeorge_of_the_Jungle Posts: 2,238Member Member Posts: 2,238Member Member
    Cowsfan1 wrote: »
    Seems none of us can get out of our own heads - myself included - good read in this thread today -

    i am totally out of my head

    yet in so many others
  • IslandGal3IslandGal3 Posts: 1,138Member Member Posts: 1,138Member Member
  • Miss_Chievous_Miss_Chievous_ Posts: 206Member Member Posts: 206Member Member
  • PAFC84PAFC84 Posts: 1,860Member Member Posts: 1,860Member Member
    55aqcah8ny85.gif

    That’s good. It got me.
  • 1sphere1sphere Posts: 1,837Member Member Posts: 1,837Member Member
    iMago wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    none my business, but is any of this along the lines of what you were talking about with your lady friend? if so don't do that. you can always say more later on if things progress to that point. but you can never unsay things at all.
    I understand your point, you can always date around and then quit afterwards (if it doesn't work). Although I think the only reason why I try to meet people is because I fear being alone in the future.
    But I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's important to know ourselves, and trying to thrust ourselves at someone random is too chaotic. I think I should try to live more peacefully, and take what comes without trying to look for anything. I'm still going to walk around and show up to things. I'm not gonna shut myself indoors like I did in the past.
    edited August 13
  • iMagoiMago Posts: 4,331Member Member Posts: 4,331Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    I just got REJECTED baha

    She was very pretty. Damn I feel dumb... aw jeez, I said normal things, but I said it all at the speed of light

    Please walk us through this conversation step by step so we can share in your pain and critique your methods
    what if that person is a member here? lol. I'd rather PM what I said (if you really were curious)

    btw I have a gut feeling that I'm approaching life incorrectly. Not just my approach in flirting, but life itself.. I don't understand other people, but othersseem to get through life more fluidly. I always mess up my chances on things because I keep changing my interests/my routines/my views, and even my actions

    I can't help you stop feeling this way but I would like to tell you that so many people go through life feeling the same way that you do. It's hard not to doubt yourself, especially when you're an adult, because now every choice you make is your own and other people can't make decisions for you anymore.

    If you want to know what I feel are my cognitive errors, I'm happy to share
    I believed (and still believe) that people simply vanish from my path. I don't mean intentionally, it just happens. And I felt that, in order to save my future from desolation, I need to make connections whether I like if or not. Not surface level friends or anything like that, but people I can shout out to or be mildly supported by. Just like how people connect with each other here in this community, but in this case - in a personal circle.

    Now here's where my logic is potentially all flawed - It's paradoxical to say that it's wrong to be on your own. Because maybe it's actually right. Maybe the universe positions each of us where we're meant to be without us being consciously aware of it. Maybe I get rejected for a reason, and maybe I can't see why, but they can see it. Maybe my energy is saying "I'm nuts stay away from me"

    none my business, but is any of this along the lines of what you were talking about with your lady friend? if so don't do that. you can always say more later on if things progress to that point. but you can never unsay things at all.
    I understand your point, you can always date around and then quit afterwards (if it doesn't work). Although I think the only reason why I try to meet people is because I fear being alone in the future.
    But I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's important to know ourselves, and trying to thrust ourselves at someone random is too chaotic. I think I should try to live more peacefully, and take what comes without trying to look for anything. I'm still going to walk around and show up to things. I'm not gonna shut myself indoors like I did in the past.

    would you say you're satisfied, or even "happy", with yourself?

    the line between comfort and chaos is so personal, for everybody- and you seem to recognize that, which can be considered a "good" thing by most people.

    not looking for someone and waiting for it to come to you isn't something i'm personally a fan of. you can't win the lotto if you don't buy the ticket and all that.

    but i wouldn't be able to say what is best for you- either dating or not dating, none of that really matters if you're not satisfied with where you stand on that personal line though. other people will register that discomfort and who knows how they'd interpret such a thing.

    and obviously don't ever talk about this stuff with someone you're interested in dating.
  • 1sphere1sphere Posts: 1,837Member Member Posts: 1,837Member Member
    iMago wrote: »
    would you say you're satisfied, or even "happy", with yourself?
    To be honest, I'm not. I feel like I'm a mess. I overcomplicated the whole thing end felt that the reason I'm not happy could be down to my lack of dating. But I guess that I had that wrong, I shouldn't really date if I'm not orientated to be dating.
    edited August 13
  • iMagoiMago Posts: 4,331Member Member Posts: 4,331Member Member
    1sphere wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    would you say you're satisfied, or even "happy", with yourself?
    To be honest, I'm not. I feel like I'm a mess. I overcomplicated the whole thing end felt that the reason I'm not happy could be down to my lack of dating. But I guess that I had that wrong, I shouldn't really date if I'm not orientated to be dating.

    nothing wrong with taking time off to reorient yourself man. i can't tell you how to make yourself more comfortable with the whole thing. only you will know that. just try to keep things simple until then.
  • caco_ethescaco_ethes Posts: 11,253Member Member Posts: 11,253Member Member
    @1sphere would you be interested to hear the impression you give any of us? I don’t want to volunteer it without asking in case learning how others perceive you is just static compared to learning about yourself. But sometimes it’s helpful to know

    Edit: uh oh, that gives me an idea for a thread
    edited August 13
  • 1sphere1sphere Posts: 1,837Member Member Posts: 1,837Member Member
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    @1sphere would you be interested to hear the impression you give any of us? I don’t want to volunteer it without asking in case learning how others perceive you is just static compared to learning about yourself. But sometimes it’s helpful to know

    Edit: uh oh, that gives me an idea for a thread
    sure, I'm always interested to know how others perceive me. I'm especially interested (and terrified) to know how women perceive me *hoping that I don't look like a serial killer*
    edited August 13
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