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30lbs to lose... Started AGAIN yesterday (Darn Lockdown Snacking)

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  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member
    I did take that walk with a friend and burned off loads of calories. However, I then undid all that good work and then some.

    Last week, all in all, was not a good week for me.

    My new week starts on a Monday (my groceries are delivered on Sundays) and I am determined to eat like less of a pig this week. I think I overordered last week (which didn't help) but the main problem I had was I kept trying to eat all the way up to maintenance and I kept eating the Christmas chocolates 'because I deserved it'. I also kept eating the mini puddings that were about to go off.

    Well, I haven't replaced those particular chocolates as clearly I have no portion control with them. I have also let the rest of the puddings go off and binned them, because they were empty calories and I didn't like them enough to want to continue the spiral.

    It's frustrating I'm back to telling myself I deserve food, and equating food with reward. It's just food. It was also really hard to see for myself what I was doing in the moment, but I kept justifying it with excuses to myself.

    This week, I'm resetting my goals to 1,600. Maintenance (without exercise) is about 1,800, so it's not a big deficit and it's not a big challenge really, but after overeating last week, I need to focus on eating normally before I can focus on eating to lose weight. I'm writing this down to force myself to be more accountable to myself.

    I just need to make it through 7 days, and then I can reassess. This isn't a big deal. I've got back on so many times. I can do this.

    What about you, Gabi? Did you manage to get back on the wagon?

    Here's to a good week for everyone. Let's make the most of this week before Christmas to be reasonably good and either repair some damage, or make a pre-emptive dent!
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 1,692 Member Member Posts: 1,692 Member
    Catherine- we knew it would be bumpy, and all the planning is exactly for those times, because the cruising in between, is easy. You battled chocolate and pudding? I battled crackers and mixed nuts. Funny you said you overbought stuff - me too, I had-had-had to go to Costco right?
    Like your approach with completely banning them for a while, until YOU get back the controls.
    I went back and read last week and for you the reason must have been TOM, and for me being dehydrated and very inconsistent with walking/spending time outside. Lack of sleep for both.
    So let’s take a big breath and just look forward. What we don’t know yet, we’ll figure it out later.
    Barb- I apologize but I simply forgot to check my email. Truth is nobody ever sends me emails, other than automatic payment confirmations and such, so I only take a look every couple of weeks.
    Yesterday was a very nice and balmy day with 60 at noon, and on my walk I was passed by so many runners and I thought that would be you, if we were neighbors.
    When I’m in off mode, not even nice weather could influence me, but you run in every type of weather, regardless of your mood of the day. I’m not going to get there, but I love to read about it.
    Katrina- if you rest and are having fun, we are all very happy for you, but if you are overworking yourself, say it, so we can tell you to rest and have fun.
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member
    Gabi - yep, some foods are triggers for me, and if I'm not doing particularly well, I need to put those items completely out of my reach. Not bringing them into the house is the best way!

    TOM didn't help, but also dehydration. It always takes me ages to cotton on! I felt a bit crappy and it took me ages to realise it was because I had the heating on to dry some handwashed clothes. Grabbed a giant bottle of water and immediately started to feel more normal. I never keep a log of what I'm drinking (unless it's something with calories in it, like fruit juice) and I think I need to make more of an effort there. I never realise I haven't drunk enough until very late on!

    I think I'm going to start keeping a bottle of water on my desk every day for then I'm working, as a prompt. I need to find more little strategies like that to encourage better behaviours from myself.

    Today is going much better - breakfast and lunch were controlled. I just need to make it to the end of the day, and then that's one day of being reasonable down. Small steps. We know last week wasn't great, we can't change that, we just have to learn what we can from the experience and keep moving forward. We've got this, Gabi!

    It's a good thing for me that I don't live near a Costco anymore - I guess they don't do the food sampling in Covid times, but they sell so many yummy things in huge quantities and portion control will always be my toughest challenge. They say never go grocery shopping when you're hungry - there's got to be a special variant for Costco. Don't go bulk shopping unless you're in a really good place with your food graph!

    Well done on all that exercise today, Barb - it's impressive where you get that motivation.

    Katrina - hope you're resting up.

    @angelexperiment @StephanieStC How are you both getting on?
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Catherine, the good news is you are learning more about yourself and what works and what clearly doesn’t work and are able to fine tune those strategies. Portion control is a huge deal for me too with so many things! I think I’ve said it before, I can’t buy cartons of ice cream unless we have a family birthday celebration or something. I just buy the little cup sized cartons. For chocolate, I buy the individually wrapped ghiradellis rather than the Hershey’s, which I tend to DEVOUR!
    I’ve learned I can’t let myself feel deprived or anywhere from 5 days- two weeks I just lose control and scarf down chocolate like there’s no tomorrow! So now I have a little chocolate or treat every day. I also eat back most of my exercise calories as well.
    Glad you got to take that walk with a friend!

    Gabi, I hear you on overbuying at Costco! Sometimes I think we should just quit going!
    You said when you’re in off mode not even nice weather gets you out for a walk? Is there another type of exercise you’d prefer? I think it’s all about finding what kind of exercise brings you joy! Maybe do something that makes you look forward to it. For example, when I’m on my spin bike I watch a series from Amazon prime. That’s the only time I allow myself to watch it. That way I look forward to it.

    I never posted yesterday, I fell asleep watching a Hallmark movie. Riveting I know!
    I did meet my goals though!

    I made a nice vegan chili for dinner. Very satisfying.

    Today:

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    Katrina, everything going okay?
  • kcd394kcd394 Member Posts: 127 Member Member Posts: 127 Member
    If I'd quit hitting done instead of post reply you might've heard from me... sigh. I'm ok though, was under calories today. Have to get some sleep but will chat more tomorrow.
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member
    Day two of the forced reset was hard. A friend called me randomly for a long talk, which distracted me from eating, so have managed to end the day on the deficit I wanted after all.

    I really wanted to eat more than I had planned, but I said I was going to stick to 1,600 max, so that's what I've done. It's amazing how writing things down can give you that extra nudge of bloody-mindedness. I, er, mean willpower. :lol:

    Let's see if I can get another 6 hours again... If I can do 6 hours' sleep regularly, I will be very pleased with that.

    I love veggie chilli, Barb - plus it freezes well. I have a great deal of fondness for healthy food that lends itself to batch cooking!

    Hump day tomorrow... let's keep plodding along.
  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 1,692 Member Member Posts: 1,692 Member
    Catherine- Very nice you got to walk with your friend. I like how you braked the day into 6-hour slots. Doable goal. Glad it works for you. Not braking, just trying to not let the flood in. So I have 5 cups of cauliflower, plus 2-4 apples, or alike, so there’s very little room for anything else.
    We are supposed to get a snowstorm tomorrow, granted here 2 inches were described as snowstorm in the past. If we do get some serious snow, it will make my day very very hard tomorrow, or even earlier. I guess this constitutes as journaling, and I just found my stressor for today. Yay.
    Do you know yours? Does it stay the same?
    Barb- portion sizes is not something I tried before, and I definitely should. For you it’s sugars? Savory (cold cuts, sausage, ham etc) is for me and then chocolate.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Katrina, Glad to hear you’re doing okay. Did the pesky cough finally go away? How’s the rest of the family doing? Esp Grandma?

    Catherine, I agree with you- writing down the food you consume definitely helps put the brakes on eating! If I feel like I’m starting to lose control, I’ll quickly log everything, and presto, back in control. On holidays I don’t bother though.

    Gabi, I’d be excited to have a couple inches of snow. We had a couple of flurries early last week but only enough to cover the cars, roof tops etc.
    Cold weather and esp snow always makes me want to make homemade soup! I’m a bit of a soup snob, don’t much care for the kind out of a can.

    Cold cuts, ham, sausages are your weakness? Lucky you, those are all high in protein and don’t cause a sugar spike that makes you to eat more to ride the wave!

    My stressor is when I talk to my Mom and all she can do is complain. I just want her to be happy but can’t fix her current situation.

    I did quite a bit of baking today for my husband’s work mates ( any my former 102 year old neighbor who lives in FL). Didn’t indulge. But I have more to make over the next couple of days and will indulge in a treat or two. I may prelog to head off any overindulgence.

    Exercise: ✅ Brrr! Cold day today!
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  • kcd394kcd394 Member Posts: 127 Member Member Posts: 127 Member
    Sorry this is a long one...
    So I worked Saturday, which went great. then this weekend I listened to my football game and relaxed some. Had a nice chat with my mom. She got tested again for covid so that she could do a stress test to check her heart. Covid test turned up negative and stress test was normal today despite her coughing still. We think she has bad acid reflux causing chest pains as its not her heart. My grandma is still at home, but has superficial blood clots that she's on meds for. She had tested positive again last week before the ultrasound for clots, and still had covid. Dad's girlfriend who lives with him just tested positive for covid too... hoping its mild for her and my dad since he'll probably also get it.

    We made some yummy but calorie dense food this weekend and i didn't log it, but i did try to eat reasonably sized portions since i knew i wasn't going to log it. Was 179 Sunday morning and today back to 178.1 lbs.

    Accidentally broke my glasses Sunday night and was anxious about the superglue holding them til i could get home after work monday night to my backup pair. But i got new ones ordered and ordered my first prescription sunglasses. I usually only wear them while driving but new glasses are cute enough maybe I'll wear them inside at work if they stay on my face... the wiggly dogs usually knock them around etc so i tend not to wear them as i can see fine close up just not across the room. Hopefully the new ones will come quick.

    Hitting over 5k steps a day but still haven't gotten on the treadmill. However, i think i only coughed 3 times today, so that's much improved! I just keep getting home late and by the time i cook eat etc it like 830 and im pooped. Today I stayed late at work after my charts were done to help my coworkers count inventory... has to get done by January 1st, and I'm not required to help, but there's only 2 of them doing it. So I took about 5 pages of the 150 pages and counted those meds/products on my pages before I left. Any little bit helps.

    Staying on track with calories so far this week. Gonna make some pot roast tomorrow in the crockpot, was too lazy or tired to start it tonight.

    Catherine nice work sticking to your calorie goals... hard to get back on track sometimes but hang in there!

    Barb great job with goals despite its chilly outside.

    Gabi I'm in Minnesota and we don't really have snow yet either... was 9 degrees F this morning.

    Going to bed early I think tonight. Mentally pooped today.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Katrina, just when your Mom and Grandma seem to be doing better, your Dad’s girlfriend tests positive. Let’s keep fingers crossed it’s very mild. Do you feel like you’re on a roller coaster?
    I’m impressed how light you’ve obviously been eating, to lose weight while not actually logging!

    Crock pots are wonderful, aren’t they? It just takes a few minutes prep before you leave for work( when you actually have energy) and then the house smells amazing when you get home!

    I baked cookies and chocolate cupcakes today for my husband’s work people. Did eat one cookie. Wanted a cupcake, had plenty of calories for it, but by the time I cleaned the kitchen it was after 7:30- too late for me to eat. I will save one for myself for tomorrow!

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  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 1,692 Member Member Posts: 1,692 Member
    Barb - you are very brave to bake your favorites and not have any! And baking goods smell so delicious all through the house... It’s a wonderful gesture and I’m sure your husband’s coworkers loved them.
    Katrina- sorry to hear about your dad getting exposed and your mom and grandma still fighting residual symptoms.
    As a person that was always left to figure it out when tedious things came our way, I think your inventory help is amazing. Exceptional teamwork!
    Broken glasses scores really high on the frustration scale. Both my girls wore glasses for years, and my husband and I need reading ones for almost a year now. One or the other is always looking for a misplaced pair in the house.
    Catherine- did you get the 7h of sleep?
    About a year now we had this discussion with our friends and apparently in (most) families one has trouble sleeping and one doesn’t. I’m it in mine, and talking to the others nobody understands the opposite group. There was this lady that said “just lay down “ , as if we messed that part for years.
    We got about 3 inches of snow, then 5 hours of rain in 27F. I took the dog out this morning and the snow is frozen on top and kept cracking under him. We walked around and around in one area for 30 minutes, when usually it takes him 2.

    I’ve been so cranky and moody lately and the scale is dancing every way. True, I realize at the end of the day what I messed up: water, exercise, food, sleep or a combination of these. So I plan for next day and I wake up again ready to swing.
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Gabi, don’t you just love it when friends give “helpful advice” like “just lay down” when you’re having trouble sleeping!?! I have to admit, pre-menopause I never had trouble sleeping ( except the night before the first day of school each year). As soon as my head hit the pillow, I’d be out within 60 seconds. Granted, I seldom had time to get more than 5- 6 1/2 hours of sleep all those years. Now I can’t function on so little sleep. Menopause really did a number on my sleeping. Getting to sleep has been a problem. STAYING asleep has been a problem. Falling BACK to sleep after going to bathroom has been a problem. Otherwise, I’m a champion sleeper!😉
    I’m so envious you got snow, even if it’s frozen on top! I find it burns a lot more calories walking through the snow, compared to walking without snow.

    I love your personification about the scale -“the scale is dancing every way”. It sure seems like it at times, doesn’t it? I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity. I am down just over a pound and a half. I haven’t entered my weight in mpf in a while, it still says 128. I’m always afraid it will jinx me! ( or to be honest, that I will self-sabotage like I often do when I hit a lower weight.)

  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member
    Have you tried contacts before, Katrina? I don't often wear them, but I can pick up daily disposables off the shelf immediately versus a several-week wait for my prescription lenses to be cut. If your eyes are suitable, it can be a helpful option in a bind. I really cannot see without any specs/contacts!

    My Garmin ran out of juice in the night, so I'm not sure how much sleep I did get in the end. Feeling very tired now - it was a draining day at work - so charging my Garmin up and will then get some shuteye. Sorry you're feeling out of sorts, Gabi - is it just balancing the sleep/food/movement equation, or is there anything resting on your mind?

    Barb - I'm with Gabi on the baking! Whenever I bake, the chef (me!) always has to try one from each batch for quality control. It's why I don't do much baking at the moment.

    I can't believe how close Christmas is... I have so much work stuff to get done first.

    Have now survived 4 days in a row of sticking to a calorie allowance. Bed now, then day five. (Re)creating a habit is such a pain, but it needs to be done! I keep reminding myself that the first week is the hardest, and it will get easier again soon...

    Too tired to say much more. Night!
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Catherine, you picked a tough time to start adhering to a strict calorie allowance. Good job for sticking it out when there are so many tempting treats this time of year!

    Speaking of, I ate one of the chocolate cupcakes I made yesterday. Delicious, if I do say so myself. It’s the recipe my Mom used to make when I was growing up.

    Hope everyone gets caught up on rest this weekend!

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  • kcd394kcd394 Member Posts: 127 Member Member Posts: 127 Member
    Catherine i do have contacts that are supposed to last 2 weeks. My eye dr wouldnt let me try the kind I asked for as they didn't carry them (was through the college) and thus these were the kind I could stand the most. They're not great. However I haven't been to another eye dr yet to try out something different. So I do have contacts but they're here at my apartment too where I wasn't. Also I'm not a very early riser and the extra 5 minutes to put them in most mornings doesn't happen and I just grab glasses. Especially since I can get by without unless I'm driving. If I found a set of contacts that were more comfortable I might make more effort.

    Great job on surviving calorie deficit. I'm right on track with you I think. Did ok during the day but evenings I've had to really fight snacking and overeating.

    Barb good job not eating half the baked goods! So hard... bet everyone was glad to have treats.

    Gabi "just lay down.." lol like we hadn't remembered that part...also the moody cranky bit makes it hard to keep all those things in check. If you were able to end the day and check at least one box its not a failure. Keep that resolve to do better tomorrow.

    I've been chronically mentally fatigued. Getting charts done late again, and just no motivation or energy to do stuff after work. Definitely not been checking the steps boxes, but trying to stick with sleep and calories goals. So far the calories are working out but I've been slacking a bit on sleep. Hate that its dark long before I go home from work. Kind of affects my mood and energy.

    Anyway yay that I've kept to calorie goals this week and the scale is still moving right direction finally!


  • GabiV125GabiV125 Member Posts: 1,692 Member Member Posts: 1,692 Member
    Yesterday I had a long talk with a very close friend of mine, who knows me for 26y and she said that all I’m going through is peri menopause . I don’t like the idea, but it makes sense. I’ll be 49 next month, and although my ob tested my hormones and came good, it’s obvious that “something” fluctuates. I will need to do some extra reading on the subject this weekend, to bring myself to the point where I turn to that conclusion when the calm and composed hat doesn’t fit.
    Catherine- 5 days under calories is quite an impressive achievement. Do you go just by the number MFP gives you, or add exercise, or a different one altogether? Then what’s next- do you prelog, log as you go, end of the day?
    I was given 1200 and it was clear that I can’t ever hit it, so I went in my history and picked a number that seemed to keep me floating and chose 150 under it. I also eat about half my exercise, and log as I go. I’ll sabotage if I prelog, and miss a lot if I wait- did both in the past, when in a bind.
    Barb- I know you figured those numbers a long time ago and are doing so good staying in the green zone, but my question is how do you stop when you start slipping ?
  • thelastnightingalethelastnightingale Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member Member, Premium Posts: 555 Member
    Gabi - for my reset, I just picked a number that would give me a small deficit, but that I knew from past experience would be achievable. That's not to say it's easy, just that it won't leave me hungry if I pace myself and don't try to eat my whole allowance by lunchtime. I've told MFP to use my magic number for now rather than the one it wanted to calculate!

    I was able to happily eat at 1,200 earlier this year, but at the moment, I'm more able to eat at 2,500, which is way above my calorie burn (typically anywhere between 1,800 and 2,100). 1,600 is a lot higher than the number that helps me lose weight quickly (1,200), but it's also a lot higher than the number I want to binge at (2,500). There was quite a bit of negotiating with myself, but I think all parties are happy! You have to adapt your goals as you go along, sometimes you can be really good, at other phases, you can only muster mildly good, and that's still a step in the right direction.

    I thought I might be going through perimenopause this time last year, but in hindsight, I think the changes I noticed were entirely down to stress. I track my cycle with an app now so I can note any irregularities.

    I do remember feeling a bit funny at the time when I wasn't sure what was happening, so I understand not liking the idea. I did start writing a long reply but it sounded a bit patronising when I read it back, so let me simply say that whatever is knocking you off your game at the moment, I hope you find a coping strategy to deal with it. You might need to change your calorie goals to fit how you're feeling right now, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

    Katrina - I know what you mean about the 5 minutes! To be fair, if I'm going out in a hurry I get frustrated too - I don't wear contacts often so 'forget' how to put them in and end up poking myself in the eye repeatedly. However, it's just nice to know I have them as a backup if my frames snap. I have managed to break so many sets of frames over the years in many inventive ways!

    Well done on sticking to your calorie goals too this week. If you're still tired, I think focussing on sleep rather than steps is the way to go. Sleep is also really important, and sometimes we have to pick which important thing we can manage. It's definitely not a bad one.

    Barb - I am still in awe of your self-control around your baking. I would definitely be snaffling more! Really impressed with how you're handling the maintenance phase. Something to aspire to when I meet you there at goal one day!
  • clutterqueenclutterqueen Member Posts: 837 Member Member Posts: 837 Member
    Katrina, you are still doing so much!! Sleep definitely needs to be a priority. So much depends on that. I’m amazed you don’t completely blow it when you’re that tired. Being exhausted is definitely a trigger for me to overeat.

    Gabi, the mood swings could definitely be peri menopause. It’s not a fun ride. Exercise is one of the best coping mechanisms for me. When I was younger, I had terrible menstrual cramps and I found running really helped a lot. I had PCOS ( even had a dr perform a laparotomy to have a look- just a mangled mess. He said I’d never get pregnant but I did, twice!). Had a majorly heavy flow, tried the pill to regulate ( for 3 months) but I felt nauseous all day long so that wasn’t an option. Increased my running to deal with it. Got tired of having accidents in public. Finally had an endometrial ablation at age 40- life changing! Estroven helped me with some of the roller coaster feelings. It’s over the counter.
    If you get to the point of hot flashes one day, Pycogenol ( pine tree bark extract) works wonders. As long as you don’t have any autoimmune disorders. I had to discontinue.

    Catherine, I think you’re really smart to set a higher calorie goal. Eating 1200 calories days on end sets me up for failure. It seems way too low.

    Gabi, you asked how I stop when I start slipping. First, I have to say I’m still a work in progress. Presently, when I slip, I log everything anyway. It makes me regain a feeling of control. I try not to shame myself. I try not to view any foods as “bad”. I also plan ahead days when I plan to go over my calories by 300 or more calories. Being part of the Just Say No to the Late Night Snacking Challenge helps A LOT. You can choose your own time where you cut off all eating. I actually have a different time for Friday’s and saturdays in case I want to have popcorn or something with my husband.
    But talk to me AFTER Christmas and see if I get right back on track after really indulging!
    We will see!

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  • kcd394kcd394 Member Posts: 127 Member Member Posts: 127 Member
    Well I was definitely dragging this morning and all day. Super long day and was pretty busy. Some kind soul who's pet was in for a dental procedure bought us pizzas. So my lunch and dinner were pizza, but at least I stayed within calories... was there til 730 again finishing charts cause I was kinda sluggish today and had a hard time sitting down to catch up between appointments. I didn't come inside my apartment til 830 pm. Mentally pooped. Gonna get to bed early tonight and do some fish tank maintenance tomorrow morning so I can get over to Mat's place for the weekend. Have been getting to bed between 1030 and 11 most nights and I think I'm one of those people that really needs more sleep than most. 7 to 7.5 hours is pretty good, but by Friday I'm crashing. So maybe I need to try and aim for more. I've been historically best with 9 hours but our society doesn't really support that unless you work and sleep with nothing else. I have been waking after 8 hours if left to my own internal clock, but lately that's only Sunday's. So looking forward to Christmas for the extra naps and sleep... lol

    I have been taking vitamins (for years now) and a vit d3 supplement (new) in hopes for boosted mood and energy but I dont think I was too low on it cause it didn't really make much difference.

    Gabi in regards to slipping, i stave it off a bit when i plan some things ahead like the knock off thin mint girl scout cookies from the dollar store, but only allow 4 on any given day... or my intense orange dark chocolate, only allow up to 3 squares depending on the day. If i am feeling like im gonna want a treat or desert I'll try that much harder to stay under enough to allow it. I tend not to eat back my exercise calories as there's usually not that much there, but then if at days end I'm feeling like I'm caving or starving i will allow a modest amount of whatever it is to placate me which usually still doesn't go over the exercise calories i "earned". This way i feel in control over what i eat, but still can eat what i want.

    I don't ever consistently log as i go but usually at days end I'll do it. Today pizza happened and i just logged it afterwards expecting it to go over. It did but my exercise calories more than covered it. However, no extra snacks or deserts were had today in order to minimize damages. Sometimes i flat slip and quit logging altogether for weeks. I just try to at least watch quantity and pay attention to how much i put on my plate. Before, I'd pile my plate up a second time at dinner. Now I'll modestly fill it up initially and if still hungry will go take a smaller second helping. Bigger helpings of veggies and smaller of breads etc. Nobody's perfect, we all slip up. Just keep coming back and trying again.

    I picked my calories based on mfp suggestion which i put in moderate activity i think because the sedentary one said 1200 and i felt that was too low. The 1400 number has been working for me and on those weekends when i am too distracted to keep track and probably go over a bit it doesnt totally derail me (kinda winds up being maintenance calories).

    Have a good weekend guys. I'm off to bed.
  • applespearsncakesapplespearsncakes Member Posts: 11 Member Member Posts: 11 Member
    Gosh I just started reading some of your posts. You are so motivated and having small kids around is TOUGH! Mine are a bit older so can do more for themselves and we aren't in lockdown here in Australia. I'm trying to stop the cravings/boredom eating at night when everyone else has a sweet. I'm in my 40's too and SO SICK of looking pregnant. This COVID weight has piled on and I hate it! x
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