Things people say when you lose weight
Replies
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I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"5
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elisa123gal wrote: »I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"
I came here to say this exact thing, LOL.5 -
I think it's about reading the room, being supportive and happy for someone else's success without being an *kitten* hat! Kinda goes for life in general, but don't make assumptions and consider your your relationship with the person before you get all up in their business! 😅
People have said things to me that came out of their own sense of self. I may be surprised, but don't get offended. That's their baggage and I have plenty of my own. Its not going to stop me because I'm not doing it for them anyway!11 -
elisa123gal wrote: »I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"
I don't get that.
There's plenty of positive posts about how ecstatic some people are if others are paying attention and give them some happy feedback about taking control of an aspect of their life that they decided to change.
I think the takeaway is two-fold. First, be kind in how you talk to others. Don't be ambiguous. Communicate in a way that they understand where you're coming from. Don't say rude things for sure; there's plenty examples of that. Second, don't take it so personally. When someone says something, the way we hear it is flavored by our past experiences and how we see ourselves. Put yourself in their place and give them some credit that maybe it's coming from a place of love and accept that they care.
Of course some things that people say are just mean. Some people are asswipes. No getting around that. Try to avoid those people. Even when you experience them, consider what awful things had to happen in their life to make them behave that way. You can even find a way to have sympathy for them.
In all our lives, it's really a healthy thing to realize it's probably not about "you." A wise person once told me, "If you actually knew how little other people thought about you, you wouldn't be worried about it at all." In that case "little" means "infrequently." Give that some thought. Accept compliments humbly. Let the other stuff roll off like water off a duck's back. Set difficult and achievable goals. Chase them down and try to succeed. If you have a failure, you're human so get back at it today. Not tomorrow. Not after new year. TODAY.12 -
The only time I have gotten UPSET as opposed to just kind of over the drawn out 'reveal' (covid, I had a lot of people I was seeing the first time over a 6 month period) is the person who told me I lost too much weight and was prettier 20 pounds heavier.
I am very sorry I am failing to be decorative enough for your purposes, and also screw off.11 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.12 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.
Two more things.
First, it's an honor to have you echo my suggestions. Seriously. I find your approach to so many issues and challenges are balanced and well reasoned. You are a good example for all of us.
Second, and very importantly, if you have any inkling that I am even 80% able to do what I wrote, you overestimate my ability. This is something I'm working on. It's not easy. I have been working on compassion for several years. It's starting to take, but I have a long way to travel along that road. It's very hard in the moment to step back and take a healthy approach.
I had a stalker years ago. A co-worker. It was a bad situation. They are gone now, but I see them in town from time to time. During and after the incident, I had mental challenges with dealing with the thoughts that surrounded my experience. I took advantage of our employee assistance program. The person I worked with offered some good advice that I also am still working on. "Don't let this person take up space in your head rent-free." I was mostly able, eventually, to evict them from my noggin. Still get weird vibes when I see them around. A teammate in our Ultimate league was a neighbor and thought I must be nuts because the things I mentioned had happened were kind of unrealistic. Well, my ex even thought maybe I was nuts. I began to think it myself. What was happening could NOT have been happening. Yet it was. Eventually my teammate was able to observe first hand this person's bullschidt. They told me about it. All of it was real. I still struggle to have compassion for that individual, but I also recognize that there's certainly mental illness that isn't their fault. I feel sad for them. I wish there was a cure. If there was, I would also wish for an apology. I don't do forgive and forget; I do forgive and remember. Yeah; I guess I have not totally evicted this person from my head. I'll keep working on that. And I'll keep working on being compassionate for people who I frankly despise. Wish me luck.
I guess that was three things. I can't count.13 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.
Two more things.
First, it's an honor to have you echo my suggestions. Seriously. I find your approach to so many issues and challenges are balanced and well reasoned. You are a good example for all of us.
Second, and very importantly, if you have any inkling that I am even 80% able to do what I wrote, you overestimate my ability. This is something I'm working on. It's not easy. I have been working on compassion for several years. It's starting to take, but I have a long way to travel along that road. It's very hard in the moment to step back and take a healthy approach.
I had a stalker years ago. A co-worker. It was a bad situation. They are gone now, but I see them in town from time to time. During and after the incident, I had mental challenges with dealing with the thoughts that surrounded my experience. I took advantage of our employee assistance program. The person I worked with offered some good advice that I also am still working on. "Don't let this person take up space in your head rent-free." I was mostly able, eventually, to evict them from my noggin. Still get weird vibes when I see them around. A teammate in our Ultimate league was a neighbor and thought I must be nuts because the things I mentioned had happened were kind of unrealistic. Well, my ex even thought maybe I was nuts. I began to think it myself. What was happening could NOT have been happening. Yet it was. Eventually my teammate was able to observe first hand this person's bullschidt. They told me about it. All of it was real. I still struggle to have compassion for that individual, but I also recognize that there's certainly mental illness that isn't their fault. I feel sad for them. I wish there was a cure. If there was, I would also wish for an apology. I don't do forgive and forget; I do forgive and remember. Yeah; I guess I have not totally evicted this person from my head. I'll keep working on that. And I'll keep working on being compassionate for people who I frankly despise. Wish me luck.
I guess that was three things. I can't count.
Very often, what I say (or type) is a striving, a stake in the ground. Most things are a work in progress, most of the time, realistically.
Working on my own attitudes and behavior has a 99.73% better payoff in contentment than trying to change other people. Personality or behavior transplants on others are a non-starter: That's my experience.5 -
you're both awesome and inspirational and aspirational, so there.
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Although it's certainly nice to be validated by other people noticing my weight loss favourably, I've figured out that I don't need anyone's approval or validation. My 30-pound loss was only visible to most people after not seeing me after an 8-month lockdown.
My hairdresser hasn't said a word to me although she's certainly noticed. The only person who has said anything is my manicurist, who came up to me excitedly and said, "You've lost a lot of weight!" I said, "Yes, 25 pounds. [Hairdresser's name] hasn't said anything about it." (I've since lost 5 more).
My hairdresser is my friend and means well. But I think she's learned to be super cautious about commenting about weight loss because people can get so offended and take what is meant to be a compliment the wrong way.
Anyway, I know that I've lost weight, my husband knows, my scale knows, my body knows, my wardrobe knows. I don't need compliments. I'm now a healthy weight, at the mid-point of the normal BMI chart and I've never felt better.12 -
Today, someone who hasn't seen me for at least 6 months said, "Wow! Your a whole new person! I'm so happy for you!" And I got a sweater from one and she bought me a medium! Which should be perfect, right now.8
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