When others sabotage your efforts

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Replies

  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 988 Member
    Is it possible that you talk too much about your food and your diet, and they are kind of rebelling against you because they don't know how to have a good time without always being reminded of your goals? On the flip side, when I read the part about shoving a cigarette in your mouth, I was literally like... why wouldn't she just find new friends...

    I also am just not in the same space as food and friends unless it's Sunday evenings, and then it's taking turns cooking for each other's families. So I can't relate to "constantly" being in the middle of food negotiations with people. I'm either getting ready for work, at work, letting my kids rest at home. It's really just once a week I'm in the friend/food mash-up.
  • TypingToaster
    TypingToaster Posts: 4,110 Member
    Kathryn247 wrote: »
    I've cut ties with immediate family members. It's not worth having people in your life who treat you badly just because they're related to you. Take care of you. <3

    Exactly. That is why I cut ties with my paternal grandmother 7 years ago.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,926 Member
    yes, sounds like they have a new scapegoat.

    I think your only option is to keep away as much as possible - it sounds too extreme to be 'corrected' by anything you can do.
  • admaarie
    admaarie Posts: 4,297 Member
    In the beginning of my journey my mom used to do this. I know her intensions weren’t ill. She was just always so used to be eating whatever she was cooking. But I had to be stern with her and let her know this is what it is. You’re either gonna support me or move out of my way 🤷🏾‍♀️
  • MrsBradyBunch
    MrsBradyBunch Posts: 182 Member
    admaarie wrote: »
    In the beginning of my journey my mom used to do this. I know her intensions weren’t ill. She was just always so used to be eating whatever she was cooking. But I had to be stern with her and let her know this is what it is. You’re either gonna support me or move out of my way 🤷🏾‍♀️

    I wish I could put an exclamation point on that "like" I just gave your post.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,257 Member
    Have we all come up against this at some time or another? It doesn't even have to be a party or a holiday. Sometimes it's just the family supper. I have found that the worst thing I can do is let anybody know I'm watching what I eat. The minute I say that, cue the food pushing. Whatever I just told them I'm cutting down on, that's what they're going to push. For example, I tell them I'm concentrating on fruits, vegetables, and white meat, and they'll immediately suggest going out for a double bacon cheeseburger.

    It's easy to advise me, "Well, just say no." Of course I say no. They keep pushing. "Oh, come on, just have a little." They'll tell me all things are good in moderation, that I don't have to be a fanatic about it, that I shouldn't get carried away and lose too much weight or get too skinny. "Skinny" is one word that has never described me, and they're telling me this while I still have a BMI over 40. A lot of times they tell me I don't need to worry so much about losing weight because I'm beautiful the way I am. Well, thank you very much, but it's not about being beautiful. I'm diabetic and have arthritis, and I'm trying to improve my health, here.

    Sometimes they'll make jokes. "We have a machine that takes out all the calories." "Calories don't count on Sundays /birthdays /whatever holiday it is." Or they'll squint and look closely. "Calories? I don't see any calories." They'll try to make me feel rude and unsociable if I turn it down. "Aunt Martha made this. Are you going to hurt her feelings?" I've had family members actually cut me a slice anyway and put it in front of me, completely disregarding that I've said no several times.

    They did it with cigarettes and alcohol too. That is, pour me a drink, or actually shove a cigarette into my mouth, even after I told them I'm trying to quit. Generally the people who push alcohol and cigarettes on me are drinkers and smokers themselves, but not all of the ones who push food on me are overweight. To put a stop to this, I've had to go so far as cutting ties with some family members. I moved thousands of miles away and have no contact with them now.

    Now, why do you suppose people do this? Is it really what I suspect? And what I suspect is, they want to keep me overweight and unhealthy so that they can feel superior to me. As long as I'm the low person on the family or social totem pole, then at least they're not at the bottom. This gives them room to 1.) "tease" me with fat jokes, and 2.) gossip among themselves about how big I am, all the while pretending to be so concerned about me. Am I reading this right?

    Yes you are reading this right. Man is not inherently good and will rail against the successful (be it wealth, fitness, etc.) as those truly successful people are a living reminder that they are the cause of their own problems.

    Ignore them, this is a central point to narcissistic behavior and defies all logic. You cannot reason with someone who thinks this way. All you can do is limit your time with them and remove all control they have over you.
  • JasJaworska
    JasJaworska Posts: 22 Member
    It's all nice to say thank you and I agree with you letting them know why (they are family, haha). My sister went vegetarian and my grandma made a big meaty meal and my sister declined and she explained why but my grandma just scoffed when she found out, some family members are set in their ways and don't realize what they're doing affects what we want. The way they seem to treat you seems unkind though, they shouldn't push you around but always try to be your authentic self and do everything with what best suits you!

    Good luck on your journey and future successes! :)
    Jas
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    edited April 2019
    People can't affect you if you don't let them. We have no control over what others do, just how we handle it.

    If one feels the need to complain, one only needs to redirect their own thoughts and actions for change. Best to direct the energy you have towards something productive than feeling frustrated. It's entirely our call how we choose to feel.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,227 Member
    The only person that can sabotage me... is me.

    If people are not supportive of your choices (healthy ones like losing weight, not destructive ones), then they don't need to be a part of your life. Don't discuss things with them. Don't spend time with them. The stress that they put on you is not worth it. If you truly want to be healthy, then you need to stop allowing the toxic people to be a part of things.