Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,511 Member
    I'm feeling really depressed and mildly suicidal. I moved into my new home a couple of months ago and I thought this is it. This is gonna be my happy place. I thought the reason for my sadness was my old home, the negative vibes and experiences associated with it, but no it's the same here. I'm also quiet bored but I tried to watch a movie, read a book- I'm really not interested in talking to people- that just depresses me even more. My mind is so restless and disturbed, I'm feeling like leaping off my building's rooftop. I'm actually getting a bit of a mild panic attack right now. Thanks for reading.

    Talking about it is huge. Have you got anyone you can call? EAP through an employer, or maybe a crisis line? When things were going to crap on all fronts, having someone (professional) to talk to really really helped.

    Perhaps it's worth a doc visit?

    So very sad that you're struggling and so very glad you feel safe sharing here. ❤️
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    I'm feeling really depressed and mildly suicidal. I moved into my new home a couple of months ago and I thought this is it. This is gonna be my happy place. I thought the reason for my sadness was my old home, the negative vibes and experiences associated with it, but no it's the same here. I'm also quiet bored but I tried to watch a movie, read a book- I'm really not interested in talking to people- that just depresses me even more. My mind is so restless and disturbed, I'm feeling like leaping off my building's rooftop. I'm actually getting a bit of a mild panic attack right now. Thanks for reading.

    Talking about it is huge. Have you got anyone you can call? EAP through an employer, or maybe a crisis line? When things were going to crap on all fronts, having someone (professional) to talk to really really helped.

    Perhaps it's worth a doc visit?

    So very sad that you're struggling and so very glad you feel safe sharing here. ❤️

    I agree! Talk with someone, even when you don't want to. It's such an easy thing to isolate yourself even more when those times strike but please, do reach out to somebody. And if you feel worse, find the crisis line as @KickassAmazon76 suggested. I used it once and they took me in asap.
    Do you have a therapist or on any anti-depressants/anxiety medication? Might be something to discuss with your doctor. Don't let it wait; you're missing out on life. :(
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    My husband passed last week. All the relatives and friends left yesterday after the funeral and I am rather grateful to have some time to myself. I so loved having them here and showing their love, but some quiet time to myself is really needed.

    Everyone here has been so kind the last year, you all should know how much it has been appreciated.

    Im so sorry for your loss 😔
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    My husband passed last week. All the relatives and friends left yesterday after the funeral and I am rather grateful to have some time to myself. I so loved having them here and showing their love, but some quiet time to myself is really needed.

    Everyone here has been so kind the last year, you all should know how much it has been appreciated.

    I am so sorry to hear this!! :( You've been through he!! and back. May you eventually find peace in your heart and healing through time. My thoughts are with you. <3
  • OpheliaCooter
    OpheliaCooter Posts: 1,635 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    My husband passed last week. All the relatives and friends left yesterday after the funeral and I am rather grateful to have some time to myself. I so loved having them here and showing their love, but some quiet time to myself is really needed.

    Everyone here has been so kind the last year, you all should know how much it has been appreciated.

    So sorry for your loss 😔
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,511 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    My husband passed last week. All the relatives and friends left yesterday after the funeral and I am rather grateful to have some time to myself. I so loved having them here and showing their love, but some quiet time to myself is really needed.

    Everyone here has been so kind the last year, you all should know how much it has been appreciated.

    I'm so very sad for your loss, and am sending you so much love. 😔 It's been such a tough road, and I hope you're able to take some time to rest and recover.

    May you be surrounded with love during this difficult time.

    *big hugs*
  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,535 Member
    dawnfire72 wrote: »
    Feeling bad because my dad is in the hospital and much as I love him going to the hospital induces panic attacks. I did go see him yesterday when my sister called to say he was being rushed to the hospital with another heart attack (he has SVT attacks), but by the time I left the ER after making sure he was okay I was a wreck emotionally. I also feel very judged by the rest of the family because I don't go to see people when they are in hospital and they all flock to the hospital to visit. If he were to take a turn for the worst I would be there but with the pandemic and the fact that he doesn't live with me and I can't give any extra info to the staff, I feel like I am useless being there. I also feel like if I don't go to see him regularly when he isn't in the hospital going to see him daily while he is in the hospital seems wrong (? disingenuous). I think because he is in a bed in ER I also feel like I am intruding on the other patients there as our hospital is bordering on being over capacity because we are also having a massive flood due to heavy rains and 3 hospitals further north from us had to be evacuated to our facility and one in the neighbouring city.

    You have to do what's right for you. Your dad is at the hospital because that's the best place he can be. It exists for him, not you. Its easy for me to say that you need to do what's best for you, I understand. But don't let other people make a stressful situation worse for you and him.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    J_NY_Z wrote: »
    RAinWA wrote: »
    My husband passed last week. All the relatives and friends left yesterday after the funeral and I am rather grateful to have some time to myself. I so loved having them here and showing their love, but some quiet time to myself is really needed.

    Everyone here has been so kind the last year, you all should know how much it has been appreciated.

    My mom's husband died earlier this year. He was sick for a long time and was his caretaker for a while as well. He received news that he was terminal and they decided no more treatment. After he died my mom went through many stages but finally came to this realization: He is gone and she misses him and is grateful for the time they shared. But for her she feels an independence. She feels he would want her to be happy with whatever her life would be without him and I'm sure your husband felt the same. He loves you and you love him. Now is the time to quiet your mind as much as possible for what is next. I hope some of this makes sense.

    My dad was in the same situation this year and he finally came around to the same conclusion your mom did; he misses my stepmother (we all do), but ultimately, she would have wanted him to carry on, make connections and continue doing things that make him happy (like bowling, gardening and hanging out with his camping friends), not moping around the house, surrounded by all her stuff and watching westerns all day.

    So now he's in a place where he reconnected with some old work buddies, still talks with my stepmom's family and does stuff with them (it was hard for awhile) and has even started hanging around a new (old) love interest (someone he knew and dated way back in high school). So far, they seem to be good for one another (they both lost their spouses to terminal illnesses, although she lost her husband several years ago) and they do stuff like cook, watch her granddaughter and go to art shows together. It seems to really be helping them both.

    It is really good to see him slowly branching out and living his life, even though we of course still miss my stepmom and always will. You just gotta do the things that are best for you at the time and at the pace that works for you, which is different person to person. :smile:
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @RAinWA Yes, one of the hardest things to do is go on, after. We all want and expect life to 'get back to normal' when we also know it never will. There'll be a new normal, a new routine, and when your days have been consumed caring for someone it feels like a confusing impossibility to even think of anything being normal again. :(

    One thing that has helped my sister, and this might sound silly to some, but she finds herself talking to him, just telling him about her days, giving him a hard time if something happens that she feels he may have had a hand in. Ex. her bags of recyclables all fell out of her truck one day so she had quite the conversation with him over that. :) It all is a way of keeping him close to her.

    Life will happen for you again. Give yourself as much time and space as you need. Right now, it's a time to focus on yourself and finding ways to get through to each day.

    Find peace and comfort where you can and reach out to others when the need arises. <3 Plus, I'm sure there are still services available through Hospice you can use if you feel like it, counseling, support groups, whatever helps you. Some of it will, some of it won't.
  • dawnfire72
    dawnfire72 Posts: 46 Member
    J_NY_Z wrote: »
    You have to do what's right for you. Your dad is at the hospital because that's the best place he can be. It exists for him, not you. Its easy for me to say that you need to do what's best for you, I understand. But don't let other people make a stressful situation worse for you and him.

    Thank you for these words. They make sense and I am going with the flow for now.