WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2021

evie1958

Hi all, once again, I've been reading, but not had time to comment and so, of course, now can only remember a few things that I wanted to comment on.
Pip, love the new rug! Great deal too! Very excited for you to be moving into your new place! Would you be able to sublet your rental for the duration of the lease? Also, I don't know what it's like down there, but here when someone breaks the lease they only have to pay the monthly rent until the rental agent finds a new tenant, they don't have to pay a big chunk up front.
Beth, words fail me as to the treatment of your son upon his return to the group home. I don't know how the financial end of things works, but I assume the state pays some part of what the home costs. Is there some way that you could have them pay you directly and you could hire someone to come in every day to do the "heavy lifting"? That is, get your son up, dressed etc, and then you would be able to oversee the food prep, but that would theoretically make it easier on your physical health. I know your son would like to live on his own, but with all the difficulty there has been with the group home..... I am glad that the surgery was successful (and I believe you said non or minimally invasive) and am certainly thinking good thoughts for you and him. Not to mention others in that home too!
Lisa, sounds like you and Corey are both feeling okay, so I'm hoping that those darn Covid germs stayed away! I also loved the "tired of snow" cartoon!
Our snow is gone from the roads, and it is raining today, so a lot more will be going away. I am not sad to see it go!
Thanks to all who shared their personal stories re: marriage etc. I am still married to my first husband, he will also be my last husband. Should he pass before I do (and he seems convinced that he will) I will not be looking for a replacement. I am by myself quite a bit anyway, we eat dinner together and sometimes do a few household things together, but for the most part he's in his man cave and I'm on the main floor. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have the tv to keep me company. I have to admit, I will probably be seeking some sort of companionship, but am thinking that once I retire I will do some volunteering of some sort. Our local food bank always seems to need volunteers and that would probably provide me with enough human interaction. Well, that and the grandkids of course!
We have no debt as we were both brought up with no money so it has been fairly easy to make a little bit go a longer way. Having said that, we were both surprised at how much money was saved in the first few months of the pandemic with not going anywhere or doing anything! We have started back to somewhat normal, but we still have not gone out for dinner, have done take out several times, but still at only about half as often as before. I have cut back on my massage sessions (every 6-8 weeks instead of every 4) and have quit getting my nails done. I had already decided that, wanted to give them a break. Now, the frugal side of me just cringes at the cost! lol I kind of like having money in the bank! It's nice to have that cushion and it made it easier to give the kids a little bit more at Christmas. We also made good donations to a couple of local charities. I intend to make a good donation to the food bank again in late spring/early summer, something that we did this spring too. Our strata decided to waive the fees for 3 months to help out those residents who had lost jobs/hours. We weren't in that boat, so decided that we wouldn't miss the money. I have to say, it felt good to be able to do that!
Okay, enough of my novel (my apologies!).
Hugs to those needing them, congrats to those celebrating, and welcome to the newbies!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island

blackburn23

HI everybody!
It's a messy day here in the NW Foothills of NC; freezing rain and temps hovering around 32*. I'm just hoping the ice forming on the trees doesn't cause of lot of power outages...so far mine has stayed on. I have the gas logs, water, and "picnic"* food ready, just in case. *(Not the healthiest, but if the power is out, its better than nothing.)

Yesterday, I put both dogs in the same kennel so they could share the same house and stay warm. I looked out at them earlier and Onyx (female pit bull and lab mix) was laying inside the house with her head out, and Willie (male Australian herder) was standing on top of the house. LOL!

Hugs to All,
Cathy

Machka9

Vickil57 wrote: »

Machka--I hope you can get some relief with your back. I know that right now I am having pretty good luck with the traction and we will do that several times a week until it is better, then usually if I go once a month I am good. The thought of surgery scares me and I know several people I work with that surgery made things worse. I just taking one day at time and long as chirocpractor works I am going with that.

Blessings, Vicki GI NE

I have no idea what the results of the MRI and neurosurgeon appointment will be yet.

History

In 2003, I noticed that I developed a numb spot on the right side of my back on long bicycle rides. No one knew why but thankfully they went away with rest but that continued right up to my most recent long ride, a 400 km in 2016.

In 2013, I noticed that it felt like the muscle on the right side of my back in the vicinity of the numb spot would cramp and become quite painful when I climbed hills, even on shorter rides. Prior to 2013, I lived in flatter areas and didn't climb hills as much as I have to do in Tasmania. Again, no one seemed to have any idea why.

It was about then that I also noticed I had to be careful about carrying the crossbody bags (the type of handbag I prefer) because they could set off the same pain. Since then I carry very small, light crossbody bags.

I started running in 2017 at the age of 50 for the first time since I was in my 20s and ran a 10K event in early 2018. That was OK, but I did notice that in the first few paces on any run, my right hip would be very painful, and then there would be a click and my hip would be OK.

In late 2018, I started training for a half marathon and it was going all right until one day I ran on a beach, stepped into a bit of soft sand and kind of twisted my right hip. I felt like I pulled something in my inner thigh a little bit so I rested about a week and then resumed training. In early 2019, I ran the half marathon, but had to walk the last 2-3 km because my right hip and inner thigh were in screaming agony.

Then I went to physio and had an MRI on my hip, and went to a sports Dr. The analysis indicated "at least moderate gluteus minimus insertional tendinosis with adjacent reactive oedema" and bit of bursa and labrum involvement (wear & tear & old age ).
The sports doctor added that there might be the possibility of osteoarthritis in my spine.

I went to physio pilates, did all my exercises, stopped running, and things seemed to ease up.

During the shutdown in 2020 (April-June) I started running again and got up to 5 km. That was fine. I had to stop because of my deviated septum surgery but started again in October and that was fine too.

Then in about late November/early December, relatively suddenly the pain flared up - inner thigh, hip and lower back. After the initial flare-up it has gradually got worse. It's very painful getting up off the floor and so painful getting on my bicycle I've had to switch sides. Painful when driving. Painful when I put weight on it or push hard when cycling (like climbing hills). And it hurts sitting and lying down now too. Painkillers don't touch the pain -- not even the new ones.

A couple weeks ago, my physio did a number of tests and I've lost some strength and sensation in the right leg. I'm also showing signs of standing and walking in a protective way with a bit of a hitch/limp.

I did go to my chiro and his adjustment seemed to help a little bit for about 2 days, but then it was back worse than before.

So now I'll give the neurosurgeon a go and see what he says. I've seen him before for my brain cyst and my husband has seen him too.

M in Oz

pipcd34

evie1958 wrote: »

Hi all, once again, I've been reading, but not had time to comment and so, of course, now can only remember a few things that I wanted to comment on.
Pip, love the new rug! Great deal too! Very excited for you to be moving into your new place! Would you be able to sublet your rental for the duration of the lease? Also, I don't know what it's like down there, but here when someone breaks the lease they only have to pay the monthly rent until the rental agent finds a new tenant, they don't have to pay a big chunk up front.
Beth, words fail me as to the treatment of your son upon his return to the group home. I don't know how the financial end of things works, but I assume the state pays some part of what the home costs. Is there some way that you could have them pay you directly and you could hire someone to come in every day to do the "heavy lifting"? That is, get your son up, dressed etc, and then you would be able to oversee the food prep, but that would theoretically make it easier on your physical health. I know your son would like to live on his own, but with all the difficulty there has been with the group home..... I am glad that the surgery was successful (and I believe you said non or minimally invasive) and am certainly thinking good thoughts for you and him. Not to mention others in that home too!
Lisa, sounds like you and Corey are both feeling okay, so I'm hoping that those darn Covid germs stayed away! I also loved the "tired of snow" cartoon!
Our snow is gone from the roads, and it is raining today, so a lot more will be going away. I am not sad to see it go!
Thanks to all who shared their personal stories re: marriage etc. I am still married to my first husband, he will also be my last husband. Should he pass before I do (and he seems convinced that he will) I will not be looking for a replacement. I am by myself quite a bit anyway, we eat dinner together and sometimes do a few household things together, but for the most part he's in his man cave and I'm on the main floor. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have the tv to keep me company. I have to admit, I will probably be seeking some sort of companionship, but am thinking that once I retire I will do some volunteering of some sort. Our local food bank always seems to need volunteers and that would probably provide me with enough human interaction. Well, that and the grandkids of course!
We have no debt as we were both brought up with no money so it has been fairly easy to make a little bit go a longer way. Having said that, we were both surprised at how much money was saved in the first few months of the pandemic with not going anywhere or doing anything! We have started back to somewhat normal, but we still have not gone out for dinner, have done take out several times, but still at only about half as often as before. I have cut back on my massage sessions (every 6-8 weeks instead of every 4) and have quit getting my nails done. I had already decided that, wanted to give them a break. Now, the frugal side of me just cringes at the cost! lol I kind of like having money in the bank! It's nice to have that cushion and it made it easier to give the kids a little bit more at Christmas. We also made good donations to a couple of local charities. I intend to make a good donation to the food bank again in late spring/early summer, something that we did this spring too. Our strata decided to waive the fees for 3 months to help out those residents who had lost jobs/hours. We weren't in that boat, so decided that we wouldn't miss the money. I have to say, it felt good to be able to do that!
Okay, enough of my novel (my apologies!).
Hugs to those needing them, congrats to those celebrating, and welcome to the newbies!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island

V
Can’t sublet. We had to pay 3k to break our lease. They require 60 day notice so our move out day is March 19 but we should be out b4 then

ginnytez

Good evening all:

Interesting reading everyone's thoughts on marriage and what they would do if single. I doubt I will ever marry anyone else. My husband was my only marriage. We had worked through some rough times (who doesn't) but he did suffer from several issues that I could not help him with. I have come to enjoy my life on my own. I don't think I would want to live with anyone else. I have gone out a couple of times but am not interested in actively pursuing. A companion for an occasional dinner or go to events with might be nice but I don't feel compelled.

Machka-your symptoms really remind me of when my hips were going. I hope you don't need a replacement, but the groin pain, etc. sounds all too familiar. I do know, for myself, that the bone on bone pain got old quickly and nothing could relieve it. Glad you are getting MRI and doctor visit soon.

Had food pantry tonight. Luckily just a bit of light snow. Was a bit cold, but with the right clothes no problem.

Now that I have sat in my house and warmed up from the cold, I am getting sleepy! Off to bed with me.

Take care all,

Ginny in Ohio

margaretturk

A family from New Orleans decorated their home for yardigras...



Love the gold flamingos

pipcd34

It’s coming along, eeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

Whidislander

Looking beautiful Pip!
Rebecca

Snowflake1968

Katie - you have a good point about caring and keeping finances separate if you remarry later in life.
My Aunt’s first husband was diagnosed in 1977 with cancer, when they operated he became paralyzed. He passed in 1980. She remarried in 1995, she was 70. Her new husband had a lot of money and he convinced her to give him control of her money. She regretted that. Then he fell off a curb while walking one night in 2008 and broke his neck, she ended up caring for him for a couple of years until her daughter noticed signs of Alzheimer’s in her. They got him into care, and she moved in with one of her daughters. Later one of his daughters showed up to take my Aunt for a “treat” day. The treat ended up being that she took her to the bank and had her sign everything over to her, they hadn’t invoked the POA yet.
My Aunt was left with nothing.

Pip - I don’t hang pictures or place decorations until the furniture is in place either.

Heather - I hope you are staying warm overnight. I grew up cold and hate being that way now. We pay more than is necessary for heat at times because of me I’m sure.

I don’t think I would be a good caregiver either. I have seen how very difficult it is on the caregivers of Alzheimer’s/dementia patients after a period of time. I saw my Aunt (same one as above) go through it caring for my Grandmother, and then her daughter do it for her. It aged them both tremendously. I would not want my daughters doing it for me either. My other Grandmother moved to a senior boarding house when she no longer felt safe getting in and out of the tub on her own. The home provided meals, assistance with meds and personal care but that was it. It wasn’t a nursing home and there was only one other “boarder”.

Barbara - if you don’t have anything but the cell phones I would consider the expense of better quality reception a necessary expense that may save a life someday.
My brothers property has very spotty reception, you can go up in the field behind the house to get one bar. They still have a landline and he won’t carry a cell. My SIL and nephew have iPhones so they can communicate on wifi over iMessage. They have satellite internet service and only use the streaming services. They switch about every 3 months so they get a variety of shows.

My brother did not seem to let the poor example of financial responsibility that our parents have affect him, he is brilliant with his money and built his house on the barter system. He only has about 3k cash into it.

Vicki - I have a friend that uses the binder method so that they both have access. She said it has saved their marriage. I’ve thought about it over the years.

Allie - I’m so glad you were able to get the holter monitor off, is it permanently off now? I love Highway to Heaven. I think we need more shows like that again. Just wholesome.

Sue - happy to read everything went well yesterday.

Katla - my youngest and her husband have told his Mother and I that they will be providing our care but we’ll be in a granny cottage on their property. I just had to agree that it was ok for me to move in after his Mother dies there. 😂 His mother is old enough to be my Mother and is actually only 2 years younger than mine. He was a midlife baby, she jokes that they should have bought sports cars instead of having kids when midlife hit.

Have read more, but ran out of gumption to comment.
In pain again this evening.

Tracey in Edmonton

Snowflake1968

Mrs. Hoffer - your story sounded so familiar to me and it made me cry. I’m so incredibly happy for you to have found Jim.
I’ll put it in a spoiler for length and subject matter.

I had a wonderful lady in my life, I called her Mom, my children called her Grammie, her Grandchildren are my Godchildren. I met her when I was 12 and started “dating” her 13 year old son. Of course, at that age our Mothers had to drive us anywhere so I really got to know her too.
She was married to husband #2. Husband #1 was the Father of my boyfriend and his sister and was too lazy to work, she had to hire babysitters because he wouldn’t keep the kids while she worked her two jobs.
When I met her she had been married to #2 for about 7 years. A couple of years go by and my, by now ex boyfriend, friend didn’t come back to school after Christmas break. No one knew where they were but they had moved in the middle of the night. I found them a few months later in a neighbouring town and learned the horrific truth of their home life situation. He never abused my friend, physically anyway, but he had been abusing his Mom from their wedding night. Over the holidays he had beaten her terribly, and was holding her at gunpoint when my friends sister was able to sneak out of the house to call for help. It took 4 police officers to get her out and she was severely injured. He stalked and terrified for a long time until he found a new wife. It was really after I found them that I become so incredibly close to the family, the sister is one of my best friends.
Anyway, move forward a few years she meets husband #3 and it seemed good at first like he was going to actually take care of her. It was not to be, my husband and I helped sneak her out of that emotionally abusive marriage to a drunk.

She was living in a house her mother bought specifically for her to have as a rental, she was doing well for herself, her kids were grown up and she was enjoying her life and doing it on her terms. She then got diagnosed with a degenerative spine disease and couldn’t work anymore as a housekeeper at the hospital. My husband and 2 girls moved in with her to help pay the bills and she watched my girls while I went back to school. It worked well for about 2 years and then we moved out. 7 months later on the first day of school her daughter, who lived 2 hours away, showed up on my doorstep with her 3 kids asking me to watch the kids, Mom had been in an accident. I found out very soon that she had died, they hadn’t told her daughter as they didn’t want her driving the two hours with the 3 children by herself knowing that. (Her husband was actually in our town for work that day).
I will never get over missing her and I have a very soft heart for anyone that suffers abuse and gets out.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand what you mean about the loneliness, she told me the same thing. She needed to learn to live on her own and not be scared doing it. Because I lived with her as an adult and during a trying time in our marriage I was told things that even her children weren’t told. She is a constant reminder to me of what a strong woman is.

Tracey in Edmonton

csofled

❤🧡💛

exermom

Did a weights video today. Tomorrow I think I’ll do something on the elliptical. I’m supposed to meet this gal I know from the Y so I made a shrimp orzo salad to take to her. Can’t go empty handed.

Did most of my running around today since it’s supposed to rain tomorrow. Just saw that Vince needs milk so I’ll probably have to go to the store tomorrow.

Exercised then went to SavALot then the dollar store then another dollar store for muffin tins that I may or may not use. If I don’t use them, I’ll take them home and take them back to the dollar store by me. Then stopped at Brevard Charities. I probably won’t be going there again this trip. They were always good for their clothes but now their dressing rooms are closed and you can’t return the items. Stopped at the SPCA store and got another DVD (I need one as you know), then Wynn Dixie. Wanted to get more of the tea bags that I like and found out that the oat bran I get is also 90% off so you can bet I got the last of them. Then to Hobby Lobby to get some Aida cloth that I’ll probably eventually need. Then home and in the pool! It’s supposed to be rainy tomorrow. Made the shrimp orzo salad then another grapefruit pie for a lady in the condo. I think what may have happened is that I put the jello in the mixture too soon. Now getting dinner ready

Dee – lovely wreath. You should be very proud

Cheri – thanks for popping in. We all were worried. So glad to hear that you’re OK

Barbara – yes, they had good peaches in Feb. last year. This year – not as good, just OK

Margaret – that decorated house is so so cool. Thanks for sharing

pip – the floor looks great

I’m watching the news here in the condo and there’s this story about these people who dressed up as old people just so they can get the vaccine. I remember when we got ours they told us to bring photo ID but they never asked for it. Evidently, they ask for it here in FL

Michele from NC

Katla49

Margaretturk: Your home is gorgeous.:flowerforyou:

Cheri: I have a longtime friend who is now living in TX. They are having serious heating problems. I hope you are safe and warm and so is my friend.

Pip: Looking excellent.

I am ready for rest. See you all tomorrow.

Katla in beautiful NW Oregon

Machka9

skuehn48

Katla49

cityjaneLondon

The heating guy has texted to say he will be over today. Haven't got a time yet. It came on this morning with the water, but is off now.
When I went downstairs the kitchen clock had stopped.
It's just the battery, but, spooky ..........

Can't think or do anything until this is fixed. I can feel my whole body tensing up!

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

bananasandoranges

Mrs_Hoffer wrote: »

YES to both ! That's how I've paid off almost $25k in personal debt in 16 months! I have one last personal loan (approx $4k) to go and I will be debt free except for our house (which we are paying extra on every month!) When I get this personal loan paid off I will start to funnel everything to the mortgage! I used GoodBudget for awhile (the free version) which is the old "envelope" system. I now use YNAB (You Need A Budget).

thanks! that's inspiring!
and thanks to all of you for your answers. it's so interesting, educational, and inspiring.

drkatiebug wrote: »

bananasandoranges wrote: »

general question
Do you note down all expenditures ?
Do you stick to a very tight budget

I used to do that, and it seemed better. I used quicken which really worked for me. Now quicken is not usable in Europe! Also writing everything down is another thing to do, and it's hard to get through everything in a day.
But it certainly helped to be on top of stuff. i haven't found a good budgeting software that works as well as quicken did for me, but i think it's also a time management issue too.

Yes and no. I use YNAB (You Need a Budget) software. It is web based and tied to our checking account and both credit cards (Kroger and Amazon). Our other accounts are tracked but not tied to the budget so I enter those transactions manually. We categorize every single penny and track all spending. I started doing this when my husband retired and his income was cut more than half. It was life changing for us and helped us to get consumer debt free in two years and completely debt free last year. We never missed his paycheck. What I love about it is that when we use the credit card, the money is automatically categorized and subtracted from the budget category. Then when I pay it off, which I usually do about every two weeks, the only thing it affects is the actual bank balance, not the "available to budget" balance. This way I don't feel like we're living on next month's income. The reason I say no the the "stick to a tight budget" question is that we have some pretty lax categories, so that if we overspend in food or clothing (the two usual culprits), I just move money from another category to cover it. I did stick to the budget quite religiously when we were paying off debt. We budget a month in advance. For example, our March budget was funded and categorized on February 1 using the income we got on the last Wednesday in January (social security) and Feb 1 (pension). We are very strict about that and never, ever move money from one month to the other.

I could talk about this all day. It is the one area of discipline that I feel like we finally got right. If I could be this disciplined with my eating, I would be at goal. We are incredibly blessed to have stumbled upon this system for our finances and that it resonated with us so that we would make it work.

also inspiring!

i use moneydance, (paid version) but i like it less than quicken. i remember checking out YNAB but don't remember why i picked moneydance in place.

Machka9

I should have been born in December or February!

Machka9

And another one related to recent topics of discussion ...