~ Sobriety Matters ~

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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    So happy it went so well for you, Ruby ❣️
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 879 Member
    edited June 25
    BeIn2day wrote: »
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    Trying to make peace with the fact that I'm an alcoholic. To me, alcoholic is merely a label. I am addicted to alcohol. I may not be sat on a park bench wearing rags, I'm even able to stop for long periods. But the obsession is there. I know my illness is just waiting for the perfect moment to strike. So I must protect myself.

    I have been gathering evidence that I am an alcoholic and its not been hard. That is a sobering thought indeed. (Excuse the pun) 🙂

    Working on making peace with the fact I will never have drinking alcohol back under my control.

    If I don't get away from destructive forces like booze, drugs, cigarettes etc it will eventually take me down. Like I said the disease, illness, addiction, whatever its called, will strike out and grab me.

    You don't have to label yourself an "alcoholic" if you don't want to, it's not a medical term, it's a social term defined by the social group of AA.

    You obviously have a strong addiction to alcohol, there's no shame in that, it's the normal, neurological affect that happens to literally everyone if they are exposed to enough alcohol.

    If you drink enough alcohol your brain becomes addicted, if you smoke enough cigarettes, your brain becomes addicted, if you take enough addictive medications, your brain becomes addicted.

    I've been addicted to many different medications, including opiates. The opiate addiction was brief, but I was on them long enough after a surgery to absolutely develop an early stage addiction. It's why I am unbelievably careful about taking prescribed opiates.

    Getting addicted to something is not fundamentally wrong. Most coffee drinkers are intensely addicted. Most people on ADHD meds are addicted.

    Addiction, in and of itself, is nothing to be ashamed of. What matters is what role the addictive substance is playing in your life and whether or not it's benefitting you.

    Unlike coffee, alcohol doesn't benefit anyone. It just doesn't. It's highly toxic, worsens mental health, and leads to an astronomical amount of damage to people and those around them.

    Your issue isn't that you have an addiction, your issue is that you are specifically addicted to substances that are horrible for you.

    I have never and will never call myself an "alcoholic" because I'm a doctor and that's not a medical term, and I'm not part of AA, so why would I use their social terminology?

    If you *want* to call yourself an alcoholic to be part of the AA community, then cool, that's great, I hope you benefit from the social fellowship of being part of the "alcoholic" club.

    How you choose to label your experience of alcohol addiction is completely up to you.

    I also question the assertion that you will never have your drinking "under control." Annie Grace presented some really solid research that showed that many people with alcohol addiction can resume drinking, but that it requires at least 2 solid years of sobriety.

    For me, quitting was A LOT easier not thinking about it in forever terms. After reading about the 2 years, I committed to make it 2 years and then reassess. I knew well before that that I never *wanted* to drink ever again, not because I can't, but because alcohol is terrible.

    You really enjoyed being sober, you don't have to conceptualize that you can "never drink again," because you can easily get to a state where you don't want to. You've done it before.

    But you need to get through those 2 years to allow your brain to recalibrate itself. So instead of thinking about it in an all-or-nothing kind of way, you could commit to at least making it through the 2 years that you need for your brain to recover.

    That was a huge benefit for me. When I was facing my hardest cravings and feeling down that I "could never drink again." I reminded myself that if I really wanted to, I could drink again, but I would have to wait until that 2 year mark.

    At 2.5 years, I give myself full permission to drink if I want to. It's not off limits for me. I don't drink because after 2 years, I have no interest in it, I don't want to reintroduce a horrible, addictive substance to my brain. My brain has recovered quite a bit and so has my ability to see alcohol clearly.

    I still get rare cravings, but in no way do I have any interest in drinking sloppy, sad juice.

    Make it to 2 years, and then let that wiser, sober self make responsible decisions moving forward. You don't need to decide today whether or not you will drink in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years. But you can commit to getting through the necessary healing period of 2 years.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    I don't have any issues with your comment apart from this part ~

    If you *want* to call yourself an alcoholic to be part of the AA community, then cool, that's great, I hope you benefit from the social fellowship of being part of the "alcoholic" club.

    This sounds plain rude and disrespectful.
    Maybe you just speak plainly and directly but this to me, sounds rude.

    That is the good thing about the whole sobriety thing, there are many many many different options out there to help people battle thier addiction before it ruins them. Calling themselves an 'alcoholic' is what keeps some people sober. Being part of the 'alcoholic club' as you put it, keeps some people from dying from their addiction.

    Whatever works, is what works. I think we should all be respectful to what works for some people.
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 449 Member
    Wow! Congratulations to Ruby and continued congratulations to Bein2Day for the commitment to AA. I am so glad you are both finding fellowship that helps you stay strong in your commitment to your sobriety.
    I am in PR celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary with my husband (we gave our bellman the bottle of champagne the hotel had left us as a gift in addition to the cash tip and he was quite happy to do the alcoholic toasting in our place). It is absolutely lovely, so I am just signing on to say BRAVA to the two of you.

    Also that I too am beyond shaken (though not surprised) on the other topic folks have commented on, and pertinent to the subject of this thread I think there is a risk the denial of personal autonomy and privacy in the most harrowing and intimate medical matters to women will go hand in hand with desperation and substance abuse, perhaps even amongst (still) pregnant people. I hope all of you stay strong in your beliefs in yourself and your commitment to your well being and health and sobriety - if that is your goal - regardless of what is going on in the world (and that goes for everyone regardless of anyone’s political and social views. )


  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 879 Member
    edited June 26
    BeIn2day wrote: »
    I don't have any issues with your comment apart from this part ~

    If you *want* to call yourself an alcoholic to be part of the AA community, then cool, that's great, I hope you benefit from the social fellowship of being part of the "alcoholic" club.

    This sounds plain rude and disrespectful.
    Maybe you just speak plainly and directly but this to me, sounds rude.

    That is the good thing about the whole sobriety thing, there are many many many different options out there to help people battle thier addiction before it ruins them. Calling themselves an 'alcoholic' is what keeps some people sober. Being part of the 'alcoholic club' as you put it, keeps some people from dying from their addiction.

    Whatever works, is what works. I think we should all be respectful to what works for some people.

    It's not meant to be disrespectful at all, I fully respect the value of AA for a lot of people, and I specifically said that if it works for people then that's great.

    I do tend to speak very plainly and directly, and if you heard me say it in person, it would have been more clear. I'm really sorry if it sounded rude.

    If you read sarcasm or belittling of choosing to be part of a social club that defines itself according to their own self-defined term of "alcoholic" then again, I apologize for failing to express myself properly.

    I can see in rereading it how it could sound very sarcastic, but it was more meant to be very literal, very specific langauge.

    AA is not a medical group that uses medical terminology, it is a social club that provides social support. That doesn't mean it isn't incredibly helpful for a lot of people. Social group membership is one of the most powerful forces in the entire world in terms of motivating human behavior.

    So please try to read what I am writing with an abundance of careful, literal language, not sarcasm.

    My point is that no one *needs* to define themselves as an alcoholic *if it doesn't benefit them* but if it does, then that's great.

    ETA: just to be *very* clear, me calling AA a social club does NOT mean I think it's less valid than medical approaches. I said I would never use the term for myself because I'm a medical person, so medical terminology resonates with me more. But for many others, social dynamics and fellowship resonate more.

    Whatever works is what matters.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    @Xellercin thanks for coming on and explaining what you meant and I really do appreciate it. You add a lot of good information to the thread. 😊

    It seems that you don't particularly agree with AA philosophy, and that is absolutely fine. I think you make a really good point that there is also medical approach. There is many more options these days than only AA.

    The aim of the thread is for supporting and encouraging each other, no matter what approach someone uses. It's a personal choice. I have tried Annie Grace. I have read her book, done the 30 day experiment. And it was fantastic. But it didn't stop me drinking. I have read countless books. I still drank. I paid for an online course for 4.5 months. Once the course ended, I drank. For me, I'm willing to give AA a chance. It's free. I have nothing to lose, everything to gain. For me personally, the word alcoholic is more of a line in the sand. Its more symbolic for me. I also think it will help me to stay sober. I can only try. 🤞
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 thanks !! 😊 🤗

    Happy Anniversary to you and your husband ❣️🌹❣️

    Good for you both giving the champagne to the bellman. Your lucky your husband also doesn't drink. My OH has zero intentions to stop. Only reason he has cut back on the regularity, is because I decided to stop. He stumbled home this morning after a heavy night of boozing with his buddies. He is feeling awful now, of course. I do not envy him !!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    @SunnyDays930 congrats on these changes. It's a good feeling to realise all these changes in us. 🙌🙌 and those who indulged will probably suffer from a hangover. And you won't!! 😁☕️
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    BeIn2day wrote: »
    I don't have any issues with your comment apart from this part ~

    If you *want* to call yourself an alcoholic to be part of the AA community, then cool, that's great, I hope you benefit from the social fellowship of being part of the "alcoholic" club.

    This sounds plain rude and disrespectful.
    Maybe you just speak plainly and directly but this to me, sounds rude.

    That is the good thing about the whole sobriety thing, there are many many many different options out there to help people battle thier addiction before it ruins them. Calling themselves an 'alcoholic' is what keeps some people sober. Being part of the 'alcoholic club' as you put it, keeps some people from dying from their addiction.

    Whatever works, is what works. I think we should all be respectful to what works for some people.

    I am proud of you for saying that somethings sounded rude and disrespectful. It's ok to speak up and express your feelings.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    Wow! Congratulations to Ruby and continued congratulations to Bein2Day for the commitment to AA. I am so glad you are both finding fellowship that helps you stay strong in your commitment to your sobriety.
    I am in PR celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary with my husband (we gave our bellman the bottle of champagne the hotel had left us as a gift in addition to the cash tip and he was quite happy to do the alcoholic toasting in our place). It is absolutely lovely, so I am just signing on to say BRAVA to the two of you.

    Also that I too am beyond shaken (though not surprised) on the other topic folks have commented on, and pertinent to the subject of this thread I think there is a risk the denial of personal autonomy and privacy in the most harrowing and intimate medical matters to women will go hand in hand with desperation and substance abuse, perhaps even amongst (still) pregnant people. I hope all of you stay strong in your beliefs in yourself and your commitment to your well being and health and sobriety - if that is your goal - regardless of what is going on in the world (and that goes for everyone regardless of anyone’s political and social views. )


    Happy 15th wedding anniversary!! Best wishes and much love to both of you!
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    Good morning! I am on day 4 and feeling ok. I did take a Lorizapam last night to calm my nerves. My brain was really agitated. Today, I'll go to a meeting this evening. Yesterday, I had nervous energy and cleaned a lot.
    https://delamere.com/blog/a-timeline-of-what-happens-when-you-quit-drinking-for-good

    This was a good article for some motivation for those of you in early sobriety.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    https://joinclubsoda.com/day-4-no-alcohol/

    Another good article.
    Quote: All this is good. But you’re right to notice that something else is going on. As you slowly get further away from the pain of your last hangover, you may find your motivation to keep going begins to wane. Your brain, like everyone’s, is good at simplifying your memories. And the further you get from an event, the less you tend to remember. And especially if you’ve got feelings of embarrassment and shame related to your last drinking episode, you are going to want to forget the worst parts of what happened.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    You’ve got as far as day four without drinking; you can get a little further. <3

    Another simple sentiment
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    @RubyRed427 I know what you mean. It can only take 1 drink to set off a domino effect in me as well. Before you know it, I'm like the wild woman of Borneo searching for more drinks 🤪 I'm better just having none. And yeah, it can feel sad sometimes. It can be like a relationship ending. Even although it's a negative relationship there can still be a grieving process. It's a big change. I've experienced it myself. It's not nice 😕

    Abstaining from alcohol will do wonders for your skin, hair, nails. And eyes. My eyes have a sparkle in them when I don't drink. Like night and day. I'm sure you will make a beautiful bride on your big day ! X
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,656 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    Good morning! I am on day 4 and feeling ok. I did take a Lorizapam last night to calm my nerves. My brain was really agitated. Today, I'll go to a meeting this evening. Yesterday, I had nervous energy and cleaned a lot.
    https://delamere.com/blog/a-timeline-of-what-happens-when-you-quit-drinking-for-good

    This was a good article for some motivation for those of you in early sobriety.

    Thanks for sharing ^^ (the article mentions the link between cancer risk, that always scares me, in a good way, though !)
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,822 Member
    allieberri wrote: »
    Hello all. This is an amazing place.
    I left alcohol, smoking and substances a looooong time ago. I left chocolate, chips and cheese - or so I thought. Food is my drug. It is a difficult addiction to journey through. I have read that it is an addiction to salt, sugar and fat...all of which light your brain up as if you were doing cocaine. ugh... :(
    I tried FA online during Covid - it wasn't really for me, but I try to follow the principles as best I can.
    When I was at my lowest I had a dream that I was in prison and that the door was open. My younger self was outside the prison cell, looking lonely and afraid...when I walked through that prison door during my first commitment to eat well - the child in me rejoiced, but then became despondent when I just ended back in that prison cell. The door is always open, so today, June 27th at 3:19pm MDT I am formally committing to this group that I am going to walk out that door again, and I am going to gather up my younger self and we are going to get out of here for good. I am going to take me and we are going to get out into the sunshine - where life flourishes.
    Thank you already for your support through these posts.
    Just one moment at a time, one day at a time.

    Welcome Allieberri! Addiction is addiction- so food is your vice and alcohol is ours, but we are definitely going through the same things. Our brain is lighting up when we do our drug of choice. I like your analogy. Stop by anytime.
    I am nearly through my day 4 and my brain feels like scrambled eggs. I'm irritable. But I'm sober.