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Why do you think you are single?

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  • bojack5bojack5 Member Posts: 2,859 Member Member Posts: 2,859 Member
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.
  • mmultanenmmultanen Member Posts: 1,029 Member Member Posts: 1,029 Member
    It might be the ice cream and chocolate covered pretzels talking but I just want all of you on this thread to realize how amazing you are. It honestly doesn't matter why you're still single. The meme is funny. It really is! But the reality is, there are people who will struggle with the "still" part of that funny. Thinking that they aren't good enough to be loved. You are good enough to be loved. You are loved. And you all deserve love.
  • mmultanenmmultanen Member Posts: 1,029 Member Member Posts: 1,029 Member
    I was emotionally and physically abused for 8 years by my ex so that’s a big part of why I’m still single as I’m still trying to recover from it. I don’t think I ever will fully recover but I’ll get better eventually although it’ll be hard for me to be with someone new as he seemed sweet at the start but it was a trap and I was afraid to leave and I’m scared incase the next person turns out the same because I am a very timid and humble kind of woman and I’m easily walked over (I am learning to get stronger but I’ve always been very quiet etc.) I’m also just very busy working on myself although I do like two people. One is a guy that lives near me and he’s sweet, good looking has a good job etc but everyone likes him and he knows that and idk he talks to everyone in a flirty way so I can’t take it serious if he likes me or not. I kinda just feel like I’m an option. The other one is my friend I met on YouTube, he lives on the other side of the world but we’ve been talking about meeting up.. I don’t know though I get the feeling he’s bored of me now.

    I’m still young and I’m still working on myself so I have time to meet someone.. it does get lonely but I’d rather be with someone for genuine reasons not just because I’m bored or lonely. I haven’t been on a date since last Spring because I keep meeting the same type of idiotic guys. They take me out for a drink then they ignore me for a few weeks then they pop up saying hey hows you it’s been a while? Like wtf I don’t have time for that. It’s upsetting because I know I’m a good woman but hey ho that’s life. Most people nowadays just want to have a good time over a good thing.

    You are amazing. You know that right? Have fun and play but you deserve someone that is as excited about you as you are about them. If they ignore you then want back in ...that's for you to decide. Not them.

    ♥️♥️♥️♥️
  • nooshi713nooshi713 Member Posts: 4,335 Member Member Posts: 4,335 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    Cutemesoon wrote: »
    Feel free to pick a # from the list below or add additional #'s. Funny stories are welcomed! 😆


    iavv1qm1d6o3.jpg

    9. I share a last name with an unpopular dictator. (Give me a chance here... that guy has been dead for 200 years now.)

    10. Women love healthy men and unfortunately my diet is very poor. I subsist on things like cheese dip and dollar store tier oatmeal cookies.

    11. Half my paycheck goes to a psychic hotline.

    12. I'm known to start arguments just so I can try out my obnoxious Brooklyn Wise Guy accent.

    13. I still buy cases of bottled water. I know, I know.

    14. If you can't pass my mid-date Bette Midler pop quiz, I'm moving on. (Is there any hope left in this world?)

    15. I'm posting this from the bathroom stall of a $9.99 seafood buffet. Need I say more?

    This is all lies. Lol

  • 777Gemma888777Gemma888 Member Posts: 9,560 Member Member Posts: 9,560 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.

    Thank you for spotlighting the boldened. For all races a thick woman encompasses a curvy hourglass to an apple, or pear shaped woman to a larger waisted woman needing body shapers for a "snatched" look - pulling the small waist in a little.
  • 777Gemma888777Gemma888 Member Posts: 9,560 Member Member Posts: 9,560 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.



    I'm in Texas and yea maybe it's Dallas but I'm just not what's hot. But I am hot fire flames maybe one day someoen with good sense will see. I will say when I was in Alabama for work I was treated like royalty but it's an area I'm scared of due to the race you just never know.

    Do you mean that your body shape isn't "hot" according to Dallas, Texas beauty standards?

    If you could have your ideal body shape now, what does that look like, since thankfully, you like your own face?

    The men you're referring to are across all racial lines, and are from Dallas or a specific racial group in Dallas?

    In my mind, the model of the benchmark socially acceptable black woman is Michelle Obama ... Another would be Oprah Winfrey ... Even Angela Bassett has a regality to her countenance and deportment. Two of the three are weightlifters. All three are beautiful.

  • TheChristianSimoneTheChristianSimone Member Posts: 156 Member Member Posts: 156 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.



    I'm in Texas and yea maybe it's Dallas but I'm just not what's hot. But I am hot fire flames maybe one day someoen with good sense will see. I will say when I was in Alabama for work I was treated like royalty but it's an area I'm scared of due to the race you just never know.

    Do you mean that your body shape isn't "hot" according to Dallas, Texas beauty standards?

    If you could have your ideal body shape now, what does that look like, since thankfully, you like your own face?

    The men you're referring to are across all racial lines, and are from Dallas or a specific racial group in Dallas?

    In my mind, the model of the benchmark socially acceptable black woman is Michelle Obama ... Another would be Oprah Winfrey ... Even Angela Bassett has a regality to her countenance and deportment. Two of the three are weightlifters. All three are beautiful.

    For Dallas especially it's really the barbie type of all races or very thin type with boobs.

    Other areas I have traveled through I may get a look but nothing of substance. No exchange. See I that ideal of Michelle/Oprah are not the norm. Michelle yes because she is thin and Angela Bassett she is a unicorn of sorts. But color is also a thing to.

    For me unless I was going to buy a body I will be very built like maybe Serna Williams type. I wish I had screenshots of what I have encountered. It's not at all cute but it teaches me to value self and push.
  • helow88helow88 Member Posts: 74 Member Member Posts: 74 Member
    I don't want to miss out on being able to go places and meet new people and experience life before my last day. I want to travel and not just to dream about it. I don't think I'm meant for the stay stuck in a mortgage/sour job/and shaky marriage thing. I left that all behind. I have "itchy feet" and have big adventures waiting for me everyday. Apparently some people, in my past, thought this wasn't "appropriate" for a woman? Especially at my age. So I gave up on the "relationship/love" propaganda I was raised with. I am happier now than anytime before when I was married or dating.
    edited September 2019
  • 777Gemma888777Gemma888 Member Posts: 9,560 Member Member Posts: 9,560 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.



    I'm in Texas and yea maybe it's Dallas but I'm just not what's hot. But I am hot fire flames maybe one day someoen with good sense will see. I will say when I was in Alabama for work I was treated like royalty but it's an area I'm scared of due to the race you just never know.

    Do you mean that your body shape isn't "hot" according to Dallas, Texas beauty standards?

    If you could have your ideal body shape now, what does that look like, since thankfully, you like your own face?

    The men you're referring to are across all racial lines, and are from Dallas or a specific racial group in Dallas?

    In my mind, the model of the benchmark socially acceptable black woman is Michelle Obama ... Another would be Oprah Winfrey ... Even Angela Bassett has a regality to her countenance and deportment. Two of the three are weightlifters. All three are beautiful.

    For Dallas especially it's really the barbie type of all races or very thin type with boobs.

    Other areas I have traveled through I may get a look but nothing of substance. No exchange. See I that ideal of Michelle/Oprah are not the norm. Michelle yes because she is thin and Angela Bassett she is a unicorn of sorts. But color is also a thing to.

    For me unless I was going to buy a body I will be very built like maybe Serna Williams type. I wish I had screenshots of what I have encountered. It's not at all cute but it teaches me to value self and push.

    My immediate thought @Dallas and Barbie like women of all races are Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. The TV series on CMT where they'd reiterated to several auditioning women that they would need to drop weight to 115 lbs and that the uniform is one size, not customized. For a normal woman, achieving this feat would be a tall order Simone, I see your mental vehemence processing the Dallas high bar.

    They may not be "the norms" however, they are the REAL benchmarks for what would and should be the qualifiers of what are black socially acceptable women. Everyone else are bougie or fakes.

    Serena Williams? Girl, are you serious? Hit the gym and slay your CICO. Serena is hot. I know for a FACT a lot of my Marines buddies think so too.
    edited September 2019
  • mattig89chmattig89ch Member Posts: 2,640 Member Member Posts: 2,640 Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.

    I was about to say something similar to this. It seems like the skinnier women of color, around me, are the ones being taken. Not the thinner ones. Though I'm not sure if that's because that's more desirable, or if that's who's available.


    Tbh, I never understood why men were intimidated by women who could lift more then them. Unless those women where physically dominating them, I would def understand why they'd be intimidated then.
  • _sw33tp3a_11_sw33tp3a_11 Member Posts: 3,866 Member Member Posts: 3,866 Member
    I'm not, but everyone seems to think I am? Wasn't aware I gave off a "vibe".

    Same but I don't talk about my personal relationships on here because it's no ones business but mines 😁
  • honeybee__12honeybee__12 Member, Premium Posts: 14,869 Member Member, Premium Posts: 14,869 Member
    Because I’m old and scary. 😜
  • that_night_in_paristhat_night_in_paris Member Posts: 457 Member Member Posts: 457 Member
    I ran over a small animal on a balmy night back in 1997

    I'm undeserving of anyone's love
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