How to deal with the guilt of starting over ?

dpowell3125

Hi 👋🏾 I am back and wanted to share my honest feelings about this journey. I am currently struggling with the guilt of feeling like I am starting over again for the 99th time. I was doing so well earlier in the year and then summer came around and all my will power went out the door. Summer has ended; and now, with the cold weather I am faced with all the poor health decisions I have made throughout the year. Starting over feels different this time, I'm at weight I've never been at since pregnancy and other health complications have taken hold. I do know that this is a journey and some times we stray from the path. I just wanted to share my thoughts and see how you all process the fall off and return to prioritizing health.

On a sidenote, I am enjoying the new meals I have to eat to counter the health challenges.

AnnPT77

I feel like only giving up the effort - i.e., NOT starting over - is an actual failure. Starting over is a positive thing, if we haven't reached our goals yet. Two steps forward, one step back is still progress.

I'm a strong believer in using the past as a lesson: What didn't work before? What can be done differently for things to work better this time? What would make the process more achievable (not more extreme, faster, more self-punishing, etc.).

The point is to show up for myself, not to punish myself. Fat isn't a sin we need to expiate by suffering. For me, guilt doesn't advance me toward my goals, and it feels icky. I try to sidestep it.

IMO, the really big prize on offer here isn't weight loss. It's reaching a healthy weight and staying there long term, ideally permanently. That requires a different mindset and focus compared with "lose weight fast" .

Achieving that bigger goal is about experimenting, finding new routine eating and activity habits that ideally are enjoyable, but at minimum tolerable and practical: Habits that can operate almost on autopilot when other parts of life get challenging . . . because eventually they will.

Experiments along the way don't always succeed, but if I learn from them and use that to make a more successful effort in the next round, I can move forward. Other people can give me ideas to try, but only I can find the right personalized tactics. They have to fit my preferences, strengths, challenges and lifestyle.

I was overweight/obese for around 30 years before weight loss. I've been in maintenance for nearly 10 years since. If a hedonistic aging hippie flake like me can do this - a woman with a very limited budget of willpower or discipline - probably most regular adults can. It isn't easy every second, of course, but it's doable. Suffering or guilt doesn't help any bit of it, at least not for me.

You're starting over: That's great! That's the best possible alternative you have available, right?

I've typed this next so many time here that I'm sure other long-timers are sick of it: I think the wisest sign in the world is one we see in many, many places. It says "You are here". It doesn't matter where we wish we were, or where we think we ought to be. "Here" is the only place from which we can take our next step. Make it a positive step, however small, and progress starts.

I'm cheering for you to succeed: If your experience is anything like mine, the results are more than worth the effort it takes to accomplish.

Best wishes!