thanks for nothing hubby!
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Wow - normally I'm a thread killer, but this....
He was leaving the house as he said it so I didn't get chance to respond to him. He never comes on here so would never have seem it and I thought this was quite anonymous place for a rant. I was wrong to do it, it was mean. I'm not sure it was worse than what some people have since said about me, but hey I started so I will end it. I am sorry for any offence I may have caused. I will in future keep my thoughts to myself and just use this site for the tools.
You got a lot of feedback. Some of it was what you wanted to hear, and some of it wasn't. Some of it may have been helpful. and some of it wasn't. It's always like that when you post in a forum. Please don't take it personally and please don't stop posting.0 -
As a happily married wife of 18 years to the most awesome hubby evar, sorry ladies - taken! I would have some advice for wives (and all females really).
1) Know your freakin HORMONES. << Cannot stress this enough ladies. Seriously, you know for a fact if it wasn't PMS time you would be able to take a joke from your hubby, and effectively communicate with him. But hormones take all right sense away. Plan for this! If you are clueless as to how to do this, I recommend the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System (it is like a class for the female body) Your education in 5th grade was CRAP about what your hormones are really doing. Then, next time you jump to conclusions or fly off the handle, scream in rage or break down in tears you can say, "I am seriously emotional because my hormones are doing things." You will understand yourself a lot better. If your husband is anything like mine, he will know where you are by looking at your chart (no there is no temp taking, all body signals). If you don't have a womb, but you still have ovaries, guess what? Your body is STILL doing hormonal things! Track it, know it - this is a life changer and a relationship changer. IMHO, EVERY female should learn this system when they start menstruating/ovulating.
2) Know your hubby. My hubby is diabetic (insulin is a hormone). So when his blood sugar drops, he sounds just like me when I am PMS'n. Unreasonable and stubborn for no good reason. He knows himself well enough to yell back at me, "Well I am so hungry I am shaking, and I don't even know what is going on right now."
The perfect storm. And we avoid it EVERY time because we know our signals. With this info, you can deal with other things life throws your way.1 -
Wow - normally I'm a thread killer, but this....
He was leaving the house as he said it so I didn't get chance to respond to him. He never comes on here so would never have seem it and I thought this was quite anonymous place for a rant. I was wrong to do it, it was mean. I'm not sure it was worse than what some people have since said about me, but hey I started so I will end it. I am sorry for any offence I may have caused. I will in future keep my thoughts to myself and just use this site for the tools.
You got a lot of feedback. Some of it was what you wanted to hear, and some of it wasn't. Some of it may have been helpful. and some of it wasn't. It's always like that when you post in a forum. Please don't take it personally and please don't stop posting.
Agreed. You had every right to post what you did. It's an anonymous place for you to vent and get some perspective, which apparently you got a lot of. I hope that doesn't keep you from enjoying the forums in the future. They can be a great escape when you need a laugh.0 -
:laugh: :blushing: Just kidding.
I'm sure he didn't mean it to come out like that :flowerforyou:0 -
He's being logical. You're being emotional.
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.
You're both right.
Terrible book. Read the reply by Cameron :The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages?
I actually don't think it's the language that is the problem as much as it's the encoding and decoding processes that are different.0 -
I haven't read through all of this and I have no advice about your husband, but I feel for you about your accident! I fell rollerblading a few months ago and one of my injuries was a fractured elbow.
That ish HURTS!!!0 -
I'm sure he loves you putting this out on the internet trying to make him seem like an *kitten*.
I'm sure that you're perfect and have a perfect life with a perfect partner with no need to vent at all ever, however, she has every right to post for some other perspectives. If he doesn't like it he could not act like a great *kitten* to his wife in the future.
If I need to vent I do so privately. Instead of trying to humiliate him all over the internet. Because I'm not a raging *&^%$ like some women on this site.
There's a reason this forum is called Motivation and Support. Good thing she didn't give out his name and address so he could really be humiliated. Aaaand, your calling "some women" on this site names doesn't make you any better. I don't normally get like this in a public forum, I usually do it in private or on my wall, but it really irked me.
"Some women" was pretty obviously a dig at the person I was responding to.
And I said it to her, where she can defend herself and knows it happened.
My point in general, doesn't seem like a healthy marriage if you fly off the handle and run to a public forum to essentially call your husband an *kitten*.
you don't think it's healthier to take awhile write it out and talk to people about something before flying off the handle at someone? talking to someone about something when you're angry is far more likely to be less productive than waiting a while. this isn't about HIM, it's about her really. and there is NO world in which his comments are acceptable.
we are talking abotu a PLAYDATE with LITTLE KIDS..
Really? No world where "Not likely, she's really fit, she wont want to be slowing down for you" is acceptable? How about the world where it might be true?
Tone matters. Intent matters. Context matters. We don't have any of the first two and very little of that last one. It's easy for all of us to project our own personal experiences on that simple sentence. It's probably best to try and avoid that though. Maybe her SO is an A1 classic *kitten*. Maybe not. I don't know. I doubt anyone but the OP and her SO really know.
What about the words, "you know you've gotten pretty fat lately?" Is that ever acceptable in any world? Ever? Is the world so sensitive that that is alway unacceptable? In my world those words were pretty helpful. My wife said it to me several years ago, and I'm pretty sure that my reaction was "ouch." The rest of my reaction was to start walking with her. It was just what I needed to hear. Just saying, context matters.
we are talking about a PLAYDATE with little kids. How fast will they be going? the rest of it is strawman.
1. We don't know how old "little about same age as the one we are hoping to adopt " is. They may be infants or toddlers, and in strollers which explains the OPs desire to go "walking or jogging together". If they are wee ones they could be in one of those jogging strollers, or a regular stroller.
2. I know people who want to walk with me, and they are hugely obese, and I feel like I am going so slowly I am nearly going in reverse when I walk with them.
3. Kids have lots of evnergy, and most of the playdates/walks I ever took the boys on resulted in the boys running way ahead of all of the adults leaving us in the dust.0 -
Wow - normally I'm a thread killer, but this....
He was leaving the house as he said it so I didn't get chance to respond to him. He never comes on here so would never have seem it and I thought this was quite anonymous place for a rant. I was wrong to do it, it was mean. I'm not sure it was worse than what some people have since said about me, but hey I started so I will end it. I am sorry for any offence I may have caused. I will in future keep my thoughts to myself and just use this site for the tools.
You got a lot of feedback. Some of it was what you wanted to hear, and some of it wasn't. Some of it may have been helpful. and some of it wasn't. It's always like that when you post in a forum. Please don't take it personally and please don't stop posting.
I totally concur with this statement. Don't give up on the forums because you got a little negative feedback. Just take the good with the bad, and move on. It's the nature of any forum anywhere. You will have a whole host of different opinions. As you could see here, some were in agreement with you, some offered advice, some villified you, and some vindicated you. It's all part of expanding our thinking, and growing. The forums can be filled with a lot of derp and all, but they are a useful tool you don't want to unnecessarily delete from your fitness toolbox.0 -
While it may have hurt, guys don't always have the sensitiivity radar that we'd wished they have. I don't think he's a douche, I think he was being his brand of honest without thinking that it may hurt your feelings.0
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Also, your wall is generally a better place to complain about another person than the forums, you'll end up either defending yourself or them.0
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Adopting a child will not make things better.
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yet another thread complaining about ones spouse....
seriously, if it bothers you that much say something or leave the guy ..0 -
Assuming that you didn't knowingly and willfully marry a self-absorbed *kitten* who derives pleasure from hurting you, I have an idea that might help.
Men are different than women. They think differently. They communicate differently. So, in the future, when your husband says something that upsets you, ask yourself if HE probably thought he was just being helpful and meant no offense at all. If the answer is yes, then try to understand that he didn't intend to hurt you. Tell him that his comments were hurtful, ask him to be more thoughtful about his words in the future, and then move on. No grudges, no cold shoulder, no pissy moods, no cutting him off just to make sure he gets the message. If you're pretty sure he did intend to be offensive, then you have married a self-absorbed *kitten* who derives pleasure from hurting you, and you're going to need to be more direct in dealing with that.
I'm not trying to absolve him of any and all responsibility for his words. I don't know how long the two of you have been married, but if it's any time at all, he ought to know how you're going to react. And that may be the problem, as some other posters have indicated. Perhaps your reaction is always to grin and bear it and never to actually TALK to him about what he does that bothers you. If you can put 2 & 2 together, surely you can see that his behavior will never change if you don't, in fact, make him aware that it needs to change.0 -
He was a jerk to say that, and some of the anonymous posters here are equal jerks.0
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What I always want to know in situations like this...how did you respond??
I would have responded with a remark like, "WOW that was rude! It's not like she has to do a marathon every day just because she's fit..." and I would have needed the whole thing resolved by him explaining further and/or apologizing.
I'm not saying my reaction is correct. In fact many would say I am a nag or oversensitive. But that's what would happen and we'd get past it. I wouldn't be simmering hours or days down the road. That is just how I am.
How did you react?0 -
He was a jerk to say that, and some of the anonymous posters here are equal jerks.
anonymous poster with no picture posted, complaining about other anonymous posters on an anonymous posting site = ironic and hilarious...0 -
Men often don't think and say dopey things. I would point out to him how you felt when he said that. More than likely he will feel bad and apologize. And, if you're pushing baby strollers with another mom you don't go fast. Children want to look at the world. Good luck with the adoption.
P.S. I am trying to find a photo that will load properly. I don't like the egghead. :glasses:0 -
He was a jerk to say that, and some of the anonymous posters here are equal jerks.
anonymous poster with no picture posted, complaining about other anonymous posters on an anonymous posting site = ironic and hilarious...
I wasn't "complaining" about anyone. Just commenting. Which I have a right to do without posting a photo, last time I checked forum rules.
One wonders that you're so invested in taking offense.0 -
"What you ALLOW is what will CONTINUE"0
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He was a jerk to say that, and some of the anonymous posters here are equal jerks.
anonymous poster with no picture posted, complaining about other anonymous posters on an anonymous posting site = ironic and hilarious...
I wasn't "complaining" about anyone. Just commenting. Which I have a right to do without posting a photo, last time I checked forum rules.
One wonders that you're so invested in taking offense.
not offended, pointing out the irony of your post...0
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