Judgmental Things

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  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    edited November 2019
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    FeelinFooFoo wrote: »
    I get a bit judgy when people have had a big hand up from their rich parents then think that they can look down their nose at others. People who struggle on their own with no help.

    Come off your high horse and try struggling on your own, then see how you feel.

    What may look like a handout or hand up from wealthy parents, really isn't. Their parents make them bleed for the excess in one way or another. Or worse, it's the result of complete neglect and being raised by the help and boarding schools for most. Your normal isn't their normal, so naturally there are going to be platforms open to judgment, both up and down the economical ladder . Then again, some poor children are spoilt, for their economic brackets.

    Eta: double quote
  • GymGoddessGoals
    GymGoddessGoals Posts: 2,146 Member
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    I have two younger siblings. In our early years, we lived with our grandmother. Grandma was old school before old school was a thing. She held us all accountable for each other. So if one child did something wrong all three children were punished. My brother and I quickly learned that my sister was always going to be a pain in our *kitten*, literally. We all said please, thank you, yes and no ma'am/sir and never back-talked. We also were well behaved children no matter where we went.

  • George_of_the_Jungle
    George_of_the_Jungle Posts: 3,316 Member
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    bojack5 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    LiftingSpirits wrote: »
    I used to sorta judge people whose kids acted completely out of control and made the assumption that there just wasn't any discipline. I have learned that kids don't all react to the same methods. Sometimes the parent is at fault for unruly kids, but it isn't fair for me to ever assume that.

    I deplore parents of screaming children in restaurants. Guilty of being judgmental on that one.

    One of the most cringeworthy things i can remember was being at a diner with a buddy and his wife and his ridiculously unbehaved kids. The kids were yelling and screaming and throwing things and my buddy and his wife in my opinion were doing little to get it under control. The other people in the place were getting upset, some moved to other tables and some started to complain. My friend was getting angry with the people not his kids! I am not one to tell anyone how to raise their children but i was miserable sitting there while my friend argued with people over kids being kids. It was horrible and to this day he still has a problem with me "not having his back" in that situation.

    Omg...i really feel for you there....any other situation I would say you really don't know what is going on ..the child may have issues or whatever it may be ...but since you know your friend and you are seeing what was happening directly.... yikes 🙄🤐yeah they make it bad for the rest of us who have children that are not always able to settle down on their own due to special needs Etc.

    Believe me I have had my very "typically looking" child called fresh...asked why I spoil him...been given dirty looks etc....its very very hard on my heart to hear that even though I know it's not always others faults for being "judgy"....but I used to say oh I'm so sorry...and try to explain his sitch...only to get more looks and to go home and cry and just be really hurt by it....now....now I stare them back in the eyes which will almost always make them look away and say something like.."autism is a real *kitten* huh.?....whats the reason you are?"🔥

    I know I'm not being fair when I do that but after us both being judged without sympathy....i guess it toughens your skin....🤷

    Your friend is gonna have his hands full if he always sticks up for his kids bad behavior ....i hope for them all he nips that in the bud! Hugs!!!🤗

    My children get 1 warning in public. Then we're out.

    You're like friends of ours. They get one warning.

    Thereafter, they are sin binned in a location directly opposite from where they were meant to go ... Knotts Berry Farm, Disneyland, bowling, movies, a restaurant etc. They are told, "Sit and observe all the children who know how to behave in public like grateful children. Then it's home to a quiet evening usually.

    Eta: I was shocked the first time I heard their dad say, "Platoon!! " They automatically knew they'd misbehaved. They stand in formation, do that marching on the spot thing, march around the car, before marching towards a public bench to watch other people, including those of us who are their parents friends enter and exit.


    That is just ridiculous. Period. Yeah I just passed judgement. Humiliation tactics get you no where, and just add to the perpetual cycle of bad parenting. Each of these instances are teaching moments. If they're embarrassed about it, your're not going to be able to hit home with the positive message that comes out of it. You may still change the behavior, but it's by developing insecurities and not by teaching.

    I remember feeling humiliated for the children too. Now, I avoid going on outings with them. I don't know if I am being judgemental about their methods, I am merely against having my day revolve around parents who go to such extremes in public.

    I would take issue with another parent if I saw this. It is their right I suppose, and really none of my business. I want them to be good because they KNOW how to do so, and what it can bring them, not because they're AFRAID of being humiliated in public.

    On any occasion where I've ever left a public space due to their behavior, I just simply say it's time to go. If they don't comply and fall down and start screaming, they're carried out. By the time we've made it home or to the next place though, they are able to tell me exactly why that just happened, and what it is they need to do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

    You are one cool cat man......i picture the Pink Panther theme playing as you move about your day :)

    Gracias mi amigo! Now I'm gonna hear that lol
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    LiftingSpirits wrote: »
    I used to sorta judge people whose kids acted completely out of control and made the assumption that there just wasn't any discipline. I have learned that kids don't all react to the same methods. Sometimes the parent is at fault for unruly kids, but it isn't fair for me to ever assume that.

    I deplore parents of screaming children in restaurants. Guilty of being judgmental on that one.

    One of the most cringeworthy things i can remember was being at a diner with a buddy and his wife and his ridiculously unbehaved kids. The kids were yelling and screaming and throwing things and my buddy and his wife in my opinion were doing little to get it under control. The other people in the place were getting upset, some moved to other tables and some started to complain. My friend was getting angry with the people not his kids! I am not one to tell anyone how to raise their children but i was miserable sitting there while my friend argued with people over kids being kids. It was horrible and to this day he still has a problem with me "not having his back" in that situation.

    Omg...i really feel for you there....any other situation I would say you really don't know what is going on ..the child may have issues or whatever it may be ...but since you know your friend and you are seeing what was happening directly.... yikes 🙄🤐yeah they make it bad for the rest of us who have children that are not always able to settle down on their own due to special needs Etc.

    Believe me I have had my very "typically looking" child called fresh...asked why I spoil him...been given dirty looks etc....its very very hard on my heart to hear that even though I know it's not always others faults for being "judgy"....but I used to say oh I'm so sorry...and try to explain his sitch...only to get more looks and to go home and cry and just be really hurt by it....now....now I stare them back in the eyes which will almost always make them look away and say something like.."autism is a real *kitten* huh.?....whats the reason you are?"🔥

    I know I'm not being fair when I do that but after us both being judged without sympathy....i guess it toughens your skin....🤷

    Your friend is gonna have his hands full if he always sticks up for his kids bad behavior ....i hope for them all he nips that in the bud! Hugs!!!🤗

    My children get 1 warning in public. Then we're out.

    Lol my dad was the same way...4 of us too....i think youre awesome!😎🤘

    I have 4 as well. So really, that's 4 warnings, but no repeat offenders. If one is egregious enough, that'll do it. Also matters if we're at McD's or a steakhouse.

    I was talking the other day to one of my adult daughter's about unruly kids out and I said how well behaved they were when we were out when they were little. She said "mum we didn't need warnings, you had The Look" 😁
  • InspectorRed
    InspectorRed Posts: 757 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    i remember sitting in a restaurant with my four year old once and she saw some other kids yelling and talking back and she turned to me and said “wow mom it really sounds like a mixture of entitlement and privilege in this applebees rn” then she opened her dog-eared copy of “Discipline and Punishment” by Foucault and ordered the grilled chicken wonton tacos.

    Bwhahaha 🤣🤣🤣
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    777Gemma888 wrote: »
    George_of_the_Jungle wrote: »
    Tinydancer106 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
    LiftingSpirits wrote: »
    I used to sorta judge people whose kids acted completely out of control and made the assumption that there just wasn't any discipline. I have learned that kids don't all react to the same methods. Sometimes the parent is at fault for unruly kids, but it isn't fair for me to ever assume that.

    I deplore parents of screaming children in restaurants. Guilty of being judgmental on that one.

    One of the most cringeworthy things i can remember was being at a diner with a buddy and his wife and his ridiculously unbehaved kids. The kids were yelling and screaming and throwing things and my buddy and his wife in my opinion were doing little to get it under control. The other people in the place were getting upset, some moved to other tables and some started to complain. My friend was getting angry with the people not his kids! I am not one to tell anyone how to raise their children but i was miserable sitting there while my friend argued with people over kids being kids. It was horrible and to this day he still has a problem with me "not having his back" in that situation.

    Omg...i really feel for you there....any other situation I would say you really don't know what is going on ..the child may have issues or whatever it may be ...but since you know your friend and you are seeing what was happening directly.... yikes 🙄🤐yeah they make it bad for the rest of us who have children that are not always able to settle down on their own due to special needs Etc.

    Believe me I have had my very "typically looking" child called fresh...asked why I spoil him...been given dirty looks etc....its very very hard on my heart to hear that even though I know it's not always others faults for being "judgy"....but I used to say oh I'm so sorry...and try to explain his sitch...only to get more looks and to go home and cry and just be really hurt by it....now....now I stare them back in the eyes which will almost always make them look away and say something like.."autism is a real *kitten* huh.?....whats the reason you are?"🔥

    I know I'm not being fair when I do that but after us both being judged without sympathy....i guess it toughens your skin....🤷

    Your friend is gonna have his hands full if he always sticks up for his kids bad behavior ....i hope for them all he nips that in the bud! Hugs!!!🤗

    My children get 1 warning in public. Then we're out.

    Eta: I was shocked the first time I heard their dad say, "Platoon!! " They automatically knew they'd misbehaved. They stand in formation, do that marching on the spot thing, march around the car, before marching towards a public bench to watch other people, including those of us who are their parents friends enter and exit.

    what the hell

    It works for them ( the couple). Although having chatted with their children, the older ones cannot wait until they are 18 and can leave.
  • epangili
    epangili Posts: 818 Member
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    CanesGalactica wrote: »
    Okay, so I know MFP is a safe and supportive space for a lot of people (and I'd like to keep it that way), but I find I learn so much about people in general when we have the more pessimistic and/or down-to-earth conversations. So...

    I would like to know what sorts of things MFPers automatically judge someone on (to themselves, I assume) upon first sight or conversation. Is there something silly you judge others on or something that just automatically screams at you despite your very best effort to keep in check and hold your tongue lest you be thought of as a rude *kitten*?

    Let's keep it civil, please. No personal attacks or excessively mean *kitten*.

    My example:

    I can't help but be slightly (or really) judge-y about a person who makes no effort to be grammatically correct or spell words (mostly) correct when typing. I understand text language and shortening sentences and words, but there comes a point where I think it is absolutely ridiculous and that the person is just lazy.

    Your turn.

    Sorry, I'm guilty of this but I do try to edit and I'm quatrolingual so I get confused alot.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I have become less judgy in my 30s-40s than I used to be, but one thing I still judge is parents who act like their children (whether age 2 or 17) are a huge burden and they wish they were rid of them. I am not a parent and do not wish to be, so I know that I have absolutely no place to judge this but I do.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I have become less judgy in my 30s-40s than I used to be, but one thing I still judge is parents who act like their children (whether age 2 or 17) are a huge burden and they wish they were rid of them. I am not a parent and do not wish to be, so I know that I have absolutely no place to judge this but I do.

    I'm slowly getting there. This place has actually helped a bit to opening my eyes to how different people... operate. Like, I hadn't considered someone speaking multiple languages and that that's why their grammar or sentence structure might suffer in type. Or that a person's circumstances might taint (or bless) their perception and reaction to something. :)

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