Am I really committing a crime against humanity?

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  • Lorleee
    Lorleee Posts: 369 Member
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    I also used to have that all or nothing mentality before. What has helped me through these last 35 pounds I've lost so far was accepting that I'm not going to always be perfect, I'm human! Overall, one cookie won't affect my weight loss in the end, if I don't beat myself up for it. Everyday is a new day and eventually I had to rewire my brain to understand this. I used to give up if I ate "bad" food and didn't workout. I would restart every Monday when I could just pick up the next day and brush off a bad day. Since December 1st, I've had a couple of eat everything in sight days, but at the end of it all, I've had more good days than bad and have lost 35.2 pounds. You can do it too OP!

    But the OP is saying is that for her, one cookie becomes too many cookies and derails her focus on the new way she would like to eat. Having one cookie and not beating yourself up for it is ideal, certainly, but for some, that one cookie means finishing off the entire bag. Not so easy to brush off if it restarts a pattern you're trying to stop.
  • Verdenal
    Verdenal Posts: 625 Member
    edited August 2019
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    You're not that unusual. Some people can stick to a varied diet, others do better by eliminating foods entirely. I'm in the second group. You need better friends, or at least a couple of people in your life who are in tune with your goals. Maybe you could meet them through a group dedicated to some kind of physical activity (even walking) or diet.

    Therapy might help in terms of support and developing responses to people who challenge you. I don't agree with the person who said you have all-or-nothing thinking. Some of us can't have just one bite. That's how we're made. Abstaining is less stressful for us. It is, however, important to remember that junk food is not a physical addiction. You may have cravings or a psychological dependency, neither of which may be easy to overcome, but they are easier to beat than an addiction to heroin.
  • Verdenal
    Verdenal Posts: 625 Member
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    It is unkind of people to try to push you into any behavior once you have voiced your desire to avoid it. However, most people do not view pushing cake the same way they see pushing alcohol. Food is love, it is a representation community and social ties. The cutting of the birthday cake is the ritual sacrifice to death god for sparing the celebrant for one more year. If you don't eat the cake it like wishing some one dead.

    Food isn't love. Love is love. And I am unfamiliar with the symbolism to which you refer. In my experience, someone might be hurt by a refusal of birthday cake, but equating it with a death wish? PLEASE.

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,897 Member
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    Lorleee wrote: »
    I also used to have that all or nothing mentality before. What has helped me through these last 35 pounds I've lost so far was accepting that I'm not going to always be perfect, I'm human! Overall, one cookie won't affect my weight loss in the end, if I don't beat myself up for it. Everyday is a new day and eventually I had to rewire my brain to understand this. I used to give up if I ate "bad" food and didn't workout. I would restart every Monday when I could just pick up the next day and brush off a bad day. Since December 1st, I've had a couple of eat everything in sight days, but at the end of it all, I've had more good days than bad and have lost 35.2 pounds. You can do it too OP!

    But the OP is saying is that for her, one cookie becomes too many cookies and derails her focus on the new way she would like to eat. Having one cookie and not beating yourself up for it is ideal, certainly, but for some, that one cookie means finishing off the entire bag. Not so easy to brush off if it restarts a pattern you're trying to stop.

    Yes, I have learned it's better for me to just not have Oreos in the house, as I am unable to moderate them.

    I make chocolate chip cookies for my OH. I eat one on the day I make them, and am able to leave the rest for him. (Despite them being "the best chocolate chip cookies in the world" lol.)

    Some people may need to not have any cookies at all around, and I respect that.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
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    lemurcat2 wrote: »
    Annie_01 wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    lemurcat2 wrote: »
    Processed and ultra processed are not the same. Frozen spinach is processed. Whole grain bread is processed, rolled oats are processed, canned tomatoes are processed, cottage cheese is processed, smoked salmon is processed, boneless, skinless chicken breast is processed.

    Ironically, the link defines ultraprocessed as microwavable and ready to eat, so would not include the oh so evil homemade pie.

    But again not the topic of this thread.

    While you are correct that processed and ultra processed are not the same, everyone I know IRL, along with most new posters on MFP, say "processed" when they mean "ultra processed".

    This is the first I time I remember seeing the term ultra processed used. The subject was confusing as it was so adding this layer just makes my head hurt.

    Really? New posters generally say "processed" when they mean what many MFP regulars understand to be "ultra processed" so I often come along and point this out and drop in the link to the Brazilian definitions. Ultra Processed starts on p 39: http://bvsms.saude.gov.br/bvs/publicacoes/dietary_guidelines_brazilian_population.pdf

    What I find amusing...in the real world (outside MFP) I have never run across anyone that is confused about some of the terminology that is often the center of debate here..."junk food"...processed..."good/bad food". No one seems to care how you phrase things...they all seem to know what these terms mean. I was shocked the first time that I read one of these arguments about those terms...terms that I have heard, used and understood my entire life.

    Also...I don't think that whatever terminology that you use doesn't guarantee success or failure.

    Like I said, I use the term junk food, but I use it in a non-precise way and don't assume others share my meaning.

    For example, some use it exclusively for sweets. Some use it only for packaged things that are high cal (fast food, chips, storebought desserts) but would not use it for grandma's homemade pie. Some use it for anything highly processed (include a low cal frozen meal with reasonable macros and some veg). Some might use it for anything extra high cal for the nutrients (my homemade pulled pork), others would apply it to the same thing if purchased at a restaurant but not homemade.

    Some would call my Ethiopian food order of spinach, collards, cabbage/carrots, and lamb junk food because it's delivery and high cal. Others would say it's junk food because of the injera. Still others would point out that it's got lots of vegetables so is not junk food.

    I suspect the only reason you say everyone knows what junk food means is that you are either thinking of the most obvious examples or just assume they mean what you do.

    Like I said, I use the term, it doesn't bother me, but by no means is it clear.

    I try not to assume too much about people. I do admit to thinking of the most obvious.

    Isn't most of life ambiguous? An example: I might say my house is clean. Some could walk in and think it is spotless...someone else might think it is messy and not organized...then there is that person that thinks it is a disaster! Most of what we think is subjective to our own opinions but I also believe that there are some commonalities that are applicable to most of us.

    We all put things in categories based on our own experiences and preferences. I have mine...you have yours. I think sometimes that when people get together and discuss these types of difference we lose site of the big picture. In the case of the OP she didn't ask a question concerning what is "junk" food. She wanted to know how others handled people in their lives that weren't supportive. Whether I agree with her choices of food doesn't matter one way or the other nor how she categorizes food.

    I hesitate to post my response. I try to stay out of these debates.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
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    You're right Lemurcat...I was probably out of line by voicing my opinion. In no way was I trying to suggest that you are being uncharitable. I certainly didn't mean for you to feel as if I was calling you an idiot nor did I mean in any way to imply that you were faking. I just see things differently than some do. That is IMO the premise around debates...we can all differ in our thoughts.

    I do however appreciate you pointing out to me that you disagree with my thoughts and that I upset you. I think honesty even in a place such as this is always welcome.
  • lemurcat2
    lemurcat2 Posts: 7,885 Member
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    Annie_01 wrote: »
    You're right Lemurcat...I was probably out of line by voicing my opinion.

    Of course you weren't out of line in expressing an opinion.

    I also am not sure whether we even actually disagree. I don't know what you think we disagree about (whether or not the term "processed" can be used in different ways and so someone can reasonably misunderstand what someone else means by it?) And I am happy to respectfully disagree about things.

    What I find frustrating is that I got the impression that you were accusing me (based on a misunderstanding) of doing something I never would. Thus, I wanted to clear up whatever the misunderstanding was. I don't see this as an argument with you, or anyone really.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 8,984 Member
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    I also manage anxiety and depression symptoms. My moods have changed drastically due to taking a more proactive approach to being physically healthy. I can say that changing my eating habits and living a more healthy lifestyle is saving my life. What you are doing is not dieting, you are loving yourself. You are teaching yourself healthy habits that will keep you alive and thriving. If you had a child, and that child was sick, you would make sure that child had what they needed to stay healthy and happy. You know that cake and sugary foods taste good, and that they would like these things, but you also know that it would be bad for them. You make it a point not to give them those things because you love them. You are not dieting, you are learning to love yourself. Sometimes, loving yourself means saying, "no".

    Not quite sure what point you are making.

    The issue isnt whether we agree or not with OP's food choices - but about how to say No to offers of food without it causing a drama.

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,897 Member
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    I also manage anxiety and depression symptoms. My moods have changed drastically due to taking a more proactive approach to being physically healthy. I can say that changing my eating habits and living a more healthy lifestyle is saving my life. What you are doing is not dieting, you are loving yourself. You are teaching yourself healthy habits that will keep you alive and thriving. If you had a child, and that child was sick, you would make sure that child had what they needed to stay healthy and happy. You know that cake and sugary foods taste good, and that they would like these things, but you also know that it would be bad for them. You make it a point not to give them those things because you love them. You are not dieting, you are learning to love yourself. Sometimes, loving yourself means saying, "no".
    Not quite sure what point you are making.

    The issue isnt whether we agree or not with OP's food choices - but about how to say No to offers of food without it causing a drama.

    After the OP clarified on page 3 how she wanted to eat, another poster responded (over several posts) with phrases like "magical thinking", "cognitive distortion", "distorted thinking."

    So, yes, at least one person was disagreeing with the OP's food choices and I assumed the poster you quoted was offering support to the OP because of that. Or simply supporting her choices.
  • MarisaMSimon
    MarisaMSimon Posts: 277 Member
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    Lorleee wrote: »
    I also used to have that all or nothing mentality before. What has helped me through these last 35 pounds I've lost so far was accepting that I'm not going to always be perfect, I'm human! Overall, one cookie won't affect my weight loss in the end, if I don't beat myself up for it. Everyday is a new day and eventually I had to rewire my brain to understand this. I used to give up if I ate "bad" food and didn't workout. I would restart every Monday when I could just pick up the next day and brush off a bad day. Since December 1st, I've had a couple of eat everything in sight days, but at the end of it all, I've had more good days than bad and have lost 35.2 pounds. You can do it too OP!

    But the OP is saying is that for her, one cookie becomes too many cookies and derails her focus on the new way she would like to eat. Having one cookie and not beating yourself up for it is ideal, certainly, but for some, that one cookie means finishing off the entire bag. Not so easy to brush off if it restarts a pattern you're trying to stop.

    @Lorleee : Do you think I didn’t have that issue too? I did and with practice, I came out of it. It’s a long mental process as I’m sure you know. I was just giving the OP hope that maybe one day they can get to that place.
  • babyluthi
    babyluthi Posts: 284 Member
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    "My Doctor says I cannot have that. Thanks for the offer though." (say it cheerfully then smile).
  • kew1952
    kew1952 Posts: 52 Member
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    I am the same way, I am better off not having even taste or the flood gates open. I have been known to successfully use some sarcastic humor. When I have said no and they come back with something, I just look at them, ask what part of no they don't understand, and then smile at them. Good luck!