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Why do you think you are single?

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  • mattig89chmattig89ch Posts: 1,988Member Member Posts: 1,988Member Member
    bojack5 wrote: »
    mattig89ch wrote: »
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Can I ask what "the socially acceptable black woman" is? I wasn't aware there was a standard
    Hmm I am not the socially acceptable black woman or feminine body and so I am not seen as a lady who is deserving of a quality man so I have just accepted that until either I lose all my excess weight I will stay single as I have standards and don’t enjoy embarrassing myself or wasting my life with undesirables.

    Are you referring to macro vs micro factors of being a socially accepted black woman in relation to "being single " outside your current physique parameters, or something else?


    So the socially acceptable black woman is kinda like what is considered feminine of other races lighter skin, more hourglass figure, petite, soft etc. I am none of those things. I am dark, tend to build muscle vs being curvy and have been told I am scary because I won't accept just any old build a bear type of dude. In my experiences, in the past, I was never good enough to be seen out with but the oh let's hang back and do something isolated. As I have gotten older nearing 35 which for me is a big thing for a lot of reasons, I just find when I have attempted to date it's all about sex from non-black and then for black it's as though I need to audition or show my financial statements to verify my worth. I go out of my way to dress extremely feminine and try to keep my intellect and keep traits that are more masculine in check such as strength and ambition because those things have disqualified me with men. I have had a few when I told them I could bench press 150 and leg press 450 they became intimidated.

    I know I'm pretty I oogle over my self often, I do things to try to make myself a better quality person but I also know the realities of this world. I have a preference but unfortunately, that doesn't like me. So until I get more weight off then I will remain single. It sucks when I want to share things but maybe next lifetime I will come in a different form and know what love is.

    Im not sure where you are from, but where i grew up in NY your description of a socially acceptable black woman is not the case at all. It was actually more desirable for women of color, meaning black and Latina to be thicker. Sure there were all shapes and sizes, but it was often joked on in a racial way if a girl had that "skinny *kitten* white girl body." As i got older and wiser i learned all types can be beautiful. It took me years to even look at a less thick woman as attractive.

    I was about to say something similar to this. It seems like the skinnier women of color, around me, are the ones being taken. Not the thinner ones. Though I'm not sure if that's because that's more desirable, or if that's who's available.


    Tbh, I never understood why men were intimidated by women who could lift more then them. Unless those women where physically dominating them, I would def understand why they'd be intimidated then.
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