Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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  • PaintedPlay
    PaintedPlay Posts: 51 Member
    What superpower does a parent bestow on their child...





    Supervision
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,041 Member
    What is et short for?




    It’s because he has small legs.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    The neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for eight years... I had no idea he was a barber.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    One sloth turned to another and said, "I used to dislike moss but now I think it's growing on me."
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    A lumberjack once told me he'd cut down 27,572 trees. I asked him how he knew the exact number. "Easy," he said, "I keep a log."
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,793 Member
    Today I spotted an albino Dalmatian.

    It was the least I could do for him.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    edited December 2020
    What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

    "Breathe, damn it, breathe!"
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    My youngest son asked me what an acorn was. I told him, in a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    I went on a date last night with a girl I met at the zoo. She's a keeper.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    I never got remarried but I've had a few near Mrs.
  • thereshegoesagain
    thereshegoesagain Posts: 1,056 Member
    [/quote]
    Curious, I went to the zoo as well. It was rubbish - it only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.[/quote]

    I think that's the best one yet!
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 6,427 Member
    drmwc wrote: »
    I went on a date last night with a girl I met at the zoo. She's a keeper.

    Curious, I went to the zoo as well. It was rubbish - it only had one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.

    OMG, I had to read that twice to get it.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    edited December 2020
    At my parole hearing, the board said to me, "Tell us why you should be released early."

    Me: Beca...
    [interrupting] Board Member: Yes?
    M: I think I have...
    [interrupting again] BM: Go on.
    M: Can I please finish my sentence?
    BM: Wish granted, parole denied.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,328 Member
    My urologist’s office called today and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the Covid virus.

    One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed to administer my own urine test.
    This was to avoid those lab tests and because they're shutdown too.

    They instructed: Simply go outside and take a whiz in the front yard.

    If ant's gather: DIABETES.

    If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE

    If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL

    If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS

    If you return to your house with your crank outside of your pants: ALZHEIMER'S

    If the neighbor's wife doesn't call the police: Go Visit Her
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    What do you call a snowman temper tantrum?

    A meltdown.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    What do you call a dog that can do magic?

    A Labracadabrador.
  • MidlifeCrisisFitness
    MidlifeCrisisFitness Posts: 1,114 Member
    Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
    A: Envelope.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    A macaroni, a penne and a spaghetti were drinking one night. They saw a noodle sitting by itself at the end of the bar and decided to invite it over. It looked cannelloni.