Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,041 Member
    Did you hear the joke about the number 2 pencil?


    Nvm. It pointless.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,041 Member
    What do you call a bear with no ear?




    B
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

    The abdominal snowman.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist,

    While you were arguing about the glass of beer, I drank it.

    Sincerely,
    The Opportunist
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    Quarantine has me so bored that I decided to read part of the dictionary. I've learned next to nothing.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    The salesman at the furniture store told me that my new couch would seat five people without any problems. Where the hell am I going to find five people without any problems?!
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,793 Member
    How can a Leopard change his spots?

    By moving.
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,793 Member
    edited December 2020
    The genie asked, "What's your first wish?"
    Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!"
    The genie nodded and said, "What's your second wish?"
    Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,793 Member
    My friend said to me, "My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think would be a good replacement?"
    I replied, "Cats. Cats love fish."
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    An eating contest is just the beginning of a *kitten* contest.
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password.

    It's not Stroganoff
  • 1chesc
    1chesc Posts: 152 Member
    A man got hit in the head with a can of coke. Thankfully he is alright because it was a soft drink.
  • drmwc
    drmwc Posts: 786 Member
    Two fish were in a tank. One says to the other: "Shall I drive?"
  • CurseofDolkite
    CurseofDolkite Posts: 31 Member
    I passed a Mount Olive Baptist Church while walking last week and was reminded that when Napoleon went to Mount Olive, Popeye got pissed.
  • AlwaysWanderer
    AlwaysWanderer Posts: 641 Member
    Where does a General keep his armies?

    In his sleevies.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,577 Member
    What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.


    Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!

    :#

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