Not Hungry

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  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,961 Member
    ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »
    I have searched this entire thread and you are the first person who used the word "masculine," so you are disagreeing with people you have imagined.

    Hi there - it's on p. 2 of the thread. I did not quote it directly because the person who posted it clearly meant what she said in a supportive and loving way, so I did not want to call her out directly, I just wanted to respond to the sentiment because I disagree with it. Here is the quote - from a post on the middle of p.2"

    "And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out. "

    The person who posted this said several times in different ways that OP should take it as a compliment when women tell him they feel so good and small next to him because that's how this person feels, even after the OP made it clear he sees that as an insult. I just wanted to chime in with my take too.

    Thanks for the reply - I think it's fine that folks can have different thoughts on the OP's situation. I just prefer to respond to the ideas I disagree with and not make it personal about who posted it. That's the beauty of the message boards - people can all have different ideas and give their opinion and different people will get different things out what they read. It's a good community for that reason.

    I'm sorry. I really thought I had hit every page searching for the word "masculine." Still, you referred to the "folks" who said OP should feel masculine, and one poster is not "folks."

    And like you, I disagree with the idea of telling other people how they "should" feel -- at least, I think that's what you meant when you said you disagree with the "sentiment," although it's unclear -- possibly you disagree that OP should feel wonderful and masculine and think he should feel some other way?

    I can understand your not wanting to call someone and just respond to the idea, but it does make it hard -- sometimes nearly impossible in a fast-moving thread -- to figure out which ideas someone is responding to. I don't view it as being personal about the person who posted something to quote it so that it's clear what I (or somebody else) is talking about.
  • katierthanmost
    katierthanmost Posts: 25 Member
    I have admiration for those who are able to respond to hunger intuitively - it's a skill.
  • CurseofDolkite
    CurseofDolkite Posts: 31 Member
    ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »
    It sounds like you recognize you need some work in self-acceptance (at least in the first two categories). I was so put off by the thought that you shouldn't worry about being bald because "some women don't care about looks" because that is really misleading. Some women actually find being bald attractive! But I digress.

    I don't want to date women who think bald men are attractive. The women who are into big bald men are usually bikers or tough guys. If they don't fit that stereotype, they're not attractive.

    <i>I'm sure you know this, but confidence is a very attractive quality. </i]> Losing weight did make me more confident, but it was really the journey over the year it took to get to my goal, changing my life habits, and looking inward that lead to me accepting myself (disclaimer: it's still a work in progress!). I can't accept myself. How can I feel confident looking the way I do?

    Podcasts helped me a lot. I listen to "We Only Look Thin" and "Half Size Me" and both talk about mindset A LOT. It's hard to undo all the self-hatred, but you can get there. It takes time.

    Good luck, and stick with it, despite the reactive responses you are getting. And for whatever it's worth, I opened both your pictures and you are OBJECTIVELY pretty cute to me. Remember women have different tastes - it's not that "some people don't care about looks" as much as "some people find your look attractive." Google my state's Lieutenant Governor (PA) John Fetterman. He's 6'8", bald, and a tough looking dude. Also a Harvard grad, was an incredible mayor of a small town, and now is the best Lieutenant Governor we've ever had. Lots of us don't equate big and bald with oaf.

    Why would you find me CUTE after getting a glimpse of my stats? I'll regret asking, but why would you find me attractive?


  • CurseofDolkite
    CurseofDolkite Posts: 31 Member
    ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »
    lynn_glenmont wrote: »
    I have searched this entire thread and you are the first person who used the word "masculine," so you are disagreeing with people you have imagined.

    "And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out. "

    The person who posted this said several times in different ways that OP should take it as a compliment when women tell him they feel so good and small next to him because that's how this person feels, even after the OP made it clear he sees that as an insult. I just wanted to chime in with my take too.

  • CurseofDolkite
    CurseofDolkite Posts: 31 Member
    edited February 2021
    I hate being big and I hate that everyone insists I love it and mention it all the time.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,400 Member
    HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
    I have to lose weight to date because I hate how I look right now and don't want to date someone who finds me attractive this way. It makes me feel bad if they do because they like the things I hate, i.e., my size.

    Losing weight will make me more attractive to a broader range of women. At the moment, most of the women who would date me are bigger ones who want someone to offset their own size. Hearing "I love how small I feel next to you" makes me want to barf.

    I'll also be more confident; right now, I'd probably ruin any relationship because of how I feel about my looks.

    Good luck OP.
  • qhob_89
    qhob_89 Posts: 105 Member
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  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,400 Member
    HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
    I agree, this was a good post.
    kerrym1980 wrote: »
    I agree with Snowflake that it’s a great feeling, as a taller woman, to stand next to a man and not tower over them, something which leaves me feeling very self-conscious (and that’s my problem, not anyone else’s).

    I’ve just joined a dating site; it might be good, it might not but I’m not waiting until I think I’m visually worth considering any longer. There is SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN HOW I LOOK, just as there is to you.

    I have learnt a few things:

    1. Other people see past the things we obsess about far more easily than we ever will. There are special people who, if you let your guard down, will make you feel better, even good, about the thing you hate.
    2. If you are down on yourself, you invite others to also be down on you. I saw this in that horrible 3-year relationship. You’re currently seeing it in some of the comments in this thread.
    3. ‘I’ll try again when I’m slim’ is nonsense. What it really means, for me at least, is that I have an excuse for not trying. I wonder if you’re saying the same for the same reason.

    I remember dating a 6'1" woman (prob. 200 lbs) who LOVED it when I spontaneously carried her into my apartment like a newlywed, though it was marred somewhat by her saying, "I've always wanted to date someone big enough to do that!" I wisely kept my mouth shut about my true feelings.

    There is more to me than my looks, but dating sites begin with photos, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to say "Eh, I'm not really into fat guys...who else is out there?" I have my preferences too and while I wouldn't say, "Well, she's not a freckly redhead and my ideal is a freckly redhead, so no go," I am going to respond to people I do find physically attractive.

    1. Ideally, I would rather they simply never bring up my height or size. I don't want someone to attempt to convince me that it's awesome to be my height/size.
    2. Very, very, very true. And while people on here have mostly been nice, when you bare yourself like I have done, sharks smell blood in the water.
    3. See above remark about dating sites. I don't want to date someone who finds me attractive this way...at least not being fat. I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting before dating since I'll have a larger pool of candidates if I'm slim. And it's not fair to the woman for me to date her and expect her to not be able to say anything about my physical appearance, or to expect me to sulk about it when she's trying to be nice.

    Good luck OP.

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