How to deal with sweet's in the home

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  • Danp
    Danp Posts: 1,561 Member
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    I'm torn on this.

    On one hand I think it's unreasonable to expect someone to 'sacrifice' or 'suffer' for another persons weakness. No one should have to do without because of someone else's problem. There needs to be personal responsibility for actions. Yes the wife is bringing the food into the house but she's not the one eating it. I wonder if perhaps this is just the most immediate and convenient excuse. 'Oh it's not my fault, my wife keeps bringing the food in. That's why I can't lose weight' thereby absolving of any responsibility for actions taken. I then wonder what would happen if the wife did agree to stop bringing the food in. Would this actually solve the problem or would this just precipitate a move to the next most convenient excuse to continue to not take responsibility?

    On the other hand, even though I feel that it's unreasonable to expect someone to have to pay or sacrifice for another's burden, I do have to question someone who wouldn't WANT to compromise and sacrifice to help someone they care about. So while I don't think the wife is obligated to forgo her access to sweets she enjoys because someone else can't control themselves, it baffles me that she would be so uncaring and lack the compassion for someone in her life that she wouldn't be willing to try and give a little to help.
  • aokoye
    aokoye Posts: 3,495 Member
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    I honestly suspect there's a fair amount that we don't know. We're only hearing one side of the story out of the 4 that exist (counting the in-laws). Regardless, I agree with the idea of setting up at least a handful of couples counseling sessions - likely with a therapist that is not your individual therapist, though you should ask them for suggestions.

    For what it's worth, I do know people who have recovered from their alcoholism despite living in houses with alcohol. At least one of the people I'm thinking of was in a roommate situation and also had quite a lot of therapy.
  • Theoldguy1
    Theoldguy1 Posts: 2,454 Member
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    Danp wrote: »
    I'm torn on this.

    On one hand I think it's unreasonable to expect someone to 'sacrifice' or 'suffer' for another persons weakness. No one should have to do without because of someone else's problem. There needs to be personal responsibility for actions. Yes the wife is bringing the food into the house but she's not the one eating it. I wonder if perhaps this is just the most immediate and convenient excuse. 'Oh it's not my fault, my wife keeps bringing the food in. That's why I can't lose weight' thereby absolving of any responsibility for actions taken. I then wonder what would happen if the wife did agree to stop bringing the food in. Would this actually solve the problem or would this just precipitate a move to the next most convenient excuse to continue to not take responsibility?

    On the other hand, even though I feel that it's unreasonable to expect someone to have to pay or sacrifice for another's burden, I do have to question someone who wouldn't WANT to compromise and sacrifice to help someone they care about. So while I don't think the wife is obligated to forgo her access to sweets she enjoys because someone else can't control themselves, it baffles me that she would be so uncaring and lack the compassion for someone in her life that she wouldn't be willing to try and give a little to help.

    To be honest if I read the OP's first post correctly the wife, and both in-laws are morbidly obese (believe he said they all had a BMI over 40). None of them are "doing without".

    The others need to clean up their act also, otherwise the OP will be having to take care of them.

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